U.T.I. (EP)Year: 2008
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Label: Unknown
Tracks: 8
Length: 17 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8
Once in awhile you come across a band that should really really scare your trendy brother and sister. I think U.T.I. is a good example of this. I don't know if they're still around, their MySpace page was created in 2007 and last accessed in '09, so it's likely that this band has broken up, but at least they left behind something spectacular to be remembered by. It's an 8-song EP... almost long enough to be an album I guess, but we'll just kall it an EP today. Did I tell you that yesterday it was my birthday? Isn't that GREAT? Anyways, the band consists of Magnus (guitar), Conrad (drums), Jeff (bass guitar), and Leah, the fucking screamin'-like-hell vocalist. Not since Babes in Toyland have you heard a girl in punk rock this menacing! Anyways, musically it's a bit more interesting than standard hardcore. That's a plus in my book. Time to talk about the songs, shall we?
1. Stavrogin
Starts off with a cool beat and a lead guitar melody, and then the rhythm kicks in and the beat goes all BUM-BOMP-BUMBUM-BOMP on us. Leah's singing sounds like a screamin' demon. The riff is angry and cool as fuck, as is the drumm-beat! Great awesome legit song!!
2. Mr. McGloob
There's an intro riff, and then the verse riff is about as high-energy as you can get! More crazy psycho (not quite cyco) singing! In a sense it vaguely reminds me of the Ramones, but much angrier. I guess it's not really that much like the Ramones. Like, the Ramones if they had a bunch of broken glass-encrusted cheese graters lodged in their anuses. The drumming is real cool sounding. Who is this Mr. McGloob guy, anyways? He sounds kinda, y'know... Glooby? What's a gloob, anyways? So many unanswered questions in life... who will ever know?
3. Limp Generation
Even faster than the previous two songs. "YOU CAN'T GET IT UP"... that's pretty damn funny. Maybe it's some sort of commentary of how "limp"/apathetic/bored/fucked our generation is. Just like a guy who can't get it up. I dunno.
4. Cunt
Who doesn't just love the word "CUNT"? I do. CUNT is a cool word. "YOU DON'T HAVE A CUNT!!". Actually, it'd be nice if these songs came with lyrics. Or maybe it'll just be a Melvins type deal where I find out that the lyrics don't really even mean anything but sound hilarious anyways. FUCK YEEEEOOOOWWWW!!! The mood of the song is a little oppressive/dreary, but in a hard, punch-you-in-the-face way.
5. Schadenfreude
A slow song. The riffs are pretty sweeto. The singing is really screechy (not in the metal way) and the chorus riff is a little sadder. It's only about two chords, but it's just kind of effective in that way.
6. Nope.
Really fast song! The verses are ultra-fast, and then the choruses are kind of slow. Cool lead guitar solo in the middle of the song!
7. Bull Tits
First song I heard by the band (just last night!). Starts off with a cool riff, which changes to another riff in the verse section of the song. Do bulls even have tits? Like, I know that COWS do 'cuz they've got milk and the cow's tits are called UDDERS, but do bulls even have tits? I always thought they had BULLCOCK. NEVER MIND THE BULLCOCKS, IT'S THE SEX PISTOLS. TE-HE-HE! Anyways, this song... angry, fast, freaky, I like it much! If those pissed-off riff-offs and pounding, punching drums don't get your motor movin', I dunno what will. At the end, there's a Black Flag-ish part with a different beat with Leah ranting and yelling stuff and it sounds cool.
8. A. Fish
Albert Fish? This song starts off really friggin' fast. REALLY fast, I mean. After the first part of the song, it gets real slow. I guess the drummer would feel like doing anything but that after drumming so goddamn fast. Then the next part of the song is ultra-speedy, once again! Then another slow chorus with what could be considered "death metal" vocals. The bridge section is also really fast. Pretty much, this song alternates between being both the fastest and slowest song on the record. Slows down a little bit after that part, and then even more. The band plays the chorus section one more time and then it's over.
See, little Jimmy? U.T.I. wasn't really that bad. It's ALLL OVERRR NOW... no more seeing the SCARY DOCTOR/BAND PLAY/OPERATE ON YOU ANYMORE. UNLESS, OF COURSE, YOU LIKED IT... YOU KINKY SEX FREAK!!!!!! OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!! I'LL CHOP OFF YER WILLY, GODDAMN IT!
Anyways, that's U.T.I. Yes, as the johnnycumslately poser I am I found out about this band LAST NIGHT AFTER THEY'VE ALREADY BEEN BROKEN UP FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS. I guess I wasn't "there" so I shouldn't be listening to this band's music. I don't deserve it. I'm going to delete all of my U.T.I. music and if I want to listen to them I'm going to just read this review and imagine what the songs COULD sound like by reading my description of them. Shit, now EVERYONE'S going to like this band and now it's not going to be cool to like them. See, I liked them before it was cool to like them before it was cool to like them before it was cool to like them before it was cool to like something before it was cool to like it before it was cool to like YOUR MOTHER. Shit, I really wish there was more I could say about this band. I don't know if this record even has cover art. Just a lil' MySpace page and some dude posted up the songs to download on his blog. I don't think this record is even in print anymore so don't feel bad. DON'T FEEL BAD, JIMMY. JIMMY... JIMMMYYY.... to be honest, I probably wouldn't like this band as much if it had a different singer. Y'see, it's the vocalist that does it for me. She makes the band sound so much cooler. Anuhwaez (Anheuser?), if you like Babes in Toyland you might like this group 'cuz they remind me slightly of that band. Like, not as good as Babes in Toyland, but still the most similar thing I can think of. Faster than that band, though. Like, I Kat Bjelland is a waitress now or something. She should re-form her old band. That would be kool. Or maybe you don't want to listen to this inferior rip-off. You only listen to music that's 100% original and not explicitly derivative of anyone else's. Well, guess what, buckwheat? YOUR FAVORITE BAND FUCKING RIPPED OFF PEOPLE TOO, they were just big enough of douchebags to find a way to hide it and act like it was totally their idea. Myself included. Anyways, yeah, this is a good band and a good record so you should check it out. Here's their MySpace page:
http://www.myspace.com/urinarytract
Top 3 Favorites:
1. Mr. McGloob
2. Schadenfreude
3. Stavrogin
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