Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Review #227: Deep Wound - American Style E.P. (1982)


Year: 1982
Hardcore Punk
Length: 9 Minutes
My Rating:


Deep Wound was a hardcore band from Boston that existed from 1982 to '84... aside from being made up of two future members of Dinosaur Jr., the band was along with Siege, practically the fastest punk band ever at the time. The songs are short, usually ultra-fast, Charlie Nakijama sings fast, and J Mascis drums like a MOTHERFUCKER... all that and they were only in high school when the band was around... just like Siege. Deep Wound came first, though. Anyways, "American Style" is a the band's 1982 demo tape, which was later on released as a 7" vinyl bootleg. A few of the songs on it later appeared on the band's E.P. from 1983.

1. Pressures
Really fast, great guitar riffs! It's about being driven to confusion by pressures and social anxiety in life. Awesome!!

2. Training Ground
This one's a little slower. More Ramones-like. The vocals are really screechy due to the production.

3. Deep Wound
It's like the THEME SONG (not a cover of Clown Alley, by the way), DUDE!!!! Really fast. This song later appeared on "Deep Wound". At the end there's a scream.

4. You're False
Charlie's vocals sound awesome on this one. Crazy drumming, great guitar riffs, neato song, FUCK-HEADS.

5. Your Head is In Your Crotch
I like this one a lot. The song is ultra-fucking-fast. Charlie sings ultra fast, and then there's that thumping, pounding YOURHEADISCROTCH chorus. Really awexxome song. I the verse is super awesome too. End of Side A.

6. Sister
Once again, it's the ultra-fastblast attack!! It's about a guy's (or girl's) sister who goes off to parties and fucks a ton of older guys and gets all the attention... I'LL SHOVE IT THROUGH HER FACE ! Later appeared on the 7" EP.

7. Patriots
Nice riff. Charlie sings really fast, the drums are fast, it's another really fast good song. FUCK YEAH & YAEY FOR DEEP WOUND!!

8. Never Let You In
Great chorus riff. The chord progressions here remind me of early '80s Suicidal Tendencies... but twice as fast.

9. Adults
This song makes fun of all of the "adults" in society who readily jump into the preconceived social roles they're "supposed" to fit into... if you're a girl you're supposed to marry a guy and be a homemaker and rely on a guy for everything and if you're a guy you're supposed to go to work every day and pay for everything... y'know, wear the same clothes and always cut your hair and suck your boss's cock and work in a boring job so you can have enough money to live in a nice house but still not enough to make your boring job not the main aspect of your life. Super angry and fast!!

10. Don't Need
Another one that's also on the '83 EP. DON'T NEED... he says that a lot.

11. Video Prick
The longest and fastest Deep Wound song... there's a solo at the beginning... the lead guitar bits are amazing, the verse riff rocks hard, and it's about a creepy child molester. This one's also on the E.P. that came out after this. I HATE YOU SO MUCH... definitely an awesome song.

The sound quality varies from song to song... I suspect that these were taken from various sessions... actually, the songs on here that later got on the studio E.P. pretty much sound the same except for not being mixed as crisply. I'm not sure exactly which mix sounds better... the fuzzy, blurry feel works for this type of music in my opinion... ultrafast music really doesn't sound good with high production values. Take note of that, you current-day grindcore bands! Anyways, yeah, Deep Wound was awesome and this record is another testament to that. YAEY FOR PUNK ROCK, KIDDIEZ. Man, I felt real depressed for the last week and now I feel better again. I wonder if it's Deep Wound's fault that I feel better or not. WHO CARES? Yep, that's my review today. Seeya tomorrow or whenever I write my next juan.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Your Head is in Your Crotch
2. Video Prick

3. Never Let You In

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Review #226: Electric Wizard - Black Masses (2010)


Year: 2010
Doom Metal
Rise Above Records
Length: 59 Minutes
My Rating:

Electric Wizard is a doom metal band that formed in 1993 (yay). They are also often referred to as a "stoner metal" group, which is funny 'cuz I thought almost every genre of music except for straight-edge hardcore punk could be made for/by stoners. Anyways, these guys are pretty slow and heavy in the vein of (guess what)BlackSabbath (B.S.) and their sound is pretty warm and bassy. Great stuff. They sing about Satan and smoking weed... this is the band's seventh album, and it has a bunch of pictures of naked chicks and satanic rituals on it and stuff... like, on the CD there's a chick's crotch with a skull over it. Maybe she killed the skull with some V.D. she had hidden in her crotch for self-defense. WOWOWOWOW

Anyways, this is the first Electric Wizard album I've ever bought/listened to extensively, so I don't know a huge whopping backstory on the band. They're electric (funeral), they're (the) wizard...s. THIS IS A REVIEW OF (like witches at) "BLACK MASSES" -- HOLYFUCKIN'SHIT, THIS BAND REALLY LIKES BLACK SABBATH, YOU FUCKING DUMB[LACK M]ASSES, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MINDS? DID SOMEONE TAKE A RABBIT'S EYES, REAL BEAUTY IS DENIED!!!




Well gee wilikerz, it's a good thing I ain't got no spiky hair right now. But the bottom (y'know, that kinda sexy part of the body) line (not a dot) is that (this:) we're going to FUCKING REVIEW THIS ALBUM GODDAMMIT... YOU HEARD ME!!! YA HEAR ME???


YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE DEAD -- BY THE END OF THIS REVIEW!!!! AAAGAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1. Black Mass
This song rocks! It's got such an awesome, thick guitar riff... kinda slow, but apparently this song is "fast" by E.W. standards. The opening vocal melody combined with the guitar riff sounds so awesome... this song is about a black mass... like a satanic ritual or some shit like that. Really heavy guitar riff, I like it... not just one, but TWO guitar solos in the song... the second one is better. Amazing song. It's like the new fucking Black Sabbath. Amazing heavy riffs, just perfect for getting loaded to and partying down in just the most awesome type of way, 'cuz this song has a wondrous feel to it!

2. Venus in Furs
This is not a cover of the Velvet Underground song. The song starts out with a screaming type of noise. The guitar riff is real deep and great-sounding. The beat rules. Awesome guitar-playing. What a great song to go after the first song, mang. Even though this isn't a cover of an old song with the same name, the theme is similar -- sadomasochism and being tortured sexually by a beautiful woman wearing leather boots. The lyrics are awesome. After the second verse, there's a guitar solo. I really like the mid-section of the song after that, it's my favorite part. The lead guitar melody of that part goes perfectly with the riff. The vocals sound so wispy and almost surreal. Kind of fading and echoing in out of nowhere. It's like being stuck in a room with beautiful sound zorping and bouncing all around the walls and taking quite awhile to die down. Like fire that burns but doesn't hurt. I am the ZODIAC. End of Side A.

3. The Nightchild
This one's a little slower than the two songs before it. The riff is more menacing and rugged. The chorus part sounds so great... the riff is still menacing but a little ascending, and the vocals sound tortured yet powerful at the same time, damn it!! The bass riff sounds awesome in this part of the song. Meanwhile, the verse riff burns and then zig-zags for a few chords... you just can't help but sing along that second time you hear the chorus, man... you can hear some atmospherics and lead guitar in the background... all totally muffled by the crushing assault of the bassy rhythm guitar. And bassy bass guitar. The lyrics are about a creepy bloodsucking evil zombie! His number is 1-800-666-6969, so if you want him (her?) to babysit your little ones, that's how to get ahold of... it. The guitar solo rocks... reminds me of a full moon being out in the middle of the night... like, a moon made of CHEESE or something legit like that. I need to start saying "legit" all the time again... that'd be pretty legit n' stuff. HAY HAY... HAY HAY HAY HAY...

4. Patterns of Evil
Starts off with a slow, strummed chord... the drumming hisses and boils... sounds like lava bubbling up from an underground volcanic cavern filled with monsters... the chorus is pretty awesome... nice riff combined with the vocals. The guitar sounds so heavy and full, I love it! There's a guitar solo after the first chorus. After the second chorus, there's a mid-section with a different riff. Man, that drum sound is real nice... later there's another weird psychedelic-sounding solo with weird sounds... I coulda sworn I heard the singer say "Vietnam"... was he off fightin' back in 'nam or something? MY GOD, WAS HE??? WAS HE???!!!!! AAAUUUGHHH. I think the singer's a good singer. JUN JUN JUN JUN STRUM STRUN STRUMN??? UGHhr. End of Side B.

5. Satyr IX
Longest song on the album, being ten minutes long (two seconds short of that, actually). This song is really slow and there's a weird whizzing/chirping noize going on in the background... y'know that, man? Like, we're off drinking beer on our front porch right now as I'm reviewing this and throwing the empty cans at cars driving along the road becuz it's fun and it's just SOOOOOOOO nice aut right now... not really. I do think I'm slowly losing my mind, though. Isn't that TOTALLY FUCKING LAME??? Hee heeh heh. Not digging the riff a ton so far... it's alright but doesn't excite me as much as the first four songs do. After two minutes and twenty seconds, the singer finally opens his gigantic mouth (te-he) and he sings... actually, the vocal melody goes together about as well as it can with the humming, voiping, wong-ing(?) guitar riff. I swear they released a jillion crickets into the studio when they were recording this song... or they turned on a sprinkler inside of the studio or something. That would be hilarious. After this part of the song, there's a pretty cool lead-guitar solo played. I like it. It gets pretty noisy and fucked-up, y'know? The insides of my fingernails smell like Cheetos. I haven't even eaten Cheetos in a long-assed time 'cause I'm lactose intolerant. Pretty funny, eh? Weird guitar solos come and go... weird sound effects come and go... this is a long song, man... the music being played eventually fades out for some weird, trippy sound effects.

6. Turn Off Your Mind
I'm hungry. Hang on a second... alrighty, problem solved. Look, we're listening to a song, mm'kay? And it's like, this song has a cool guitar riff and a cool beat and the singer pretty much sounds like he's singing backwards... IS HE? Not in the chorus, evidently. Pretty awesome song. I like it... the weird psychedelic sound effects are just the icing on the cake, my sol brotha. Suddenly the music stops and all of these weird samples start echoing everywhere and I don't even know what they're saying... it's like being in an echoey space filled with a bunch of black-and-white paper cut-outs tellin' me what to do... then the song resumes after some moments of this and there's a faint but fiery lil' guitar solo and more weird sounds. I could see the Butthole Surfers doing a real awesome cover of this... it has a similar feel as "Sweat Loaf" by them.

7. Scorpio Curse
Slow. Good guitar riff. I like the chorus part. The bass riff in the chorus rules!!! Cool solo... this song feels a bit more upbeat than the other songs. YAEY FOR THAT. Seriously, the riffs on this one rule... it's OUTTA THIS WORLLLD, MY BROTHA!!!!!!!!!!! Sweet-ass bubbling lead guitar towards the end of the SONG. THE SONG, DAMN IT. AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. Crypt of Drugula
IT'S DRUGULA... THE VAMPIRE WHO SUCKS THE HEROIN-INFUSED BLOOD OUT OF JUNKIES' VEINS... SCARYYY AND SPOOOKY, UOOOOGUUUGUUGUUUOOOUUUGHHHHHHAAA BOOGER. "Booger", heh hehhheehehehe. A lot of electrifying and "creepy" sound effects, thumping bass pedal, and the sounds of thunder. The song sounds much like this... an ominous bass riff, slow bass drums, and a harsh array of freakish noises. The whole song pretty much sounds like this for almost nine minutes... it's like being stuck in a creepy crypt during a thunderstorm and being unsure that you'll ever escape... alive... EEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! At the last minute, the song erupts into a thirty-second hardcore punk oi anthem... not really. But one creepy touch they put on the end of the song is that the album ends with the sounds of a beating heart... and then, my friend, you die... AND THEN, MY FRIEND, YOU DIE!!!!! YOU DIE!!!! YOU DIE YOU DIE!!!!! UUWAKAKAKAKAKAAAA!!!!

For a new album that I was able to buy in-store at FYE, this is quite a great little record... the riffs are great, the production is great, the band is great, it's a shame I didn't know about these guys sooner. The current line-up of the band (which recorded this album) is: Jus Oborn (vocals, guitar), Liz Buckingham (guitar), Tas Danazoglou (bass guitar), and Shaun Rutter (drums). Anyways, this album is really good, for the most part all of the songs are great and rely heavily on atmospherics as well as melody... it's slow, ultra-heavy metal with a psychedelic flavor. Anyways, this is a really good listen. That's what I have to say for today's issue of LEGIT MUSIC REVIEWS. I thought this was a legit album. This review took me almost a week to write. Because I had to catch up with school n' stuff. Bye bye.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Black Mass
2. Venus in Furs

3. Scorpio Curse

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Review #225: Flipper - Love Canal 7" (1980)


Year: 1980
Punk Rock
Subterranean Records
Length: 6 Minutes
My Rating:

Flipper formed in the late '70s and were one of the weirdest, punk-est bands in the hardcore scene! This was before the Butthole Surfers, before Sonic Youth, before Die Kreuzen, before the Melvins, before all those fuckers, this was FLIPPER, A BAND NAMED AFTER A FUCKING FISH. While Black Flag and Minor Threat were at their peak and playing fast and tight became the popular thing to do, Flipper played slow, sloppy, and noisy. This was the first Flipper record ever, and already they've quite set into their sound. Imagine the Sex Pistols on LSD. That's Flipper for ya. Flipper sang about all kinds of things... this record has two songs on it, and a picture of a baby on the cover. Flipper was all about dead fish. Today there was a huge storm and there were a bunch of inch-thick balls of hail blasting down on the earth's surface if you live in Ohio. They weren't that hard but they fell that way! Anyways, time to talk about Flipper some more.

1. Love Canal
I'm assuming a love canal is a pussy. I mean, like, it's a canal, and you can "love" it if you know what I'm sayin'... or you can actually love it. It's a pretty nice-looking little thingamajig that 50% of the world's population is equipped with. This song is slow, trudgey, mudgey, depressing, and it's about dying and all that other wonderful stuff. The music DOESN'T sound perfect musically, which is FUCKING AWESOME. The guitar riff sounds like a massive rock & roll dragon writhing through the arms of a merciless guitar player, breathing fire and ANNIHILATING, 'CUZ I'M ANNIHILATION MAN AND IT'S ANNIHILATION HOUR OF ANNIHILATION TIME 'CUZ IT'S MY WAR AND YER ONE OF THEM AND I'M AN NIHILIST TOO. Cool weird effects on Brucey Loosey's voice! Isn't that awesome. For the most part, the bass n' drums (not to be confused with drum n' bass) are the most stable part of the song. The guitar is insane and the vocals are just mad!

2. Ha Ha Ha
Isn't life a blast... it's just like living in the past... we go downtown to do our shopping... and we live in suburbia... from the very beginning this song rules. It's one of the most well-known Flipper 'tunes... the bass riff is classic, the drum beat sounds awesome, the guitar riff is whacked-out, and I guarantee that you'll have these song lyrics memorized FOREVER... this song basically pokes fun at the suburban middle-class average lifestyle, going "ha ha ha" at its predictability, sterility, and occasionally ridiculousness. Tehehe. I'm still one of those fuckheads. HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO EH HE HE HE HE HE AH HAHAHAHAHAHA... after that part of the song, Bruce laughs "hahahahaha", and it keeps on repeating and getting even faster. Then it's the end of the song. How's it feel to be laughed at by FLIPPER, KIDZ?

Well, that's the end of Flipper. This record, I mean. Flipper's still around and they released some new albums two years ago, but in my opinion '80s Flipper is the best. They throw punches in all the right god damn places... too punk for your average uptight dumbasses and too punk for your average uptight dumbass "punks"... they'll know punk when they hear Flipper, or anything remotely similar to Flipper. Flipper were drunk, drugged-up, knew when to laugh at themselves, and it costed the lives of a few of them. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Enough with my bullshit. Listen to these songs if you haven't already.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Review #224: Diehatzu Hijets - Doo Doo Boy (2011)


Year: 2011
Punk Rock/Folk Rock
Length: 32 Minutes
My Rating:

DAMN, I was pissed-off, earlier today... ever have that feeling that all your friends are just a bunch of fucking fakers and that they secretly have no care or respect for you and that they couldn't give a rat's ass about you? Well, that's how I feel... but I don't feel as bad right now. But I'm really sick of people ignoring me all the time, I do not like it.

Anyways, this is Diehatzu Hijets's first full album, with eight songs on it. It will be officially released at the end of this month on March 30, but you can listen to the songs on the Diehatzu Hijets BandCamp website. There will be an album release show on March 30...

This album was recorded by Layne L'Heureux (vocals/guitar) only, and it was recorded throughout 2010... the production is a lot more polished than the first E.P., and the songs are getting less simplistic. Most of the songs on here are really good, and at the end there are two songs that are just acoustic guitar and singing. It even has a kool cover-art, isn't that JUST GREAT??? Anyways, I feel really shitty today, but I'm still going to make an effort to write my review of this...

1. Where You At?
"Where you at?"... that's a question that gets frequently un-answered BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS THAT NEVER ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE CALLS!! Ahem. The song starts off soft and mellow (Mello-Yello) and then explodes into a louder song with an electrifying lead guitar solo and a droopy guitar sound and a drum beat and all of that stuff. The guitar has a really warm sound in the chorus. There's actually two guitars. There's lead guitar going on over the rhythm guitar. After the loud parts, there's a slower, psychedelic-type of part, and then the song returns to soft-acoustic mode with some cool sound effects. I like how there's two guitars still. Well-crafted song... just as much a soundscape as a song. Pretty long song.

2. Falling Apart
This one starts off really folk-sounding... like, the way the guitar melodies sound... quickly, a buzzing hot electric guitar riff ignites over the other sounds. The chorus is pretty catchy. Or at least good. The song is really nice. There's a lot of cool parts to this song, like the acoustic guitar sound. Pretty awesome n' stuff.

3. Find Me
This one's more fast and upbeat. The riff is pretty good. More acoustic/electric guitar combos... I like that. PSYCHOMINDBABBLE. YAEY FOR THAT. The part at the very end is awesome... I like the one stroke of an acoustic guitar chord at the very end.

4. Bro
Starts out with a watery-sounding guitar melody... Layne sings, "BE MY BRO 'TILL TIME GROWS OLD"... having friends is nice when they aren't douchebags who betray you and lie to you. In the chorus, the guitar sound gets real grungy and fuzzed-out. Then after that, there's a guitar solo... the part after that sounds really euphoric and awesome... a fuzzy yet wet (whether or not this is comparable to a vagina is debatable) guitar sound, and it sounds really great. I like this song a lot! But don't actually kill your mom... killin' yer mom's bad, mm'kay? The softer guitar in the background is awesome. I love this song.

5. Fizz Out
People are huge douchebags. They act like your friends and act like they want to be your friends and then when you try to get together with them or even talk to them they just ignore you because they're all a bunch of lying self-serving fakers who can get away with it because they surround themselves with equally assholish people they've known since the age of five. Oh, you wanted to know what I thought of this song? I like the opening part... it's kind of slow and laid back. "MY BRAIN BEGAN TO OOOOOZE...." OOOOOOZEEEE.... OOOOOZEEEE... THEN IT FIZZED RIGHT OUT... it's really emotional and beautiful. I like the solo that starts around a minute and a half in the song. Really great. The lyrics are amazing... the "IF YOU'RE WAITING ON FIRE" part is the best... the guitar melody and harmonies and everything are fucking AMAZING. I love this song and band... you can start to hear a bunch of buzzing furious lead guitar fade in from the very background... the vocals are great. This song sounds amazing.

6. Cut Yourself Free
This song is great from the very start. The guitar melody at the beginning is beautiful. In the chorus, there's the lyrics "WHERE DOES IT BLEED?" accompanied by really loud noisy instrumentation divided by a quiet two-note interlude before repeating several times... the next part kind of ascends and stuff. Two-note bass ascension? I dunno. It gets louder and noisier as it goes on. Amazing lead guitar stuff going on in the background. After this is an amazing lead guitar solo... I love it. This is the last "band" song of the album... now for two acoustic songs.

7. Stay
Just Mister L'Heureux and an acoustic guitar. From the moment it starts, you can tell that it's amazing. Kind of sad feel to it. The chorus of the song has a great humming chorus in the background that goes awesomely with that part of the song. "Bag of shit, jar of piss". That's how I'm feeling right now, buddy. After this part of the song is a bridge section with a solo. This song's a bit more repetitive than the other songs on this album... the last part is the chorus repeated.

8. O Me
This was also on the "Farmer Automatic" E.P. from June... it's an acoustic song about getting back up on your feet and trying to find a way out of the darkness... the riff is amazing... the whole song is great. Pure emotion, just like about every other tune on this album. I probably said a lot more stuff about this song on my other review of it... but to put things simply, I like it a lot. It's good. And stuff. The part at the very end of the song with the guitar is awesome. The end!

Diehatzu Hijets will be playing at the Wunderbar on March 30! So get STRAPPED FOR CASH FOR YOUR LIVES or something similar like that. The album is pretty loud but melodic at almost every turn, and really emotional too. And it's nice how it closes off with two more mellow acoustic songs... really reminds me of weekends out here in the middle of nowhere. Anyways, it's real good, and there is only more Diehatzu Hijets stuff coming your way... the band seems to have endless ideas! Also, stay tuned for the split album n' stuff. That should be released soon as well. It amazes me how many songs Layne has written in such a short amount of time... anyways, you should check aut this album because it's really good... you can buy it for $5 on the site... it's good music for when you're feeling low... it just fucking bleeds... amazing guitar riffs and melodies at about every turn. That's all I've got to say for now. BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Fizz Out
2. Bro

3. Falling Apart

Friday, March 18, 2011

Review #223: Suicidal Tendencies - 1982 Demos (2008)


Year: 2008
Hardcore Punk
Length: 32 Minutes
My Rating:

Suicidal Tendencies formed in Venice, California in 1981. Their first album is one of the most famous hardcore records ever... before that, they were recording demos and being notable for connections with gang activity and violence at their shows. The original line-up of the band was Mike Muir, Mike Ball, Carlos Egert, and Mike Dunnigan. This line-up of the band recorded demos in 1982 to cassette tape... now about three years ago, these demos got released in bootleg form FOR ALL THE WORLD TO HEAR -- AHAHAHAHA, S.T., YOUR SECRETS ARE OUT NOW!!! BUAHAHAHA. Anyways, yeah, we (me) here at Legit Music Reviews do not endorse suicide and GO KILL YOURSELF whoops, I mean, "DON'T KILL YOURSELF"... PLEASE. JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH IS GOING RIGHT FOR YOU RIGHT NOW... what's that? Nothing? Oh well, whatever, nevermind...

1. Suicide's an Alternative
The grainy quality of the recording adds an extra CRUNCH to the sound of this song... kick-ass riff, AWESOME guitar solo, it's about being sick of the world and wanting to die because everything sucks so bad.

2. I Shot Reagan
Slow intro, fast verse n' chorus... ever have one of those days when you just wanna shoot Ronald Reagan, Sadat, the Pope, and John Lennon? WELL NOW'S YOUR CHANCE, JUST LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WILL BE DEAD!!!!!! DEAD, I TELL YA!! This version's only about half as long as the album version.

3. Suicidal Failure
A slow, depressing song. Excellent guitar playing, as can be heard. The song's about wanting to be dead and being sick of life, but too scared/lazy to kill yourself... actually, if you listen to the lyrics, Mike really DID try killin' himself all these times, but somehow he didn't die. HE IS IMMORTAL. Damn, this sore on my tongue really hurts. The ending part is essentially the same verses and choruses, but sped up to a more intense pace.

4. Memories of Tomorrow
This song exemplifies the future-anxieties of all of us, and in this case kids back in the '80s who thought that Ronald Reagan was gonna kill everybody in the Cold War. Mike sees visions of what could happen in this situation and probably still could happen and decides he'd rather kill himself before the visions become reality.

5. I Saw Your Mommy (Version #1)
This is a kind of long song... the guitar riff rules... the drumming is great too. It's about seeing a kid's mom's dead body washed-up and rotting on the street and thinking it's kind of funny. "I took a picture 'cause I thought it looked neat"... the song describes the condition of the dead mommy in great detail. The chorus sections are really fast. Great guitar solo towards the end... man, this band has really good guitar-playing. Hardcore should have more solos.

6. Fascist Pig
This song's about the police state. Y'know, riot cops, tear gas, unkillable drones of the machines beating protestors to their deaths. I like the part about brains being "the fascists' favorite meal". Makes sense. Te-he!

7. Possessed
The first section of this song has a more metal-type guitar riff... then the chorus riff kind of ascends out of that. The lyrics are about being possessed by a demon and being caused pain n' stuff. Once again, kick-ass guitar playing. HAVE I ALREADY LOST MY MIND? DO I STILL HAVE A SOUL?

8. I Saw Your Mommy (Mystic Records Version)
This is the version of the song that was on the Mystic Records Sampler #1. The quality is great, and it sounds really good. Actually a studio recording.

9. You Are Forgiven (Version #1)
An early song that didn't make it on the album. Starts off with a creepy/really good/depressing guitar solo. I think it's a nice intro for a song like this. The song is fast, the "YOU ARE FORGIVEN" chorus is really memorable and effective. The song is critical of the mentality of organized religion. The part at the end has a sad-sounding riff and it's slow.

10. War Inside Myself
This is actually "Parents for Adoption", not what the title says. It has a real cool guitar riff and it's about Mike being pissed off at how much his lazy hypocritical parents suck, and begs the listener to "adopt" them so that he can be free. You can barely hear the vocals, they're kinda muffled. End of Side A.

11. Stupid Genocide
This song is extremely similar-sounding to "Suicide's an Alternative"... the lyrics are different, though. The quality of this recording is ultra-grainy. Good song, still.

12. Kill (Version #1)
This one also has pretty poor quality. I really like this song... there's a slower version on this one documentary film that sounds even cooler, however... the song's about how obsessed society is with murdering.

13. Pseudo Mom
I can't even hear the lyrics for this one, they're totally muffled. The song is fast, pissed. He was probably pissed off at his mom or something.

14. Two-Sided Politics
This is actually not "Two-Sided Politics", it's a completely different song. However, it does sound pretty damn awesome, whatever it's really called. The guitar riff rocks, there's a sweet solo, the rhythms and beats just rock!

15. You Are Forgiven (Version #2)
This isn't actually You Are Forgiven, once again they got the song title wrong! It's fast. The chorus guitar riff is pretty cool. Frantic drumming! You can't even hear Mike's voice.

16. Burn the Constitution
THIS is "You Are Forgiven". THIS IS IT, GOD DAMN IT!! The guitar intro is really beautiful... it's like depression and self-loathing embodied in a guitar melody. It's really good. After this, the song explodes into the thrashing verse and chorus parts. The chorus is reassuring and sarcastic all at once. BUT YOU'RE FORGIVEN. I like this version better. Mainly because I like the intro for this one better.

17. Kill (Version #2)
This version sounds creepy as fuck. You can't hear any vocals. The guitar riff is bordering on scary, especially with how the quality sounds and stuff. The beat is kinda fast. As the final track, it's like that final moment looming right after a hypothetical suicide with the dead body bleeding out as it's already dead.

So, there's early Suicidal Tendencies for ya! I think this LP is interesting for the unreleased tracks -- the songs that didn't get put on their album, even though I find it annoying that most of the time the titles are wrong. But yeah, these are all real cool songs, and it rocks! The second half could practically be considered an instrumental side since you can't even hear Mike's voice. Maybe he was just off having sex with every species of animal in the Universe while they were recording those songs. Anyways, that's all I've got to say for now. Lemme know if I missed anything.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Two-Sided Politics
2. Burn the Constitution

3. Suicide's an Alternative


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Review #222: Void - Condensed Flesh 7" (1992)


Year: 1992
Hardcore Punk
Eye 95 Records
Length: 7 Minutes
My Rating:

Void was an amazing hardcore band from Maryland that existed from 1980 to 1983. The band's sound was, well, it was pretty fucking chaotic... their half of the Faith/Void split LP as evidence... and their live shows. Well, before Void made any records, the band recorded a demo tape in late '81, which caught the attention of Dischord Records. The Condensed Flesh 7" EP is basically that demo tape in the form of an E.P. So let's listen to the sounds of this band. NOW.

1. Organized Sports/Annoyed
The first noticable thing about these songs is that the vocals are a jillion percent more intelligible. Jon Weiffenbach sounds less like the Tazmanian Devil's bastard offspring and more like a human. No weird-assed group vocals in the chorus either. Both versions rock. Then there's "Annoyed"... that song is really short and it's about BEING ANNOYED ABOUT YOUR MOM'S FOOD SHE COOKS AND SHIT!!! The beat is sloppy, Void-style!

2. Controller/Revolt
HA HA HA HA HA HA... things are startin' to get a little wilder, I'm noticing... you can hear that Darby Crash/Bobby Pyn-like growl in place, incubated LIKE A LITTLE BABY WABY. Next song is "Revolt"... FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!! Fast, intense, sloppy, got psycho lyrics!! YAEY FOR +VOID+

3. Condensed Flesh
Another song that later appeared on the split album... the riff is in a different key, and I like it! This song is about Nazis taking burned flesh of their victims and putting it in cans... the chorus bubbles up like a bomb waiting to burst! End of Side A.

4. Black, Jewish, and Poor
This song's about a guy who's about as fucked in the ass by society as you can get... there's a little more of the lead guitar/cool metal-esque stuff going on here. BUTTHOLE SURFERS!! "It could be worse, I could be gay"... a later version of the song appears on the "20 Years of Dischord" CD.

5. War Hero
This song's about a crazyman who WANTS TO DIE IN A WAR!! Just like them crazy rednecks all over the U.S.A. Unlike his friends, this guy ain't no wussy afraid of bein' drafted, he wants to kill himself and burn his body to serve his country! YAEY YAEY FOR U.S.A. Later appears on split LP from '82.

6. Get Out of My Way
This song's a little slower... I like how it starts off fast and then the tempo shifts to being slower... the kind of reasons I love this band. Awesome singing. The riff in the chorus part has a real grind and slice to it!

7. Go South
The longest song. Not in the world, just on this record. Cool riff, nice fast, fucked drum beat! GO SOUTH GO SOUTH GO SOUTH -- total awesomeness!! TOTAL +VOID+?!? WHAT BERT AND ERT+ Y76P TIME IS UP SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HEAR... HERE? The ending part is slow.

The E.P. doesn't quite reach the heights of insanity that the band would reach by the time they recorded the split album (see "Think", "Time to Die", "Change Places", "Explode")... several of the songs here were recreated for that record, but done even better that time. Still, even on its own it's unique compared to other hardcore acts. Just don't expect it to be as good as what came after it. Anyways, that's all I've got to say for now, so long...

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Black, Jewish, and Poor
2. Organized Sports

3. Get Out of My Way

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

SOME OF MY (shit) DRAWINGS!!!! ART FROM 2009 - 2011 YAEY

Hello, boyz n' grrrlz. Tonight I'm going to be showing you some of my mediocre drawings for your viewing pleasure so you can laugh at how bad of an artist I am.

This one ended up on the cover of an early Blood Noize (then "White Noize") demo in greyscale:

I made this picture for the most awesome woman ever:

Color schemes added for better effect! Doesn't my sadguy look like he has a cunt for a mouth?

Made this one in Basic Design (best class ever) a few months ago:

A really big picture I made at the last minute in Drawing 1 because I had forgotten to pick an artwork to bring to the "defend it to the death" activity that was going to happen that day. I ended up being the only contestant to get a thumbs-up from the entire class.

All this and I've still never been laid:

More awesome shit from Basic Design I made in Dec. 2010 ("The Mangler/The Complex"):


Review #221: School Jerks - Control 7" (2011)


Year: 2011
Hardcore Punk
Cowabunga Records
Length: 5 Minutes
My Rating:

The School Jerks are one of the coolest, most legit bands outta Toronto hardcore. They've got that razor-blade guitar attack and drunk, Darby Crash-like vocals that sound about as punk rock as you can get... this is the brand new E.P. from the band, featuring six new songs, and it's cooler than ever. Anyways, yeah, you know what to expect... the only main thing I'd point out is that their songs are actually getting shorter! Only one of the songs on the record is over a minute long.

1. Screamer
Nice riff... Luke's (the singer) vocals actually sound kinda clean in the very beginning. Fast, furious, sweet-o!

2. Control
I like the guitar riff for this one a lot... the beat is a little slower, but awesome. This one's really short.

3. Ready to Die
This one reminds me of early Black Flag... I dunno if it's more in the guitar riff or the drum beat. Anyways, it's pretty awesome. I like the chords played in the part of the song starting at around 38 seconds. End of Side A.

4. Ugly Minds, Ugly Faces
YOUUU'VE GOT AN UGLLLYYYY MINNND, ANNND AN UGLLLYYY FACCEEE... by the way, those aren't the lyrics to the song. The verse part is really thrashy and fast. The chorus is half the speed, but just as violent! This band's got awesome drumming. At the very end, the beat continues to slow down until it's over.

5. Moral Addiction
I'M ADDICTED TO NOT DOING DRUGS AND NOT KILLING PEOPLE AND STUFF. This one's also pretty fast. The guitar riff is nice and reminds me of early Black Flag or Off! (get their album if you haven't already)

6. 4-F
This song's a minute and a half long, making it the "long" song of the EP. Once again (hate to keep bringing them into this), there's a Black Flag-type of dynamic going on here, mainly in the rhythm. Great guitar riffs, neat song. That's all there is.

So, I definitely say that this EP rocks, just as hard as the last two records the band has put out! They keep putting out great guitar riffs, hard songs, great fucked-up singing, it's all really good... simple but sturdy. If you haven't listened to this band yet and you consider yerself a "punk", then I think you're going to love this, because THE SCHOOL JERKS HAVE JUST GOT THE GOOD SONGS, Y'KNOWWHATI'MSAYINGTODAYING? (also, the back of the EP cover sheet has the lyrics to "Ugly Minds, Ugly Faces" on it)

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Control
2. Ready to Die

3. 4-F

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Review #220: Black Flag - The Process of Weeding Out 12" (1985)


Year: 1985
Post-Punk/Free Jazz
SST Records
Length: 26 Minutes
My Rating:

Sorry it's been awhile since I've written a review, I guess. Feels that way, anywaez. Anyways, yeah, I had kind of some depression shit going on and a lot of school work too and I think I should go take a shit, so I'll go and do that and then get [it] on with the GODDAMNED REVIEW ALREADY!!!

Okay, I typed that previous part about three days ago and I still haven't finished the fucking review... I'm just gonna start blaming it on the Zoloft. Anyways, I'm on break right now (sort of) so I've got no more exkuses. And I feel just fine right now, thank you very much...

Anyways, ABOUT THE ALBUM... this is "The Process of Weeding Out" by Black Flag, a four-song instrumental EP in which the band further explores their new punk-jazz-metal-stoner motif which could be said "weeded out" a lot of people who only liked them for their hardcore sound, and there's no singing... Henry Rollins isn't on this album at all, so he was probably off masturbating or doing spoken word while the rest of the band jammed their pennises and vaggina off! This is one of the last records the band ever released while they were still together -- just a month before their final LP, "In My Head" came out... that was a cool album. But we're talking about TPOWO today, so let's get the wax a-spinnin'...

1. Your Last Affront
A real long song... starts off with just the crazy bass guitar riff... the drumming is wild and all over the place, though you get the idea that they know what's going on more than you ever will... eventually some weird lead guitar melodies can be heard, with the occasional blast of an A-chord... the guitar gets more and more intense as it starts sounding more like a speeding vehicle buzzing off into a desert. It gets around to feeling like some sort of a soundscape... real amazing. The lead guitar bubbles up to the surface of the glass panel which separates you from this wildness... be it the album sheet or the screen of the computer. In another part of the song, the beat starts getting really fast and choppy. Like a gun firing bullets! Amazing... after the chaos climaxes, the song SERIOUSLY slows down, into a trudge through a lonely, slow, cavernous atmosphere... is this my last affront? WELL GEE WILLIE WONKERZ GODDAMN IF I KNOW!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The thumping beat kind of reminds me of those first few moments of "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath, or even "Three Nights" by this same band. After a few minutes, the music gets ultra-fast again and gradually returns to the original bass riff, kind of like how the song started before the slow part. What a song...

2. Screw the Law
This is a fast one with a hardcore beat... however, the guitar sounds hardly anything like that style of music... more heavy metal, but still nothing like metal... a lot of lead guitar wankage and a pretty cool bass riff. At the very end, the drumming gets REALLY crazy, and then the song's over. End of Side A.

3. The Process of Weeding Out
A ten-minute song... pretty much the punk equivalent of free jazz... ridiculous ultra-fast drumming, improvised lead guitar playing, funky bass-playing... eventually, the drumming turns into a more normal beat, but it doesn't last for too long. Very improvised, un-traditional sounding music... I would barely even call this rock music.

4. Southern Rise
This one's got a slow, blues-type beat and a pretty damn cool bass riff. Nice, relaxed guitar sounds... the beat eventually gets faster and more punkish... towards the later half of the song, the guitar solos get more intense but also quieter... either that or it's just my imagination. Sometimes you'll hear drumrolls that sound like machine guns firing off. Pretty cool. The song fades out...

Kind of like the second half of "Family Man". My favorite songs on this record are "Your Last Affront" and "Southern Rise". Actually, the second song is pretty good too, I just wasn't extremely into the song that the EP is named after. But it's a pretty neat listen. Don't expect a Minor Threat song here! Weird, jazzy, discordant, but somehow it all works. Anyways, sorry for taking so long to make this review, I just felt shitty and lazy lately. Bye bye.