Monday, January 31, 2011

Review #210: Big Black - Bulldozer 12" (1983)


Year: 1983
Post-Punk/Hardcore Punk
Touch & Go Records
Length: 15 Minutes
My Rating:

"Bulldozer" is the second release from Steve Albini's band, Big Black. By this point, he was now playing with a full band, so in this record, it's not just Mister Albini playing the instruments. The original couple hundred pressings of this album were actually released in a metal sheet with the name of the band acid-pressed into the sheet. I also like how the two different non-bass guitars played on this album are credited as being a "smash" and "klang" guitar. Anyways, let's listen to this now, shall we?

1. Cables
Wow, the guitar really does sound KLANGY here... and I'm guessing that the SMASH guitar is the more crunchy, fat-sounding one. The beat is cool and it's a very metallic sound... not "metallic" as in heavy metal, but more as in it sounds like a bunch of pieces of metal grinding and banging against eachother in the form of music. There's real drums this time, also. The bass is kind of choppy-sounding. The lyrics are about a guy who works in a slaughterhouse.

2. Pigeon Kill
Similar tempo to the previous song, but the beat is a little cooler. The guitar tones sound more frigid, here. The song describes a redneck mentality of being threatened by a massive amount of pigeons in the sky and going out and shooting them all out of existence to protect their kids. For some weird reason. I like the one part when all the instruments cut out and Steve moans "duuaoooohh, ohhhhh mama!". Pretty legitty.

3. I'm a Mess
Stinging bass riff and fast-ish beat. In the chorus, the guitars cut in and they sound pretty massive... almost ambient. It's a nice sound, there. By the third verse, there's some lead guitar in the mix as well. Once again, it seems to describe the life of a blue-collar redneck. Not as specific this time around, though. End of Side A.

4. Texas
Longest song on the record (four minutes long). This song has more of a regular hardcore feel to it, aside from the lead guitar. Fast beat. The lyrics portray Texas as a redneck, white-trash haven of arrogance and unwarranted self-importance. I AM TEXAS! I AM TEXAS! I AM TEXAS! I AM TEXAS! The lyrics don't really go out of the way to directly criticize Texas, but you can pretty much tell that these guys don't like Texas very much. But what about the Butthole Surfers or Beavis & Butt-Head, Mister Steven?? I just noticed that both of those have the word "butt" in them. Maybe Texas is good at things involving butts. Actually, for the second time in a row I just read that Texas is trying to outlaw "sodomy", which apparently refers to any non-pennis-vaggina sex or any sex with no intention to have babies. Sounds like a shitty place. But I do like this song.

5. Seth
The song starts out with a sampled rant from an unknown racist dude about how the other races, specifically black people and black communists don't deserve the same rights as white people. The song really starts after about a minute and a half. It's about a rat-like dog that bit the singer (?) because "he thought he was black". That's kinda funny, because dogs have races too. If this even happened, that is. Kind of a weird song.

6. Jump the Climb
This is a slow song. The drumming is extremely interesting on this one. It's about domestic abuse with a knife and how a person can express their self-hatred by harming another person because they see what they hate about themselves in their significant other. This is the only song on the record that uses a Roland drum machine rather an actual drummer.

And the drummer at this time was Pat Byrne! He must've felt pretty hurt when they told him that he wasn't good enough to be playing drums on the last song. Pat attempted murder of Roland shortly after this EP was recorded but didn't succeed. The songs on this record are more hardcore and less new wave, but still much more experimental and artistically proficient than must hardcore of '83, so it stands out for sure. After this record, the band released another EP called "Racer X", and then a couple years after that they put out their first full length album. The lyrics on this record mostly consist of a grim portrayal of the North American redneck, with imagery of bigotry, violence, stupidity, and the possible underlying motives for this. SO PUT YER DICK ON A STICK AND LET'S HYUK HYUK S'MORE WHEN I WRITE MY NEXT FUCKING REVIEW, KIDDZ!

Top 3 Favorites:
Pigeon Kill
3. Jump the Climb

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Review #209: Layne L'Heureux - New (2011)


Year: 2011
Post-Punk/Folk Rock
Old Ugly Records
Length: 28 Minutes
My Rating:

It's Saturday. One of my least favorite days of the week. I'd say it IS my least favorite day of the week. I was up until 3 o' clock last night so I'm a little tired, but WHO CARES? Anyways, Layne L'Heureux (who you may know from either his solo work or his band Diehatzu Hijets) has just released another new solo album, and it's the fourth one he's done since 2008. This album heads in more of a rock/punk direction as far as songwriting goes, as opposed to the first three albums which were for the most part pure folk. As usual, the music is very emotionally hitting and simultaneously sad and uplifting. The lyrics are often introspective and deal with feelings and problems that Layne has experienced in his life.

1. Torture
This one has a pretty dirty guitar sound and it could've just as easily been a Diehatzu Hijets song. The extra guitar added in the chorus part sounds really cool! IT'S NOT UNLIKE ME TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG, DUDE. In one ear you're hearin' the guitar riff and then in another ear you're hearing some weird-sounding fuzzed-out lead guitar. The whole song sounds a bit fuzzed-out. Oh, and there's a drumbeat. The guitar melody at the end vaguely reminds me of a chiming bell for some reason.

2. Mind
This one has an acoustic guitar instead of an electric. Similar to beat to the previous song. The chorus incorporates more electric guitar and melodic instrumentals over this and harmonized vocals and whatnot. 'Cuz it's music, right? Huhah. I like the acoustic riff played in the very middle of the song. Just after this, you hear some really good electric guitar stuff and the song transitions into another section with Layne singing all crazy!

3. I Knew
I really like the guitar melody that starts this one off. Then the tempo gets a little more straightforward and the verse begins. The vocals are kind of high-pitched and wispy in the verse, and then more earthy in the chorus. No drums here. Just guitar and singing. I really like that guitar melody that he plays before each verse. Then the melody of the middle part of the song is even more beautiful. I love it. Layne repeatedly sings "HOLD ON TO WHAT YOU LOVE". I love... know what I love? I love this nice glass of water that is right in front of me. I am going to hold on to it. And drink it. That was some pretty good water. GLUGUGDFGLGUGLUGLGLGUGGLUGGGG!!!!!! Oh. Hi. I am still talking about this song. But now it's over. So that's all I can say for this one.

4. EATer
Another punk rock sort of song. The guitar tone sounds kind of murky and muted in the verse. The chorus is much louder and the drumming is really nice in that part. The part after the chorus is even more interesting, with some kind of psychedelic whizzing sounds and a cool beat. The singing voice here sounds a lot like J Mascis. Sort of wry and with equal amounts of relaxedness and aggression. I like the "SHE'S TELLING ME TO GO AND SEE A FRIEND" part at the end a lot. It sunds good.

5. Comfort
This song is slow and has a downbeat type of guitar riff. Layne's voice sounds kind of weird, but in a really good way. Once again, this song flirts with a psychedelic rock sound, mostly in the chorus. The type of song that's great to get real stoned to. I really really love how that guitar sounds in the chorus part. The chorus is more upbeat-sounding than the verse. And know what, I really still like the way the guitars sound. They just sound really really good. Like this one a lot.

6. Dreams
As usual, always really good guitar riffs and guitar-playing for these songs. See, when you enter the La(y)n(e)d of L. 'Heureux, you realize that it's ALL ABOUT THE GUITAR, man. The guitar is such a great instrument, you gotta admit, man. This song has an acoustic solo. It iz great. The chorus vocals are kinda wispy and soft and trippy-sounding.

7. Daze
Loud, gritty guitars and a hard beat. To me, the beat is like the lines and the guitar is like the colors. If that makes any sense at all. Do you think people can in a sense mentally "see" music? Sometimes I think of it that way. Especially when writing my own songs. I can literally kind of see what my songs "look" like in my head. The chorus part is even more noisy and in that part Layne's singing sounds once again fuzzy. The riff after that part sounds like something the Ramones would write! I like that. After that part, Layne sings about playing in a band finally and there the melody shifts into a more focused folky mode for the cool bridge section before exploding once again into a hot-headed sonic ear-assault!

8. Tell Me
No distortion or drums here, just acoustic guitars, Layne singing, and a humming synth atmospheric. I love it... "I feel like bad food & T.V." -- that was a cool line. The guitars sound really nice and kind of tingle in your ear a little bit. Like good food and non-t.v. But not t.b. either, just in case you were wondering, y'know? We here at Legit Music Reviews (meaning myself) don't endorse giving yourself gross diseases like that. Wonderful song. You should listen to it!

9. Crawl
Almost avant-garde placement of sounds... shifts back and forth between an extremely dirty, fuzzed-out part and a cleaner guitar riff. A lot more discordant riff-wise than the other songs. After the first part of the song, it cuts into a slower part with a clean guitar melody. Kind of dreary-feeling... like you just survived the apocalypse or somethin' like that. For some reason I like the very ending part a lot, also.

So there's YOUR FUCKING REVIEW, GUYS!! Oh. Hi. That was me. Hi again. We were just talking about all of the songs from Layne L'Heureux's NEW album called NEW and it's pretty NEW so if you've heard the NEWs you should go get this NEW album! You can buy it for $8 here, and if possible and you have the cash to spare and you like the sounds of these songs, then you should get it! Here's the link to Layne's website:

HAVE FUN. Also, check out the new Diehatzu Hijets ALBUM that came out alongside this release called "Doo Doo Boy", which contains the last recordings of Diehatzu Hijets before it became a real band. And I'll do a review of that one too, pretty soon.

A lot of these songs do sound like they could be Diehatzu Hijets songs, as they're pretty electrifying and punk-y in this episode of the LAYNE L'HEUREUX SAGA. Actually, even though I have already reviewed this album, it doesn't "officially" come aut until March, so that's over a month left to go before THE ALBUM REALLY EXISTS. So when you listen to this album TODAY, you're really just hearing fragments of the reality of TOMORROW... except the album STILL won't be released tomorrow! "WHEN WILL THIS ALBUM EVER COME OUT????", you may ask... well, let me tell you, my old pal... nMeAvReCrH. And how you wanna read that is up to you, but let me tell you, if you wanna be ahead of the curve and do something that's supposed to be happening in the future, THEN GO LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM RIGHT NOW!! DO IT NOW! AAAGGGHHHH. Some of the songs remind me of winter and some of them remind me of spring. But a lot of that probably has to do with the fact that it's still Winter right now. I'm sick of Winter, don't ya know? Well, that's my review. Goodbye for now.

P.S. -- Layne really does live on top of a giant snail.

Top 3 Favorites:
3. I Knew

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Review #208: Misfits - Walk Among Us (1982)


Year: 1982
Hardcore Punk
Ruby Records
Length: 24 Minutes
My Rating:


Anyways, when the Missy-Fits started out they were more of a regular punk band in the '70s, and their songs were slower and they used keyboards and stuff like that. They made various EPs after their first single in 1977, but by the time they got to their first album, which came out only a year before they broke up, they had transitioned to a faster, hardcore punk sound. And I haven't really listened to this entire album prior to this review, so lettuce listen to this record and CELEBRATE THE CELEBERELERALAL MAYHEM BECAUSE YOU SUCK KAWK!!!

Nah, not really. I'm just saying that. But what the fuck, it's about time for ANOTHER REVIEW, iz it not??

1. 20 Eyes
The verse riff is only two chords, but it sounds good. Glen Danzig has a singing voice that sounds "good" in a technical way but also pretty ragged as well. The beat reminds me to the beat of a later GERMZ song. Anyways, this song's about having twenty eyes looking at you and they look exactly the same BECAUSE THERE ARE SO FUCKING MANY OF THEM... WHY??!! WHAT? WHAT? THESE EYES ARE IN YOUR HEAD? YOU HAVE EYES INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD? THAT MEANS YOU CAN SEE YOUR BRAIN FROM THE INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD... WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU THINK, MY GOOD SIR?

2. I Turned Into a Martian
A lot of "whoa-oah-oaah"s in the chorus of this song. The riff is good, the beat kicks ass, the singing is pretty good. Why or how somebody turns into a martian confuses me, though. Like, if you're a martian, doesn't that mean that you are from Mars? So, did Glen move to Mars AND THEN come back to Earth afterwards and start killin' everyone?

3. All Hell Breaks Loose
This song turns up the speed a notch or two. I guess a lot of these Misfits songs are supposed to be about old horror movies or something. I'm not sure if I've seen whatever one this one's about. They need to make a song about Giant Spider Attack. That was a pretty cool old movie. I like the chorus part. YEAH MY WHOLE WORLD IZ BREAKIN' LOOSE! YAY FOR FASTNESS! YAEY FOR PUNK! YAEEY FOR THIS SONG!

4. Vampira
The guitars sound cool. I'm pretty sure there's two guitarists in this band. It has a real cool sound to it. Nice riff. FUCKFUCKFUCK!! I think it's supposed to be about a vampire chick who seduces men and then DRINKS THEIR BLOOD AND FUCKS THEM IN WHATEVER HOLE SHE SUCKED BLOOD OUT OF... WITH A STRAP-ON, KIDDIES!

5. Nike-A-Go-Go
Nike... like, the shoe brand? The guitar riff does indeed fucking rule. YES! This song's got a ton of energy and intensity to it. The drumming is great, the guitars have a real hard, enveloping atmosphere about them. Go dance to this song and then get on yer motorcycle and listen to this song again as you ride away from a mushroom cloud, dude.

6. Hatebreeders
A lot of melodic-sort-of-chorus-vocals-and-stuff-like-that.-Well,-this-song-is-pretty-alright.-It's-a-little-slower-but-still-pretty-good. And this song has a guitar solo too. A very simple one, but a solo nonetheless.

7. Mommy, Can I Go Out & Kill Tonight?
This song was recorded at a live concert. It's a similar tempo to the previous song. The singing here sounds more ragged than in the studio tracks. MOMMY? CAN I GO OUT AND KILLTONIGHT? THE SECOND PART OF THE SONG IS REALLY FAST AND HARD! THE SINGING IS REALLY FAST JUST LIKE THE MUSIC! IT SOUNDS AWESOME. I'd love to imagine how hard the kids were slamming at this part. This is the fastest moment of the album I've heard so far. The song's lyrics are about a kid who goes out, kills all the people he meets, but keeps their body parts as "souveniers". The song fades out during a slower part and Side A ends here.

8. Night of the Living Dead
Now on to SIDE B. IT IZ TIME... TO WITNESS WITH THINE EARZ... ZE NEIGHT OF ZE LEEVING DADE. The riff is kind of crunchy in the beginning and you hear a bunch of group-shouted OH-OH-WHOA sort of chorus vocals. The melody of the song is really upbeat. 'Cuz these guys are just sort of a GOODTIMES BAND, y'know? This song's about zombies cumming to life and JIZZING ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN -- no, not really, it's about a group of doctors and lawyers who are accidentally spilling their really hot tea on everybody and giving them 1st-degree burns. I mean, that tea was REALLY HOT!

9. Skull
I wonder how the hell he can sing "I NEED YOUR SKULL" so beautifully. It really does sound good, and Glen can sing very good. The lyrics describe collecting dead body parts, hanging them up in yer room and bathing in blood. Sounds kinda religious. Good song.

10. Violent World
This song's just got that kind of riff that I love to hear. The verse riff. I like it. I like how the chorus riff changes in about the second or third chorus part. VIOLENT WORLD! YA HEAR THAT, DAD???!!! The world is really violent. Hasn't it always been?

11. Devil's Whorehouse
WELCOME TO THE DEVIL'S WHOREHOUSE! A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH THE DEVIL FOR ONLY $69 A MONTH... NO, ONLY $68 AND YOU CAN ALSO GET THE NEW OLD MISFITS ALBUM WITH YOUR SATANIC FUCKFEST... WHAT A SURPRISE, KIDDIES!!!! Mr. Danzig goes to the Devil's Whorehouse and gets whipped like a good little boy by SATAN'S SLUTS! I swear I'm hearing whip sounds in the background... are those whips?

12. Astro Zombies
Now we've even got ZOMBIES IN SPACE! It sounds pretty happy.

13. Braineaters
Time to EAT YER BRAINS, KIDS!! This is the shortest song, because it's hardly even a minute long. It's about eating brains for every meal and eating brains all of the time. I'd imagine this is how zombies complain. And that this is what it sounds like. I bet my friend from art class listens to this song every day... fucking brain-eater. She rocks.

So, THAT IS "WHALK AMUNGTH UTH" by THE MITHFITTH ITH A PRJSFDSI it's a pretty good album and I'd never heard the whole thing before, but I am quite impressed. It did naught let me dawn. And by that, I mean, "WELL JESUS, I GUESS WE'RE JUST GUNNA HAVE TO GO AHEAD TO THE NEXT SENTENCE, NOW WOULDN'T WE?". Don't be fooled by the massive amount of emo kids who wear Misfits t-shirts -- that might turn some off to the band, including the "hardcorest" of punks, but the band really does deserve their fame, and when you get famous then sometimes lame people will start liking you too. But that's fine. Anyways, the songwriting, the instruments, the singing, the lyrics, it's all real good and you should listen to this album or else THE MISFITS WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND KILL YOU IN A CANNIBALISTIC BLOOD ORGY. Hah. FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! WHADDAWHADDAWHADDA... huh. Heh. Ho ho ho. Heeh. Huh. Hoo. Ha. Hah. Uh. UUhh. UGGhghghH. UAARRRUUUGUGHGHHGHG HOLY SHIT I'M MUTATING INTO A GIANT MONSTER I HAVE TO GO QUICK AND GO KILL EVERYONE SO GOODBYE NOW!!!!!!!!!

(have a wonderful day, children.)

Top 3 Favorites:
All Hell Breaks Loose
3. Nike-A-Go-Go

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Review #207: Happy Flowers - Now We Are Six 7" (1986)


Year: 1986
Noise Rock
Catch Trout Records
Length: 16 Minutes
My Rating:

Hey, I know it's been awhile since my last review, but you wanted another one presumably and so did I so I'm going to do another review today. This is the second record by the HAPPY FLOWERS, a band that sings about happiness and flowers FOREVER AND EVER ALL OF THE TIME.


We've all been kids. We know that childhood, especially early childhood, is a


difficult time. Too old to be accepted as the infants we once were but too young to do "big kid" things, we find ourselves stuck between two times of life that were and will be inevitably better, and we can do some things like drink juice instead of milk, and we can ride tricycles as the greatest mode of transportation since the child's seat in the ca--




1. Mom and Dad Like the Baby More Than Me
GOD DAMN, I KNOW HOW THIS ONE FEELS. Okay, about a year ago my mom HAD A BABY WITHOUT TELLING ME BEFOREHAND! That REALLY PISSED ME OFF, because the baby was cute, but it was so cute that they STOPPED PLAYING WITH ME SO THEY COULD PLAY WITH THE BABY! WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!! But let's not get too ahead of ourselves here... anyways, this song starts off with some cool grinding guitar noize. Which is fun to listen to for lovers of loud grindey noises such as myself. Even though I'm only five. It reminds me of playing with my Tonka trucks, that's what it does make me think of. Herlfway thru' the sung, Mr. Hor Char Inf (HORRIBLY CHARRED INFANT) starts sunging about KILLING YOUR STUPID BABY!!!! I HATE THAT STUPID BABY!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD GO KILL MY BABY BROTHER AND PUT HIM IN THE BLENDER TOO... THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE??? THEY MIGHT THINK HE'S GROUND BEEF OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT!!!! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE BABY LIKED PICKLES!!! SO I PUT THE BABY'S COCK IN THE PICK JAR, MAN!!!! I DON'T EVEN LIKE MY BABY BROTHER!!!! GODDAMN IT WHY DO MY PARENTS LIKE THE BABY MORE THAN ME? Fucking faggots.

2. All My Toys Hate Me
Yeah, believe it or not, this happened to me too. Kind of a vague tempo to this one even though there's no beat so it's hard to tell. It sounds like a cross between a blender and an electrical shock. Like, a blender that's being electrically shocked. It reminds me of this one time where IT WAS REALLY LATE, AND I SAW THIS ONE STUFFED ANIMAL IN MY CLOSET, AND IT JUST KEPT ON STARING AT ME AND THEN I SCREAMED AND PISSED ALL OVER MY BED. IT REALLY SUCKED. THAT ASSHOLE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. Toys... they're little backstabbers, they are. Also, you get to hear Mr. Anus in this song. Mr. Anus iz cool. End of Side A.

3. Razors in My Apple
This one has a beat and a bass riff so it sounds more song-like. Pretty good bass riff, also. It's about finding all sorts of razors and needles and other bad things in yer food. I bet there's blood cumming outta yer mouth after that happens, man. Like, the razor CUTS your mouth and then you start bleeding. Or the needles STABS your mouth and then you start bleeding.

4. Hush Little Baby
I LOVE this one. It's like a really freakish, demented version of a lullaby that everyone's probably heard. The guitar "melody" is just a bunch of random notes and Daddy in the song eventually starts saying some pretty mean stuff to THE BABY!!!!! WELL GOOD, I FUCKING HATE THAT LITTLE DOUCHEBAG!!!!!!

5. The Vacuum Ate Timmy
IT WAS ABOUT TIME... presuming this "Timmy" they speak of is the BABY, then I'M REALLY GLAD THE VACUUM IS GOING TO ATE TIMMY!!!! FUCK YEAH... SUCK AWAY!!! SUCK, VACUUM! SUCK!! SUCK HARDER! SUCK TIMOTHY, VACUUM!!!!! You can hear the sound of a REAL LIFE (tm) vacuum in this song and Mr. HCI's parents get really upset because the VACUUM ATE TIMMY.

6. Daddy Melted
Ever have one of those days when YOUR DAD MELTS INTO A GIANT PUDDLE OF ACID??!! No, I haven't, but I'd imagine that this song truly does cover the trauma and emotional torment of WHEN DADDY MELTED AND YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE ORPHANAGE!!!!! NOOO!!!!!!!!! The drum beat is simple but kind of cool. But Daddy cannot take you to 7-11 because he MELTED. DON'T YOU GET IT??? DADDY MELTED!!!! ARRAAAAGGGHHHH!!!! THE END.


Oh. Hi.

I am five years old.

That was my review of "NOW WE ARE SIX" by Happy Flowers, a 7" full of mayhem and madness. I hope you enjoyed my review, five-year-olds of the world. Be sure to come another time as we listen to "My First GG Allin Classics", next week. Goodbye.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Hush Little Baby

2. Daddy Melted

3. My Toys Hate Me

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Review #206: Flex Your Head (1982)


Hardcore Punk
Dischord Records
Length: 41 Minutes
My Rating:

By 1982, the Washington D.C. hardcore scene had expanded to include many bands, and aside from Bad Brains, the oldest band of the type in the area, most of these bands had come to be apart of the Dischord Records roster. The Dischord Records rooster. You see, the Dischord Records rooster was in fact Ian MacKaye, and he sat on all of these eggs (because there were no hens around to do it for him) because he wanted to keep them warm so that they would hatch into more chickens, and these eggs hatched into the Untouchables, State Of Alert, Government Issue, Youth Brigade, Red C, Void, Iron Cross, Artificial Peace, and Deadline. So this is a very essential compilation of many of the early D.C. hardcore bands... many of these bands were apart of or supported the Straight Edge movement, which you've probably heard of but if you haven't it's about not drinking, doing drugs, smoking, or having a promiscuous sex life. Minor Threat and the Teen Idles are on this album also. Anyways, there's not much else I can think of to say right now except that there are about four different alternate covers for it, one with a piano and flowers, another with a wheat field, another with a picture of Ian's head, and another with three X's and two stripes on it.

1. The Teen Idles - "I Drink Milk"
I can't drink milk becuz I'm allergic to milk. In case ya didn't know that. The Teen Idles was the second (after the Slinkees) band that Ian MacKaye was in, but he only played bass guitar here. This song is fast, has a cool riff and it's about having a love for the art of milk-drinking.

2. The Teen Idles - "Commie Song"

Slower. The lyrics seem to be pro-communism and talk about a disgust at the capitalism and superficiality of American society. Nice riffs.

3. The Teen Idles - "No Fun"

Yes! A Stooges cover! This version is a lot faster... actually, I like the Stooges version better, but it's still pretty good. For those who don't know, the song is about staying at home with nothing to do and being really bored. A hardcore spin on a great song. Then there's a bunch of crazy animal noizes at the end.

4. Untouchables - "Rat Patrol"

The Untouchables were the band of Alec MacKaye, Ian MacKaye's younger brother, but his voice sounds just as close to Henry Rollins as it does to Ian MacKaye. And the guitars sound real sludgy and distorted. Makes for another wild song!

5. Untouchables - "Nic Fit"

I first heard this song years ago in the form of a cover of it by my favorite band Sonic Youth from their album "Dirty". This version is just as good if not better since it IS the original! I have no idea what a nic fit is, but my guess is that it's something really cool. You'd just have to had been there or something. Which I wasn't. NICFITNICFITNICFITNICFIT. Ever try saying "nic fit" over and over again really fast? Not easy.

6. Untouchables - "I Hate You"

Fast but not quite as fast. The riff is cool. The drumming at the chorus part sounds like something like what Void would later do... but don't worry, I'll get to that later. I HATE YOU (just kidding)

7. State Of Alert - "I Hate the Kids"

For those who don't know, S.O.A. is Henry Rollins from Black Flag's first band that he sang for! So you'll hear his familiar voice in the next few songs. The guitar sounds real mean and fuzzed-out. The beat is fast and it's about feeling alienated from your peers.

8. State Of Alert - "Disease"
Good guitar riff. It's about hating a person so much that you get a "disease" from being around them. Then Henry yells "THANKS MOM!" -- maybe he wrote it about his mom?

9. State Of Alert - "Stepping Stone Party"

Just like Minor Threat covered Stepping Stone by the Monkees, so did S.O.A.! Includes a bunch of inbetween-sung-lines spoken dialogue and that stuff. Even faster than the Minor Threat version and has a slightly different feel to it. Everybody sounds like they're going crazy on this juan.

10. Minor Threat - "Stand Up"

That's right, now it's time for good ol' Miner Threadt. The guitar riff rules, it's fast, Ian sings well, and the lyrics are about coming to a show to have some fun but then some asshole picks a fight with you and your friends and you use your friendship and courage to pull through.

11. Minor Threat - "12XU"

This is a cover of a song by the English punk band Wire. I have not heard the original version, but I'm sure it's not this fast and the song's about Ian (in this version) seeing a guy kissing another man in a magazine and outing him for it. Then at the end of the song he yells out FLEX YOUR HEAD... heyyyy... just like the TITLE OF THE ALBUM. WOW, IMMAGENIUS, MAYAN!

12. Government Issue - "Hey, Ronnie"

Starts out kinda slow, but it gets faster. The song accuses a guy named Ronnie of not being fun. The beat is neat because sometimes it alternates between being not so fast and being pretty fast. Hahah.

13. Government Issue - "Lie, Cheat, and Steal"

The bass riff here is awesome, and it goes perfect with the riff and the beat and the whole energy of the song! BUTT-FUCKED!!!!!!!!

14. Youth Brigade - "Moral Majority"

This is NOT the more well-known band called Youth Brigade that released albums like "Sink With Califjornia". This is a more angry, less melodic hardcore band. The guy has a angry-sounding voice. This song lashes out against the "moral majority" of 1980s America that was biased towards the values and opinions of rich white male Christian Americans.

15. Youth Brigade - "Waste of Time"

The guitar sounds awesome and real fucked-up.

16. Youth Brigade - "Last Word"

The verse riff kicks ass! Full of energy and fury. End of Side A.

17. Red C - "Jimi 45"

Starts out with a cool beat and bass guitar riff. The guitar slowly fades in. Soon you realize that you're listening to a semi-cover of Jimi Hendrix's cover of Hey Joe. Perhaps this is based off of hearing that song played at 45 RPM. It fades out after not long, though.

18. Red C - "Pressure's On"

The shouted lines are punctuated by segments of the guitar riff in the verse part. In the chorus it all flows more and the guitar sounds really really good here. Nice guitar-solo-age, too. For the final third of the song you're just hearing some lead guitar noodling around.

19. Red C - "6 O'Clock News"

The verse part is calm and kind of sad-feeling and the verse is fast and furious. I really like how well the guitarist in this band plays. This song criticizes how the news always places emphasis on sex and violence and tries to sensationalize it all for mass-consumption.

20. Red C - "Assassin"

f; s'fds

21. Void - "Dehumanized"

Yes! Void! Well, they don't sound quite as crazy here as they would later on, but this was their second official recorded appearance. The verse parts are really noisy and chaotic-sounding and the choruses are a little more linear. The drumming is a little sloppy, but it makes it sound all the more awesome.

22. Void - "Authority"

This song's about how the rightful place of the youth of today is to revolt against the cynical and greedy desires of the authority figures -- however, eventually each wave of revolution replaces the previous authority as authority itself and then "I'll wish I was young and I had the envy". Maybe it iz better to never grow up. As great as this song is, the alternate versions on "20 Years of Dischord" is a jillion times better.

23. Void - "My Rules"

Starts off with a rolling-type of beat and lead guitar tune... then it gets really really fast and angry about being mad that we're all being used as the cogs and gears of the machine. The chorus is slower. However, the version on the split album that came out a few months after this album is once again way better. So check that out also.

24. Iron Cross - "Wargames"

The guitar riff is amazing. The beat is cool also. The song is about war propaganda perpetrated by the United States government, making us believe that the purpose of war is to keep our country free when there are really usually other motives. The singer of his band has kind of a deep voice.

25. Iron Cross - "New Breed"

A song about punk revolution. WE ARE THE NEW BREED, AND WE WILL HAVE OUR DAY, WE ARE THE NEW KIDS, AND WE WON'T GO AWAY... FUCK YEAH!!!! The riff in both the verse and chorus are real cool. I like the sound of the guitar.

26. Iron Cross - "Live for Now"

This song reminds us to "live for now" and not place too much emphasis on the future but enjoy the moment because "kids today aren't kids tomorrow". I guess that's a pretty good message, though I look forward to the future because I'd rather not be living in this shithole where hardly anyone is any fun. There's only one guitar riff during the entire song. But it's a good one, at least.

27. Artificial Peace - "Artificial Peace"
A little faster than the Iron Cross songs were. In the intro, that is. Then it gets real fast. This song sings about how the hippie generation has created a false sense of peace with unneeded government programs to try to fix the problems of war when it's just a hollow facade to ignore the true causes of war. In the end of the song there's a slow psychedelic-metal type of section.

28. Artificial Peace - "Outside Looking In"

Fast. It's about feeling alienated from both the expectations of mainstream society and the punk scene as well. Feeling "caught between" and people who feel like they need to please everyone to be happy.

29. Artificial Peace - "Wasteland"

I like the guitar riff for this song's verse part. The song describes the suburbs as a wasteland where everybody tries to live the same and get a job/get a wife/stay at home all the time and it really is boring as shit. That lifestyle is bullshit. 'Cuz if I said "baloney" that would be a COMPLIMENT! Nice chugging guitar sound in the chorus. The guitar will chug all of your milk, just like singer from the Teen Idles.

30. Deadline - "Stolen Youth"

A slower song with a really heavy cool sounding guitar riff. I'm not sure what the lyrics are supposed to be about... some kid spends "two years on the run" because "he didn't believe" someone and now whoever somebody else was "stole his youth" and he "missed all the fun". But I don't know who that is. Confusing. But the does sound really cool.

31. Deadline - "Hear the Cry"

A bit faster. Once again, it has a cool guitar riff. I like the chorus guitar riff. It sounds cool. Can't find the lyrics for this one.

32. Deadline - "Aftermath"

Here we are, now... the last song. The intro is pretty mellow. The verse part is kind of slow and bass-centric. The chorus is fast and has a great guitar riff. "We're never free until we die". The guitar sounds cool.

That's a lotta punk! You'll hear almost all of the important bands from the early '80s D.C. punk scene here. Actually, it's kind of funny because some bands like S.O.A. and Youth Brigade (DC) only lasted for less than a year. But obviously after S.O.A. Henry Rollins got a place in Black Flag, thus making him even more notable. I rate this album 6/8 because almost all of the songs are good but a lot of the bands do sound pretty alike as you'd expect in a hardcore compilation. But don't pass over bands like Void and Red C and Deadline and Minor Threat who are better than average. Even the "average" bands sound really cool. But expect a lot of fast, hard, thrashing music for this compilation. Well, I'm going to get going to get going, now! Bye!

Top 3 Favorites:

1. My Rules (Void)

2. New Breed (Iron Cross)

3. Hear the Cry (Deadline)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Review #205: Fang - Yukon Fang 7" (1981)


Year: 1981
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Unknown
Tracks: 2
Length: 7 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8





, FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


1. Yukon Fang
I'm pretty sure that "Yukon" is also a kind of potato... like, the "Yukon Gold Potatoes". The song has a pretty cool bass riff and a slow beat. There's not really any rhythm guitar chords, just some plinking at a semi-muted note. Sam McBride (the singer) has a pretty good voice. He doesn't sound all Bri'ish-soundin' like he does on the band's first album, "Land Shark". 'CUZ HE'S REALLY A KALIFLORNIAN... POSER!!!! POSER!!!! SAMMYTOWN WAS A FUCKING POSER BECAUSE HE SANG WITH A BRITISH ACCENT AND HE'S NOT FROM BRITAIN! LYNCH!!!! No, not really. I don't give a shit what he sounds like as long as he sounds good. Actually, Flipper had this sort of deal about them, also... not sure what was up with that, either. It's a relatively calm song... the kind you can just smoke/drink to and wallow in self-pity or whatever bullshit you got UP YER SLEEVES TODAY!!!!!! Now, for the B-side...

2. Enjoy the View
The beat is really cool in the beginning of this song. The guitar makes really cool sounds... in the chorus part the beat is twice as fast. Sam sings in a really throaty, loud-sounding voice as opposed to the calm voice he sings with in the other song. There's some kind of avant-garde lead guitar stuff going on off in yer left ear... and in the center of your hearing scope it just repeats one icy-sounding chord. Someone's responsible for all yer failures, gotta use yer hatred SOMEHOWW...

It's a pretty good record. If you feel lonely or isolated, it especially sounds good. Actually, I've been real depressed for the past few days and just tonight I feel like my old happy self again, and that is a good thing. Even music can't help you when you feel like that. Anyways, y'alls probably know about SLAMMYMCSAMMYMCSAMMYTOWNMCBRIDE killin' his girlfriend and only doing 6 years in prison for it... yeah, Fang are still around and playing shows after 30 years... sounds like a long time now, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?? Well, having only heard their songs from LAND SHARK prior to this, this sounds a lot different. LAND SHARK sounds more hardcore, but this reminds me of Flipper, but less intense. The first song is devoid of really sounding that intense, it's more of an introspective tune... the other one is also, but it's got more of that rock n' roll energy to it. You can really bang your head to both of 'em. The first one just seems like a late night drinking sort of song. The album that comes after this one, LAND SHARK... they sound more "hard" there and they sing more about being a bad-ass and driving fast cars and stuff. Actually, it hardly sounds like the same band, but it iz. Anyways, that's all I have to say for now. Actually, I just realized that the bass riff for "Enjoy the View" sounds just like this:

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Review #204: Hatred Surge - Isolated Human 7" (2009)


Year: 2009
Genre: Hardcore Punk/Grindcore
Label: Painkiller Records
Tracks: 6
Length: 5 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Hatred Surge is a grindcore/"powerviolence" (which apparently means hardcore punk played even faster than normal), and the group is from Austin Texas, and they've put out a lot of records before this one so I'm guessing they probably started around 2003 or '04. The band is made up of Alex, the bassist/vocalist 1, Chris, the guitarist, Mike "The Trike", the drummer, and Rahi, the vocalist 2. There are two singers for the band. That's one thing that I thought was RAEEALY cool. Alex has a beard and does the whole bulldog-in-a-blender-sounding grindcore vocals. Rahi sounds like Lydia Lunch and she's really fucking hot (really hot)! Like, the two singers will sing different parts in the same song. It sounds awesome. The band's name comes from the title of a Napalm Death demo tape. A lot of the band's releases before this are out-of-print, which sucks ass. Oh, wait, so is this one! Shit. Well, I ILLAEEEAAGULLY DOWNLOADED IT if that's okay, but there would be a higher chance of me actually buying it if it weresn't outta print already, man! Anyways, the EP starts off with the sounds of strong static fuzz before the first song starts, so let's keep listening until the first song starts... then we'll listen to it even MORE!!!!!!!

1. Black Box
Kind of slow compared to the other songs. But it's actually the best one. The riff is great-sounding, there's alternating sung lines between Alex and Rahi which adds another sort of organized chaos to the mix of sound, the guitar sound is real heavy. The chorus section is extremely awesome and brutal-sounding. I LOVE this song!! It's all about death and how you can't escape from death and stuff... yep, wee're all gunna die, kidz. But this song really doez rock.

2. Hell and Back
Starts out slow and then it gets really really fast for a few seconds. Then there's a slow part with just drums and yelling and then one more ultra-thrash moment.

3. Isolated Human
Fast, but in more of a hardcore-punk way... then there's some slow parts and very fast parts. The lyrics are real claustrophobic-sounding. End of Side A.

4. Monster
REALLY FAST! A cool guitar sound is made in one part towards the beginning. One part is only half as speedy as the rest. The guitars continue to sound loud as ever. In one part they play a riff that sounds JUST like the opening riff for "Oven" by the Melvins.

5. Fatalist
Really really fast verse part with Alex singing and the chorus is fast but not as fast with Rahi singing "ONLY DEATH IS CERTAIN!". The song's about how nothing in life is as real as death because death is the only thing that truly lasts forever.

6. Gaining Momentum
Alternates between really fast parts and really slow parts. More great vocals, cool riffs, dark lyrics, etc. Then the record outro sounds similar to the intro... weird fuzzed-out noises. Maybe it actually sounds like something else when you speed it up a ton.

You'll probably either love or hate this EP, depending on how you feel about really really fast/extreme music with ridiculously harsh vocals. I like it, though. Mainly for the opening song, "Black Box". That's just a really great song. The other songs are good also, but not quite to the level of the first tune. This is really the only Hatred Surge record I've listened to in its entirety. They have a ton of other EPs and singles and they have an album, also. Maybe you'll hear more about them from me in the future. Like how great-looking Rahi is. It'd be cool if she punched me in the face a bunch of times. But it's really really snowy outside. So I guess I'm an "ISOLATED HUMAN" right now, huh, huh??

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Black Box
2. Monster
3. Isolated Human

Monday, January 10, 2011

Review #203: Die Kreuzen - Die Kreuzen (1984)


Year: 1984
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Label: Touch & Go Records
Tracks: 20
Length: 29 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Die Kreuzen was the most well-known contribution to hardcore punk to come out of Milwaukee, Wisconsin... land of cheeze, cows, and beer. And dying and cruisin'. And a band called DIE KREUZEN, and I didn't originally know this, but it's actually pronounced "DEE-KROITZEN" and I'm just a stupid idiot. And "die kreuzen" means "the crosses", which makes sense because when you listen to this band's muzick you will find that they are very cross. Well, the lead singer is screaming his vocal cords out during most of this album, anyways. This actually isn't the first Die Kreuzen record, their first EP was called "Cows and Beer" and it was released in 1982 on Version Sound and by the time they released their first album they were on Touch & Go Records, the biggest hardcore/punk/indie label of the midwestern U.S.A. The band's line-up throughout their career was Dan Kubinski (vocals), Brain Egeness (guitar), Keith Brammer (bass guitar), and Erik Tunnison (drums). Actually, I own this LP myself, so let's take a listen as I talk about the songs on this record. For you. And me.

1. Rumors
The beat is really cool sounding in the beginning. The guitar riff is good, and the bass riff shines even louder. The vocals of the man named Dan are kind of layered, but he's definitely screaming... and not that stupid screamo-type of screaming either... he sounds more like an even crazier version of Dez Cadena from Black Flag. The song halfway through does a false stop, and then it starts up again for the next part. And just listen to some of that crazy stuff that Brian's doing on his guitar here!

2. This Hope
Faster! The chorus sounds really cool... they manage to split an already fast beat into a beat twice as fast just for a second or two... really cool! The verse riff kind of ascends, and the chorus riff descends and then rolls upward for a moment.

3. In School
I love this one. Musically it kind of sounds like an early Dead Kennedys tune... got that weird spy-movie-music to it vaguely. It's in the bass, I think. Then it gets slower in the second half... just listen to how the lead guitar sounds in the beginning of that part... awesome. Kind of chaotic/startled... like the guitar briefly turned into an ambulance or something. It sounds like a siren. The lyrics are about being in school, feeling alienated by all of the "fucking hippies and fucking jocks" -- obviously this was written in the early '80s... nowadays it'd be hipsters/wiggers/whatever lame cliques there are today, but anyways, after they all get out of school they feel that they can live more by their own rules and Dan warns these people not to get too close or else he'll punch their faces out! Definitely an angry don't-mess-with-me type of song!

4. I'm Tired
The riff is cool, and the beat is really wild-sounding in the chorus section. In some parts the rhythm guitar gets really dissonant sounding. Then there's a short guitar solo in one part. Pretty short song.

5. On the Street
A little slow in the beginning, and then it gets pretty fast for the main parts. It describes how it is to have a shitty homelife where your parents hate you and beat you for making the tiniest mistake... all while trying to hide it to look good for the neighbors. A sad reality for a lot of people!

6. Enemies
This one's alright, but I can't get into it that much. The lyrics describe a feeling of hatred for just about everyone!

7. Get 'Em
This song's guitar riff just KILLS! So simple but so aggressive... kinda zig-zagging at first, then making real long, aggressive leaps while never missing that part of you it targets to hit! And as you might've guessed, it's fast, also.

8. Fighting
Really fast! Cool beat in some parts. The song talks about people who have to fight for their lives on the streets, with "no room for them to grow" and they use their agility and strength they've learned from this to overthrow and destroy the rich & wealthy who have kept them down for so long...

9. No Time
The riff slightly reminds me of the Germs in the verse part. Then there's a boom sound at the end. Hehe.

10. All White
Another great song. It's the longest one on the album. Extremely angry/frustrated/sad feeling song. It's pretty slow in the beginning. The riff starts out kind of scary sounding, but then there's this absolutely beautiful lead guitar melody that is played briefly and it's just so moving... you won't really get it out of a digital copy of the album, but listen to it direct from the vinyl record and that melody will pierce directly into the core of your soul and give you a second of ecstasy. Then the "main" descending riff plays, as the band members just continue to scream "WHITE!!!!" over and over again, louder and louder, more and more... it really captures the feeling of being trapped with no solution at all. You feel yourself in the shoes of a person screaming for help and receiving none, turning around to each corner and getting the same result, but there is nothing else to do! The song gets slower and slower and then it stops... then it starts again and gets progressively faster and faster and faster. More screaming fills the audible range and it just keeps going until it's over. End of Side A.

11. Pain/Sick People
Ghostly noisy sounds at first... then the song fades in. First is "Pain". It expresses a jealously and real fucking anger towards the "sane people" of society and how they deserve to feel pain and insanity like the protagonist of the song does every day... then a really cool guitar riff plays one time around the first minute. IT'S TIME YOU WENT INSANE! Then after that is "Sick People"... starts off with a slow, calm intro and a repeating lead guitar melody that sounds a little spooky and rickety. This song is probably about me. I'm just fucking sitting around at home. Doing nothing. And I act like it sucks, which it does, but he's right, I'm not actually doing shit. But I should. Dan is right. I'm wrong. Dammit.

12. Hate Me
Neat drum beat... it's real fast but it kind of makes this brief pause for a second before the guitar riff repeats itself.

13. Live Wire
The verse part is really awesome and frantic-sounding. The beat is awesome... the lyrics were real freakish-sounding to me at first, sounding like mind-control or something, but I actually read the lyrics at it's about how people who feel depressed and stressed out about life just need to loosen up and go have some fun.

14. Not Anymore
I like the guitar riff for this one. This band comes up with some pretty cool, original-sounding drum beats. Love the way this song sounds!!

15. Mannequin
This song's a little slower. The lyrics are bordering on creepy... it's about a man's lust for a mannequin in a store window and how he dreams of taking it home with him and rescuing it from the store because he thinks it's so beautiful... even though it's a fucking piece of plastic... but aren't most celebrity women that most men drool over anyways?? HAH! But I do like the way the guitar sounds here.

16. Fuckups
This song encourages lazy people to get off their asses and do something with their lives NOW 'cuz you only live once and that it's no good just to sit around all day and do nothing because life is a precious thing and you should not waste it!

17. Think for Me
This song's about thinking for yourself and fighting for your own goals, instead of hurting eachother. The riff in the middle of the song rules!

18. Dirt and Decay
This is an anti-violence song that asks why people waste their time fighting and killing in wars when we've already got hurt people like hobos back in the homeland, and toxic pollution in their air as well.

19. Don't Say Please
I'm not entirely sure what this one's about... I think it might be about the dangerous dancing in a violent mosh pit and how you can't say "please" but you'd better pray and stuff... I'm not sure what they're trying to say in this song.

20. No Name
Great guitar riffs... almost bordering on thrash metal. The lyrics are pretty simple. They are: "we'll have no names... no brains... no hope". That's all. Then there's a guitar solo in the middle and the three lines of the song are repeated one more time. The End.

Some of the lyrics here are a little challenging... mainly the ones about sitting on your ass and not doing anything. I mean, I usually DO go out and do things, but right now I'm not, and when you're bitching about how there's nothing to do and yet you're not really doing anything, then the biggest part of the problem is YOU. And shit, this album kind of makes me think about that part of myself, and SHIT, I'm going to go and see if I'm allowed to go out and do something cool today! Thanks Die Kreuzen. But anyways, after this album, the band started to get a little dissatisfied with hardcore -- I mean, they were already different and original compared to most hardcore bands among them but they started veering off into a different sound, keeping their metal influences with them, and they released about 3 or 4 other albums after this. The band broke up in 1992. But I will review those albums in the future, as well as the EP that came before this one. If I were to describe the music of this album in a nutshell, I'd say: smart, angry music that pisses into your blissful ignorance in a very corrosive way. You screamo kids should listen to this if you wanna hear the REAL DEAL... and ditch those stupid haircuts, also. They all look the same!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Get 'Em
2. All White
3. In School


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Review #202: The Mentors - Get Up and Die 12" (1981)


Year: 1981
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Mystic Records
Tracks: 4
Length: 15 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

THE MENTORS... the world's one-and-only and most important RAPE ROCK band! That's right, these guys drink lots of booze, fuck sluts, hate glam-rock and new wave pussies, bash fags, and of course, RAPE!! Peaceable rape, of course... like, if the girl's knocked out on drugs and stuff. But yeah, this group is right up there with GG Allin as one of the most offensive rock groups of the '80s and '90s -- no, he didn't throw shit at people on stage and eat it and roll around in it (though one time El Duce did accidentally shit himself on-stage while completely hammered), but the guy was pretty FUCKED. Tehehehe. He did like to fuck lotsa girlies. The Mentors really are probably THE anti-wuss band. Absolutely NO pretensions, a very unglamorous macho hillbilly frontman, and the lyrics are about as politically incorrect as you can get... but they are hilarious. And a sense of humor is something that people who are offended by everything lack. Most music made by the Mentors falls under the metal category, but this first EP from the Mentors is closer to punk. And that's the scene the Mentors were apart of anyways, since they were far too crazy for the heshers and "glam rock fags" as the band called them. The band formed in 1977 in Seattle, Washington, and consisted of El Duce (drums/vocals), Sickie Wifebeater (guitar), and Steve Broy (bass guitar). So let's listen to this musical geniousity probably barfed out by El Duce, the band's charismatic vocalist/drummer one night after too much to drink...

1. Peepin' Tom
Pretty good guitar riff. El Duce's vocals sound about as crazed-drunken-redneck as you can get and it totally fits the sound and attitude of the music. I love it! The chorus has a real catchy riff and the line there goes "I'M A-PEEPIN... I'M A-PEEPIN' TOM!". Also just listen to that lead guitar. It sounds fucking awesome... "I'M A PEEPIN'... I'M-A-PEEPIN' ON YER MOM!". The song's about spying on nude women through their windows and getting off while doing it.

2. Get Up and Die
Favorite song on the record. In this song, Mr. Duce commands the death of all new wavers. "I wanna see NEW WAVE DEATH!". There's some chorus vocals from El Duce which from a technical point sound absolutely terrible, but they still sound good and fit the grimy sleazy booze/drugs/cigarettes atmosphere. The lead guitar is awesome. The guitar riff is really really good to listen to. So listen to it, man! Very good song... End of Side A.

3. Woman From Sodom
The song starts out kinda slow like the last two songs but it gets a little faster after the intro. This song is about wanting a woman willing to have anal sex with you... and according to this song the best place to find one of them is... SODOM! Because all of the girls "let you in their bottom" over there. The chorus iz cool-sounding. "She begged me, MASTER DON'T BE MEAN! I said SHUT UP, I'VE GOT THE VASELINE!" -- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! At the part at the end where they repeat the intro part and El Duce's groaning through the vocal melody, he really starts to sound like he's constipated and taking a huge shit! This song's the longest one on the record. Five minutes long.

4. Going Through Your Purse
This song is the "story of how the Mentors got all their glory". This song's about the band luring women into having sex with them so they could steal money out of their purses while they were distracted. "There was this chick, she was with this chump/that's the kind of girl I'd like to take home and hump"... goddamn, these lyrics are comedy gold. The guitar solo in the middle is kinda simple but I like it. They like to eat a lot of food... so do I!!! The Mentors continue to explain why they need more money to have fun and do a lot of stuff as the song fades out...

Now the record is over. I guess it was re-released a few times under different names such as "Trash Bag" and "Value Pack" and then it was re-released with a copy of another 7" EP. The band's lyrics are very offensive to most, but also extremely funny. It is unknown whether or not El Duce was completely serious about his supposed rapist lifestyle, but I'm just gonna trust the songs and say he was. HA. And of course everyone knows about his whole supposed involvement in Kurt Cobain's suicide... but alas, we will never know the complete truth because he's dead now. The man was hit by a train while drunk one night in 1997... but at least he left behind something to be remembered by. But anyways, enjoy this album when you get a chance to hear it. It's actually pretty good. Good, clean, sexist, homophobic, drug-abusing family fun! Also click on the videos down below for some fucking hilarious El Duce/Mentors television appearances...


Friday, January 7, 2011

Review #201: Grrrl Friend - Isolation, Chronic Masturbation & Daydreams (2010)


Year: 2010
Genre: Punk Rock/Folk Rock
Label: Wrong Island Records
Tracks: 11
Length: 34 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

After several EPs and demos released digitally, this iz the first "official" Grrrl Friend album, actually being released in the physical form of a CD which can be bought from the band or you can get it for free from one of their shows. The album basically contains a select 11 songs from the band's "early" studio recordings, 2007 to 2009. All the songs on this album were previously featured in "The Rag", "Grrrl Friend", and "Some Say It's Genetic", some early digital releases from the band. However, Duffy insists that THIS is the first real Grrrl Friend album, so that's basically what this is. But because of it being compiled of various studio sessions spanning over 3 years, there were many different line-ups that recorded different songs. The earliest line-up here is the one featuring Duffy (guitar/vocals), Elyssa Lovelyss (bass/vocals), Jay Briggs (guitar/vocals), and Mike Tambo (drums). In mid-2008 Elyssa Lovelyss left the band and Jay Briggs also left to continue on with his own band, the Sonitus Revolution. The second female vocalist, Cora, is featured in the songs recorded in the 2008 and '09 sessions. Tambo and Duffy are the only members playing on all of the songs. I've already reviewed all of these songs in other reviews so I'm not going to do it again, but I will list them and when they were recorded and describe them in a nutshell.

1. The Hat Was Too Tall
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. Starts out as a noise collage and then turns into a folk song.

2. Roadside Picnic
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. A love song with a really good guitar riff.

3. Ibsen
Recorded 2008 in Portland, Oregon. Angry song.

4. Probably
Recorded 2007 in Long Island, New York. Fast song.

5. The Rag
Recorded 2007 in Long Island, New York. A fast song about a girl with venereal disease.

6. Toole & I
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. The song that this album gets it's name from.

7. Bestiality BBQ
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. A country-type of song making fun of hillbillies.

8. The Slope
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. Melancholy psychedelic rocker.

9. Hanging the Executioner
Recorded 2008 in Portland, Oregon. Angry song about being a social outcast.

10. Borscht
Recorded 2008 in Portland, Oregon. Angry hardcore punk-type of song.

11. Mine
Recorded 2007 in Long Island, New York. Sounds like Beat Happening.

Shortly after they put this one out, the band "retired" the demos from which these songs originally came, so a lot of songs that also could have been on here were kind of relegated to obscurity. Really good other songs they did like "Ouch!" and "Homesick" and "The Flow" and their cover songs. And then there's their REALLY old stuff they did, but Duffy disregards most of those as not being "true Grrrl Friend", so most of that probably won't see light again. But hopefully they'll re-record some of their other songs they have for their next album which is supposed to come out THIS YEAR on GNAR TAPES! WHOOHOO! It'll be fun to hear more new Grrrl Friend.

Most of the songs on this album make up their current live set, along with songs like "Doppleganger 12-Step" which haven't been featured on any albums yet. The earliest stuff on here is sort of a gritty pop-punk that reminds me of a cross between Nirvana and Beat Happening. After that their sound changed a little bit and they added more folk, noise, and hardcore influences to their music. All of the songs on here are really good and if you're looking for a great new band to listen to then Grrrl Friend is the band I recommend. You can hear the whole album on the internet for free on here:

Stay tuned for the next album. And I know this was kind of a "weak" review because I didn't do very much actual reviewing, but I promise I'll be doing more this next week. So seeya later.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Roadside Picnic
2. Probably
3. Mine


Thursday, January 6, 2011


I have reached the 200th review on my album reviewing website. Three cheers for that...



THREEE YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

So... what should we do, my fellow legit folks? Party? I dunno. Just 200 reviews, really. Uhh... I'm not sure what else to say... it's been a good... 13 months. That's something to clap about, I think. We've made it a year and I'm sure I'll still be doing this a year from now! We can only hope that 2011 will bring better things than what 2010 brought. And maybe 2012 will bring the apocalypse. Maybe it won't. That could easily be bullshit. But it could easily NOT be bullshit! Ho-hum! Well, it's really cold right now. That sucks. That Accused record I reviewed today was pretty good, also. Now here's the top 8 records that I've reviewed in total so far:

1. Daydream Nation (Sonic Youth)
2. Babysitters on Acid (Lunachicks)
3. The Pod (Ween)
4. The Stooges
5. Locust Abortion Technician (Butthole Surfers)
6. Mommy's Little Monster (Social Distortion)
7. Gluey Porch Treatments (The Melvins)
8. Paranoid (Black Sabbath)

And here are some reviews to expect soon:

Die Kreuzen
The Process of Weeding Out (Black Flag)
No Policy E.P. (S.O.A.)
Sound & Fury (Youth Brigade)
Northwest Hardcore Compilation Tape
Pre E.P. (Teenage Jesus & the Jerks)
Let There Be GWAR (GWAR)
Now We Are Six (Happy Flowers)
Rock for Light (Bad Brains)
Laughing All the Way to the Cleaners (Lemonheads)
DemoNegro (Los Pus)
Isolated Human E.P. (Hatred Surge)
Salad Days E.P. (Minor Threat)
Be Stiff E.P. (Devo)
The Runaways
Velvet Underground & Nico
Plastic Surgery Disasters (Dead Kennedys)
Nowhere Fast Demo
Molested Youth Demo #2

...and probably more.


Here's this little invitation:

If YOU are in a BAND and want ME to REVIEW YOUR RECORD, just let me know, we can try to work things out and I'll make a review of your record. Just be warned, I might not always like it -- expect an honest opinion on your record, which could be really good or really bad or anything else in-between. So yeah, just throwing that out there! See you next review.

Review #200: The Accüsed - Martha Splatterhead 12" (1985)


Year: 1985
Genre: Hardcore Punk/Thrash Metal
Label: Condor Records

11 Minutes
My Rating:

The Accüsed formed in 1981 and were a part of the early Seattle hardcore scene. Their first record they put out was a split album with the Rejectors (which I already reviewed a few months ago), and the songs were in a typical hardcore punk style. Their original vocalist was John Dahlin, whose work with the band can also be found on their even earlier demo tapes. In mid-1984, the band started to shift their musical style more towards thrash/speed-metal, and with old Johhnyboy unhappy with this change, he was replaced as singer by Blaine Cook, the more notorious singer for the band. Blaine's vocal style is more evil/brutal-sounding, suitable for the more aggressive new sound, I suppose. Like the first album, this EP was only pressed 500 times, so it is extremely rare, but luckily you can find a few places to download it on the internet. Physical copies of the record sell for hundreds of dollars! Also, this record marks the first mention/"appearance" of MARTHA SPLATTERHEAD, the band's mascot -- a zombie/punk type of monster that kills sexual predators for fun and just might kill you too if you get in her way!

1. Distractions
Very fast, as you might expect! The verse riff is pretty awesome-sounding, indeed! The guitar tone is deeper and thicker than it was in the previous Accüsed release. Then there's a real awesome-sounding slow part in the middle with a guitar solo! The riffs here just fucking rock.

2. Martha Splatterhead
You hear somebody whisper in a hilarious girly voice, "MARTHA..." -- then things really get loud! This is the first song about Martha Splatterhead the band wrote, I'm pretty sure. Really fast like the previous song. "HUMAN FLESH... RIPPED APART!!". Blaine's vocals are just as violent as the lyrics themselves. The guitar being played by mister Tommy Niemeyer just SHREDS through yer skull. End of Side A.

3. Slow Death
Starts off slow... then a faster guitar riff plays and Blainey C'mplainey screams... you know the drill. Good guitar riff. Blaine does this sort of menacing fucked-up growl... it sounds awesome. Slow part in the middle (kind of like the beginning of the song). THENITGETSREALLYFUCKINGFASTAGAINBECUZWEREAHARDCOREBANDANDWEONLYPLAYREALLYFASTRGIHT?????????

4. Take My Time
Another growl and fast heavy metal riff. The verse riff here is really awesome! In the chorus part, another member of the band (not sure which one) sings "TAKE MY TIME", and Blaine's lines alternate with this one. In the mid-section there's a part only half as fast with another cool-sounding guitar riff. THEN BACK TO THE CHORUS ONE MORE TIME, FUCKERS!! HURRAY.

5. Fucks 4 Bucks
The song opens with some lines from Mr. Dr. Sr. (that stands for "Sinister", not "Senior"), Doctor Sinister. I think he also said he was a MOLESTER... HIDE YOUR CHILDREN! HIDE YOUR YOUTHS! WE'VE ALREADY GOT A MOLESTED YOUTH, REMEMBER??!! The band/whoever's supposed to be the people who are "fucking for bucks" in this song... probably the band, because THEY ARE REALLY HORNEY PEOPLE. Yeah, they're fucking for bucks. Slow part in the middle with a real cool guitar riff. But now it's all over. Bye-bye. Doesn't that make you SO SAD? Why don't you just go FIND THE ACCUSED, THEN?? FUCK FOR BUCKS! Here's the band's address if you want to fuck 4 bucks with them:


So here's their e-mail address... you'll just have to settle for this:

Tell them you want them to tour your pen0r/vagin0r. hehehehehehe

Anyways, that was a pretty good listen, don'tcha think? Musically it's not really too different from most crossover-thrash bands of the mid 1980s but the band has much more personality and particularity than a lot of the other bands... they like their politics but they also like their SPLATTER-ROCK! I really really admire Blaine's vocal style, it sounds so wild and it gives you the mental idea that they live and breathe the lifestyle of their EP's namesake... the riffs are real good, the music is fast and intense, and when it's not it's just slow and intense. For those of you who have really bad attention-spans it's not very long either, but the songs aren't so short that you barely get to appreciate them. My favorite songs on this record are "Distractions", Take My Time", and "Slow Death". Oh, and just to let you know, the sound quality on this record is really grainy and underproduced so don't expect anything that sounds real crisp sound-wise. Anyways, if you like it when punk meets metal and then they both get decapitated by vengeful zombies, then this is for you!