Sunday, January 2, 2011

Review #196: Beat Happening - Three Tea Breakfast (EP) (1984)


Year: 1984
Genre: Acoustic Rock
Label: K Records
Tracks: 5
Length: 9 Minutes
Style: Emotional/Relationship
My Rating: 6/8

Ah, 2011... another new year. A year of change, very possibly. Still trying to start my band... will turn 18 soon. Already some bad shit has happened to the rest of the world -- I witnessed a house on fire firsthand at 4:30 AM on New Year's Day, a huge-ass flood happened in Australia, a huge earthquake in Chile... it's beginning to seem that the only way to fix all of the problems of the world would be attempted annihilation of humanity including the government, but of course, nobody likes the idea of that so that probably won't happen. Let's face it, we can only either destroy ourselves the fast fun way or wait to be destroyed the slow boring way at this point. Eventually a choice will have to be made. You might say there's another way, but is it really attainable... at all? Most people can't even make it past one riot cop, how do you think you're gonna take on the entire U.S. military AND survive? Maybe it's possible, but my guess is that it's extremely difficult to do and the average person just doesn't give half a fuck. Meanwhile, the environment continues to get more and more screwed up, not just from CFCs but practically everything we do -- cars emit gases which are horrible for the atmosphere, a bizarrely HUGE amount of oil was released into the ocean a few months ago (also bad for the atmosphere), a one degree change in ocean temperature has been proven to really fuck up the weather, every product you buy -- hell, every time you use electricity, which is a product of coal-burning, is adding more toxic shit to the atmosphere, every time you throw something in the trash, landfills get bigger and eventually there isn't any more land to fill so they have to dump it in a clean area... even if you're one of those types who feels that human beings should just go back to their animal roots, remember that if the public sewer systems and toilets hadn't been invented that we'd all be walking in a big fucking crust of feces because the population has multiplied by millions since the middle ages. The population just reached 7 billion and people continue to breed like rabbits... keepin' up with the Joneses, gotta have at least two children and then bitch when you don't have enough money to feed a family and they're off rebelling against your ways because they see through your self-imposed false sense of happiness and security until you do all you can if the mainstream media isn't to make them begin to go along with your quest for a "perfect life" sold to you by decades of watching television. The Pope and his gang of physical and psychological pedophiles are still at it prolonging the existence of S.T.D.s in fourth world countries in Africa, and on the other side of the issue of that are people constantly throwing their money at the unsolvable problem of how shitty it is to live in Africa -- I don't think it'll EVER get better there, certainly not in your lifetime! Until scientists find a way to invent perfectly safe food out of dirt, then maybe we'll be getting somewhere, but even then we'll be worrying about overpopulation and then the wars perpetrated by lies in order to offset the effects of this while pretending it's about something else. The United States government continues to take freedom away from its people, first with the Patriot Act, now scanning your body in airports to make sure you don't belong to the 0.000000001% of the world's population that's a member of Al Queda! They even want to start fucking pass laws to censor radio programs they don't agree with -- are far right Christian dogshit pus-bags like Rush Limbaugh a cancer on society? YES. Is it the government's job to fix it? NO. They want to ban junk food. Is America getting too full of lard? YES. Is it the government's job to fix everything? NO. Same with guns, same with drugs (I support legalization of ALL drugs), same with prostitution! If you don't like what I just said about those things, then too bad. And then you have the Tea Party -- yeah, they actually do agree with some of those things, they don't like the government taking rights either... only problem is, they only care when the government takes THEIR rights! The majority of these hypocrites have NO problem and actually encourage the government to ban gay marriage, abortion, they are pro-war! They are just as big-government as any lame-assed liberal and if you're not one of these people then I respect your opinion. Know where the typical fake "anti-government" conservative DOES want the government? IN YOUR BEDROOM. IN YOUR MATERNITY ROOM. IN YOUR SCHOOL (they cry "government takeover" as soon as somebody brings up evolution or gay sex but what they really want is a religious takeover of schools!). They whine about paying taxes to help people on welfare or to fund the schools but gladly give up every penny for Uncle S(c)am when the war funds bucket comes 'round. And therefore any time somebody brings up the concept of "Small Government" the mainstream liberals get all sneery and associate you with this group of loud-mouthed religious rednecks who think Obama's a Muslim terrorist from Kenya. A pro-gay Muslim. From homophobic Africa. Who married a woman who wears clothing that shows her legs and her face. You think it's "progress" and "wonderful" that gays are allowed into the military now? You think the government just started loving homos so much that they took pride in the idea of gays arming the battlefields? In my opinion, this is just another way to get a larger, more reckless military. 10% more of the population are now eligible to go fucking kill people in foreign countries and live in horrible conditions and follow every command of an airheaded war leader for a living! What fun! Thanks Obama, thanks for taking away yet another excuse to NOT go be a solider and find out how shitty it really is to be a murdering slave. I mean, if you do or even say ANYTHING gay you get a free fucking ticket to never fight in a war! You are IMMUNE to the draft if it ever comes! Not anymore... gotta have their hands on anybody physically able to take on the job of being a puppet on a string... with an AK-47. I don't care if the purpose of war is "honorable". WAR SUCKS. If the president/dictator/king hates his enemies so much why doesn't he be a real fucking man and fight them himself? Obama never fought in a war. Bush never fought in a war. Clinton never fought in a war. Reagan never fought in a war. The joke is on you. Anarchy? HAHAHAHA, see how long that'd last! Maybe under a majority of people with relatively pacifistic middle-class/working-class sensibilities it'd work, but it only takes one real fuckhead to mess it all up. That's the reason why mass-murderers don't kill as many people as they do, right? They HAVE to hide it! From the POLICE! The police protect you from being more vulnerable to a murderer. The same police that want you raped in prison as they mockingly watch for such equally horrendous crimes as... DOING DRUGS! AUUUAAUUUGHH!!!!! And if you are an anarchist who has a rebuttal to my previous claims then I might change my mind. If you're a communist, you essentially are saying that you support a system in which there is ONE peasant class and ONE ruling class with 100% of the power, the same thing that you accuse capitalism of being, only way worse. I guess what I'm getting around to saying here is that all of us are completely fucked no matter what we try to do to stop it, we're just holding off the arrival of something that is entirely inevitable, so just enjoy life while you have it, don't let people fuck you around unless it's not worth it to do otherwise, and do as many things that you wanna do as you can! I hope this year I get laid. I hope I get to do drugs. I hope I get to play rock and roll with friends to people. I'd like to actually have a job, also.

Anyways (geez, that was a mouthful!), I'm REALLY here today to give U the revU of the Beat Happening albUm known as THREE TEA BREAKFAST. That's when all you have for breakfast is, well, three cups of tea. Right? I believe this was the first record ever from Beat Happening, and it was released on a cassette tape in 1984. The Beat Happening style of music is a friendly, simplistic sound with a male and a female singer (who kind of looks like a boy), "cute" lyrics, but yet it has a slight grit to it. This combination is likely what made them big with the underground scene in the northwestern U.S.A., so let's hear it for ourselves since I've really only heard one Beat Happening album besides this. WEOWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOO...

1. In My Memory
Starts out with some really blurry audio of Calvin Johnson singing. After that it cuts to a really beautiful acoustic melody with Bret Lunsford clackin' his drumsticks together to keep a tempo and Heather Lewis singing in her soft, warm voice. It's about an old relationship that has ceased or is fading away or something like that. It's a real emotional, sweet song that kinda makes you wanna cry a little bit. Really good.

2. Honey Pot
Just clacking drumstick sounds and Calvin singing in his kinda nasal voice about a girl who's kind of a whore but yet the narrator of the song is the guy who really loves her and asks for her to "take him by the hand and lead him to that land...". The execution is really awkward but I like the lyrics a lot. Honey pot.

3. The Fall
Acoustic guitar riff and a beat that sounds like it was done using a cardboard box. More lyrics about trying to get a girl, but hence, Calvin gets rejected. Poor guy. End of Side A.

4. Youth
"When I was young, I thought I was old...". The guitar riff is pretty nice to listen to. It's about how exciting life is when you're young and how you can "afford to be bold" and stuff. And once again, more about trying to get a girl. Oh Calvin, Calvin, when will he ever learn... about vaginnas.

5. Don't Mix the Colors
The longest song on the album. Nice beat, and the riff is a little more confident sounding. It's about Calvin telling a girl "not to mix the colors" because he likes her painting the way it already is. SUUURE... we all know what he's REALLY trying to say... AHAHAHAHA!! But no really, that's all there is. And then there's a minute-long soundclip of some random goings-on and a Japanese guy.

So, that's all there iz so far. Did I mention that the band was formed in 1982 in Olympia, Washington and also this EP was the first non-compilation record on K Records, a record label owned by Calvin himself? I'm pretty sure it is, but there's no numbering on the early K Records releases so it's hard to be totally sure. The first and fourth songs are my two favorites on this tape. Its contents as well as other early Beat Happening stuff can be found on the reissue of their first LP from '85, so be sure to check that out and I'll review it later. And don't get yerself too down on what I said earlier... make the best of it! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Normally I'd tell you to cut down the lemon tree or something, but in this case, the lemons are actually hydrogen bombs, so... not quite an option here. Anyways, despite all of that shit, do really try to have a happy 2011! Remember, you're young and stupid! Go take a chance and do something really fun this year. Bye.

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