Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Review #241: Mark Prindle - My Wife Left Me Because These Songs Are Terrible (2010)

MY WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE THESE SONGS ARE TERRIBLE

Year: 2010
Genre:
Punk Rock
Label:
Nute Records
Tracks:
40
Length:
64 Minutes
My Rating:
8/8

Mark Prindle is a somewhat notorious reviewer of music from New York who often does very interesting and humorous music reviews with a writing style and personality incomparable to most. He has been writing since 1996 and recording music since 1998. This new CD released in December features tracks from many of his previous CD's from over a decade span of 1998 to 2007! Therefore, we are left with a beautiful, surprisingly fluid compilation of forty amazing songs.

I would say that Mark Prindle is as creative a musician as he is a writer... this shit rivals Ween in terms of silliness + musical talent and is easily one of THE very greatest records to be made over the past decade. I guess this makes me apart of the problem seeing as I was unaware of his music before this CD... which was the first time I even had a chance to hear the music. But yes, totally great and versatile and FACUNDO HAS A CRUSH ON MARK PRINDLE so let's get started on this amazing quest through one man's mind. He's Mark D. Prindle.

1. Kibble!
Featuring what is probably HENRY THE DOG on vocals... a bunch of weird synth keyboard gibberish. Not very long.

2. Mark D. Prindle
Noisy and discordant... despite this, Mark sings with a vocal melody. I'M MARK D. PRINDLE. THAT'S HIS NAME, KIDZ. Despite sounding crazy, I actually believe this is all pre-written music because it repeats... it's just crazy sounding. Who couldn't love that? RIGHT?? RIGHT??!!

3. NOTECHORD
Fast and hard. But it's got cool skrichy-skrachy sounds to it... awesome guitar-sounds... CHECK OUT THIS NOISE, Mark sings, as we are provided a loud vaccuum-cleaner-on-acid type noise to check out. YAYAYYY

4. Loving To Love With You
This song, as you may guess is about love and being in love and all that shit... the warm but shrill tones of the guitar could melt your soul... WITH LOVE AND LOVING LOVE FOR YOU TO LOVE IN LOVE. Great-sounding song.

5. All The People I Work With Suck Balls
For the most part contains this little lead-guitar melody and a fast beat and some great-sounding pseudo-psychedelic guitar melody seeping through your speakers... it then ends with Mark sounding like a curmudgeonly old man singing some shit I can't understand but it sounds fucking funny.

6. Jogging Is The Bestest
Another fast song... slightly reminds me of the Germs. The Germs fucking rule! Except instead of Darby Crash we've got Marky Prindle who sings about homeless guys getting buttraped and the apparent joys of jogging. HE SAID "BONEY", AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

7. Length=Quality (Not Just In Cocks, But In Life)
Has a weird mambo-type feel to it, except you're being chased by weird evil black sharks with vacuum cleaner heads for mouths... kinda like black, long-necked hammerhead sharks. OH-OH-OHH. Mr. Prindle sure sounds smarmy here.

8. Dreary Old Lonesome Potato
A weird pseudo-metal smash-up with sad, cry-y sounding singing. SINGING! SINGING... singing. siiinnggiingnndfgndngdfngdfkhfglhkjjhkghjklghjhg who would wanna be a lonesome potato? Ends pretty abruptly.

9. Hot Rockin' 2Nite
A somewhat hilarious "live" (a.k.a. fake arena audience background noise) parody of arena rock. It's pretty great and Mark's voice in the beginning is fucking hilarious as he attempts to sound like a high-pitched '70s rocker but ends up sounding like Mickey Mouse... after the main sung parts, the various members of the band all show off their SKILLZ on the instruments they play, including a pretty kick-ass but un-pretentious lead guitar solo. Who wouldn't love that, right? I FEEL ALRIGHT!!!! YOU'RE WELCOME FOR COMIN' DOWN!

10. Working Late - More Like 'Jerking Nate' If You Ask Me
This one has kind of a dark, monstrous feel to it... reminds me of penguins escaping their death over thick black disgusting ice in Antarctica. Mark sings in more ridiculous voices.

11. Furnished With A Caboose
One of the saddest songs I have ever heard... a little bit of wimpering feedback and then you hear a descending guitar melody that trickles down the earscope/whatever like teardrops from a man like Mark Prindle who knows the true meaning of pain apparently. But seriously, this song is very sad-sounding. I remember the first time I heard this song I was very stoned and sad began to get even sadder after hearing this and then proceeded to go on a destructive half-nude rampage around my house destroying various pieces of furniture... but that's a whole 'nother story. Seriously, if this song can't make you cry then you have no soul. Just like me because souls don't exist. Think about that next time you trip on robitussin!

12. My Songs Would Be Significantly Less Sucky If I Bothered To Save Up For More Powerful Recording Equipment
This song is very ironic because this is one of the best-sounding albums I've heard to come out in recent years... this song is fast and the lyrics are about his supposed poor recording quality and it has a cool solo towards the end.

13. Lefties, Righties, We're All One In The Pearly Gates Of Hellfire
Psychedelic hardcore! Awesome! Hear those wonderful thrasher beats and womp-womp and woosh-wash guitar sounds all in one song. Mark's singing style here sounds very awesome... he sounds like an angry old man, but not quite as old as the one in track five. The second half of this song is a bunch of shoegaze-y avant-garde guitarfuckingaround stuff.

14. KEYBORD
This one is entirely keyboard melodies except for Mark's singing. Reminds me much of snow falling from the sky in winter. Mark vocally harmonizes with himself... he sings about birds and swearing and shit.

15. Lollipops And Daffodils And Cinnamon And Spice
The first part of the song is a cool-sounding synth melody to a fake drumbeat and then the second part features a happy synth melody and Mark singing about nice happy things and wanting people to die. Another abrupt ending.

16. Trading Card Shenanigan
This song is kinda slow... halfway through, the song stops and Mark starts singing about somebody ripping up one of his trading cards as a bunch of CHOMP sounds repeat... the music then segues into a really fucking amazing-sounding section with an awesome guitar riff with a delay effect. It reminds me of being somewhere... special, that's where. Everyone should hear this song. Check out that cool melody going on in the background... very amazing-sounding!!!

17. Get Your Knitting Needle Out Of My Ass!
ALL THE KIDS ARE HEADING DOWN TO SCHOOL! This song is about a boy who gets fucked up the ass by his grandma's knitting needle... the music itself is pretty awesome as well... GET YOUR KNITTING NEEDLE OUT OF MY ASS.

18. It Means I Love You
Mark sings to his female lover that if he has sex with another man then it means I LOVE YOU... Hahahahaha, what awesome lyrics. And horse noises as well... once again this song ends abruptly to PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF.

19. My Cold, Empty, Dying Soul
Somewhat somber but it has a cool punky drumbeat... there's vocal harmonies here, too.

20. 12345
I like numbers and counting too. COUNTING IS CONFORMITY. UUGHGHHN UNNNGHHH UGNNGNGHHH... weird wonk-wompy melody. This should be the new Sesame Street theme song. Absofuckinglutely. Hahahaaahahahahaha, I can imagine it now! That would be the funniest thing ever... seeing Big Bird shaking hands with little kids to this music. Towards end of the song, we hear an angry man yell about being told what to do by the government.

21. Pisspoor Excuse For A Shoehorn
Sounds much like a Flipper song.

22. NOIZNOTES
Starts off with a bunch of echoing 'lectric guitar strums bouncing offa the walls, and then a fast drum beat fades in... Mark reluctantly encourages the listener to respect women and abstain from rape.

23. Innocence Lost
THERE'S A TREE IN THE GARDEN AND THE SWING IT HAS BROKE, THERE'S A FACE IN THE WINDOW OF A CHILD WHO NEVER SPOKE... it's slow and depressing... actually pretty eloquent lyrically until he leads up to how he squished a pimple on his ass into your coke COCKSUCKERMOTHERFUCKERBLAHBLAHBLUHBLEGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24. Honey Child, You Ain't Lived Until You've Drafted A Press Release Announcing That GameSpy Industries Has Received An Equity Investment From Michael Ovitz And The Yucaipa Companies
A fast hardcore punk song.

25. Dialing Incorrect Phone Numbers Does Very Little Towards Reducing Stress
Kinda slow and not very loud aside from the guitar melodies at the beginning. Makes me think of getting up during a cloudy day. SHIT.

26. Hurting You In A Malicious Manner
Yet another great-sounding song. Nice guitar melody, fast beat, and a funky intro.

27. FASTCLEANS
This song's about a magical fast cleaning device... like the title suggests, the song is fast with clean but totally 'lectric guitar. STRUMDADRUMSTRUMSTRUMSTRUMMMM...

28. All The People I Work With Don't Suck Balls Anymore
Awesome guitar sound... reminds me of a winter night or maybe a summer night but either way with a really nice sunset just about to end and then it's all starry and shit. Lovely song with totally goofy balls-related lyrics.

29. I'm Not An Alcoholic (I Drink Because I'm Depressed)
More slicy-icy sounding guitar picking... awesome sounding drumbeat. Sloppy but great. When Mark sings the beat cuts out of the mix. Hahahahahah! What a funny guy.

30. Disco Jaws
Thick, murky bass riff and Mark singing in a smarmy but claustrophobic falsetto voice. He even makes weird Pac-Man sounds on the guitar! WOMPWAOWWW...

31. God Rules
Starts off with a clean guitar riff and then explodes into a loud, bombastic song with a fast beat... then things change again. I dunno what to say that hasn't already been said. This song sounds pretty cool. Mark sings about all the things that God rules over.

32. My Third Shrinkity-Dink-Dink (Mr. Mustache)
Unfortunately this is not a cover of "Mr. Mustache" by Nirvana. But Mark doesn't need to cover songs to sound good anyways. Once again Mark implements that thing where the music cuts out of the mix and we briefly hear only Mark and his various harmonizing clones singing something really stupid.

33. Antonio Banderas Naked
A short, somber instrumental track.

34. Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong)
Another one of my favorite songs on this album. Kinda reminds me of Ween but faster. We have absolutely amazing-sounding guitar riffage, Mark singing a nice vocal melody in a sped-up voice... it sounds absolutely great. One of the happiest songs I have heard... well, actually, that instrumental part isn't very happy, but the sung parts are very happy. They make me smile. The guitar melody is just hypnotizing. Yay for this wonderful song! Just makes me wanna skip through a field of daisies in the sun... and I WOULD if it weren't so FUCKING HOT AND HUMID OUT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

35. Mold On My Shower Curtain Is A-OK
Has a neat electro/techno-ish beat and a cool guitar riff with some nice lead and synth melodies layered over it. Mark sounds pretty smarmy here... can't think of another word for it. I guess I could imagine taking a shower to this.

36. NOTES
Kind of an angry western-ish guitar melody to this one. The singing here sounds boldly whiny here... he even cries IN THE SONG. ISN'T THAT AWESOME?? A man like Mark Prindle un-afraid to show his true feelings even when in the studio... or his apartment room or wherever he recorded this, mang.

37. Pinhead + Diver Down=Aah! (Rounded To The Nearest Decimal, Of Course)
Mark ponders the recording techniques of bands such as the Ramones and Van Halen... the music is kind of '80s goth/ new wave-ish sounding... licky-sticky boo!

38. ANGST
From the very first few seconds, this song sounds pretty awesome... it's like a catchy pop-punk tune with tons of reverb... Mark sounds like he's shouting off into the sky in the back yard of my old church or something here... I dunno why I think of that visual but I do.

39. SHIFTYLIFTY
Feels like weirded out acid blues. Pretty nice guitar riff, I must say. Mark sings in another strange voice. ALCOHOL, YEAH... it actually sounds pretty hilarious when he says "I don't give a damn". Then we hear a bunch of loud whoooooop noises. Te-he. Hahahahahahaha, "Take a train to... SHIFTY-LIFTY."

40. The Post-Man Only Rings Untrue
Slow, sad, and buzzy and fuzzy. UNNNNGHHHH. Keeps on fading in and out.

Well... sadly... we are at the end. Of this album. I really like it, too. Like, seriously, this is one of my favorite albums to come out in recent years. I know it's just a compilation of older shit but it WORKS. It's a lot like "The Pod" by Ween to me... just a goofy but nonetheless totally emotionally potent trek through all feelings human beings have. Mark has a great sense of humor and he is a great musician as well! I really hope I get to hear more shit like this in the future. You can listen to the whole thing for free or buy a CD right here:

http://nuterecords.bandcamp.com/album/my-wife-left-me-because-these-songs-are-terrible

If you want to hear a new record that leaves very little to be desired, give this a listen. Plus, 40 songs have gotta mean something. Almost every single tune on this album is great.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Furnished With A Caboose/
Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
2. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
3. Trading Card Shenanigan



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