Review #191: Teenage Jesus & the Jerks - Orphans 7" (1978)

ORPHANS (Single)

Year: 1978

Genre: No-Wave
Label: Lust/Unlust Records
Tracks: 2
Length: 3 Minutes
Style: Angry
My Rating: 6/8

Teenage Jesus & the Jerks is a No-Wave band from New York, whose members have included (the incredibly hot) Lydia Lunch, James Chance (also had his own band called "The Contortions"), and then there's also Gordon Stevenson (bass guitar), and Bradley Field (drums). The line-up that recorded this record were Lydia, Gordon, and Bradley. James Chance must've been off contorting himself then. Anyways, this was the first Teenage Jezus release, and it contains their most well-known song, Orphans (probably because they made a music video for it), and then another song called "Less of Me". The musical style of Teenage Jesus & the Jerks is cathartic, repetitive, abrasive, feminine, and confrontational! When you listen to TEEEEEAAANNAGGGEEE JEAAAEEUUUUAAZOUUUUSSSS andthejerks you will hear chords that YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED! Lydia Lunch screams and yells about orphans and shit, and what the hell, I'm supposed to be talking about that in the song reviews! So......

1. Orphans
LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THROUGH THE BLOODY SNOW. Yep, you'll hear a lot about little orphans dying in this song. No more ankles and no more toes. That previous sentence was something that Lydia sings in the song. The riff is really repetitive, and the sound of the rhythm guitar is icy and it flashes into your ears, the same way that it feels on your feet to run barefoot through the snow for the first time. Or to walk on thin ice. After each sung part, there's a fucking wild noisy guitar solo. The beat is just a thumping bass pedal. Very simple. Lydia sings in pain, like maybe she were at one point also a LITTLE ORPHAN RUNNING THROUGH THE BLOODY SNOW. Bloody snow would be like red snow, correct? DON'T EET THE REDD SNOWW, KIDZ! The guitar kind of sounds like this: dskfjsdklfjdskfjdslfjsda89udjsd-';dgfld;'lgfdsasd;;'.dfofg.gf;pg;df'df
'.dfg][ldsfg][p;dsfg=-
';

2. Less of Me
I dunno who's playing the saxophone here. Maybe it's James Chance. Or Lydia herself. The beat and melody are simple here, but the way it's all punctuated is different than in other song. You get to hear a lot of saxophone craziness in this tune. Lydia's voice sounds a bit less frantic here. More cymbals from mister Field, also.

Definitely listen to the song, "Orphans"! "Less of Me" is good also, but "Orphans" really does take the cake. It captures the feeling of its subject matter perfectly and it just sounds really really good, also. I give this record a 6/8 because it's just that snazzy. Also, check out this AMAZIING MUSIC VIDEO FOR ORPHANS BY TEENAGE JESUS AND THE JERKS 'CUZ IT'S FULL OF CLIPPETS OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM AND PLAY-DOH AND ALL OF THAT STUFF THAT YOU KIDZ THESE DAYS ENJOY WANKING OFF TO!

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "ORPHANS"