Year:1986 Genre: Human Label: God Records Tracks: 24 Length: 69 Minutes My Rating: 7/8 Okay, okay, so I've been on NOT FACEBOOK and I TOTALLY FUCKING MET THIS FUCKING GUY NAMED ERIC ALLEN PREWITT. And y'know what? He's really nice to me. He actually talks to me and he's nota total dick. I like Eric. Eric is nice. There was this one time when he was telling me about this road trip... no, he said he was a ROAD PIRATE. He went on road trips all the time. Fuck, I'm still talkin' to the guy right now. He knows I am typing this bullshit. He is all-knowing. He believes in doing whatever ya want. That's cool. I respect thut very much. I want to be friends with Eric. I am not gay for him but he is cool and seems to understand and respect my feelings and shit. He has a daughter. He said me being 18 was just like him being 18. Which is cool. He got laid and he travels a lot so maybe that means WHAT THE FUCK, WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT GETTING LAID ANYWAYS?
It rained outside... it was thundering... loud... shaking the house. Anyways, yeah, he's a pretty cool guy and he has a beard and I don't really know him that well, but I'd say he ranks in the higher-ups of people I don't really know that well. So let's give Mr. Prewitt a hand here... yayyyyy (clap clap clappy clap)
(Oh, and he also likes my music. Which means I like him.)
Year:1986 Genre: Hardcore Punk/Thrash Metal Label: Subcore Records Tracks: 13 Length: 31 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
The Accüsed are a hardcore/thrash band from Seattle, Washington. They formed in 1981 as a standard hardcore band with their original vocalist, John Dahlin, was the old singer... things took a change sometimes in 1984 when the band decided to venture into a more heavy metal-influenced sound, and they recruited the new singer, Blaine Fart from another Seattle punk rock band called the Fartz. This is the first full length LP the band ever released, and it chronicles, well, the return of MARTHA SPLATTERHEAD, the band's skull-splattering, flesh-ripping mascot.
1. Martha Splatterhead MARTHA... you can hear those palm-muted chords rev up the whole shit for the attack! It's fast and Blaine sounds fucking mad. This song originally appeared on the "Martha Splatterhead" EP.
2. Wrong Side of the Grave The intro is already real exciting! Feel the power in those beats and that violent guitar riff... the screams echo through the darkness. Some parts of this song are fast and some parts are slow.
3. Take My Time Another song from the E.P. I just love how crazy Mr. Fart sounds here... this makes Minor Threat seem slow. TAKE MY TIME!! The lyrics are about not wanting to waste your time trying to get rich and how striving for power is pointless and stupid anyways.
4. Distractions Originally from "Martha Splatterhead". Fast and angry. Not one of my favorites from the album, but still pretty decent. The lyrics are about a person who's striving to be a straight member of society and then starts getting distracted by fights and drugs and porno.
5. Buried Alive This sounds so much like Bad Brains. Bad Brains but really angry instead of Rastafarian. Rastafari sucks anyways. Remember "I Hate Reggae" by Poison Idea? Yeah. Sweet fucking guitar solo in the middle!
6. Show No Mercy Another one o' muh favorites. It's not quite as fast as some of the others, but it has a really great guitar riff and it's extremely AWESOME, what the hell else can I say?? Wish I had the lyrics for this one.
7. Slow Death Originally appeared on the Martha Splatterhead 12". This song's about heroin addiction. It starts out slow and then it gets very faster. The song reminds the addict that while they may use their drug as an escape from their problems, it brings them more near to death each time they inject.
8. Autopsy Slow creepy intro... then it goes into a slightly faster part, and then a very fast part. Check out that groovy riff for the verse part! It's like a wackky spider on crack!
9. She's Killer Yet another great. It's intense, super fast, the singing sounds great. It's a wild ride! There is one slow part in the middle. Everything else is frantic just like it all should be! Sounds amazing.
10. In a Death Bed The guitar riff is awesome. DYING. YOU'RE DYING (i'M dying)...
11. Lonely Place THE WORLD'S A LONELY PLACE AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE. The lyrics to this one are kind of sad. And it's fast.
12. Fucking for Bucks In this song, the band advertises their FUCKING4BUCKS task featforce in which they will fuck rich women in exchange for CASH! ORAL, ANAL, IN THE PUSSY BOX! Ya heard it... MOE LESTER. AND I AM THE WIZARD. FUCKING FOR BUCKS. FAST SHREDDIN' CHORDS. SKFDSKKDGKDFKGFDKKGKKKGKGJFDHGFGHFGHFGJGHJGHJHJHKJL;KJLKJ FUCKING FUCKING FOR BUCKS FUCKING BUTTS FOR BUCKS... originally appeared on "Martha Splatterhead".
13. Martha's Revenge I love the moaning and laughing at the beginning... fucking AWESOME. Great job, Mr. Cook. BLAINE, that iz. MARTHA'S GUNNA KILL YOU. What else can I say? Listen to the goddamn song yourself. I'm tired. WE'RE GONNA GET YOU. TIME TO GO TO SLEEEEP...
So that's the Return of Martha Splatterhead. This record got various re-issues with different cover art but I chose the original to be displayed here. For the most part this record is pretty good but there are a few weak spots. But, it's the fucking Accused and they're awesome so who cares? Personally I think their stuff from "Maddest Stories" to "Splatter Rock" is the best. But still definitely check this out, I don't think you'll regret it if you like gory, splattery, abrasive, rock music that is meant to be listened to late at night when the zombies come out to play. GOOD NIGHT! DON'T LET MARTHA BITE!
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Wrong Side of the Grave 2. Show No Mercy 3. Buried Alive
Year:1993 Genre:Hardcore Punk/Grindcore Label: Lost and Found Records Tracks: 9 Length: 16 Minutes My Rating: 7/8
Siege was a Boston hardcore band that existed from 1983 to 1985... they are said by many to have been the first grindcore band ever. The band's music definitely was different -- really fast, really angry, with some of the most brutal recorded vocals ever for the time. Similar to Napalm Death, who would further define the genre, the band touches upon lyrical themes such as starvation in 3rd-world countries, social barriers, and injustices perpetuated through capitalism. The band's main line-up was Kevin Mahoney (vocals/saxophone), Kurt Habelt (guitar), Henry McNamee (bass guitar), and Rob Williams (drums).
Siege never saw release on an actual record of their own while they existed aside from an appearance on the compilation, "Cleanse the Bacteria" on Pusmort Records. The songs on this record were recorded in 1984 at Radiobeat Studios (same place where Deep Wound recorded their songs!). As far as I know, these are either all or almost all of the songs recorded by Siege in the studio, taken from two different sessions. Now LISTEN!
1. Drop Dead Extremely fast! The vocals scream with a corrosive fucking shattering force! They remind me a bit of the early Meat Puppets vocal style... about as furious as it gets! Almost doesn't sound human, and it's pissed-off without sounding canned or contrived like a lot of more "extreme" bands today.
2. Conform "Monkey see, monkey do, monkey has low I.Q." -- great!!! The verse section is slow and the chorus is really fast. The lyrics are about people who try to dress and even act like others in their social group/society/whatever they belong to just so they can be accepted... after all, being different is SCARY! FUCK YOU!!
3. Life of Hate Awesome!! FAST, FURIOUS, FURIOUS, FAST!! The lyrics describe all those fucking bigots who direct their anger towards anyone of a different race/sexual orientation.
4. Starvation Fast but not grindcore fast. The song describes the plight of those who are starving in the truest sense -- struggling to find a grain of rice to eat with bloated stomachs protruding from their skeletal bodies! According to the song, a big reason that these people cannot eat is because their leaders waste the money they could be using to help on buying more fucking weapons.
5. Armageddon More extremity in speed. The lyrics of this song reveal how pointless and self-defeating the entire concept of war, especially a world war is. Don't buy into that shit. If you have the choice and any self-respect, don't join the military. I know a lot of people are wanting to do that right now because a lot of people feel they don't have options, but I really hope if you have any other options that you would not choose that one.
6. Walls Another great... violent guitar riff and beat... the vocals are rough. Despite the aggression, this song has a positive (at least for most) message. It describes the ages-old borders between people, nations... social barriers suck. The song encourages the listener to help tear these walls down.
7. Cold War It gets even more grinding and chock-full of fury. As you might guess, it's very fast, the guitar riff is great. There's even a real good guitar solo in the middle of the song. It describes the power exercised by the two nations who fought the Cold War and their obvious thirst/blindness for blood spilt.
8. Sad But True This song recommends that we "disarm every bomb and unload every gun". Kevin also screams of the hypocritical supporters of "peace" who shed blood and participate in violence in order to spread their influence.
9. Grim Reaper This is a very long song compared with the others. Slow, also. Feel that heavy vibration from the bass guitar. It doesn't sound so happy, does it? This song is more experimental than the others, with a lot of weird guitar noise shit going on in the background and a lot of saxophone-playing as well. Kevin's screams echo and bounce back and forth across the walls. The song's lyrics describe a man who is dying of lung cancer due to a mistake made by a doctor at the hospital, and his fear and eventual encounter with death, which is personified by a skull-faced grim reaper who cuts off his head... "OH GOD, I WANT TO LIVE!!" The song trudges on with Kevin shouting and ranting at the taker of life. Towards the end, the song collapses into an unstable explosion of musical chaos.
According to Discogs.Com (I do not know how reliable this info is so take it with a grain of salt), but Kevin and Rob from the band are now in a new band called the Spoils. Also, even though Kevin was the singer, Rob Williams actually wrote most of the songs for Siege. Also, in 1991, Seth Putnam (R.I.P.) from Anal Cunt became the vocalist for a briefly-reformed Siege. This version of the band only has one released song called "Cameras", which was featured on a compilation that came out 13 years later called "13 Bands Who Think You're Gay". So yes, if you like grindcore OR hardcore then Siege is a pretty under-rated and important band... they really pushed the limit musically and they still kick ass. I'm a young person, I should know!
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Drop Dead 2. Walls 3. Cold War
Year: 1980 Genre: Punk Rock Label: Orange Records Tracks: 11 Length: 21 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
GG Allin. GG. Allin. Was a guy... named. GG Allin. He spent the first few years of his life living in a shitty log cabin with a dirt floor without running water and a father who named him Jesus Christ Allin because he believed his son was to be Jesus Christ. Well, I guess you could say this was true. His brother Merle started calling him "GG" because he couldn't pronounce "Jesus"... his mommy tried to re-name him Kevin after the rest of the family managed to escape from his psycho father, but we all know GG was his real name, after all. So anyways, he grew up doing a lotta fucked-up shit with his best buddy, Merle, and stole a lot of things and basically did whatever they wanted.
In 1977, GG started his first band, the Jabbers. After releasing a few 7" EPs and singles, "Always Was, Is and Always Shall Be" is the main LP the band released. GG doesn't talk about being a rapist or eating shit or trying to rule the world on this album, and to be honest, on this album it doesn't really even seem like he's that headed there -- just a somewhat mean-spirited sense of humor and X-rated lyrics, but nothing as over-the-top as what he would be doing a few years later. 1. Bored to Death A classic ode to misanthropy, boredom, and apathy! GG sings of his hatred of people and their society, as well as being BORED TO DEATH of it. The vocal melodies are catchy as fuck, including the harmonies and GG sings really good here. The guitar and drumming and everything sounds real cool! This song was originally featured on the first 7" the band ever released.
2. Beat, Beat, Beat From the first few seconds, you can already tell this song's gunna be really hot! The lyrics are about GG wanting to get a handjob from a woman. Good drumming on this track.
3. One Man Army Pretty upbeat... not far from being '70s "hard rock" musically. GG's early clean-singing voice here sings well, I like the vocal melody here in the verse parts a lot. ONE-TWO ONE-TWO! Then there's a fucking awesome guitar solo in the bridge part of the song. 4. Assface A pop-punk ditty with razor blade guitars. GG was really good at writing catchy-sounding songs in his early career... this stuff sounds poppier than the fucking Ramones! Anyways, this song features GG talking shit about a girl he hates who "reminds him of his ass" (fat, hairy, covered with zits, when she opens her mouth, out comes the shit) and tells her he's gonna hang her from the highest tree!
5. Pussy Summit Meeting This is a somewhat corny skit that features what must be a bunch of chicks discussing their business which involves selling sex, and along comes a member of the Jabbers who hints to them that they have "a little arrangement" with him... 6. Cheri Love Affair A little slower than the other songs so far. Opens with a sweet-ass lead guitar song. This song features a group chorus of girls singing backing vocals. Pretty snazzy... the lyrics feature GG singing of how sexy the chick he's after is and how he wants to be with her. And fuck her, also. This song is pretty fucking awesome. End of the Birth Side.
7. Automatic GG sings about his anger for a girl who plays games with his mind and talks behind his back, or else he will "make her bleed internally".
8. I Need Adventure This song's about Mister Allin's need to constantly party hard and be dangerous all the time and fuck and all that wonderful stuff. I NEED ADVENTURE, JUST THE KIND THEY PROMISED YOU AND ME! This song was later re-recorded for the "Live Fast Die Fast" E.P. in 1984.
9. Don't Talk To Me A backstabbing egocentric jerk is called out on their douchebaggery. Love the guitar riff and the drum beat definitely! CH-CH-CH-CH-CHATTER CHATTER CHATTER!!!!! Gotta love the erratic screamin' like a demon' on this track.
10. Unpredictable Pretty fast song. This song's about a conclusion many a-male has come to at one point or another -- girls are hard to figure out. Kinda tame subject matter compared to what we are used to hearing from GG. Shit, they would probably be okay with playing this in a car commercial these days if not for GG's fucked-up future. ("Ford Pieceashit. It's UNPREDICTABLE.") Hahahahaha! 11. 1980's Rock & Roll This song's about the new decade, and what it means for the band -- PLAYING MUSIC FOR ANOTHER TEN YEARS! And they did. This song even features some jangly synth-piano playing. What else is there to say? This is my least favorite song on the album!
So that's GG's first album. The first three songs are all from the first GG Allin 7" from 1979, by the way. But yeah, most of this stuff is way tamer than what GG & company would be singing/playing by the end of the decade... 1980's rock & roll, indeed. But it's definitely fun to listen to, most of the songs are very good... fits in well amongst bands like the Ramones, the Stooges, the Germs, and other early U.S. punk bands... fun, energetic, badass, but also catchy. But that's obvious, I'm just throwing around a bunch of overused terms to make this review sound more substantial... because who the fuck actually READS reviews anymore? Nonetheless reviews of albums they have already fucking heard that came out three decades ago. Who still reads reviews? Oh yeah, fucking sheep who want some stuffy-assed yuppie from Rolling Stone's opinion on the latest major label/faux-indie pseudo-rock piece of smelly shit caked into a CD shape. So you want me to say something about this album that's TOTALLY UNCONVENTIONAL? OKAYYYY:
It's JEGGA-ZAMMIN'!!!
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Cheri Love Affair 2. Bored to Death 3. Assface
Year: 1989 Genre: Doom Metal/Hardcore Punk Label: Boner Records Tracks: 17 Length: 35 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
"Ozma" is the second full-length record from the Melvins... shortly after the release of their first album, the Melvins split with Matt Lukin and decided to move down south out of the redneck shithole known as Aberdeen, Washington to the more musically happening land of San Francisco, California! There they met a new bass guitarist named Lori Black who previously was in a thrash band called Clown Alley and also the daughter of the actress Shirley Temple! I believe Buzzo even was dating her for awhile but I'm not entirely sure if this iz a fact or not. At this time they also got signed to a new label called Boner Records which was apparently reliable enough to release 6 more albums for the band within the next several years... Boner Records is run by Tom Flynn, a member of Fang. He also played bass for the Melvins for a short while when Lorax was sick and Slammytown was in prison for you-know-what...
In a lot of ways Ozma is very musically similar to Gluey Porch Treatments, but there are subtle differences between the two... first off, the mix on this record feels a bit weaker... the drums are louder than the guitars... I usually look to the Melvins for heavy, powerful guitar riffs, but on this album the guitar feels a bit more muffled than it should. Nonetheless, it doesn't really ruin this album. Also, as weird as GPT was, this album is a bit more, well, weird in composition, and the songs are even more unpredictable... not as Black Sabbath-y and more Black Flag-y here. Probably the closest a Melvins record gets to sounding like a Black Flag record production wise... would remind me of "My War" if the drums weren't as trebly. It's still an fucking great record that would blow me away if it came out todday but I find it to be the weakest Melvins record of the pre-Atlantic period since it has a few too many so-so songs and the production have as much of an "oomph" to it. But I'm not here to Ozma-bash todday, I'm here to sing its praises to all the littel flowerchildrun of the WORLLLLDDDD...
1. Vile This song used to be called "Vile Vermillion Vacancy" back in the mid-'80s and this version of the song has, like the title, been shortened a bit. The song starts off with a weird humming noise speeding up, and then a deep, heavy guitar riff plays... now you fucking KNOW it's THE MELVINS, MANG!! YA KNOW IT... Buzz's voice has transformed from a youthful growl to a wail of mayhem starting with this album. The riff just chugs along... one chord is all it takes. All it takes in the verse section, as the drums climb up the Stairway to Heallven and the like. The original version of the song (V.V.V.) had a bunch of extra sections but that is absent here...
2. Oven This song's a little quicker... feels kinda like thrash metal. After the first part, the song changes into a section with only a drum beat and Buzz yelling more nonsense! Thun the loud guitar pummeling ambushes again.
3. At A Crawl The Melvins had written this song pretty early on, and it even appeared on their first E.P. and on an obscure K Records comp before that. This time it's gone total fucking heavy ground-shattering boulder mode, like a bull charging at .10 miles per hour but with all the same intensity n' density! "FUCK... I'M CRAWLIINNN''.... ON MAH BELLY CRAWLIN'.... SUCKIN' LIVINNNN'... DIVINE MESSSSS!!!!" -- the next-to-holy moans and shouts of agony from Buzzed Osborne, the afro-headed guitarist/vocalist/founder of the FUCKING MELVIN BAND, KIDZ! This song really does feel like yer crawlin', just gasping for water/air/whatever, just in pure torment, yer fucked up under the weight of all that doth oppress... there's backing vocals on this recording of the song which I think is a nice touch but I can't tell if it's Dale or Buzz himself doing them. This version doesn't have the long drawn-out ending part.
4. Let God Be Your Gardener An especially creepy cut... it starts off with a slow lead-driven intro with a spooky type of sound to it... it transitions into another part, and then abruptly into the main part of the song, which when it is done is totally unexpected yet it flows... really creepy feel to that. From then onwards is pretty hard-rocking, just a nice punk rawk riff and cool weird lyrics and singing...
5. Creepy Smell Starts off with a drum intro as Buzz whispers things off in the distance. Then the magick starts up and the song gets real fucking hot... love that guitar riff. It's really aggressive and powerful. Then there's a slow part towards the end with the unforgettable line: "CREEPY CROVER". HEY DALE... BUZZ THINKS YER CREEPY!!!!
6. Kool Legged This one is extremely slow... very similar to the types of songs the band would start cranking out in the early '90s but not quite the same thing since this song is less than three minutes long... I can't help but think he's talking about a vaggina when he sings "THE RIVER WHERE YOUR LEGS MEET"... what do you think? THERE'S A PICTURE OF JESUS AS AN INDIAN. Love that line. In the middle there's an odd part with Buzz moaning with weird jangly wiggly guitar noises. Love it!
7. Green Honey Starts out with a really cool drumbeat and then it gets to a more upbeat mode kinda like the beginning of "Oven". I think the lyrics are supposed to be about getting venereal disease or something. V.D. sucks.
8. Agonizer Starts with a cool drum intro like many songs here do. Unfortunately this song doesn't do a ton for me. It's just kinda there, and it's decent but nothing that unique about it. End of Side A.
9. Raise a Paw This one's pretty cool. It has a cool boingy guitar sound and a funky lil' bass line and a hard drivin' drum beat. PAW GRANT ME IT'S WISDOM! The "waste nothing ever you never" part at the end with the zig-zag guitar part just lingering at the end sounds awesome too.
10. Love Thing This is a cover of an instrumental by the band KISS. It's short but it's decent. The bass guitar reminds me of funk metal like the Red Hot Chili Peppers or Faith No More or something. It fades out...
11. Ever Since My Accident It's funny because the original version of this song was extremely fast and frantic... well, the franticness is still here but in a different form. I mean, it's practically a completely different song, but maybe I'm missing something here... it fades in like a large snake crawling in, ready to constrict its prey and consume. Slow. I STAND ALONE LIKE A TREE! ALONE I STAND! Nice scary guitar riff here.
12. Revulsion/We Reach Two songs in juan. The first song is "Revulsion". It's a pretty good song. Slow, heavy, weird intro, y'know the drill. Or do you? Halfway through, the song "We Reach" begins, which is even slower and cooler. The guitar riff sounds like a chisel ripping off chunks of wood from something very large and hard and made of wood (a penis, maybe?). I love slow music. This one is laden with ghostly humming of feedback and very somber-feeling... pretty bassy, also. Strong bass presence. Buzz roars at times... whispers so soft at others.
13. Dead Dressed This one kicks a lot of ass. Nice guitar riff and sweet singing and drumming. It's pretty close to bein' the full package.
14. Cranky Messiah I get the image of Jesus being really grumpy and hung over and whiny with this one.
15. Claude Twisty n' turning. Claude Monet, maybee??
16. My Small Percent Shows Most Shortest song on the album. It starts with a cool guitar melody, starts off sounding pretty normal and gets more weird and discordant from there onwards. Hell yeah!
17. Candy-O An actual pop song on this record! It's a cover of a song by the Cars. It's better than the original and it rocks hard and should get any party going, fuckers! The "CANDY-O... I NEED YOU SO" part kills! Makes me wanna eat M & M's at night on a full moon. Sadly this song is only available on the CD version.
So yeah, there's OZMA, baby!! It's a pretty sweet album... after this album the band changed things up and started making their music insanely slow and droney. If you like non-generic, aggressive music that's true to the punk attitude but can appreciate all that is good about heavy metal, then this record is for you. Do listen, it may change your life. THE MELVINS RULE, OK??!!
Top 3 Favorites: 1. At a Crawl 2. Creepy Smell 3. Candy-O
Year: 1982 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: None Tracks: 11 Length: 9 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEP WOOUUUUUNNNNNNDDDD...!!!!!!!
Deep Wound was a hardcore band from Boston that existed from 1982 to '84... aside from being made up of two future members of Dinosaur Jr., the band was along with Siege, practically the fastest punk band ever at the time. The songs are short, usually ultra-fast, Charlie Nakijama sings fast, and J Mascis drums like a MOTHERFUCKER... all that and they were only in high school when the band was around... just like Siege. Deep Wound came first, though. Anyways, "American Style" is a the band's 1982 demo tape, which was later on released as a 7" vinyl bootleg. A few of the songs on it later appeared on the band's E.P. from 1983.
1. Pressures Really fast, great guitar riffs! It's about being driven to confusion by pressures and social anxiety in life. Awesome!!
2. Training Ground This one's a little slower. More Ramones-like. The vocals are really screechy due to the production.
3. Deep Wound It's like the THEME SONG (not a cover of Clown Alley, by the way), DUDE!!!! Really fast. This song later appeared on "Deep Wound". At the end there's a scream.
4. You're False Charlie's vocals sound awesome on this one. Crazy drumming, great guitar riffs, neato song, FUCK-HEADS.
5. Your Head is In Your Crotch I like this one a lot. The song is ultra-fucking-fast. Charlie sings ultra fast, and then there's that thumping, pounding YOURHEADISCROTCH chorus. Really awexxome song. I the verse is super awesome too. End of Side A.
6. Sister Once again, it's the ultra-fastblast attack!! It's about a guy's (or girl's) sister who goes off to parties and fucks a ton of older guys and gets all the attention... I'LL SHOVE IT THROUGH HER FACE ! Later appeared on the 7" EP.
7. Patriots Nice riff. Charlie sings really fast, the drums are fast, it's another really fast good song. FUCK YEAH & YAEY FOR DEEP WOUND!!
8. Never Let You In Great chorus riff. The chord progressions here remind me of early '80s Suicidal Tendencies... but twice as fast.
9. Adults This song makes fun of all of the "adults" in society who readily jump into the preconceived social roles they're "supposed" to fit into... if you're a girl you're supposed to marry a guy and be a homemaker and rely on a guy for everything and if you're a guy you're supposed to go to work every day and pay for everything... y'know, wear the same clothes and always cut your hair and suck your boss's cock and work in a boring job so you can have enough money to live in a nice house but still not enough to make your boring job not the main aspect of your life. Super angry and fast!!
10. Don't Need Another one that's also on the '83 EP. DON'T NEED... he says that a lot.
11. Video Prick The longest and fastest Deep Wound song... there's a solo at the beginning... the lead guitar bits are amazing, the verse riff rocks hard, and it's about a creepy child molester. This one's also on the E.P. that came out after this. I HATE YOU SO MUCH... definitely an awesome song.
The sound quality varies from song to song... I suspect that these were taken from various sessions... actually, the songs on here that later got on the studio E.P. pretty much sound the same except for not being mixed as crisply. I'm not sure exactly which mix sounds better... the fuzzy, blurry feel works for this type of music in my opinion... ultrafast music really doesn't sound good with high production values. Take note of that, you current-day grindcore bands! Anyways, yeah, Deep Wound was awesome and this record is another testament to that. YAEY FOR PUNK ROCK, KIDDIEZ. Man, I felt real depressed for the last week and now I feel better again. I wonder if it's Deep Wound's fault that I feel better or not. WHO CARES? Yep, that's my review today. Seeya tomorrow or whenever I write my next juan.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Your Head is in Your Crotch 2. Video Prick 3. Never Let You In
Year: 1980 Genre: Punk Rock Label: Subterranean Records Tracks: 2 Length: 6 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Flipper formed in the late '70s and were one of the weirdest, punk-est bands in the hardcore scene! This was before the Butthole Surfers, before Sonic Youth, before Die Kreuzen, before the Melvins, before all those fuckers, this was FLIPPER, A BAND NAMED AFTER A FUCKING FISH. While Black Flag and Minor Threat were at their peak and playing fast and tight became the popular thing to do, Flipper played slow, sloppy, and noisy. This was the first Flipper record ever, and already they've quite set into their sound. Imagine the Sex Pistols on LSD. That's Flipper for ya. Flipper sang about all kinds of things... this record has two songs on it, and a picture of a baby on the cover. Flipper was all about dead fish. Today there was a huge storm and there were a bunch of inch-thick balls of hail blasting down on the earth's surface if you live in Ohio. They weren't that hard but they fell that way! Anyways, time to talk about Flipper some more.
1. Love Canal I'm assuming a love canal is a pussy. I mean, like, it's a canal, and you can "love" it if you know what I'm sayin'... or you can actually love it. It's a pretty nice-looking little thingamajig that 50% of the world's population is equipped with. This song is slow, trudgey, mudgey, depressing, and it's about dying and all that other wonderful stuff. The music DOESN'T sound perfect musically, which is FUCKING AWESOME. The guitar riff sounds like a massive rock & roll dragon writhing through the arms of a merciless guitar player, breathing fire and ANNIHILATING, 'CUZ I'M ANNIHILATION MAN AND IT'S ANNIHILATION HOUR OF ANNIHILATION TIME 'CUZ IT'S MY WAR AND YER ONE OF THEM AND I'M AN NIHILIST TOO. Cool weird effects on Brucey Loosey's voice! Isn't that awesome. For the most part, the bass n' drums (not to be confused with drum n' bass) are the most stable part of the song. The guitar is insane and the vocals are just mad!
2. Ha Ha Ha Isn't life a blast... it's just like living in the past... we go downtown to do our shopping... and we live in suburbia... from the very beginning this song rules. It's one of the most well-known Flipper 'tunes... the bass riff is classic, the drum beat sounds awesome, the guitar riff is whacked-out, and I guarantee that you'll have these song lyrics memorized FOREVER... this song basically pokes fun at the suburban middle-class average lifestyle, going "ha ha ha" at its predictability, sterility, and occasionally ridiculousness. Tehehe. I'm still one of those fuckheads. HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO EH HE HE HE HE HE AH HAHAHAHAHAHA... after that part of the song, Bruce laughs "hahahahaha", and it keeps on repeating and getting even faster. Then it's the end of the song. How's it feel to be laughed at by FLIPPER, KIDZ?
Well, that's the end of Flipper. This record, I mean. Flipper's still around and they released some new albums two years ago, but in my opinion '80s Flipper is the best. They throw punches in all the right god damn places... too punk for your average uptight dumbasses and too punk for your average uptight dumbass "punks"... they'll know punk when they hear Flipper, or anything remotely similar to Flipper. Flipper were drunk, drugged-up, knew when to laugh at themselves, and it costed the lives of a few of them. I don't really know where I'm going with this. Enough with my bullshit. Listen to these songs if you haven't already.
Year: 2008 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Unknown Tracks: 17 Length: 32 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Suicidal Tendencies formed in Venice, California in 1981. Their first album is one of the most famous hardcore records ever... before that, they were recording demos and being notable for connections with gang activity and violence at their shows. The original line-up of the band was Mike Muir, Mike Ball, Carlos Egert, and Mike Dunnigan. This line-up of the band recorded demos in 1982 to cassette tape... now about three years ago, these demos got released in bootleg form FOR ALL THE WORLD TO HEAR -- AHAHAHAHA, S.T., YOUR SECRETS ARE OUT NOW!!! BUAHAHAHA. Anyways, yeah, we (me) here at Legit Music Reviews do not endorse suicide and GO KILL YOURSELF whoops, I mean, "DON'T KILL YOURSELF"... PLEASE. JUST LOOK AT HOW MUCH IS GOING RIGHT FOR YOU RIGHT NOW... what's that? Nothing? Oh well, whatever, nevermind...
1. Suicide's an Alternative The grainy quality of the recording adds an extra CRUNCH to the sound of this song... kick-ass riff, AWESOME guitar solo, it's about being sick of the world and wanting to die because everything sucks so bad.
2. I Shot Reagan Slow intro, fast verse n' chorus... ever have one of those days when you just wanna shoot Ronald Reagan, Sadat, the Pope, and John Lennon? WELL NOW'S YOUR CHANCE, JUST LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE WILL BE DEAD!!!!!! DEAD, I TELL YA!! This version's only about half as long as the album version.
3. Suicidal Failure A slow, depressing song. Excellent guitar playing, as can be heard. The song's about wanting to be dead and being sick of life, but too scared/lazy to kill yourself... actually, if you listen to the lyrics, Mike really DID try killin' himself all these times, but somehow he didn't die. HE IS IMMORTAL. Damn, this sore on my tongue really hurts. The ending part is essentially the same verses and choruses, but sped up to a more intense pace.
4. Memories of Tomorrow This song exemplifies the future-anxieties of all of us, and in this case kids back in the '80s who thought that Ronald Reagan was gonna kill everybody in the Cold War. Mike sees visions of what could happen in this situation and probably still could happen and decides he'd rather kill himself before the visions become reality.
5. I Saw Your Mommy (Version #1) This is a kind of long song... the guitar riff rules... the drumming is great too. It's about seeing a kid's mom's dead body washed-up and rotting on the street and thinking it's kind of funny. "I took a picture 'cause I thought it looked neat"... the song describes the condition of the dead mommy in great detail. The chorus sections are really fast. Great guitar solo towards the end... man, this band has really good guitar-playing. Hardcore should have more solos.
6. Fascist Pig This song's about the police state. Y'know, riot cops, tear gas, unkillable drones of the machines beating protestors to their deaths. I like the part about brains being "the fascists' favorite meal". Makes sense. Te-he!
7. Possessed The first section of this song has a more metal-type guitar riff... then the chorus riff kind of ascends out of that. The lyrics are about being possessed by a demon and being caused pain n' stuff. Once again, kick-ass guitar playing. HAVE I ALREADY LOST MY MIND? DO I STILL HAVE A SOUL?
8. I Saw Your Mommy (Mystic Records Version) This is the version of the song that was on the Mystic Records Sampler #1. The quality is great, and it sounds really good. Actually a studio recording.
9. You Are Forgiven (Version #1) An early song that didn't make it on the album. Starts off with a creepy/really good/depressing guitar solo. I think it's a nice intro for a song like this. The song is fast, the "YOU ARE FORGIVEN" chorus is really memorable and effective. The song is critical of the mentality of organized religion. The part at the end has a sad-sounding riff and it's slow.
10. War Inside Myself This is actually "Parents for Adoption", not what the title says. It has a real cool guitar riff and it's about Mike being pissed off at how much his lazy hypocritical parents suck, and begs the listener to "adopt" them so that he can be free. You can barely hear the vocals, they're kinda muffled. End of Side A.
11. Stupid Genocide This song is extremely similar-sounding to "Suicide's an Alternative"... the lyrics are different, though. The quality of this recording is ultra-grainy. Good song, still.
12. Kill (Version #1) This one also has pretty poor quality. I really like this song... there's a slower version on this one documentary film that sounds even cooler, however... the song's about how obsessed society is with murdering.
13. Pseudo Mom I can't even hear the lyrics for this one, they're totally muffled. The song is fast, pissed. He was probably pissed off at his mom or something.
14. Two-Sided Politics This is actually not "Two-Sided Politics", it's a completely different song. However, it does sound pretty damn awesome, whatever it's really called. The guitar riff rocks, there's a sweet solo, the rhythms and beats just rock!
15. You Are Forgiven (Version #2) This isn't actually You Are Forgiven, once again they got the song title wrong! It's fast. The chorus guitar riff is pretty cool. Frantic drumming! You can't even hear Mike's voice.
16. Burn the Constitution THIS is "You Are Forgiven". THIS IS IT, GOD DAMN IT!! The guitar intro is really beautiful... it's like depression and self-loathing embodied in a guitar melody. It's really good. After this, the song explodes into the thrashing verse and chorus parts. The chorus is reassuring and sarcastic all at once. BUT YOU'RE FORGIVEN. I like this version better. Mainly because I like the intro for this one better.
17. Kill (Version #2) This version sounds creepy as fuck. You can't hear any vocals. The guitar riff is bordering on scary, especially with how the quality sounds and stuff. The beat is kinda fast. As the final track, it's like that final moment looming right after a hypothetical suicide with the dead body bleeding out as it's already dead.
So, there's early Suicidal Tendencies for ya! I think this LP is interesting for the unreleased tracks -- the songs that didn't get put on their album, even though I find it annoying that most of the time the titles are wrong. But yeah, these are all real cool songs, and it rocks! The second half could practically be considered an instrumental side since you can't even hear Mike's voice. Maybe he was just off having sex with every species of animal in the Universe while they were recording those songs. Anyways, that's all I've got to say for now. Lemme know if I missed anything.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Two-Sided Politics 2. Burn the Constitution 3. Suicide's an Alternative
EVEN OLDER VERSIONS OF "KILL" AND "PARENTS FOR ADOPTION"
Year: 1992 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Eye 95 Records Tracks: 7 Length: 7 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Void was an amazing hardcore band from Maryland that existed from 1980 to 1983. The band's sound was, well, it was pretty fucking chaotic... their half of the Faith/Void split LP as evidence... and their live shows. Well, before Void made any records, the band recorded a demo tape in late '81, which caught the attention of Dischord Records. The Condensed Flesh 7" EP is basically that demo tape in the form of an E.P. So let's listen to the sounds of this band. NOW.
1. Organized Sports/Annoyed The first noticable thing about these songs is that the vocals are a jillion percent more intelligible. Jon Weiffenbach sounds less like the Tazmanian Devil's bastard offspring and more like a human. No weird-assed group vocals in the chorus either. Both versions rock. Then there's "Annoyed"... that song is really short and it's about BEING ANNOYED ABOUT YOUR MOM'S FOOD SHE COOKS AND SHIT!!! The beat is sloppy, Void-style!
2. Controller/Revolt HA HA HA HA HA HA... things are startin' to get a little wilder, I'm noticing... you can hear that Darby Crash/Bobby Pyn-like growl in place, incubated LIKE A LITTLE BABY WABY. Next song is "Revolt"... FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!! Fast, intense, sloppy, got psycho lyrics!! YAEY FOR +VOID+
3. Condensed Flesh Another song that later appeared on the split album... the riff is in a different key, and I like it! This song is about Nazis taking burned flesh of their victims and putting it in cans... the chorus bubbles up like a bomb waiting to burst! End of Side A.
4. Black, Jewish, and Poor This song's about a guy who's about as fucked in the ass by society as you can get... there's a little more of the lead guitar/cool metal-esque stuff going on here. BUTTHOLE SURFERS!! "It could be worse, I could be gay"... a later version of the song appears on the "20 Years of Dischord" CD.
5. War Hero This song's about a crazyman who WANTS TO DIE IN A WAR!! Just like them crazy rednecks all over the U.S.A. Unlike his friends, this guy ain't no wussy afraid of bein' drafted, he wants to kill himself and burn his body to serve his country! YAEY YAEY FOR U.S.A. Later appears on split LP from '82.
6. Get Out of My Way This song's a little slower... I like how it starts off fast and then the tempo shifts to being slower... the kind of reasons I love this band. Awesome singing. The riff in the chorus part has a real grind and slice to it!
7. Go South The longest song. Not in the world, just on this record. Cool riff, nice fast, fucked drum beat! GO SOUTH GO SOUTH GO SOUTH -- total awesomeness!! TOTAL +VOID+?!? WHAT BERT AND ERT+ Y76P TIME IS UP SO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HEAR... HERE? The ending part is slow.
The E.P. doesn't quite reach the heights of insanity that the band would reach by the time they recorded the split album (see "Think", "Time to Die", "Change Places", "Explode")... several of the songs here were recreated for that record, but done even better that time. Still, even on its own it's unique compared to other hardcore acts. Just don't expect it to be as good as what came after it. Anyways, that's all I've got to say for now, so long...
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Black, Jewish, and Poor 2. Organized Sports 3. Get Out of My Way
Year: 1985 Genre: Post-Punk/Free Jazz Label: SST Records Tracks: 4 Length: 26 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Sorry it's been awhile since I've written a review, I guess. Feels that way, anywaez. Anyways, yeah, I had kind of some depression shit going on and a lot of school work too and I think I should go take a shit, so I'll go and do that and then get [it] on with the GODDAMNED REVIEW ALREADY!!!
Okay, I typed that previous part about three days ago and I still haven't finished the fucking review... I'm just gonna start blaming it on the Zoloft. Anyways, I'm on break right now (sort of) so I've got no more exkuses. And I feel just fine right now, thank you very much...
Anyways, ABOUT THE ALBUM... this is "The Process of Weeding Out" by Black Flag, a four-song instrumental EP in which the band further explores their new punk-jazz-metal-stoner motif which could be said "weeded out" a lot of people who only liked them for their hardcore sound, and there's no singing... Henry Rollins isn't on this album at all, so he was probably off masturbating or doing spoken word while the rest of the band jammed their pennises and vaggina off! This is one of the last records the band ever released while they were still together -- just a month before their final LP, "In My Head" came out... that was a cool album. But we're talking about TPOWO today, so let's get the wax a-spinnin'...
1. Your Last Affront A real long song... starts off with just the crazy bass guitar riff... the drumming is wild and all over the place, though you get the idea that they know what's going on more than you ever will... eventually some weird lead guitar melodies can be heard, with the occasional blast of an A-chord... the guitar gets more and more intense as it starts sounding more like a speeding vehicle buzzing off into a desert. It gets around to feeling like some sort of a soundscape... real amazing. The lead guitar bubbles up to the surface of the glass panel which separates you from this wildness... be it the album sheet or the screen of the computer. In another part of the song, the beat starts getting really fast and choppy. Like a gun firing bullets! Amazing... after the chaos climaxes, the song SERIOUSLY slows down, into a trudge through a lonely, slow, cavernous atmosphere... is this my last affront? WELL GEE WILLIE WONKERZ GODDAMN IF I KNOW!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The thumping beat kind of reminds me of those first few moments of "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath, or even "Three Nights" by this same band. After a few minutes, the music gets ultra-fast again and gradually returns to the original bass riff, kind of like how the song started before the slow part. What a song...
2. Screw the Law This is a fast one with a hardcore beat... however, the guitar sounds hardly anything like that style of music... more heavy metal, but still nothing like metal... a lot of lead guitar wankage and a pretty cool bass riff. At the very end, the drumming gets REALLY crazy, and then the song's over. End of Side A.
3. The Process of Weeding Out A ten-minute song... pretty much the punk equivalent of free jazz... ridiculous ultra-fast drumming, improvised lead guitar playing, funky bass-playing... eventually, the drumming turns into a more normal beat, but it doesn't last for too long. Very improvised, un-traditional sounding music... I would barely even call this rock music.
4. Southern Rise This one's got a slow, blues-type beat and a pretty damn cool bass riff. Nice, relaxed guitar sounds... the beat eventually gets faster and more punkish... towards the later half of the song, the guitar solos get more intense but also quieter... either that or it's just my imagination. Sometimes you'll hear drumrolls that sound like machine guns firing off. Pretty cool. The song fades out...
Kind of like the second half of "Family Man". My favorite songs on this record are "Your Last Affront" and "Southern Rise". Actually, the second song is pretty good too, I just wasn't extremely into the song that the EP is named after. But it's a pretty neat listen. Don't expect a Minor Threat song here! Weird, jazzy, discordant, but somehow it all works. Anyways, sorry for taking so long to make this review, I just felt shitty and lazy lately. Bye bye.
Year: 1983 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Boner Records Tracks: 8 Length: 16 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Landshark was the first album by the Berkley, California band known as FANG. Actually, it's kind of funny 'cuz there's this other band from Germany or something that existed around the same time also called "Fang" and they had this really catchy song called "I Don't Go" and I liked it a lot, but it doesn't sound anything like the other Fang, so it really confangused me for-a-while until I found out they were different bands. And shit. Anyways, yeah, this album is a lot different sounding from the first Fang 7" -- faster songs, harder songs, wilder lyrics. It tells tales about homelessness, skinheads, death, fast cars, etc. Y'know, a day in the life for a California street punk. Anyways, even then, this is more interesting than your typical hardcore album because Fang fought the trend by having a bunch of real slow songs. Anyways, time for the TRU REV-U...
1. The Money Will Roll Right In This is a song is about a guy who goes to Hollywood in hopes of becoming rich and famous. It's kinda slow, and we all like it that way. This song is the most famous Fang song because Nirvana played a cover of it during one of their most notable shows. The riff rocks. The singer (Slammy) sings about how he would have shared some of his fame n' fortune with his friends if they really gave a shit about him, and now they "must feel pretty stu-pid". Real fuzzed-out guitar sound.
2. Land Shark I really fucking love this song! It's real fast, it's got awesome guitar riffs, good lyrics, it's a real fun song! It's about driving a fast, indestructible car that runs on a set of its own rules. I really fucking love the way this song sounds... just pure energy n' action in musical form!
3. Law & Order This song is slow. The guitar riff in the verse is pretty tough, while the chorus riff is more dischordant and dreary. There's little moments of brief chaotic noise-spurts punctuating the chord progressions. It's about how the institutions and laws of the world have created a sterile, boring, cruel existence for all people to live in... "MY MOTHER WAS A JUNKIE, MY FATHER WAS A FAGGOT"... Slammietown rants about how he's been sent to various institutions to fix his problems but they couldn't do shit to help him.
4. Diary of a Mad Werrwöulf The riffs seethe and spit with anger. Real thick and hard... and I ain't talking about no pennis! The lyrics are not far from something that the Misfits would write -- it's about a werewolf who goes out at night on full moons and seizes his feasts of flesh from unwitting victims, regardless of the petty useless rules of society. The song fades out at the end... of Side A.
5. Destroy the Handicapped Once again, great riff-age!! A little more upbeat than the two other songs we've just heard... still totally skull-splitting, however. The lyrics to this one are narcissistic to the core, it's all about how handicapped people are inconvenient to the singer's life and how they have poor hygiene and make the government pay for them to live and whatnot. Y'know, stuff that makes hippies and liberals cry by the thousands.
6. Drunk & Crazy Another real fast one. Who doesn't love gettin' drunk n' crazy ever now and then? The singing really rolls with the pummeling beat (of the drums, not of the peoples' faces) and the swerving guitar riff that makes you just WANNA GO WILD!!!!
7. An Invitation I think this song's about either a guy raping a girl in an alley or a guy wanting to have a romantic suicide with a woman. Not sure. Goddamn it, I never get no fucking invitations. Unless you're people I've known since I was five years old, of course. Not meant offensively or anything. Slammy just sounds kinda tortured, here. I know that sounds real pretentious but the way he groans and shit suggests it.
8. Skinheads Smoke Dope Starts off with a real FACEPUNCH type of beat and then it gets faster and the guitar riff here JUST KILLS, MAN! It's a pro-skinhead anthem about why skinheads are so great and how they smoke dope (and that ain't no fucking joke) and all of that other stuff. An ultra-kool song in my opinion. Seriously, you've gotta hear this one, man! Ends with a nice scream.
Well, that's LANDSHARK by FANG. Nice lil' record, now wasn't it? The band is kind of notable for reasons besides its actual music -- the thing with Nirvana that I mentioned earlier in the review, and plus, Slammy killed his own girlfriend (maybe she should've listened to his song "Invitation" before getting to close to him, eh?) -- the weird thing is that he only did about 6 years for it, even after running from the cops for a few days! But yeah, after that Fang re-formed and they're still around and shit. To be honest, this and the first 7" is all I've heard from them so far -- that's right, Fang are still pretty new to me. So come on, my fellow fuckfreak brethren, let us rejoice in the side-piercing sounds of FANG!!! YAEY.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Skinheads Smoke Dope 2. Land Shark 3. An Invitation
Year: 1985 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Unknown Tracks: 9 Length: 24 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Napalm Death is notable for being one of the definitive grindcore bands and they are well-respected as a death metal band as well. However, when they first started out in 1981, they were a punk rock group whose members were only 13 years old! Actually, none of the original members were in the band after the recording of their first "real" album called "Scum" (only half of it), but alas, here these fuckheads are, ready to rock and roll. They weren't playing grindcore yet, but they were still pretty aggressive. The style here is U.K. type hardcore with a slight metal influence (typical of U.K. hardcore) and also a big "post-punk" influence. The members of the band at this point were Justin Broadrick (guitar), Nik Napalm (bass/vocals), and Mick Harris (drums).
1. What Man Can Do The intro is kind of ominous sounding. Slow, with just a wispy, spooky guitar sound and a thumping bass drum. Then a more aggressive beat kicks off (snares n' all). The guitar sounds really cool. Then the bass riff changes. The angry-as-fuck vocals also set the attitude for this song. I like how two people sing, not just one. The lyrics are about how humans seem to do nothing but destroy and kill everything they get their hands on. The ending section has a real scary type of beat.
2. Instinct of Survival Definitely the best song on this tape. The intro is kinda cool, but one of the best parts is that second riff that plays. It sounds SO awesome. I swear that directly influenced the Melvins when they wrote the intro part for their song "#2 Pencil". The lyrics are fucking awesome, they're sung fucking awesome, it's just such an awesome song, the riffs all fucking rock! It's so angry and energtic! The lyrics are about corporations which abuse the people of 3rd-world nations and even people from their own countries and suck away resources and money and people like vampires latching onto the world with their undetachable fangs. The "multinational corporations" part at the end also FUCKING ROCKS. This song later appeared on the "Scum" LP.
3. Abbatoir Really wispy intro. The guitar sounds wispy, in the very beginning you're just hearing these feedback and humming noises floating around the room like LITTLE GHOSTIES. Then a solid riff and beat gets set off. Totally different feel from the previous song. I love the drum beat. After this part, the guitar riff changes to something a little angrier. The song's about about how much life has been has been wasted by social conformity and people who try to succeed and be "normal" in the system, while it's pretty much a lie and people encourage others to follow this path and seldom question it.
4. Control A fast song. The riff is cool, the singing sounds grate (like what you do to cheese), and the lyrics are about how behind every useless social system we follow, there's a fascist behind the curtain. I like this song too.
5. Sacrificed Another really awesome song. Starts off with a feedback sound loud and long enough to deafen one for life. This song's even faster than the song before it. The chorus riff is so awesome, especially how they're just singing "SACRIFICED!!" in unison alongside the fast drum beat. Total aggression... by the way, doesn't "Total Aggression" sound like it would be a name for a hardcore band? After the chorus, the song stops for a few moments with just a bunch of guitar noise being made, and then the chorus is played one more time and then the song's over. I think it's about animal testing for cosmetics (this band loves bunny rabbits and hates make-up and hair products) and how "spiky hair makes rabbits cry" -- actually, yeah, you'll see pictures of bunnies with green crap coming out of their eyes. The "real beauty is denied" part stands out to me as well because we live in a society where artificial beauty is worshiped and all of the things that actually are beautiful about humans are ignored. But yeah, this iz another one of my favorites. Doesn't get old! This song also later appears on "Scum" in a 100x faster form.
6. So Sad I like the beat. The guitar riff has kind of a sad-feeling to it. I can't find the lyrics to this song. The drumming is extremely good on this tune.
7. Caught in a Dream The beat in the beginning is awesome. The riff, also. Then the song gets a little faster. The song's about how people are attracted to entertainment and constantly use fantasy and television and other things of that type to ignore reality. Hell, I'm using a computer right now, I guess I'm kind of doing the same time. I mean, fuck, this NAPALM DEATH music is pretty entertaining to me, I guess that makes me Satan! At least I recognize that I deserve to die unlike most people. Hah, look at me, I'm trying to justify my fucking shortcomings by saying something shocking, isn't that so cute? The chorus sections are really fast n' thrashy. Later appeared on "Scum".
8. Private Death Really fast! The lyrics are about people who are dying a "private death" by being slaves to the system and try to escape "but they're nailed to a cross" -- I really liked that lyric. The mid-section is only half as fast. THEN IT GETS ALL FAST AGAIN AND SHIT. EVERYONE'S GONNA DIE, KIDDIEZ!!
9. Cheswick Green This one's taken from a live recording. The sound quality is really poor on this tune. Not THAT poor, but you can't make out riffs or lyrics or anything. It's just kind of a normal punk song from what I'm hearing. It has a guitar solo in the middle, also. Then a bunch of chaps in the audience clap for the band. YAEY!!!!
Contrary to what I originally believed, this was NOT the band's first demo tape -- they had been making demos since 1982. This was their third demo or so. They made another demo after this in '86 and then they released Scum after that. What surprised me even more is that the members of the band were even younger than me when they recorded this -- they're really fucking talented, that's for sure. Even if you don't like grindcore or death metal (I'm not a big death metal guy), this record doesn't sound like those and it's just some really good, creative, angry punk rock! So yeah, check out this record because I really like it.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Instinct of Survival 2. Sacrificed 3. Control
Year: 1986 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Huh-Bag Records Tracks: 4 Length: 4 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
The Lemonheads formed in 1986 in Boston, Massachussetts, U.S.A. The band's original line-up consisted of Evan Dando, Ben Deily, and Jesse Peretz. The three shifted duties on instruments on the four songs on this record, and Evan sings most of the songs here, but Ben sings on one too. The band is more famous for their '90s stuff like "It's a Shame About Ray", but their earlier records have a sound that's melodic like pop punk but also dirty and aggressive like hardcore. This is the first Lemonheads record that was made, and it's really short. They released it themselves.
1. Glad I Don't Know I like this song a lot. Evan's voice is technically good but still kind of rough-sounding. The guitar riff is awesome... nice guitar playing. It's about being glad about not knowing something. I actually I don't know what it's about. I should read the lyrics. It's really upbeat and happy-sounding. This song was later re-recorded for the band's album "Lick".
2. I Like To This one's fast. Some parts are fast, some parts are really fast, and some parts are slow. The chorus part has a really fast beat and it sounds awesome! Then there's a short guitar solo in the middle. Great riff. Really cool song! End of Side A.
3. I Am a Rabbit This is a cover of a song by the New Zealand punk band, Proud Scum. It's about not wanting to get committed to a girl and just fuck her and run... BECAUSE YOU'RE A RABBIT. Contains allusions to the carrot as a potential pennis-like object. Later re-recorded for "Lick".
4. So I Fucked Up This is the exact same version of the song that appears on "Hate Your Friends". Ben sings the first verse of the song, Evan sings the second verse, and then they both sing the last part. It's about having FUCKED UP and being RAELLY SORRY. GOODBYE!
All of the songs except for "I Like To" appear on the band's albums after this, which sucks because I Like [listening To] that song a lot! But it's a pretty good record. It's fast and slammable, but really happy-sounding. The EP was re-released in 1993, but as you might guess, that edition's out of print also. So, that's all I've got to say for now. A good EP to litsten 2.
Year: 1984 Genre: Punk Rock Label: American Jello Parti Productions Tracks: 8 Length: 13 Minutes My Rating: 5/8
Green Jello, the self-proclaimed "world's shittiest band", formed in Buffalo, New York in 1981. The group originally consisted of Bill Manspeaker/Moronic Dicktator (singing), Jim Laspesa/Marshall Stack (guitar), Joey Blowey (bass guitar), and Ozzy Ozmond (drums). The group was infamous in their early days for sucking really bad at their instruments and having food fights and making big messes and smashing stuff at their shows. They named themselves "Green Jello" because they believed green jello to be the worst flavor of jello, and they also believed themselves to be the worst band. Now, this is entirely untrue. And it always has been. Actually, you've probably heard their one hit song, "Three Little Pigs" that they made a music video for in the '90s. And having only heard their albums "Cereal Killer" and "Live Mother Goose" and stuff, I wondered why they'd been calling themselves the "shittiest band", because they really aren't that shitty at all on those albums. Well, back when they made their first record, they really were pretty shitty! I mean, there's at least 4,000 bands I could list that are worse than this record, but musically and lyrically, it's pretty fucking terrible. The production values are bad -- even by punk standards! It sounds really bad, but at least it's intentionally bad and the songs are kinda funny, so let's dive into a bowl o' GREEN JELLO and slurp up the fucketry...
1. Green Jello Theme Song Mr. Dicktator's voice doesn't sound nearly as mad as it does on the albums that came after this. The song sings about how Green Jello are the worst band in the world. A lot of echoey effects. The song gets faster and faster until it collapses into noise towards the end. There's even a saxophone played at the very end! Later appeared on "Cereal Killer".
2. Whip Me Teenage Babe A funk-type song about good ol' fashioned S&M! Billy imitates girls' voices and moans like he's getting spanked and whipped all over the place. A lot of "boingy" guitar noises. The version on their album "Triple Live Mother Goose" is a jillion times better, though.
3. Do the Howie A parody of the song "The Hustle" with awkward falsetto vocals and just the line "LET'S DO THE HOWIE" repeated over and over again. So bad that it's good. I guess this Howie fella was a cop at their high school that they went to.
4. Ice Cream Song An annoying happy-sounding ice cream truck-like melody is repetitively played over a blues-type beat and it's kind of funny sounding. In the beginning, Moronic Dicktator says some stuff about ice cream and popsicles. The song fades out and back in several times before finally ending. I do kind of like that guitar melody. In the live performances of this song, Bill would dress up as a giant ice cream cone and walk around the stage. Where's my change? End of Side A.
5. Hill Hill A slow song with a loud, noisy interval of fuzzed-out mayhem and a goofy bassline. A hillbilly-type voice goes "hyuk, hyuk, hey hey, hill hill" over and over again over some really loud noises. The song gets progressively faster and faster and dumber and dumber. Or maybe it's really getting smarter. Soon you hear not a chipper hillbilly saying "hill hill", but now -- OH DEAR, HE'S MUTATED INTO A DREADFUL SORT OF GOBLIN WITH THE VOICE OF LUCIFER!! Hilly hilly hoohoo.
6. Icrog A one-second song. Later appears on "Triple Live Mother Goose".
7. I've Got Poo-Poo On My Shoe This one sounds pretty cool. It's about getting, well, poo-poo on yer shoe. Pretty to the point. I like the guitar riff and the beat. The song was later mutated into a song about a giant sewer-dwelling monster made of feces called "The Misadventures of Shit Man" in the band's album "Cereal Killer".
8. I'll Buy You Any Major Appliance You Want Baby, Ooo-Ooo! Another blues-ish song about a man so in love with a woman that he would be willing to spend his hard-earned cash on not only something as expensive as a major appliance, but he cares for her so much that he will buy ANY appliance -- but only the one that she wants. Hah.
So yeah, Green Jello later got a lot better and made more records and they even have a new one out but it's not as good or funny as their old records. They got signed to a major label, too. And GWAR taught them how to make costumes and props and all that FUCKING FUN SHIT, HILL HILL! The songs are so bad that they're good. The lyrics are fucking idiotic and are pretty much whatever the title of the song is, but I love it. It's funny, y'know? Real funny. Well, Green Jello didn't make another record for about 5 years, and when they did, they were a lot better and had become more metal-sounding and they'd created all sorts of fun new songs and characters that we all know and love. And they started making a music video for almost every song they ever wrote. One time they played a show with the Ramones and got kicked off the stage because nobody liked 'em. A few of the songs on here got re-worked into cooler versions on the two albums that came after this. But they never did return to the awesomeness that is the Ice Cream Song. OH. HI KIDZ. I'M A GIANT ICE CREAM CONE. DO YOU WANT A BITE OF MY ICE CREAM?
OKAY. HERE YOU GO: SLDFKLS;KG;DFK;l;'l'g;h[gop=ploytrphlf;lglhf;lhlh'lgglfhfgjlghp;';jlhg';jlhgj';l!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Ice Cream Song 2. Hill Hill 3. I've Got Poo-Poo On My Shoe
ERIC ALLEN PREWITT'S LIFE
