Review #241: Mark Prindle - My Wife Left Me Because These Songs Are Terrible (2010)

MY WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE THESE SONGS ARE TERRIBLE

Year: 2010
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Nute Records
Tracks: 40
Length: 64 Minutes
My Rating: 8/8

Mark Prindle is a somewhat notorious reviewer of music from New York who often does very interesting and humorous music reviews with a writing style and personality incomparable to most. He has been writing since 1996 and recording music since 1998. This new CD released in December features tracks from many of his previous CD's from over a decade span of 1998 to 2007! Therefore, we are left with a beautiful, surprisingly fluid compilation of forty amazing songs.

I would say that Mark Prindle is as creative a musician as he is a writer... this shit rivals Ween in terms of silliness + musical talent and is easily one of THE very greatest records to be made over the past decade. I guess this makes me apart of the problem seeing as I was unaware of his music before this CD... which was the first time I even had a chance to hear the music. But yes, totally great and versatile and FACUNDO HAS A CRUSH ON MARK PRINDLE so let's get started on this amazing quest through one man's mind. He's Mark D. Prindle.

1. Kibble!
Featuring what is probably HENRY THE DOG on vocals... a bunch of weird synth keyboard gibberish. Not very long.

2. Mark D. Prindle
Noisy and discordant... despite this, Mark sings with a vocal melody. I'M MARK D. PRINDLE. THAT'S HIS NAME, KIDZ. Despite sounding crazy, I actually believe this is all pre-written music because it repeats... it's just crazy sounding. Who couldn't love that? RIGHT?? RIGHT??!!

3. NOTECHORD
Fast and hard. But it's got cool skrichy-skrachy sounds to it... awesome guitar-sounds... CHECK OUT THIS NOISE, Mark sings, as we are provided a loud vaccuum-cleaner-on-acid type noise to check out. YAYAYYY

4. Loving To Love With You
This song, as you may guess is about love and being in love and all that shit... the warm but shrill tones of the guitar could melt your soul... WITH LOVE AND LOVING LOVE FOR YOU TO LOVE IN LOVE. Great-sounding song.

5. All The People I Work With Suck Balls
For the most part contains this little lead-guitar melody and a fast beat and some great-sounding pseudo-psychedelic guitar melody seeping through your speakers... it then ends with Mark sounding like a curmudgeonly old man singing some shit I can't understand but it sounds fucking funny.

6. Jogging Is The Bestest
Another fast song... slightly reminds me of the Germs. The Germs fucking rule! Except instead of Darby Crash we've got Marky Prindle who sings about homeless guys getting buttraped and the apparent joys of jogging. HE SAID "BONEY", AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

7. Length=Quality (Not Just In Cocks, But In Life)
Has a weird mambo-type feel to it, except you're being chased by weird evil black sharks with vacuum cleaner heads for mouths... kinda like black, long-necked hammerhead sharks. OH-OH-OHH. Mr. Prindle sure sounds smarmy here.

8. Dreary Old Lonesome Potato
A weird pseudo-metal smash-up with sad, cry-y sounding singing. SINGING! SINGING... singing. siiinnggiingnndfgndngdfngdfkhfglhkjjhkghjklghjhg who would wanna be a lonesome potato? Ends pretty abruptly.

9. Hot Rockin' 2Nite
A somewhat hilarious "live" (a.k.a. fake arena audience background noise) parody of arena rock. It's pretty great and Mark's voice in the beginning is fucking hilarious as he attempts to sound like a high-pitched '70s rocker but ends up sounding like Mickey Mouse... after the main sung parts, the various members of the band all show off their SKILLZ on the instruments they play, including a pretty kick-ass but un-pretentious lead guitar solo. Who wouldn't love that, right? I FEEL ALRIGHT!!!! YOU'RE WELCOME FOR COMIN' DOWN!

10. Working Late - More Like 'Jerking Nate' If You Ask Me
This one has kind of a dark, monstrous feel to it... reminds me of penguins escaping their death over thick black disgusting ice in Antarctica. Mark sings in more ridiculous voices.

11. Furnished With A Caboose
One of the saddest songs I have ever heard... a little bit of wimpering feedback and then you hear a descending guitar melody that trickles down the earscope/whatever like teardrops from a man like Mark Prindle who knows the true meaning of pain apparently. But seriously, this song is very sad-sounding. I remember the first time I heard this song I was very stoned and sad began to get even sadder after hearing this and then proceeded to go on a destructive half-nude rampage around my house destroying various pieces of furniture... but that's a whole 'nother story. Seriously, if this song can't make you cry then you have no soul. Just like me because souls don't exist. Think about that next time you trip on robitussin!

12. My Songs Would Be Significantly Less Sucky If I Bothered To Save Up For More Powerful Recording Equipment
This song is very ironic because this is one of the best-sounding albums I've heard to come out in recent years... this song is fast and the lyrics are about his supposed poor recording quality and it has a cool solo towards the end.

13. Lefties, Righties, We're All One In The Pearly Gates Of Hellfire
Psychedelic hardcore! Awesome! Hear those wonderful thrasher beats and womp-womp and woosh-wash guitar sounds all in one song. Mark's singing style here sounds very awesome... he sounds like an angry old man, but not quite as old as the one in track five. The second half of this song is a bunch of shoegaze-y avant-garde guitarfuckingaround stuff.

14. KEYBORD
This one is entirely keyboard melodies except for Mark's singing. Reminds me much of snow falling from the sky in winter. Mark vocally harmonizes with himself... he sings about birds and swearing and shit.

15. Lollipops And Daffodils And Cinnamon And Spice
The first part of the song is a cool-sounding synth melody to a fake drumbeat and then the second part features a happy synth melody and Mark singing about nice happy things and wanting people to die. Another abrupt ending.

16. Trading Card Shenanigan
This song is kinda slow... halfway through, the song stops and Mark starts singing about somebody ripping up one of his trading cards as a bunch of CHOMP sounds repeat... the music then segues into a really fucking amazing-sounding section with an awesome guitar riff with a delay effect. It reminds me of being somewhere... special, that's where. Everyone should hear this song. Check out that cool melody going on in the background... very amazing-sounding!!!

17. Get Your Knitting Needle Out Of My Ass!
ALL THE KIDS ARE HEADING DOWN TO SCHOOL! This song is about a boy who gets fucked up the ass by his grandma's knitting needle... the music itself is pretty awesome as well... GET YOUR KNITTING NEEDLE OUT OF MY ASS.

18. It Means I Love You
Mark sings to his female lover that if he has sex with another man then it means I LOVE YOU... Hahahahaha, what awesome lyrics. And horse noises as well... once again this song ends abruptly to PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF.

19. My Cold, Empty, Dying Soul
Somewhat somber but it has a cool punky drumbeat... there's vocal harmonies here, too.

20. 12345
I like numbers and counting too. COUNTING IS CONFORMITY. UUGHGHHN UNNNGHHH UGNNGNGHHH... weird wonk-wompy melody. This should be the new Sesame Street theme song. Absofuckinglutely. Hahahaaahahahahaha, I can imagine it now! That would be the funniest thing ever... seeing Big Bird shaking hands with little kids to this music. Towards end of the song, we hear an angry man yell about being told what to do by the government.

21. Pisspoor Excuse For A Shoehorn
Sounds much like a Flipper song.

22. NOIZNOTES
Starts off with a bunch of echoing 'lectric guitar strums bouncing offa the walls, and then a fast drum beat fades in... Mark reluctantly encourages the listener to respect women and abstain from rape.

23. Innocence Lost
THERE'S A TREE IN THE GARDEN AND THE SWING IT HAS BROKE, THERE'S A FACE IN THE WINDOW OF A CHILD WHO NEVER SPOKE... it's slow and depressing... actually pretty eloquent lyrically until he leads up to how he squished a pimple on his ass into your coke COCKSUCKERMOTHERFUCKERBLAHBLAHBLUHBLEGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24. Honey Child, You Ain't Lived Until You've Drafted A Press Release Announcing That GameSpy Industries Has Received An Equity Investment From Michael Ovitz And The Yucaipa Companies
A fast hardcore punk song.

25. Dialing Incorrect Phone Numbers Does Very Little Towards Reducing Stress
Kinda slow and not very loud aside from the guitar melodies at the beginning. Makes me think of getting up during a cloudy day. SHIT.

26. Hurting You In A Malicious Manner
Yet another great-sounding song. Nice guitar melody, fast beat, and a funky intro.

27. FASTCLEANS
This song's about a magical fast cleaning device... like the title suggests, the song is fast with clean but totally 'lectric guitar. STRUMDADRUMSTRUMSTRUMSTRUMMMM...

28. All The People I Work With Don't Suck Balls Anymore
Awesome guitar sound... reminds me of a winter night or maybe a summer night but either way with a really nice sunset just about to end and then it's all starry and shit. Lovely song with totally goofy balls-related lyrics.

29. I'm Not An Alcoholic (I Drink Because I'm Depressed)
More slicy-icy sounding guitar picking... awesome sounding drumbeat. Sloppy but great. When Mark sings the beat cuts out of the mix. Hahahahahah! What a funny guy.

30. Disco Jaws
Thick, murky bass riff and Mark singing in a smarmy but claustrophobic falsetto voice. He even makes weird Pac-Man sounds on the guitar! WOMPWAOWWW...

31. God Rules
Starts off with a clean guitar riff and then explodes into a loud, bombastic song with a fast beat... then things change again. I dunno what to say that hasn't already been said. This song sounds pretty cool. Mark sings about all the things that God rules over.

32. My Third Shrinkity-Dink-Dink (Mr. Mustache)
Unfortunately this is not a cover of "Mr. Mustache" by Nirvana. But Mark doesn't need to cover songs to sound good anyways. Once again Mark implements that thing where the music cuts out of the mix and we briefly hear only Mark and his various harmonizing clones singing something really stupid.

33. Antonio Banderas Naked
A short, somber instrumental track.

34. Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong)
Another one of my favorite songs on this album. Kinda reminds me of Ween but faster. We have absolutely amazing-sounding guitar riffage, Mark singing a nice vocal melody in a sped-up voice... it sounds absolutely great. One of the happiest songs I have heard... well, actually, that instrumental part isn't very happy, but the sung parts are very happy. They make me smile. The guitar melody is just hypnotizing. Yay for this wonderful song! Just makes me wanna skip through a field of daisies in the sun... and I WOULD if it weren't so FUCKING HOT AND HUMID OUT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

35. Mold On My Shower Curtain Is A-OK
Has a neat electro/techno-ish beat and a cool guitar riff with some nice lead and synth melodies layered over it. Mark sounds pretty smarmy here... can't think of another word for it. I guess I could imagine taking a shower to this.

36. NOTES
Kind of an angry western-ish guitar melody to this one. The singing here sounds boldly whiny here... he even cries IN THE SONG. ISN'T THAT AWESOME?? A man like Mark Prindle un-afraid to show his true feelings even when in the studio... or his apartment room or wherever he recorded this, mang.

37. Pinhead + Diver Down=Aah! (Rounded To The Nearest Decimal, Of Course)
Mark ponders the recording techniques of bands such as the Ramones and Van Halen... the music is kind of '80s goth/ new wave-ish sounding... licky-sticky boo!

38. ANGST
From the very first few seconds, this song sounds pretty awesome... it's like a catchy pop-punk tune with tons of reverb... Mark sounds like he's shouting off into the sky in the back yard of my old church or something here... I dunno why I think of that visual but I do.

39. SHIFTYLIFTY
Feels like weirded out acid blues. Pretty nice guitar riff, I must say. Mark sings in another strange voice. ALCOHOL, YEAH... it actually sounds pretty hilarious when he says "I don't give a damn". Then we hear a bunch of loud whoooooop noises. Te-he. Hahahahahahaha, "Take a train to... SHIFTY-LIFTY."

40. The Post-Man Only Rings Untrue
Slow, sad, and buzzy and fuzzy. UNNNNGHHHH. Keeps on fading in and out.

Well... sadly... we are at the end. Of this album. I really like it, too. Like, seriously, this is one of my favorite albums to come out in recent years. I know it's just a compilation of older shit but it WORKS. It's a lot like "The Pod" by Ween to me... just a goofy but nonetheless totally emotionally potent trek through all feelings human beings have. Mark has a great sense of humor and he is a great musician as well! I really hope I get to hear more shit like this in the future. You can listen to the whole thing for free or buy a CD right here:

http://nuterecords.bandcamp.com/album/my-wife-left-me-because-these-songs-are-terrible

If you want to hear a new record that leaves very little to be desired, give this a listen. Plus, 40 songs have gotta mean something. Almost every single tune on this album is great.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
2. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
3. Trading Card Shenanigan

Review #233: GG Allin & the Jabbers - Always Was, Is And Always Shall Be

ALWAYS WAS, IS AND ALWAYS SHALL BE

Year: 1980
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Orange Records
Tracks: 11
Length: 21 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

GG Allin. GG. Allin. Was a guy... named. GG Allin. He spent the first few years of his life living in a shitty log cabin with a dirt floor without running water and a father who named him Jesus Christ Allin because he believed his son was to be Jesus Christ. Well, I guess you could say this was true. His brother Merle started calling him "GG" because he couldn't pronounce "Jesus"... his mommy tried to re-name him Kevin after the rest of the family managed to escape from his psycho father, but we all know GG was his real name, after all. So anyways, he grew up doing a lotta fucked-up shit with his best buddy, Merle, and stole a lot of things and basically did whatever they wanted.

In 1977, GG started his first band, the Jabbers. After releasing a few 7" EPs and singles, "Always Was, Is and Always Shall Be" is the main LP the band released. GG doesn't talk about being a rapist or eating shit or trying to rule the world on this album, and to be honest, on this album it doesn't really even seem like he's that headed there -- just a somewhat mean-spirited sense of humor and X-rated lyrics, but nothing as over-the-top as what he would be doing a few years later.
1. Bored to Death
A classic ode to misanthropy, boredom, and apathy! GG sings of his hatred of people and their society, as well as being BORED TO DEATH of it. The vocal melodies are catchy as fuck, including the harmonies and GG sings really good here. The guitar and drumming and everything sounds real cool! This song was originally featured on the first 7" the band ever released.

2. Beat, Beat, Beat
From the first few seconds, you can already tell this song's gunna be really hot! The lyrics are about GG wanting to get a handjob from a woman. Good drumming on this track.

3. One Man Army
Pretty upbeat... not far from being '70s "hard rock" musically. GG's early clean-singing voice here sings well, I like the vocal melody here in the verse parts a lot. ONE-TWO ONE-TWO! Then there's a fucking awesome guitar solo in the bridge part of the song.
4. Assface
A pop-punk ditty with razor blade guitars. GG was really good at writing catchy-sounding songs in his early career... this stuff sounds poppier than the fucking Ramones! Anyways, this song features GG talking shit about a girl he hates who "reminds him of his ass" (fat, hairy, covered with zits, when she opens her mouth, out comes the shit) and tells her he's gonna hang her from the highest tree!

5. Pussy Summit Meeting
This is a somewhat corny skit that features what must be a bunch of chicks discussing their business which involves selling sex, and along comes a member of the Jabbers who hints to them that they have "a little arrangement" with him...
6. Cheri Love Affair
A little slower than the other songs so far. Opens with a sweet-ass lead guitar song. This song features a group chorus of girls singing backing vocals. Pretty snazzy... the lyrics feature GG singing of how sexy the chick he's after is and how he wants to be with her. And fuck her, also. This song is pretty fucking awesome. End of the Birth Side.

7. Automatic
GG sings about his anger for a girl who plays games with his mind and talks behind his back, or else he will "make her bleed internally".

8. I Need Adventure
This song's about Mister Allin's need to constantly party hard and be dangerous all the time and fuck and all that wonderful stuff. I NEED ADVENTURE, JUST THE KIND THEY PROMISED YOU AND ME! This song was later re-recorded for the "Live Fast Die Fast" E.P. in 1984.

9. Don't Talk To Me
A backstabbing egocentric jerk is called out on their douchebaggery. Love the guitar riff and the drum beat definitely! CH-CH-CH-CH-CHATTER CHATTER CHATTER!!!!! Gotta love the erratic screamin' like a demon' on this track.

10. Unpredictable
Pretty fast song. This song's about a conclusion many a-male has come to at one point or another -- girls are hard to figure out. Kinda tame subject matter compared to what we are used to hearing from GG. Shit, they would probably be okay with playing this in a car commercial these days if not for GG's fucked-up future. ("Ford Pieceashit. It's UNPREDICTABLE.") Hahahahaha!
11. 1980's Rock & Roll
This song's about the new decade, and what it means for the band -- PLAYING MUSIC FOR ANOTHER TEN YEARS! And they did. This song even features some jangly synth-piano playing. What else is there to say? This is my least favorite song on the album!

So that's GG's first album. The first three songs are all from the first GG Allin 7" from 1979, by the way. But yeah, most of this stuff is way tamer than what GG & company would be singing/playing by the end of the decade... 1980's rock & roll, indeed. But it's definitely fun to listen to, most of the songs are very good... fits in well amongst bands like the Ramones, the Stooges, the Germs, and other early U.S. punk bands... fun, energetic, badass, but also catchy. But that's obvious, I'm just throwing around a bunch of overused terms to make this review sound more substantial... because who the fuck actually READS reviews anymore? Nonetheless reviews of albums they have already fucking heard that came out three decades ago. Who still reads reviews? Oh yeah, fucking sheep who want some stuffy-assed yuppie from Rolling Stone's opinion on the latest major label/faux-indie pseudo-rock piece of smelly shit caked into a CD shape. So you want me to say something about this album that's TOTALLY UNCONVENTIONAL? OKAYYYY:

It's JEGGA-ZAMMIN'!!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Cheri Love Affair
2. Bored to Death
3. Assface

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "BORED TO DEATH"

Review #216: Teenage Jesus & the Jerks - Pre 12" (1979)

PRE (EP)

Year: 1979
Genre: No-Wave
Label: ZE Records
Tracks: 3
Length: 7 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Hello, there. TEENUGE JEEZERSE andthe JERX were a BAND that lived in NEW YORXITY in the late nuneteenth seventies, which were a time when there were more musical groups than ever before. And more musical groupies than ever before. I used to be a groupie for TEENAGE JEESUS, and lemme tell you this, things got WILD. I totally got to be Lydia Lunch's sex slave and those were some pretty fun times. Did you know that Lydia Lunch keeps several types of sandwiches stuffed up her pussy? They call her Lydia LUNCH for a REASON, RIGHT?

Well, my friend Indian Lunch was in a band called Ten-aged Jaexous and the Jorts, and they made an album called PRE, because it was PREtty cool when they made it, fuckface. YOU LITTLE PIECE OF BALOENY! PACEOFBALOENYWASMADEOFPASTROMI. What? Oh. Shit. Anyways, this was the second TNGJZS song I'm -- wait, did I say song? I meant RECORD, silly me! Anyways, yeah, second TNGJSS record. Mang. Time to listen to the GODNESS. Shall we? What? You want to listen to this EP with me? OKAY. IT'S TIME FOR FUN, KIDS.

1. The Closet
Slow and paralyzing. The loud tone of the guitar feels like a razor blade cutting off yer hair and cutting into your skin. Sexually wallowing in broken glass and yer own blood. You're in a closet. And you can't breathe. Won't I come please release you? I dunno, geez. Why don't we just listen to this song some more? AND I TREE (?) LIKE SHARON TATE. SHARON TATE-O. SHARON 'TATO. LIKE, AS IN, "PO-TATO". MISTER POTATOHEAD FINGERED FREDDIE! Lydia expresses her dissatisfaction with the middle class lifestyle. The beat is cool. BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP. CFI die. I like the higher noted ends of the bass riff. It sounds cool. Then the ascension explodes into a crash and thumping of bass drum. It's kind of sexy in a weird way. This song is. I like it. It makes me feel good. Now, on to SIDE B.

2. Less of Me
This song is very fast! Isn't that awesome? It has a saxophone in it. Cool saxophone whackadoodling. Whackadoodle. Is that a word yet? I like how Lydia's lyrics here sound. They kind of gots that POETIC ROLLS TO THEM, KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 'CUZ ALL THE GIRLS THERE PLAYING ON A JELLY ROLL. LIKE, THE FOOD. RIGHT? RIGHT? AAAHDSHGHDFGHDFHG D D D D D D D D D D D s s s s s s s kikdflkglkdfglkdf HI. DUM DUM DUM DUM. I like the beat. I like how everything sounds. Isn't that COOL?

3. My Eyes
This one has saxophone. It's faster than "The Closet" but slower than "Less of Me". It has a cool beat. There's a bunch of crazy saxophone playin' from THE Mr. Jamey Chance! And by that, I MEANT JAMES. JAMES. CHANCE. CHANCE. JAMES Chance. Wualkasdfsdfdsodsifdo. OI OI OI THIS SONG IX REALLY HARD-X-CORE OI OI UP THE PUNX. HP UP BY 12 POINTS UP FOR THE PUNX. YAEY

Well, this is PRE Teenage Jesus. Like, Jesus BEFORE he was a teenage. He waz a PRETEENAGER. Isn't that just GREAT? Little Jesus got his first boner sometimes too, kids. Like, okay. James Chance, also from the CONTORTIONS (Cunt-tard-tshins) was in the band at this point, now. The first song is really good. The second song is very good also. The third song is good but not as good as the other two songs. HEY. WHAT'S UP? THIS IS MY REVIEW OF TAENIGE JUZESZ AND THE JERKS. HI. HI THERE. FUCK YOU. FUCK FUCK CUNT. I LIKE DICK -- WAIT,,NO, I DON'T LIKE DICK I NEVER SAID THAT I SWAAAER I'M NOT GEY FUCK YOU BUY FRUIT BUY FLUTE FUCK YOU JESUS CHRIST MAN 7 YELLOW LEMONS ON A COCONUT TREE AAAAHHHHHHHHH BRICKS OUT OF THE HOUSE OF GOD, Y'ALLS.

Anyways, buy this album or die this album. Except for the "this album" part.

Review #212: Green Jello - Let It Be 7" (1984)

LET IT BE (EP)

Year: 1984
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: American Jello Parti Productions
Tracks: 8
Length: 13 Minutes
My Rating: 5/8

Green Jello, the self-proclaimed "world's shittiest band", formed in Buffalo, New York in 1981. The group originally consisted of Bill Manspeaker/Moronic Dicktator (singing), Jim Laspesa/Marshall Stack (guitar), Joey Blowey (bass guitar), and Ozzy Ozmond (drums). The group was infamous in their early days for sucking really bad at their instruments and having food fights and making big messes and smashing stuff at their shows. They named themselves "Green Jello" because they believed green jello to be the worst flavor of jello, and they also believed themselves to be the worst band. Now, this is entirely untrue. And it always has been. Actually, you've probably heard their one hit song, "Three Little Pigs" that they made a music video for in the '90s. And having only heard their albums "Cereal Killer" and "Live Mother Goose" and stuff, I wondered why they'd been calling themselves the "shittiest band", because they really aren't that shitty at all on those albums. Well, back when they made their first record, they really were pretty shitty! I mean, there's at least 4,000 bands I could list that are worse than this record, but musically and lyrically, it's pretty fucking terrible. The production values are bad -- even by punk standards! It sounds really bad, but at least it's intentionally bad and the songs are kinda funny, so let's dive into a bowl o' GREEN JELLO and slurp up the fucketry...

1. Green Jello Theme Song
Mr. Dicktator's voice doesn't sound nearly as mad as it does on the albums that came after this. The song sings about how Green Jello are the worst band in the world. A lot of echoey effects. The song gets faster and faster until it collapses into noise towards the end. There's even a saxophone played at the very end! Later appeared on "Cereal Killer".

2. Whip Me Teenage Babe
A funk-type song about good ol' fashioned S&M! Billy imitates girls' voices and moans like he's getting spanked and whipped all over the place. A lot of "boingy" guitar noises. The version on their album "Triple Live Mother Goose" is a jillion times better, though.

3. Do the Howie
A parody of the song "The Hustle" with awkward falsetto vocals and just the line "LET'S DO THE HOWIE" repeated over and over again. So bad that it's good. I guess this Howie fella was a cop at their high school that they went to.

4. Ice Cream Song
An annoying happy-sounding ice cream truck-like melody is repetitively played over a blues-type beat and it's kind of funny sounding. In the beginning, Moronic Dicktator says some stuff about ice cream and popsicles. The song fades out and back in several times before finally ending. I do kind of like that guitar melody. In the live performances of this song, Bill would dress up as a giant ice cream cone and walk around the stage. Where's my change? End of Side A.

5. Hill Hill
A slow song with a loud, noisy interval of fuzzed-out mayhem and a goofy bassline. A hillbilly-type voice goes "hyuk, hyuk, hey hey, hill hill" over and over again over some really loud noises. The song gets progressively faster and faster and dumber and dumber. Or maybe it's really getting smarter. Soon you hear not a chipper hillbilly saying "hill hill", but now -- OH DEAR, HE'S MUTATED INTO A DREADFUL SORT OF GOBLIN WITH THE VOICE OF LUCIFER!! Hilly hilly hoohoo.

6. Icrog
A one-second song. Later appears on "Triple Live Mother Goose".

7. I've Got Poo-Poo On My Shoe
This one sounds pretty cool. It's about getting, well, poo-poo on yer shoe. Pretty to the point. I like the guitar riff and the beat. The song was later mutated into a song about a giant sewer-dwelling monster made of feces called "The Misadventures of Shit Man" in the band's album "Cereal Killer".

8. I'll Buy You Any Major Appliance You Want Baby, Ooo-Ooo!
Another blues-ish song about a man so in love with a woman that he would be willing to spend his hard-earned cash on not only something as expensive as a major appliance, but he cares for her so much that he will buy ANY appliance -- but only the one that she wants. Hah.

So yeah, Green Jello later got a lot better and made more records and they even have a new one out but it's not as good or funny as their old records. They got signed to a major label, too. And GWAR taught them how to make costumes and props and all that FUCKING FUN SHIT, HILL HILL! The songs are so bad that they're good. The lyrics are fucking idiotic and are pretty much whatever the title of the song is, but I love it. It's funny, y'know? Real funny. Well, Green Jello didn't make another record for about 5 years, and when they did, they were a lot better and had become more metal-sounding and they'd created all sorts of fun new songs and characters that we all know and love. And they started making a music video for almost every song they ever wrote. One time they played a show with the Ramones and got kicked off the stage because nobody liked 'em. A few of the songs on here got re-worked into cooler versions on the two albums that came after this. But they never did return to the awesomeness that is the Ice Cream Song. OH. HI KIDZ. I'M A GIANT ICE CREAM CONE. DO YOU WANT A BITE OF MY ICE CREAM?

OKAY. HERE YOU GO: SLDFKLS;KG;DFK;l;'l'g;h[gop=ploytrphlf;lglhf;lhlh'lgglfhfgjlghp;';jlhg';jlhgj';l!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Ice Cream Song
2. Hill Hill
3. I've Got Poo-Poo On My Shoe

VIDEO OF GREEN JELLO OPENING FOR THE RAMONES:

Review #201: Grrrl Friend - Isolation, Chronic Masturbation & Daydreams (2010)

ISOLATION, CHRONIC MASTURBATION & DAYDREAMS

Year: 2010

Genre: Punk Rock/Folk Rock
Label: Wrong Island Records
Tracks: 11
Length: 34 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

After several EPs and demos released digitally, this iz the first "official" Grrrl Friend album, actually being released in the physical form of a CD which can be bought from the band or you can get it for free from one of their shows. The album basically contains a select 11 songs from the band's "early" studio recordings, 2007 to 2009. All the songs on this album were previously featured in "The Rag", "Grrrl Friend", and "Some Say It's Genetic", some early digital releases from the band. However, Duffy insists that THIS is the first real Grrrl Friend album, so that's basically what this is. But because of it being compiled of various studio sessions spanning over 3 years, there were many different line-ups that recorded different songs. The earliest line-up here is the one featuring Duffy (guitar/vocals), Elyssa Lovelyss (bass/vocals), Jay Briggs (guitar/vocals), and Mike Tambo (drums). In mid-2008 Elyssa Lovelyss left the band and Jay Briggs also left to continue on with his own band, the Sonitus Revolution. The second female vocalist, Cora, is featured in the songs recorded in the 2008 and '09 sessions. Tambo and Duffy are the only members playing on all of the songs. I've already reviewed all of these songs in other reviews so I'm not going to do it again, but I will list them and when they were recorded and describe them in a nutshell.

1. The Hat Was Too Tall
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. Starts out as a noise collage and then turns into a folk song.

2. Roadside Picnic
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. A love song with a really good guitar riff.

3. Ibsen
Recorded 2008 in Portland, Oregon. Angry song.

4. Probably
Recorded 2007 in Long Island, New York. Fast song.

5. The Rag
Recorded 2007 in Long Island, New York. A fast song about a girl with venereal disease.

6. Toole & I
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. The song that this album gets it's name from.

7. Bestiality BBQ
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. A country-type of song making fun of hillbillies.

8. The Slope
Recorded 2009 in Portland, Oregon. Melancholy psychedelic rocker.

9. Hanging the Executioner
Recorded 2008 in Portland, Oregon. Angry song about being a social outcast.

10. Borscht
Recorded 2008 in Portland, Oregon. Angry hardcore punk-type of song.

11. Mine
Recorded 2007 in Long Island, New York. Sounds like Beat Happening.

Shortly after they put this one out, the band "retired" the demos from which these songs originally came, so a lot of songs that also could have been on here were kind of relegated to obscurity. Really good other songs they did like "Ouch!" and "Homesick" and "The Flow" and their cover songs. And then there's their REALLY old stuff they did, but Duffy disregards most of those as not being "true Grrrl Friend", so most of that probably won't see light again. But hopefully they'll re-record some of their other songs they have for their next album which is supposed to come out THIS YEAR on GNAR TAPES! WHOOHOO! It'll be fun to hear more new Grrrl Friend.

Most of the songs on this album make up their current live set, along with songs like "Doppleganger 12-Step" which haven't been featured on any albums yet. The earliest stuff on here is sort of a gritty pop-punk that reminds me of a cross between Nirvana and Beat Happening. After that their sound changed a little bit and they added more folk, noise, and hardcore influences to their music. All of the songs on here are really good and if you're looking for a great new band to listen to then Grrrl Friend is the band I recommend. You can hear the whole album on the internet for free on here:

http://grrrlfriend.bandcamp.com/

Stay tuned for the next album. And I know this was kind of a "weak" review because I didn't do very much actual reviewing, but I promise I'll be doing more this next week. So seeya later.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Roadside Picnic
2. Probably
3. Mine

GRRRL FRIEND LIVE:

Review #198: Pregnant - Pregnant (2010)

PREGNANT

Year: 2010

Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Burn Books Records
Tracks: 10
Length: 21 Minutes
Style: Angry/Emotional
My Rating: 7/8

Pregnant is a band that formed inside some women's belly in the year ouf oure Lourde, 2007. Some months later, the band fell out of her vagina in the form of a little baby in Brooklyn, New York, and then the baby was ripped into three pieces, and the pieces of ripped-up Baby Guts (also the name of a different band) regenerated into the life-forms known as Stefanie Bridges (bass), Kevin Manion (guitar/vocals), and Ian T. (drums). This was cool, and then the band started playing shows and then they recorded a 7" called "Wanna See My Gun". Then they recorded an album. This album. This was the album. This... IS the album. The band's musical style is kind of like a cross between Husker Du and the Foo Fighters. That's what it sounds like, at least. And they have really cool cover art for their album.

1. Real Talk
A creepy cackling cave sound is heard. The singer really does sound like Dave Grohl at parts. The riff is pretty angry-sounding. And there's "oooooh-ooooooh" Beach Boy-like chorus vocals in the background. "NEVAH STARTEEEEYYYAAAHHHH"

2. Skin Display
This song's kind of slow. One thing I noticed with the vocals here are that they're kind of layered/harmonized. It sounds pretty good. Kevin's voice is more gritty and Stefanie's voice is softer. I like the chorus riff and melody. YER SKIN IZ ON DISPLAY... SO GO DISPLAY MORE SKIN, BUDDY. Then Kevin coughs at the end of the song.

3. Wormie
Who doesn't love a good wormie every now and then? Y'know, that REALLY REALLY REALLY fucked-up sex move called the "Wormie"? What? Never heard of it? If you have to ask... you'll never know. Bitch. But I've eaten worms plenty of times before, so I know a little bit about wormies. The non-sexual kind. If you find worms sexually attractive THEN YER A SICK BASTARD WHO SHOULD BE MUGGED/RAPED/SHOT/SENT TO HELL!!!!!!!! Anyways, this song is fast and it once again has a nice guitar riff... the rhythm guitar has a kind of jangly sound throughout the album and the bass is pretty thick and feels good on the ears. Great song.

4. Help
This one's kind of happy-sounding and once again pretty melodic. For some reason the guitar-playing in the verse part of this song reminds me of a little trumpet-blower playing the trumpet really fast. And yet, there are no trumpets. Huh.

5. Toothache
Begins with a scream. More angry-sounding. Did he just say "you've gotta eat yourself"? Man, what are they going to do when some kid is listening to this and takes those lyrics to heart and really DOES try to eat themself! THINK OF THE CHILLLDREN... End of Sied A.

6. Safe & Sound
Faster. Angrily-yelled vocals in the verse part. Melodic Misfits-like singing in the chorus part. Towards the end of the song there's a part where there's this wave of static-sort-of-noise and it gets louder and louder until stopping at the final chorus.

7. Do You Feel It?
This song rocks hard! The guitar melody is fucking awesome, the singing is awesome, the beat sounds cool, you've just gotta hear it! DO YOU HEAR IT?? HE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN! STRAIGHT OUTTA THE HORSE'S MOUTH!! THE GUY WITH THE SWEATER AND THE RED HAIR... HE IS A HORSE! AND EVERYTHING HE'S SAYING IS STRAIGHT OUT OF HIS MOUTH! SO REMEMBER KIDZ TO NEVER LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH... alright, enough with the horsey jokes. The song transitions directly into the next song, "You Think".

8. You Think
A fast song. The guitar riff in the very beginning goes well with the bass guitar. It's real awesome like the song before it and I like how the chorus riff goes... it kind of ascends upwards. Somewhat reminds me of the Germs. The guitar sound and the chord progressions.

9. You Give It to Me
Cool drum beat. YOU GIVE IT TO ME, I GIVE IT TO YOU. It's pretty upbeat, but towards the end it gets more dissonant and noisy.

10. Wanna See My Gun?
Starts out with a REALLY sexy-soundin' bass guitar riff. The song was originally on a 7" single that was the debut release from the band. I really love how he sings "I don't think this works anymore...". The beat is different-sounding and cool. After the first part, the song gets slower with echo-y vocals and no drum beat. Then the beat gets really fast in the next part after Kevin screams and then he starts singing more angrily this time around! There's even piano-playing in this part of the song... kind of reminds me of that one song at the end of Patti Smith's first album. Then Kevin says something like "ji" or "gun" or "jay" or something like that and his voice echoes all weird. And that's the end. Of the album. Kidz.

I'm a lot more impressed by this album than I thought I would be. The songwriting is awesome, the music might not be that "hardcore" but it sure does sound intense. I'd say it actually reminds me of a mix between the Germs and the Foo Fighters. Know what those two bands have in common? PAT SMEAR WAS IN BOTH OF THEM... which means that PREGNANT is essentially a CREATION of the deranged genious of PAT SMEAR!! Actually, I don't know if they listen to either of those bands, but they do sound good. A few of the songs are less entertaining than others, but by the second half of the album they've hit full throttle quality-wise. Most of the songs are pretty fast, a few of them are slow... the songs never get boringly repetitive, there's some cool effects used here n' there... I should try to buy this record, really. But if you don't have a record player, then you can just download one. But you should buy it sometime. Give the band some of YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY YOU SLAVED AWAY AT!!! I dunno. Do what you want to. Violence. Violence. Violence. Doesn't make any sense. Violence. Violence. Violence. Do what you want to... and also, I just wanted to remind you how awesome I think the cover for this album is. Flying saucers exploding over a desert. That's just cool.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Wanna See My Gun?
2. Do You Feel It?
3. You Think

Review #192: White Zombie - Gods on Voodoo Moon 7" (1985)

GODS ON VOODOO MOON (EP)

Year: 1985

Genre: Post-Punk
Label: Silent Explosion Records
Tracks: 4
Length: 9 Minutes
Style: Weird
My Rating: 6/8

Thanks to the help of my favorite cartoon ever, Beavis & Butt-head, this band actually got famous for awhile... by then they had gone to more of a mainstream heavy metal sound, but they were totally punk when they first started out. And not your momma's Ramones-like punk either, this is weird-ass window-shatterin' punk! The kind your momma warned you about! The band came from New York City and were named after a 1930s horror film called... the WHITE ZOMBIE!!!! The quality of this record is a bit murky, so it's kinda hard to make out all the lyrics, but I'm going to review all of this stuff anyways.

1. Gentleman Junkie
It's like a backwoods-sounding version of New Wave! Rob Zombie's weird, hillbilly-sounding vocals give the music an extra edge. Beat is cool in the chorus part. There's a ton of lead guitar solo-ing going on also, so that might interest you as well.

2. King of Souls [W.Z.]
The guitar riff here is even cooler here. A little more up-beat and catchy. I just love the way Rob's singing sounds. End of Side A.

3. Tales From the Scarecrow Man
Slower. Very inviting bass riff. Real trippy-sounding lead guitar stuff going on. More awesome-sounding vocals. That guitar just sounds like a ton of little creatures whizzing around your range of hearing. Sort of bubbling and rippling, and then buzzing and leaving a trail of glow behind it. I think I heard a harmonica also. This is my favorite song on the E.P.

4. Cat's Eye Resurrection
The fastest song. CAT CAT CAT... I like cats. Because they are funny. The tempo slows down in the chorus part and starts to sound like some fucked-up carnival tune. Rob's got so much of this fucked flow to the way he sings. Well, that's it, man, 'cuz this song is pretty short.

That was the first White Zombie record. It's pretty interesting... in some ways it reminds me of the Butthole Surfers, but not as funny. The vocal style reminds me of early G.G. Allin, but even more redneck. There's a hint of metal in the guitar tonage. Actually, the EP was re-released some years later as a cassette tape which includes two studio out-takes, but I'm too lazy to review those today so maybe someday I'll redo this review all over again or just find another record with those songs on it to review. Anyways, if you like your music fucked, screwed, and skewed, then "Gods on Voodoo Moon" iz for you. PENNIS

Review #191: Teenage Jesus & the Jerks - Orphans 7" (1978)

ORPHANS (Single)

Year: 1978

Genre: No-Wave
Label: Lust/Unlust Records
Tracks: 2
Length: 3 Minutes
Style: Angry
My Rating: 6/8

Teenage Jesus & the Jerks is a No-Wave band from New York, whose members have included (the incredibly hot) Lydia Lunch, James Chance (also had his own band called "The Contortions"), and then there's also Gordon Stevenson (bass guitar), and Bradley Field (drums). The line-up that recorded this record were Lydia, Gordon, and Bradley. James Chance must've been off contorting himself then. Anyways, this was the first Teenage Jezus release, and it contains their most well-known song, Orphans (probably because they made a music video for it), and then another song called "Less of Me". The musical style of Teenage Jesus & the Jerks is cathartic, repetitive, abrasive, feminine, and confrontational! When you listen to TEEEEEAAANNAGGGEEE JEAAAEEUUUUAAZOUUUUSSSS andthejerks you will hear chords that YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED! Lydia Lunch screams and yells about orphans and shit, and what the hell, I'm supposed to be talking about that in the song reviews! So......

1. Orphans
LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THROUGH THE BLOODY SNOW. Yep, you'll hear a lot about little orphans dying in this song. No more ankles and no more toes. That previous sentence was something that Lydia sings in the song. The riff is really repetitive, and the sound of the rhythm guitar is icy and it flashes into your ears, the same way that it feels on your feet to run barefoot through the snow for the first time. Or to walk on thin ice. After each sung part, there's a fucking wild noisy guitar solo. The beat is just a thumping bass pedal. Very simple. Lydia sings in pain, like maybe she were at one point also a LITTLE ORPHAN RUNNING THROUGH THE BLOODY SNOW. Bloody snow would be like red snow, correct? DON'T EET THE REDD SNOWW, KIDZ! The guitar kind of sounds like this: dskfjsdklfjdskfjdslfjsda89udjsd-';dgfld;'lgfdsasd;;'.dfofg.gf;pg;df'df
'.dfg][ldsfg][p;dsfg=-
';

2. Less of Me
I dunno who's playing the saxophone here. Maybe it's James Chance. Or Lydia herself. The beat and melody are simple here, but the way it's all punctuated is different than in other song. You get to hear a lot of saxophone craziness in this tune. Lydia's voice sounds a bit less frantic here. More cymbals from mister Field, also.

Definitely listen to the song, "Orphans"! "Less of Me" is good also, but "Orphans" really does take the cake. It captures the feeling of its subject matter perfectly and it just sounds really really good, also. I give this record a 6/8 because it's just that snazzy. Also, check out this AMAZIING MUSIC VIDEO FOR ORPHANS BY TEENAGE JESUS AND THE JERKS 'CUZ IT'S FULL OF CLIPPETS OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM AND PLAY-DOH AND ALL OF THAT STUFF THAT YOU KIDZ THESE DAYS ENJOY WANKING OFF TO!

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "ORPHANS"

Review #182: GG Allin - No Rules (EP) (1982)

NO RULES (EP)

Year: 1982
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Label: Orange Records
Tracks: 4
Length: 7 Minutes
Style: Angry/Political/Fun
My Rating: 6/8

Yep, GG Allin... one of the only artists to be more famous for shitting on stage, eating the said shit, throwing the shit at members of the audience, mutilating himself regularly, performing on-stage rape, getting into a lot of fights, being naked, having a two-inch wang and still being a total badass, and all that other stuff. Of course, what half the people who already know this DON'T know is that he was actually quite a good musician. Not God's gift to the ear of mankind, maybe, but still definitely better than people give him credit for. And at one point he was a really good singer, too! GG started performing in the late '70s, and this is one of his earlier records, which came (yes, ejaculation) out just after his first LP from '81. This is a 7" EP with four songs. Time for the MAGICAL REVIEW, CHILDREN...

1. No Rules
GG's voice sounds pretty youthful and clean-sounding compared to his monstrous growl of later times. It's fast, there's a shouted background chorus; just a big angry anthem to anarchy! However, it's probably the worst of the four songs on the record.

2. A Fuck-Up
"Ohohoho, Nelly!" YOU'REAFUCKUPYOU'REAFUCKUPYOU'REAFUCKUPYOU'REAFUCKUP... those are some lines from the song. It's about being a social misfit/outcast and not giving a fuck and shit like that. "Why don't you just leave me alone... suck my bone" -- hehehe. Then there's a cool guitar solo in the middle. End of Side A.

3. Up Against the Wall
I guess this is actually a cover of a song by a band called "the Ohio Express"... still haven't heard the original version. This was the first GG Allin tune I heard and it's really really good! It's a tad slower than the two songs before it (and the one after it). Extremely catchy and the singing's really good. The lyrics revolve around a battle of the lower class against the law/oppressor. But yeah, this is a fucking awesome song and probably the best on here. I love it.

4. NYC Tonight
I like this one a lot, also. It's a song about going out to New York City and partying and causing trouble and all that fun stuff. It's so fun to listen to! The riff in the middle part rules. You can just imagine how wild things would've been getting while this song was being played live by this point. "The city's mine, the Big Apple I'll bite!"

So there's my review. Side A has some pretty good songs, and Side B has some really good songs. Especially "Up Against the Wall". As you can tell here, he wasn't a total monster yet at this point... yeah, he always sang crude lyrics and was totally fucked up, but at this time his performances consisted more of just doing Iggy Pop-style stage antics, which was "extreme" then, but it wasn't anymore once the shit-flinging and rape started taking place... or so I've heard. Maybe everything I've ever heard iz a lie. This music is high-energy party-rock that has the same sort of hot-headed guitar and beats as the Germs. Anyways, yeah, this is a good record and if you think that GG Allin wasn't talented or good at all, then listen to this and it might change your mind!

Review #176: Girls at Dawn - Never Enough 7" (2009)

NEVER ENOUGH (Single)

Year: 2009
Genre: Psychedelic Rock/Pop
Label: HoZac Records
Tracks: 2
Length: 6 Minutes
Style: Happy/Relationship
My Rating: 6/8

The Girls at Dawn aer a trio from Brooklyn (New York, United States, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Universe, Plane of Existence, God's Butthole, etc.) that formed in 2008 and their musical style is very '60s-influenced with a lot of elements of psychedelic rock, '60s garage rock, and maybe even a little punk. The band's members are: Erin Campbell (guitar), Ana Economou (bass guitar), and Sarah Baldwin (drums). All three sing, often in harmonies, and the music has sort of a childish innocent quality to it. This is the band's first release ever, and it's a 7" single with two songs on it (wouldn't that make it a DOUBLE? hmm...). Anyways, here's what I've got to say about the songs.

1. Never Enough
Definitely an old-fashioned pop song. It has a nice bouncy beat, jangly guitar sounds, friendly sing-songy vocals and a synth organ, also. The lyrics are about love and holding hands and missing your lover and stuff. Pretty much how I feel about the girl I like, even though I've never even touched her before! Da-na-na-na-na... blahblahblahblah... stuff like that. This music would put a baby sleep... if it was POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!!!

2. Every Night
I like this one better. The riff is really good and the vocals fit well with it and the vocal harmonies sound good. Particularly I enjoy the verse part, that part's real good. Everything sounds like it was recorded in a cave, like the song before it. Lots of echo-ey stuff goin' on, here.

There you have it. The single from ze Girls at DAWN. If you like this, they also have an EP and an album out for you to listen to, so enjoy the music, especially if you like really old music and shit like that. Or the Velvet Underground on anti-depressants with just a bunch of happy singing girls. I really liked "Every Night", but I guess which one iz better is a matter of taste in this case. Both have more hooks than a chronic fisherman! But yeah, that's my review. Check them out on MySpace or something.

THE GIRLS AT DAWN PERFORMING "EVERY NIGHT" LIVE:

Review #166: HYMS - HYMS (2006)

HYMS

Year: 2006
Genre: Ambient Rock/Post-Punk
Label: Wrong Island Records
Tracks: 6
Length: 59 Minutes
Style: Calm
My Rating: 6/8

HYMS is a one-man-band created by Peter Smiloff around 2004, starting as a side-project but now something bigger. Despite only having one member, he manages to perform live shows as well. This is the first HYMS release as far as I know of, with another one being a split album with Grrrl Friend and a 12-minute digital single called "Cora". The music of HYMS is simple, yet very large-sounding and Peter manages to evoke a vast array of emotional energy out of a single instrument. Most of the songs are close to 10 minutes long, so expect a lengthy experience when listening to this album.

1. Amber
The momentum of this song is built off a repeated low-pitched B note, but there are accompanying lighter melodies that harmonize with this note. By midway through the song the harmonizing lighter sounds really create an airy, wispy sound to song, like a person flying on their way to Heaven (given that it exists in the sky) or some shit like that. The song fades out.

2. Angels From Ashes Wake
The first part's melody is made up of four descending power-chords. Kind of reminds me of waking up near a snowy mountain or something. There's a high-pitched lead guitar note progression harmonizing with the main riff. After around a minute and a half, the song changes to another part with a really nice melody and it's real nice to listen to. Later on in the song you hear some real distorted, sludgy riffs as well. Out of that arises a cleaner melody that ends the song.

3. Doves
This is one of my favorite HYMS songs and the first HYMS song I ever heard. Once again, it's one of those songs that just sound like it's the kind of music you'd hear when you die or something like that. Like being trapped in a room with one lightbulb and knowing nothing else is ever going to happen again. The main melody of the song is a guitar riff being played backwards that sounds kind of creepy and peaceful at the same time, as some forwards-playing chords are played over the main riff. Then lead guitars cut in later on and stuff like that.

4. Escape Continuum
Here's another song on the album I like a lot. When I hear this song, I think of waking up in the morning in the summer and feeling like the day is going to be pretty good. It has an awesome guitar melody. I really like it. There's a neat buzzing noise in the background in the key of E that sets the ambience to the song. Great song to listen to in the morning on a sunny day.

5. Lost Skies (A Lifetime of Heartache)
Similar guitar effect to "Doves" -- a backwards played riff. More melodic buzzing. More of a sad feeling on this one. More sounds and guitars are thrown into the mix. It's the longest song on the album, clocking in at not far from 14 minutes!

6. Moments Into Ours
Cool metallic (not the musical style) sound to the background synth on this song. A lot of jarring loud swooping guitar chords come to take stabs at a potential solar dome made of metal or a smooth crystal, perhaps. At two minutes into the song, a two-note lead melody is introduced to the song, which adds more texture. After three minutes, a fuzzy synth melody begins to play as well. Pretty heavy. Then there's a distorted-sounding guitar riff integrated into the song later on after that. And more and more elements keep on getting added to the rollin' train of musicality. At the 9th minute, everything else abruptly cuts out except for one last guitar playing a lead tune. Then it fades out.

Well, it's definitely a change of pace from what I usually listen to, but it's good. People who like guitars and music made by guitars may or may not like this album. Evidently they were good enough to be signed by Wrong Island. And ya know what THAT means... the album is FREE! YAEY! I dunno, it might not be aggressive or diverse enough for everyone's tastes. The music is serene and calm and the songs drag on for a really long time. This is the kind of record you listen to alone at home for 24 hours and then proceed to go fuck shit up afterwards 'cause you've gotten a good rest. Anyways, if you want to listen to it, you can download the album by following this link:

http://www.last.fm/music/HYMS/HYMS

Check it out. Make a little CD case with album art for it or something, I dunno. I should probably try that. But that's all I have to say for now. I'll try to do another review tomorrow.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Doves
2. Escape Continuum
3. Moments Into Ours

Review #155: The Mad - Eyeball (Single) (1978)

EYEBALL (Single)

Year: 1978

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Hardcore
Label: Disgusting Records
Tracks: 2
Length: 4 Minutes
Style: Weird
My Rating: 6/8

Lemme start this off by saying I don't know a whole lot about this band, but their songs shure are GOOD. I guess the band was an early shock-rock type of act, and did a lot of weird shit and special effects on stage and stuff. The frontman's name is Screamin' Mad George, and has continued a career beyond his band. Also, this band is likely one of the earliest New York hardcore bands ever, being released around the same time as "Nervous Breakdown" by Black Flag and having great riffs and lyrics, so it kinda sucks not as many people know about this band as there probably should be.

1. Eyeball
This song isn't as good as its b-side, but it's still pretty good. The vocals are pretty muffled, so it's hard to understand what Mr. George is sayin', but you sure can him sing the word "eyeball" a whole lot. Shouted backing vocals in the chorus are indeed present. It's alright, but it could be better.

2. I Hate Music
Here's the REAL gem on this record. It's an abrasively catchy song about, well, hating music and lovin' NOIZE! The song goes onto sing about how "I", "he", "she", and "we" all hate music, and in the next version the same is applied to loving noise. Lotsa screaming and stuff during the chorus and inbetween each line in the verse parts there's some weird saxophone stuff being played. It's kinda funny, but it really is a fucking cool song to listen to. I think it was also featured on the "New York Thrash" compilation tape from 1982 (which included the Beastie Boys and Kraut as well) also.

So you should probably listen to these songs. This is possibly one of the oldest occurrences of the hardcore punk sound in New York -- before the Beastie Boys, Reagan Youth, Kraut, etc., before the whole D.C. scene was really solid enough to influence the New York punk scene, way before the whole "tough guy" scene set foot in New York City. But I know that just makes me sound like a lame-assed historian, so I'm going to say that "I Hate Music" is a great song and makes this 7" worthwhile just for that. Seeya!

Review #151: Patti Smith - Horses (1975)

HORSES

Year: 1975

Genre: Rock & Roll, Blues, Punk Rock
Label: Arista Records
Tracks: 8
Length: 43 Minutes
Style: Emotional
My Rating: 7/8

Whew, I shoure have been a lot busier, lately... from a part-time volunteer job to going to bed early to art classes to homework, there's been less time for me to write reviews, unfortunately. One day after work I did get to read a couple chapters of "Just Kids" by Patti Smith. I really liked that book. I couldn't locate it after the second time I wanted to read it, though. Maybe this next week I'll find it again so I can continue where I left off. I've also bought two phonograph records over the past week, which are "Raw Power" by the Stooges and the re-pressing of the "Hunted Down" single by SoundGarden. Both are pretty damn awesome. Now I have just quarters left! I also saw a copy of "Uncle Scam" by the Defendants (a local hardcore band) at the same record store I bought the SoundGarden 7" at for only $5, so that was a neat surprise as well. By the way, the name of the store is "Toxic Beauty Records", and it's in Yellow Springs, so if you're from the area and have never been there, you should check it out. And yeah, I had to say that. It's part of my deal for buying a $10 single for only $7. Shh!

But yeah, you might have read by review of Patti Smith's debut record that I wrote in April, and I really liked the songs on it. So, now I'm going to review her first full album. It steps more towards some early punk rock, whereas the first 7" was piano-dominated blues-y stuff. Yep, Patti was one of the first punks in the first punk scene in New York City! Actually, she was more of a beatnik. What the hell, she's just Patti Smith. Hah. Ha. H. Is for Horses. That is THIS ALBUM, boyz n' girlz. TIME TO REVIEW THE SONGS NAUOW, GAHAHEHEHEHEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Gloria

A much-improved cover of the song by the 1960s band "Them". The song is made up of two "halves". The first part is called "In Excelis Deo". The second part is just called "Gloria". The first half of the song is piano-driven and slow, and Patti opens the song with the line, "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine", referring to her decision during high school to leave her Catholic past behind. The guitar has a sort of countryish twang, and Patti's voice has an earthy sound and sort of a snarl to it as well. By one minute into the song, a percussion section becomes audible, and the song slowly becomes more upbeat and speeds up a little until we're in the second part of the song, which is an ultra-catchy punk version of the repeated melody, and a fucking awesome chorus section with a group-sung "GLORIA", to which Patti responds, "G-L-O-R-I-A!". There's a messy, slow bluesy mid-section as well which adds a little breather space to the song before revving up for a final chorus.

2. Redondo Beach
This song uses a synth keyboard and some other neat instruments. Cool beat as well. Very cool and easy-going riff, but the song is about a girl who commits suicide to the shock of the rest of her community. There seems to be a bit of a reggae influence to this song.

3. Birdland
Just a piano and Patti's voice. The song starts with spoken lyrics, which Patti sort of begins to sing in the third line. The song conveys a long poetic story of a boy feeling alienated from the rest of society, wishing to become more like the birds who he feels more at peace with. At one point in the song, Patti's speaking becomes more and more intense until finally collapsing into more singing. Almost 10 minutes long!

4. Free Money
This one's got a little more guitar in it. It gets progressively faster as it goes on. The song's a love song about using the power of dreaming to do the things and go on the adventures you can't afford to do with money. End of Side 1.

5. Kimberly
I love the way the drums sound on this one. The verse melody is great. Richard Sohl plays the synth-organ. This song might be about the baby that Patti had when she was 18 that she put up for adoption not long after and her short experience as a mother. Sometimes she sort of speeds up and goes off on these beatnik-esque rants. I think that's really cool, it adds an intensity to the music.

6. Break It Up
A slow blues-rock song about a breakup with a boy that Patti loved. Either that or someone dying. I'm not completely sure, but it sounds like something that must've hit her pretty hard, judging by the pure emotion behind this one. In one part it sounds like she's thumping on her chest to add an extra vibration to her voice. In the end of the song, Patti just begins screaming "BREAK IT UP", as it all fades out.

7. Land
A three-part song. Part I is called "Horses", Part II is called "Land of a Thousand Dances", and Part III is called "La Mer (De)". The song starts off with Patti speaking, until the background music fades in, as we can hear a parallel recording of Patti speaking in the background. The guitar has an awesome zingy sort of sound to it, and the protagonist in the song is "surrounded by horses", as the beat becomes faster, just like the running of a group of horses. Then the second part of the song after two minutes is a cover of "Land of a Thousand Dances" by Chris Denner, with a punky feeling and some wild piano chords as well. And of course, a plethora of new improvised lyrics by Ms. Smith herself. The third part of the song is more about the percussion and bass, keeping the same beat as the middle part of the tune, but calmer and more silent, with Patti continuing her vocal part. And then the song ends.

8. Elegie
The shortest and final song on the album. Patti sings real strongly here, and the song has a calm piano melody, with some bass guitar and even a little lead, and in one part, Patti's voice soars into a soprano. The lead guitar in the background in the end sort of flail about like dying monsters.

Very good album. The emotion here is very strong, but Patti doesn't really sound that angry, there's a general optimistic feel here, like in "Birdland", and a lot of music I listen to his pretty angry. There's also a great piano presence here, and you'll feel just as much blues here as early punk rock. One of the first albums of the New York scene ever, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it doesn't sound exactly like everything else I listen to, but for that it does stand out as something different, and I'm sure Patti has been a very large influence on many of the more recent artists I enjoy... and hey, Patti's still going! I'm not extremely familiar with all of her material, just this album and the "Hey Joe" single, but so far I like what I hear... so yes, this iz a great album and I liked it and you probably will too. Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Gloria
2. Kimberly
3. Redondo Beach