Review #241: Mark Prindle - My Wife Left Me Because These Songs Are Terrible (2010)

MY WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE THESE SONGS ARE TERRIBLE

Year: 2010
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Nute Records
Tracks: 40
Length: 64 Minutes
My Rating: 8/8

Mark Prindle is a somewhat notorious reviewer of music from New York who often does very interesting and humorous music reviews with a writing style and personality incomparable to most. He has been writing since 1996 and recording music since 1998. This new CD released in December features tracks from many of his previous CD's from over a decade span of 1998 to 2007! Therefore, we are left with a beautiful, surprisingly fluid compilation of forty amazing songs.

I would say that Mark Prindle is as creative a musician as he is a writer... this shit rivals Ween in terms of silliness + musical talent and is easily one of THE very greatest records to be made over the past decade. I guess this makes me apart of the problem seeing as I was unaware of his music before this CD... which was the first time I even had a chance to hear the music. But yes, totally great and versatile and FACUNDO HAS A CRUSH ON MARK PRINDLE so let's get started on this amazing quest through one man's mind. He's Mark D. Prindle.

1. Kibble!
Featuring what is probably HENRY THE DOG on vocals... a bunch of weird synth keyboard gibberish. Not very long.

2. Mark D. Prindle
Noisy and discordant... despite this, Mark sings with a vocal melody. I'M MARK D. PRINDLE. THAT'S HIS NAME, KIDZ. Despite sounding crazy, I actually believe this is all pre-written music because it repeats... it's just crazy sounding. Who couldn't love that? RIGHT?? RIGHT??!!

3. NOTECHORD
Fast and hard. But it's got cool skrichy-skrachy sounds to it... awesome guitar-sounds... CHECK OUT THIS NOISE, Mark sings, as we are provided a loud vaccuum-cleaner-on-acid type noise to check out. YAYAYYY

4. Loving To Love With You
This song, as you may guess is about love and being in love and all that shit... the warm but shrill tones of the guitar could melt your soul... WITH LOVE AND LOVING LOVE FOR YOU TO LOVE IN LOVE. Great-sounding song.

5. All The People I Work With Suck Balls
For the most part contains this little lead-guitar melody and a fast beat and some great-sounding pseudo-psychedelic guitar melody seeping through your speakers... it then ends with Mark sounding like a curmudgeonly old man singing some shit I can't understand but it sounds fucking funny.

6. Jogging Is The Bestest
Another fast song... slightly reminds me of the Germs. The Germs fucking rule! Except instead of Darby Crash we've got Marky Prindle who sings about homeless guys getting buttraped and the apparent joys of jogging. HE SAID "BONEY", AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

7. Length=Quality (Not Just In Cocks, But In Life)
Has a weird mambo-type feel to it, except you're being chased by weird evil black sharks with vacuum cleaner heads for mouths... kinda like black, long-necked hammerhead sharks. OH-OH-OHH. Mr. Prindle sure sounds smarmy here.

8. Dreary Old Lonesome Potato
A weird pseudo-metal smash-up with sad, cry-y sounding singing. SINGING! SINGING... singing. siiinnggiingnndfgndngdfngdfkhfglhkjjhkghjklghjhg who would wanna be a lonesome potato? Ends pretty abruptly.

9. Hot Rockin' 2Nite
A somewhat hilarious "live" (a.k.a. fake arena audience background noise) parody of arena rock. It's pretty great and Mark's voice in the beginning is fucking hilarious as he attempts to sound like a high-pitched '70s rocker but ends up sounding like Mickey Mouse... after the main sung parts, the various members of the band all show off their SKILLZ on the instruments they play, including a pretty kick-ass but un-pretentious lead guitar solo. Who wouldn't love that, right? I FEEL ALRIGHT!!!! YOU'RE WELCOME FOR COMIN' DOWN!

10. Working Late - More Like 'Jerking Nate' If You Ask Me
This one has kind of a dark, monstrous feel to it... reminds me of penguins escaping their death over thick black disgusting ice in Antarctica. Mark sings in more ridiculous voices.

11. Furnished With A Caboose
One of the saddest songs I have ever heard... a little bit of wimpering feedback and then you hear a descending guitar melody that trickles down the earscope/whatever like teardrops from a man like Mark Prindle who knows the true meaning of pain apparently. But seriously, this song is very sad-sounding. I remember the first time I heard this song I was very stoned and sad began to get even sadder after hearing this and then proceeded to go on a destructive half-nude rampage around my house destroying various pieces of furniture... but that's a whole 'nother story. Seriously, if this song can't make you cry then you have no soul. Just like me because souls don't exist. Think about that next time you trip on robitussin!

12. My Songs Would Be Significantly Less Sucky If I Bothered To Save Up For More Powerful Recording Equipment
This song is very ironic because this is one of the best-sounding albums I've heard to come out in recent years... this song is fast and the lyrics are about his supposed poor recording quality and it has a cool solo towards the end.

13. Lefties, Righties, We're All One In The Pearly Gates Of Hellfire
Psychedelic hardcore! Awesome! Hear those wonderful thrasher beats and womp-womp and woosh-wash guitar sounds all in one song. Mark's singing style here sounds very awesome... he sounds like an angry old man, but not quite as old as the one in track five. The second half of this song is a bunch of shoegaze-y avant-garde guitarfuckingaround stuff.

14. KEYBORD
This one is entirely keyboard melodies except for Mark's singing. Reminds me much of snow falling from the sky in winter. Mark vocally harmonizes with himself... he sings about birds and swearing and shit.

15. Lollipops And Daffodils And Cinnamon And Spice
The first part of the song is a cool-sounding synth melody to a fake drumbeat and then the second part features a happy synth melody and Mark singing about nice happy things and wanting people to die. Another abrupt ending.

16. Trading Card Shenanigan
This song is kinda slow... halfway through, the song stops and Mark starts singing about somebody ripping up one of his trading cards as a bunch of CHOMP sounds repeat... the music then segues into a really fucking amazing-sounding section with an awesome guitar riff with a delay effect. It reminds me of being somewhere... special, that's where. Everyone should hear this song. Check out that cool melody going on in the background... very amazing-sounding!!!

17. Get Your Knitting Needle Out Of My Ass!
ALL THE KIDS ARE HEADING DOWN TO SCHOOL! This song is about a boy who gets fucked up the ass by his grandma's knitting needle... the music itself is pretty awesome as well... GET YOUR KNITTING NEEDLE OUT OF MY ASS.

18. It Means I Love You
Mark sings to his female lover that if he has sex with another man then it means I LOVE YOU... Hahahahaha, what awesome lyrics. And horse noises as well... once again this song ends abruptly to PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF.

19. My Cold, Empty, Dying Soul
Somewhat somber but it has a cool punky drumbeat... there's vocal harmonies here, too.

20. 12345
I like numbers and counting too. COUNTING IS CONFORMITY. UUGHGHHN UNNNGHHH UGNNGNGHHH... weird wonk-wompy melody. This should be the new Sesame Street theme song. Absofuckinglutely. Hahahaaahahahahaha, I can imagine it now! That would be the funniest thing ever... seeing Big Bird shaking hands with little kids to this music. Towards end of the song, we hear an angry man yell about being told what to do by the government.

21. Pisspoor Excuse For A Shoehorn
Sounds much like a Flipper song.

22. NOIZNOTES
Starts off with a bunch of echoing 'lectric guitar strums bouncing offa the walls, and then a fast drum beat fades in... Mark reluctantly encourages the listener to respect women and abstain from rape.

23. Innocence Lost
THERE'S A TREE IN THE GARDEN AND THE SWING IT HAS BROKE, THERE'S A FACE IN THE WINDOW OF A CHILD WHO NEVER SPOKE... it's slow and depressing... actually pretty eloquent lyrically until he leads up to how he squished a pimple on his ass into your coke COCKSUCKERMOTHERFUCKERBLAHBLAHBLUHBLEGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24. Honey Child, You Ain't Lived Until You've Drafted A Press Release Announcing That GameSpy Industries Has Received An Equity Investment From Michael Ovitz And The Yucaipa Companies
A fast hardcore punk song.

25. Dialing Incorrect Phone Numbers Does Very Little Towards Reducing Stress
Kinda slow and not very loud aside from the guitar melodies at the beginning. Makes me think of getting up during a cloudy day. SHIT.

26. Hurting You In A Malicious Manner
Yet another great-sounding song. Nice guitar melody, fast beat, and a funky intro.

27. FASTCLEANS
This song's about a magical fast cleaning device... like the title suggests, the song is fast with clean but totally 'lectric guitar. STRUMDADRUMSTRUMSTRUMSTRUMMMM...

28. All The People I Work With Don't Suck Balls Anymore
Awesome guitar sound... reminds me of a winter night or maybe a summer night but either way with a really nice sunset just about to end and then it's all starry and shit. Lovely song with totally goofy balls-related lyrics.

29. I'm Not An Alcoholic (I Drink Because I'm Depressed)
More slicy-icy sounding guitar picking... awesome sounding drumbeat. Sloppy but great. When Mark sings the beat cuts out of the mix. Hahahahahah! What a funny guy.

30. Disco Jaws
Thick, murky bass riff and Mark singing in a smarmy but claustrophobic falsetto voice. He even makes weird Pac-Man sounds on the guitar! WOMPWAOWWW...

31. God Rules
Starts off with a clean guitar riff and then explodes into a loud, bombastic song with a fast beat... then things change again. I dunno what to say that hasn't already been said. This song sounds pretty cool. Mark sings about all the things that God rules over.

32. My Third Shrinkity-Dink-Dink (Mr. Mustache)
Unfortunately this is not a cover of "Mr. Mustache" by Nirvana. But Mark doesn't need to cover songs to sound good anyways. Once again Mark implements that thing where the music cuts out of the mix and we briefly hear only Mark and his various harmonizing clones singing something really stupid.

33. Antonio Banderas Naked
A short, somber instrumental track.

34. Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong)
Another one of my favorite songs on this album. Kinda reminds me of Ween but faster. We have absolutely amazing-sounding guitar riffage, Mark singing a nice vocal melody in a sped-up voice... it sounds absolutely great. One of the happiest songs I have heard... well, actually, that instrumental part isn't very happy, but the sung parts are very happy. They make me smile. The guitar melody is just hypnotizing. Yay for this wonderful song! Just makes me wanna skip through a field of daisies in the sun... and I WOULD if it weren't so FUCKING HOT AND HUMID OUT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

35. Mold On My Shower Curtain Is A-OK
Has a neat electro/techno-ish beat and a cool guitar riff with some nice lead and synth melodies layered over it. Mark sounds pretty smarmy here... can't think of another word for it. I guess I could imagine taking a shower to this.

36. NOTES
Kind of an angry western-ish guitar melody to this one. The singing here sounds boldly whiny here... he even cries IN THE SONG. ISN'T THAT AWESOME?? A man like Mark Prindle un-afraid to show his true feelings even when in the studio... or his apartment room or wherever he recorded this, mang.

37. Pinhead + Diver Down=Aah! (Rounded To The Nearest Decimal, Of Course)
Mark ponders the recording techniques of bands such as the Ramones and Van Halen... the music is kind of '80s goth/ new wave-ish sounding... licky-sticky boo!

38. ANGST
From the very first few seconds, this song sounds pretty awesome... it's like a catchy pop-punk tune with tons of reverb... Mark sounds like he's shouting off into the sky in the back yard of my old church or something here... I dunno why I think of that visual but I do.

39. SHIFTYLIFTY
Feels like weirded out acid blues. Pretty nice guitar riff, I must say. Mark sings in another strange voice. ALCOHOL, YEAH... it actually sounds pretty hilarious when he says "I don't give a damn". Then we hear a bunch of loud whoooooop noises. Te-he. Hahahahahahaha, "Take a train to... SHIFTY-LIFTY."

40. The Post-Man Only Rings Untrue
Slow, sad, and buzzy and fuzzy. UNNNNGHHHH. Keeps on fading in and out.

Well... sadly... we are at the end. Of this album. I really like it, too. Like, seriously, this is one of my favorite albums to come out in recent years. I know it's just a compilation of older shit but it WORKS. It's a lot like "The Pod" by Ween to me... just a goofy but nonetheless totally emotionally potent trek through all feelings human beings have. Mark has a great sense of humor and he is a great musician as well! I really hope I get to hear more shit like this in the future. You can listen to the whole thing for free or buy a CD right here:

http://nuterecords.bandcamp.com/album/my-wife-left-me-because-these-songs-are-terrible

If you want to hear a new record that leaves very little to be desired, give this a listen. Plus, 40 songs have gotta mean something. Almost every single tune on this album is great.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
2. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
3. Trading Card Shenanigan

Review #164: Black Sabbath - Paranoid (1970)

PARANOID

Year: 1970
Genre: Heavy Metal
Label: Vertigo Records
Tracks: 8
Length: 42 Minutes
Style: Mysterious/Emotional/Political
My Rating: 8/8

"Paranoid" by Black Sabbath is one of the most famous and influential heavy metal albums of all time. This band has influenced more bands in my musical appetite than you could shake a stick at, including Black Flag, the Melvins, the Butthole Surfers, Nirvana, Alice in Chains, Sourpuss, the Ramones, SoundGarden, etc. blah blah blah blah blah blah bleehhhhhhhhhhhhhh! BLEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Yeah, I bought this album on CD a few months ago but had trouble getting it to work in my car, so I sort of put it on the back burner for awhile, but it is really good! Very heavy, moving, dark, intricate music. Some of it is slow and some of it is fast, but people who were "there" back in the day say it was a great breath of fresh air from the dying hippie movement in the early '70s. But I was really listening to the Sabbath-influenced bands first, so I can't totally see it the same way 'cause I don't listen to a whole ton of '60s music, especially the "lame" kind (though it was the kind of stuff my parents used to play when I was little a whole lot, so I can understand how annoying it'd be to hear nothing but that). But enough history shit, this is the second Black Sabbath record and it was released the same year as the first one, so they were recording a lot, evidently! What DID they record? That's what I'm about to review...

1. War Pigs/Luke's Wall
Absolutely beautiful intro... pretty slow and bluesy-sounding... it's just got that feelin'... feeling at rock-bottom and like it can't get any worse so it can only get better even though it sucks (not the song), and there's this neat sound in the background that sounds like a train, but the pitch of the sound is in harmony with the music itself. Of course, this song describes and denounces the "war pigs" in the government that control the world, describing them as sorcerers of destruction and poisoning and brainwashing the people. After about two minutes into the song, the song changes once again for a more upbeat, cool part with awesome singing and a cool-ass guitar melody and beat. There is one part that it almost seems that Black Flag almost directly took the riff for "Jealous Again" from in this song. At the very end the song unexpectedly speeds up before coming to a stop. It's one of the most famous Black Sabbath songs and the longest one on this album.

2. Paranoid
This is the song that they wrote really quickly in the studio during the recording of the album, but don't let that fool you... it's really good. It's one of the faster songs on the album. The vocal melody is great... hell, it all is! Cool bass sound, also. Awesome guitar solo in the middle of the song. The song captures the sadness of a person whose mind is so overtaken by instability, insanity, and fear that he is unable to enjoy life.

3. Planet Caravan
This is a softer, calmer song, but it's really sad sounding. There are little wisps of melody floating around the main bass-dominated melody here. Ozzy sings using a ghostly-sounding vocal effect. The second half of this song really is what makes the song for me, with all of that beautiful lead guitar melody fucking the little vaginas inside your ear... it feels so good. It sounds awesome. Such a good song.

4. Iron Man
One of the most famous rock songs of all-time, and deservedly so. How many times do you hear a guitar riff more powerful-sounding than the verse riff for Iron Man? Not many, I guess. But yeah, that riff MAKES this song. Especially when played using the chords. The thumping bass drum in the beginning sets the creepy feeling that explodes into this monster so huge and powerful that it would not be as wise to try to escape as much as to just embrace it. As for the lyrical content itself, it's about a man who travels to the future to see save humanity from destruction, only to be turned into steel, watching the people who care not for him, eventually coming back to life and destroying the world in an act of revenge. Some parts of the song are fast, but for the most part it's a slow, heavy song. One of the greatest songs ever. End of Side A.

5. Electric Funeral
Starts off with a moody wah-wah-sounding intro melody and once again a slow tempo. Very doomy and negative-sounding melody and attitude to this song. And that's pretty much what it's about -- describes civilization as an "electric funeral" destroying the human race. There's a faster part in the middle of the song.

6. Hand of Doom
The song starts out alright, with a certain bassline dominating the melody and it's pretty slow. The song's sound abruptly changes during the middle to a completely different section with a different riff and a different beat and that part is really cool. Really good singing. Then towards the end there iz a guitar solo with a crashing drum beat behind it. At about five minutes the song changes back to how it sounded in the beginning.

7. Rat Salad
Mmm, rat salad! Sounds delicious. This one's an instrumental tune in which all of the members show off their skills at their instruments, including a lengthy drum solo at the end. It's pretty good, especially the lead guitar melody, but I like some of the other songs better.

8. Jack the Stripper/Faeries Wear Boots
It's not Jack the RIPPER, it's Jack the STRIPPER, he just shows up at peoples' houses and gets naked! Hee heeeeeeee. The beginning of the song is slow and pretty damn metal-ly (now a thousand metalheads are going to kill my ass) because there's so much lead guitar and it's slow and it's got them funky bass tunes and all of this other shit because I'm too lazy to come up with some bullshit pseudo-intellectual interpretation of the melodic arrangements of this song. Anyways, after that, there's a real cool faster part with a cool riff and it's pretty cool and Ozzy sings cool and all of this other stuff. Duh-duh-duh-DAH! The song's about a guy who sees REAL faeries and finds out that they wear boots, and his doctor thinks he's been doing too many drugs. Lotta crazy lead guitar stringing out of the guitarist's head after the singing part. And then the song returns to a continuation of the first section of the song. The song fades out and then...

IT'S ALL OVER. FUCKERS!!! THE WORLD HAS ENDED FROM A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST WHILE YOU WERE FRIVOLOUSLY READING THIS AND COULD HAVE ACTUALLY DONE SOMETHING TO STOP IT WHILE YOU HAD THE CHANCE... BUT NO, YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE YOUR FUCKING BLACK SABBATH AND LISTEN TO YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE MUSIC AND READ REVIEWS FROM SOME ASS-KISSING FAN TO REMIND YOURSELF HOW GREAT A BAND YOU ALREADY LIKE IS AND HOW GREAT IT IS THAT SOMEBODY ELSE LIKES THAT BAND THAT YOU LIKE AS IF THAT MAKES THE QUALITY OF THE MUSIC ITSELF ANY GREATER... nah, just fucking around. TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (proceeds to make ape noises for five hours straight). Well I'll be a barrel of pickled donkey testicles if nearly every song on this record didn't get totally famous. And it was well-deserved fame. Many bands took the band's musical style to heart and put their own twist on it or improved upon it, but this band will stay in the collective conscience of 14-year-old boys for decades to come. G'BYE, 14-YEAR-OLDS!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Planet Caravan
2. Iron Man
3. Paranoid

MUSIC VIDEOS:

Review #138: The Stooges - The Stooges (1969)

THE STOOGES

Year: 1969

Genre: Punk Rock, Garage Rock
Label: Elektra Records
Tracks: 8
Length: 34 Minutes
Style: Rebellious/Fun/Mysterious
My Rating: 8/8

The Stooges... well... what can I say? They're a pretty damn good band. This album is truthfully all I've heard of them. In fact, this is probably the oldest album I really really like. And I guess that makes me sort of musically ignorant, but I still like this record. The Stooges are usually considered to be sort of the early leaders of the "proto-punk" (a.k.a. punk rock before they had a name for it) movement, and it really shows here. They also play garage-rock styled music (similar to the Velvet Underground and a lot of modern indie-rock bands). I like the harder stuff better, personally. If this was the first band to sound like this, then that's pretty damn impressive. The group formed in 1967 and supposedly also used household objects in their early performances. The band's famous frontman, Iggy Pop, often performed shocking stage antics such as cutting himself, cussing, diving into the stage, and fighting, something was emulated by future artists in the decades to come. By 1968, the band was signed to Elektra Records and began recording their first album. This the result...

1. 1969
1969. 19... 69. 19. 69. 69. He-he! "69"... ohohohoho! The song begins with a slow intro and a wah-ooh-wahh guitar sound effect. Then the rhythm changes and a more normal-sounding guitar riff is played, and there's hand-claps as well. This song describes boredom and apathy towards the then-new year of 1969, in which Iggy expects nothing exciting to happen. Actually, they say some pretty exciting stuff DID happen in '69. I wasn't there, though. It's kinda fun, 'cause with the guitars, there's always something happening in one ear and then something else happening in the other. Bring on the funky guitar noises and great lead solos! Iggy lets out a truly animalistic scream towards the end.

2. I Wanna Be Your Dog
A classic. The first song I'd ever heard of the Stooges from, 'cause Sonic Youth covered this song and put it on one of their albums. This version's better, though. One of the first great punk rock songs, with a deep-cutting riff, sexy lyrics, and nice little ching-ching sounds alongside the beat. And the solo is fucking amazing... you have to listen to know what I mean (if you haven't already). Not much else I can say. Great song.

3. We Will Fall
A very slow, loooong song. Not as hard or energetic as the two songs before it, it incorporates an ancient tribal chant continuing throughout the entire song. Iggy sings in a softer, less abrasive voice. To be completely honest, this song doesn't interest me a whole ton, but maybe that's just because I'm not mature/stoned enough. If you love the Velvet Underground, you'll probably really like this one, 'cause that's one band this reminds me of. A lot of little treakets of lead guitar whisping around along the sides of your ears, like bats in a dark cave. The faint droning sounds feel like a candle in the dark, as the chants and singing echoes throughout the stony walls. That's what this song feels like to me. No drums, just soft beats, probably made on a different instrument. But yeah, this iz the end of Side 1.

4. No Fun
Now for something a little more up-beat! The riff is pretty nice here, and there's some more clapping to the beat of the song. Now the lyrics, I feel like I can relate to. Being alone and bored, having trouble deciding whether to go out and do nothing or stay at home and do nothing. That's just the way it goes. Ironically, the song is pretty fun-sounding in itself. Halfway through, we get another nice guitar solo. "Well, come on!"

5. Real Cool Time
Now, Iggy decides to have a Real Cool Time instead of No Fun... anyways, originally, the Stooges had only written five songs for the album -- the four songs that have just been reviewed so far, and a song called "Ann" which comes after the fifth song on the album. Well, it'd be a shame if they stopped there! Elektra did not feel that they had enough songs for an entire album, so the group was forced to write three more songs in order to get their album released... and these songs were really good! This is the first of these songs, and it's the best song on the album in my opinion! Unfortunately, it's also the shortest. Oh my (and boo-hoo)! Oh well. One of the greatest guitar riffs, a steady bass-line, and just orgasming wahh-wahh guitar as well! Geez, this song sure ROCKS. I'd fuck to it. Just listen to it!

6. Ann
Another more garage-y song. It's a somber, depressing love song. Kind of blues-y, also. More emphasis on the bass guitar, here. The song gets louder and more aggressive around the end of the song. Then it sorta fades out.

7. Not Right
Know what? I think that it's "Not Right" to have "No Fun". Hee-hee! This one is sort of like the first hardcore punk song in a sense, 'cause the distortion is pretty up here, the riff sounds like that genre, and it's more speedy and aggressive than a lot of the other songs here. However, there's also a lot more emphasis on lead guitar and such here. Another song I really like on this album.

8. Little Doll
This one reminds me of heavy metal a bit (a genre this band also influenced). Not a whole lot I can think of to say for this song, but it's another love song and one of the songs that the band wrote in order to please Elektra. Thus, the lyrics are pretty simplistic here. But, that's the end! THE END.

Well, I probably didn't do this album enough justice with this review. Some old-timer who was actually THERE when this record came out or hipster will probably read all this and jump on me for not worshipping such a historically significant record hard enough. Well, sorry! Yeah, most people think either the Velvet Underground or the Stooges started the whole punk thing. Which is a pretty good accomplishment alone, in my opinion! I'd die happy if I'd done that. But, this album should appeal to all fans of hard rock. Well, most of 'em. It's pretty ahead of its time, this sound has become the standard in rock n' roll. And deservingly so. Back in 1969, this was the face of underground rock! And they weren't from New York or England... they were from Detroit in Michigan! I actually own this album on vinyl (bought it for about $19) and I listen to it quite often. You should also if you're interested. Well, I'm pretty thirsty, so I'm gonna leave it at this for now. Bye bye!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Real Cool Time
2. I Wanna Be Your Dog
3. No Fun

Review #49: Black Flag - My War (1984)

MY WAR

Year: 1984
Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Hardcore
Label: SST Records
Tracks: 9
Length: 40 Minutes (Long)
Style: Angry/Emotional
My Rating: 8/8

Henry Rollins's introduction to the world as the Black Flag frontman was with 1981's "Damaged". But to be completely honest, it wasn't really Henry's album. When the songs from My War were starting to be performed, THAT was when the true persona of Henry's music was finally revealed. And it scared old fans. This record is one of the last truly offensive moments in rock and roll. And it offended the PUNKS. A generation of music fans listening to fast, loud music -- and now one of their flagship bands was challenging them with slow, quiet music. Henry Rollins would come to concerts and be stabbed with pens and endure other forms of physical abuse from shallow fans for joining the band just before their more experimental songs became a regular thing for the band. And as dark as "Damaged" was compared to their earlier work, "My War" is a shade darker, and actually marks one of the most aesthetically dark moments of the band's music. This album spares no moment for any emotion or mood other than pure, unrefined rage, fury, and angst. This album makes all of the "brutal" angst portrayed by the corporate-sold 'screamo' groups of today look like a joke. It will scare a 13-year-old Avril Lavinge fan. If you've ever felt alone, pissed, angry (yes, those are the same things), or as some other person said "at odds with the world", this album will grab you and pull you into a section of your own brain in which their is a mirror of audio which plays "My War" back to your ears on your head which is also the location of your brain which is where you are when this hypothetical situation is taking place.

1. My War
Take-no-prisoners attitude. My definite favorite song on the first half of the album. Maybe on the whole album. One of the last songs of the band written by Chuck Dukowiski. Starts with an ominous intro, in which you're face-to-face with your inner fears, as you see that weird knife-wielding puppet character in the cover. Just look at him LAUGH at you when you're angry. He FEEDS OFF IT, MOTHERFUCKER. But that's only a few seconds. Seemed like awhile, didn't you? Brief half-second pause. You hear Henry scream with true defiance: "MY WAR! YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!" His high suddenly reaches an aggressive low when he hits "YOU SAY THAT YOU'RE MY FRIEND! BUT YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!" The riff is amazing. It makes me want to do... I don't even know what. I guess something really cool, though. This song is amazing. It's a fast song similar to a song from "Damaged", but the production on this song is a lot less refined than Damaged. On the final chorus, Henry SCREAMS it out.

2. Can't Decide
This song isn't quite as intense as the song before it, to make up for it, the subject matter is a lot more descriptive. In the viewpoint of a troubled everyman, he/she goes through the world searching for something they cannot find, unable to decide whether or not to bottle up their emotions or let them all out in a destructive fit of rage. Not as big on the music for this one (the main riff sounds similar to the intro riff for "Rise Above"), but it's still alright, and the lyrics are legit.

3. Beat My Head Against the Wall
This does the whole slow/fast/slow-type thing that was common in hardcore punk back then. Personally, I like the riff for the slow parts pretty much. The song describes feelings of entrapment pretty well. The chorus goes "Swimming in the mainstream is such a lame dream".

4. I Love You
On the first listen, the song comes off as a seemingly out-of-place innocent love song among a sea of musical anger. But this song has a dark side as well. If you ignore the seemingly friendly chorus, the song is really about the power of love to manipulate one's sanity, as the demons of suspicion and self-hatred get in the way, as we hear the tale of a lover who carries around his knife, preparing to get revenge on a woman who he suspects is hurting him.

5. Forever Time
Pretty dramatic, pounding intro, succeeded by a high-pitched scream. Not a ton I can say about this song -- I'm not quite sure what the lyrics mean, but I'm sure it means something very interesting that the writers understood clearly.

6. Swinging Man
This is where the album really starts to lose it. This is the buildup for the grim underside of the record on Side 2. It's a chaotic, noisy mess of a song from the lyrical viewpoint of a psycho. Really weird tempo, that alternates between kinda fast and very fast. The whole thing in the end gets really disorganized and out-of-sync in the end and the end really leaves you not knowing to expect next.

7. Nothing Left Inside
This is the beginning of a HALF of an album which was revolutionary in its time. Starts with a slow beat... okay... then, what's this? An ominous, droning, almost metal-ish riff. The music may be more downbeat, but this song along with the two after it have a hell of a lot more to say. You realize that the slowness is here to stay. You either like it or you don't. By the middle of the song, Henry's vocals become more urgent and less neat. The song echoes of feelings of overall emptiness and loneliness.

8. Three Nights
This is my favorite one from Side 2. Starts with simple, repeated beats of the drums. A down-tempo bass-line soon ensues. Henry can be heard mumbling things in the background. The lyrics seem to suggest someone is going insane from isolation, and can't shake the feelings which compel him to kill. Possibly one of the darkest lyrics on the entire album: "My life is a piece of shit that got caught on my shoe". When someone says something like that, they have to be for real. During the solo, Henry can be heard screaming and hissing in the background. Damn, he was MAD. In the end, he furiously proclaims "STICK ME", repeatedly, in voices that seem the closest to the audible embodiments of fury and hatred. In the very end, you can hear the springs in the furniture (bed?) Henry was sitting on creaking back and forth.

9. Scream
Something about the bass-line on this one. It seems to say something. We've already heard the two slow-ass pieces of raw poetry. By this point, they already know what they're doing. At this point, we're just looking back before we move onward once more. The opening line is "Supposed to act my age, Supposed to act mature... I've got better things to do than listen to you". The verses are punctuated by seas of screams. In this song, Henry refutes and rejects the ideas of "keeping it together" and acting mature. Why do that when it reeks of insecurity with your own emotions and societal pressure to put on a "safe face"? Henry knows this. The closing line of the entire album is "I might be a BIG BABY... But I'll SCREAM IN YOUR EAR... 'Till I find out... Just what it is I am doing here." -- the song concludes with a barrage of screams that don't seem to forgive. Ends pretty simply with a final repeated shredding of the same chord on Greg's guitar.

Even after listening to this more than a few times, part of me still says "WOW..." after listening to even that final song. Such sincerity and true emotion hasn't quite been shown by any other band since this record. Even Black Flag couldn't top it (if they'd even bothered trying). An interesting thing about it is that there's the mysterious "Dale Nixon" playing the guitar. Well, that was actually just Greg Ginn. This record was recorded during a time in the band's history in which Chuck Dukowiski had just left, and Kira Roessler (she was hot back then) had not yet joined. The first half of the album is comprised of fast, hardcore stuff similar to "Damaged", but with a more introspective mood. The second half is something entirely new (at the time), and was said to inspire numerous sub-genres of rock music, some of which even went mainstream (such as grunge). This album is completely solid from start-to-finish. Isn't my "perfect" album, but for what it is, it's perfect in its own right. It doesn't miss anything. If you want to really FEEL something through the music, listen to this.

Review #39: Ween - The Pod (1991)

THE POD

Year: 1991
Genre: Psychedelic Rock
Label: Shimmy-Disc Records
Tracks: 23
Length: 76 Minutes (Very Long)
Style: Weird/Happy/Sad/Funny/Mysterious
My Rating: 8/8

Ween is an alternative rock band from New Hope, Pennsylvania that formed in 1984. Ween released a series of underground, little-known albums throughout the '80s, but Ween eventually left their first label, "Bird O'Prey Records", to sign to Twin-Tone Records, and released their first record, "God Ween Satan" in 1990. After that, they signed to Shimmy-Disc Records, the label that they would release "The Pod" on. The Pod is said to be their most "challenging" work, and it might be for some, but I think any true Ween fan will love this. While Ween's music was mostly punk rock, as well as experimenting with other sorts of genres, this album marks their shift to the bizarre psychedelic rock, the style they are mostly known for playing.

With that being said, this is probably their weirdest album they did. Legend has it that they were high on scotchgard glue during the recording of this album, though the band itself denies it. Still, I'll bet they were on SOMETHING. Most "normal" people could only dream of making music this awesome. The album itself will make you feel at least stoned. It's got a very funny, odd, fuzzy, murky, but endearing nature about it. And it's one of the best works of Ween ever.

1. Strap On the Jammypac
I dunno if this was the intent of the song, but this one is too funny. Basically the same riff combined with clattering cymbals and one of the funniest-sounding voices ever saying "Stwap on da jaimmypac...", or some other unintelligible phrase, followed by a single beat of a drum. This just repeats over and over for several minutes in a hilariously annoying manner. I love it.

2. Dr. Rock
One of the more normal songs on the album (still very weird, however). It's a psychedelic-punk-type song with phasered-vocals. The song seems to center around "Dr. Rock", some type of superhero/doctor type of guy who you can call whenever you need help.

3. Frank
A slow, acid-drenched song. First mentions of the elusive "Pork Roll, Egg, and Cheese" and "Mega-Weedge", two prominent items that are often mentioned throughout the album. The song is about a guy named Frank who is being asked by the song's protagonist for some food.

4. Sorry Charlie
This is a great one. It's a mellow, softer song with telephone-sounding vocals and a light stick-beat. It's half-sad, it's half-happy. The lyrics are about a guy named Charlie who's having a pretty shitty life and doesn't have enough money to support his girlfriend who's still in high school, and he has to resort to selling more pot. Nice to listen to when you're feelin' blue.

5. The Stallion, Pt. 1
"The Stallion" is a recurring character throughout the Ween universe. This is a really trippy song with bizarre vocals. It's actually somewhat scary. This song seems to actually be about some sort of tough-guy horse (the Stallion, of course!) who recons you not to fuck around with him.

6. Pollo Asado
This one is really funny. It's sort of another mellow, psychedelic song, but in the foreground is a hilarious skit about a guy trying to order mexican food. It's funnier than I'm making it sound. End of Side 1.

7. Right to the Ways and the Rules of the World
A song with some violin (or at least a synth) in it. Uses a lot of acoustic guitar, and vocals from both Gene Ween and Dean Ween. Not a ton of effects used on this one, but that's okay.

8. Captain Fantasy
A truly great song. It's a slow, hard, trippy song with sped-up vocals. It's just really good. What else can I say? This song is really legit.

9. Demon Sweat
A slow, soft song that makes use of synths. It's really relaxing to listen to. It's like a lullaby or something. I think they were really tripping out at this point. There's some vocal harmonies, as well. At two minutes and thirty seconds, the song suddenly gets louder with synth organs and a ridiculous guitar-solo. The song gets really off-tune during this point.

10. Molly
Sounds like a Butthole Surfers song. Really funky vocals combining a normal voice and a really high-pitched voice. And the quiet mumbling of "mollymollymollymollymollymollymolly...". Pretty slow and weird.

11. Can U Taste the Waste?
A short heavy-metal song whose only line is "Can U Taste the Waste?". EXTREMELY badass. Or "brown", as a lot of Ween fans prefer to say.

12. Don't Sweat It
A slow, gothic-sounding, dreamy song. There's a mid-section where the guitars get even more distorted and there's a beautiful little solo towards the end. End of Side 2.

13. Awesome Sound
A really weird funk song. Second mention of the "Pork Roll, Egg and Cheese". Actually somewhat similar to the Butthole Surfers. I even heard one of the vocalist use an exact same vocal effect involving taking a voice and slowly speeding it up as used in "Human Cannonball" by the Butthole Surfers. Towards the end, you can start to hear the two cracking up.

14. Laura
This is one of the best songs on the album, but I can't even understand what the fuck he's saying, here. The voice sounds extremely weird. Still, it has a very nice guitar-line. It all fits the mood of the song very well. Very slow. I really wish I came up with the riff for this song first.

15. Boing
The shortest song on the album (one minute and thirty-three seconds long). It's an extremely quiet, bassy song with extremely low-pitched vocals and mostly bass guitar (though a little rhythm guitar does try to creep out). Sounds like someone's fat grandpa snoring/talking in his sleep.

16. Mononucleosis
It's said that the group was down with Mononucleosis when they were recording this album. With that being said, it's a good song to listen to when you feel sick. It's a very echoey, depressing sort of song. "Now you're on the couch, you can't even move your fucking head... tell me that you wish that you was dead..." crap, if I listen to this song anymore, I might get sick myself!

17. Oh My Dear (Falling in Love)
A pop song. Probably the most normal-sounding song on the album. Really pretty guitar sounds. You just can't get a sound like this out of digital recording. Digital recordings hurt my ears, which is why a lot of new music (regardless of the actual song) sounds so unlistenable to me.

18. Sketches of Winkle
A punk song. My favorite part, however, is the chorus that goes "Sketches of Winkle, flying through the heavens in a fit of rage", followed by a great-sounding guitar lead. Another great song on the album. End of Side 3.

19. Alone
A very quiet, slow song. I read the lyrics, and I feel like I can relate. It's basically a song about those people who feel very alone, with few or no friends, as everyone else seems to move forward, and you're just stuck in the same shit forever.

20. Moving Away
A soft, reggae-sounding song. Similar to "Alone" in a lot of ways as far as the musical notes used and the riff, but it's more of a reggae riff. Gener and Deaner have never sounded more black. There's an R&B-sounding section at the end of the song, too. The song in general seems to be an impersonation of black music.

21. She Fucks Me
Another mellow song. It's a love song, the way Ween does it, anyways. Very calm and beautiful. Yet ANOTHER mention of the "Pork Roll, Egg, and Cheese". In fact, that line is just repeated in the background throughout the entire sound. Despite the fact that the vocals are very slowed-down, they still sound very good. Wonderful-sounding guitars. Another really good song.

22. Pork Roll, Egg, and Cheese
You saw this one coming. Or maybe you didn't. Anyways, this song is the culmination of all Pork Roll Egg and Cheeses that existed throughout the album. It's a very happy song with water-y sounding guitars. It's my favorite song on the album. There was a very rare music video for it with trash floating around the city streets and Dean Ween swimming at the beach shot with a Super-8 camera. It's really cool, and it was on YouTube for awhile, but it was taken down by Warner Bros., the corporate gluttons, even though they didn't even publish this album. I can't find it anywhere else, but I'm guessing it was on one of the Shimmy-Disc Video Compilations.

23. The Stallion, Pt. 2
The final song on the long, long album. A slow, groovy piece with weird vocals with the recurring line, "I am the Stallion, Mang." Hilarious yelled vocals at a part towards the end. Unfortunately, that's the end of ze record.

Wow... what a trip. This is pretty much one of the greatest Ween albums of all time. It was also their last on an independent label for awhile. After this, they were invited to become artists on Elektra Records, a label owned by Warner Music Group. They released "Pure Guava", which was of a similar style to this album to some extent, but still not nearly as weird as this one. Still, I like "Pure Guava" slightly more. But this album is just as good. Many would consider it better. They are probably right. But what the fuck? Ween is great. Listen to this album if you like weird music. It's very un-mainstream but it's almost pop. It's happy but it's sad. It can make you laugh and cry simultaneously. Like, if you laughed so hard that you started crying. Or if you cried so hard that you started laughing. Drugs will only enhance the experience. This album is great to listen to even sober. Fuck anyone who says otherwise. Ween is one of the greatest bands ever.

(There were actually three music videos made for "Pollo Asado", "Captain Fantasy", and "Pork Roll, Egg, and Cheese" created for the Shimmy-Disc Video Compilations, but they are extremely rare on the internet and I cannot find a single copy, so I can't show you any of the videos for it. But they're pretty cool. They look like the album sounds.)

Review #32: Social Distortion - Mommy's Little Monster (1983)

MOMMY'S LITTLE MONSTER

Year: 1983
Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Hardcore
Label: 13th Floor Records
Tracks: 9
Length: 27 Minutes (Medium-Length)
Style: Rebellious
My Rating: 8/8

Social Distortion is a band much more well-known for their country-punk hybrid brand of music that they play nowadays, but at one point, they were one of the musically best hardcore bands of their time. Like "Group Sex" by the Circle Jerks, this album paints a picture of the feelings and motives of punks back in the early '80s who wanted to escape mainstream society which seemed destined to self-destruct and live their own way of life.

The album's music is a lot more melodic than its peers at the time, but it doesn't overdo it, it mixes musicalness with edge, so it doesn't sound like some pathetic political form of pop-punk that tries to pass itself off as "hardcore". It's more aggressive than the later Social Distortion releases, and it was released before Mike Ness's heroin addiction nearly did him in a couple years later... still, he recovered, and the band still performs and has released music to this day. This my favorite album by them, however. There are some really great song here...

1. The Creeps (I Just Wanna Give You)
This song fades in, and it's much faster than the other songs on this album. Not the best song on the album, but it's an alright opener, I suppose. What is yet to come is much better, however.

2. Another State of Mind
Starts with tinkling brass cymbals and a clean guitar lead. The rest of the instruments blast in, and Mike Ness delivers some great vocals which already sound like his familiar singing style. Seems to be describing a protagonist's feelings for a girl that he loves. It's a pretty good song!

3. It Wasn't a Pretty Picture
You can already feel the slight country element coming in at this point. The song describes the hardships and problems experienced by those who live in the city, such as prostitutes, bums, corrupt politicians, drug-using children, etc. Very grim lyrics, but the music has a slightly optimistic side to it.

4. Telling Them
Totally my favorite song on the album. Starts with an alright solo, but it really gets good when the rhythm guitar starts playin', as well as the bass and drums. The lyrics are about a young punk who is bored of daytime life which consists of drinking, working, and getting harassed by his parents, but loves to have fun at punk rock shows at night. The music is really fucking inspirational for any teenager who has rebellion issues and just wants to break free and have some fun. What I really like here is the little subtleties in the rhythm guitar during the verses. There's almost an aquatic quality to it if you listen to it really closely. Seems to be almost a personification of pent-up energy being released in a relatively calm manner. The end of Side 1.

5. Hour of Darkness
This is another great one. It's got a similar beat to the previous song, but it's slightly more down-beat, lyrically and musically. Deals with a destructive lifestyle and a fear of imminent death. Ends with a nice solo, seeming to imply some sort of bad incident.

6. Mommy's Little Monster
This iz another good song. It sounds happier than the previous song. It's about "Mommy's Little Monster", who could be pretty much any punk who ran away from a middle-class suburban life to go live a lifestyle which is more exciting and rewarding to them. Getting drunk, doing drugs, playing in bands, seeing bands... their parents are shocked when they see what they've become, especially when compared to the lives their siblings are living.

7. Anti-Fashion
A song attacking mainstream fashion and the way of life of the "popular crowd", which is laughable to most punks. Faster than a lot of the other songs on this record.

8. All the Answers
This song is really fun. The lyrics are about how the public at the time were seeing the punk rockers as a threat to American society and didn't know what to make of them. Ends with the line "and you thought you had all the answers...". This song is really good!

9. Moral Threat
Has a rather "epic" intro... finally, the crashing drums and more rhythmic cymbals signify the starting of the song. The song starts and Mike Ness starts singing. The line is basically the anthem of an alienated punk to the parts of society that have rejected him/her 'cause "cause you didn't like my looks, 'cause I'm not in fashion books." There's a long, slow instrumental mid-section that iz very cool and adds a lot of variety to the song. The song ends with the chorus repeated one more time. End of the album.

After this album, Mike Ness started to deal with a very nasty heroin addiction, until he finally got his act back together circa 1986 to '87. The band's music following this album would start to take on a more Johnny Cash-inspired flavor, but still with plenty of punk attitude. This, however, is my favorite, since it seems to be sung from a teenage point of view, and the songs on this one are just really fuckin' good. I consider this album to be my third-favorite record from the 1980s. Definitely give this a try!

Review #26: Butthole Surfers - Locust Abortion Technician (1987)

LOCUST ABORTION TECHNICIAN

Year: 1987

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Noise, Experimental, Hardcore
Label: Touch & Go Records
Tracks: 11
Length: 33 Minutes (Medium-Length)
Style: Weird/Scary/Funny
My Rating: 8/8

This is one of the greatest albums to ever be made. It has been said to scare some people, amuse others, and it makes me laugh! With that being said, a lot of people consider this album to be the high-point of the band's career, and the band had never made something quite this weird or disturbing before, and they certainly never did again.

According to Gibby Haynes itself, it's a concept album in which each song is a concept in itself. And he's just about right. There is almost zero filler here, except for the fact that they had two different versions of the same song on here. But other than that, every single song is different. Every one has something new to offer. There is grunge, punk, industrial rock, thrash-metal, and a whole plethora of downright bizarre, extremely creative tracks.

The whole album is like a mental roller-coaster ride. In fact, don't even read this review if you've never heard this record before. I don't want you to know what to expect. Listen to the damn album. That's the best experience you could have. But, if you've already heard this, then READ ON:

1. Sweat Loaf
*silence*
(slowly, soft string music can be heard fading in)
Child: "Daddy?"
Father: "Yes, Son?"
Child: "Wh-Wh-What does regret mean?"
Father: "Well, Son, a funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret something you HAVE done than to regret something you HAVEN'T done... and by the way, if you see your Mom this weekend, would you be sure and tell her: SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!"
That dialogue opens the album. After that, it goes right into a slow, grunge-sounding intro with Gibby yelling. This ends with a soft guitar solo and the sounds of the wind blowing. Back to the "verse" section which is harder and heavier, and now has Gibby using the "Gibbytronix" (a voice modulation device) and laughing. Back to the calm section of the song. Back to the verse part, one more time! This ends with the sound of wind blowing as Gibby's howls fade out. The whole song is said to be some sort of parody of "Sweet Leaf" by Black Sabbath. And still, they have not yet even scraped the surface of the insanity to ensue...

2. Graveyard (Version 1)
Starts with just the guitar. Then the beat and the bass join in. It's of a similar musical style to the previous track, and Gibby's voice is being played in a very low pitch. Sounds really funny, to be honest! This song isn't my favorite, though... it's a bit repetitive.

3. Pittsburg to Lebanon
Starts with the sounds of birds tweeting, which is interrupted by another heavy dirge-fest. Gibby's singing here resembles '70s metal vocals. This one is even slower than the last two songs. Spooky falsetto vocals in the background. The song ends with sounds from a radio. It's about to get even crazier...

4. Weber
This is where it starts to get really weird. This is the shortest track on the album. It's basically a short little lead-guitar driven instrumental piece that is about 37 seconds long or so. Before you know it, it fades out in a slightly eerie way.

5. Hay
This one is scary. It's the soundtrack to insanity. There's a bunch of extremely fast backwards music playing with the sounds of a bunch of mentally retarded adults screaming "HAY!" in the background. Has a very freaky ending, with all of them yelling "HAY" one last time with a scary echo into the darkness.

6. Human Cannonball
The only "normal" song on the entire album. It's basically a traditional-sounding punk song in with lyrics that actually sound unusually serious for the Butthole Surfers. I listen to this in the car a lot. Starts with the beat, and then you hear a voice saying "Are you ready to rock?? WELCOME!!!", and then the bass, and the guitar kick in. This one has a truly wonderful riff, introduced by a nice solo. Before you know it, Gibby starts singing a song that seems to be about feelings of abuse or being rejected. There's another solo later on in the song, and it's one of my favorite guitar-solos I've ever heard. But this song is great. It's like a single moment of sanity and calmness amidst the sea of chaos. But it doesn't last forever. This song is the end of Side 1.

7. U.S.S.A.
This one is also very strange. It sounds like industrial rock. It has one of the scariest, most abrasive-sounding riffs ever, which has a strange clicking sound in the background, the sound of a record being scratched, and a strange high-pitched voice repeatedly shouting "U.S.S.A.! U.S.S.R.! U.S.A.! U.S.R.!". That's pretty much the song, but it lasts for awhile.

8. The O-Men
This is the definition of "badass". It's a crossover-thrash song, and it has Gibby growling unintelligible lyrics to a repeated beat, as well as sped-up voices, slowed-down voices, and a "solo" that is made up of the sounds of tape rewinding.

9. Kuntz
An amazing track. An old-fashioned Thai folk song totally fucked and screwed up to make it sounds like they're saying "kunt" over and over again as well as other Butthole magic. If this doesn't totally make you laugh on the first listen, then I feel sorry for you.

10. Graveyard (Version 2)
WHY the hell did they have to do the same song twice on this album? That's my only complaint about it. They could have included some other NEW song, but this is just a more "normal" sounding version of track 2.

11. 22 Going on 23
This one is pretty weird. It's basically the same bassline and beat repeated over and over with the sounds of a radio broadcast interview of a schizophrenic woman who claimed that she was sexually assaulted. I was playing it in the car one night and my friend actually asked me to turn it off, he was so offended by it. There is a strangely "happy" solo in the middle of this one. The song ends with, well, the sound of cows and crickets. While somebody else who had reviewed this album said they were in a "field", I personally think "slaughterhouse" sounds more fitting. It's a pretty creepy ending.

The Butthole Surfers were never quite this weird again, and some actually even think they "sold out" after this album. Well, regardless, if you like any form of alternative music, you simply MUST listen to this! You'll never be quite the same.

Review #3: Lunachicks - Babysitters on Acid (1990)

BABYSITTERS ON ACID

Year: 1990
Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Hardcore
Label: Blast First Records
Tracks: 12
Length: 39 Minutes (Long)
Style: Fun/Rebellious
My Rating: 8/8

I remember being bored outta my mind, looking for new bands to listen to on the internet, one day. Then I found a music video for a song called "Babysitters on Acid", and it changed my life. At least a little. The song that really pulled me into the band was "Jan Brady", though. However, this isn't really the best way to start. Ahem. Cough. Throatclear. Burp. Cough again. Fart. Burp. Attempt to blow clogged-up nose.

Yeah... Anyways, the Lunachicks are another one o' those bands that sorta blur the line between punk rock and heavy metal. It's got the three to four-chord riffs and beats of punk rock, but there's an extensive use of guitar leads, and Theo Kogan actually tries to sing good, so it's up for dispute. In the end, I'd say they are still awesome. This was their first full length album, and it went out of print pretty quickly, apparently, until it was re-issued 11 fucking years later! They released an EP before this, and they had been signed to Blast First records by none other than... Sonic Youth! Thurston and Kim had seen one of their early shows, and they weren't so good at playing their instruments, so they had been confused for a noise rock band (which I guess they vaguely were at this point). But they were different in a few ways during this point than they were in the later albums. The sound is a lot more low-budget sounding, which I actually really like, so that's good. They weren't quite at the phase of wearing the pounds of intentionally weird makeup and looking like female drag queens, so they were all pretty attractive during this era (I think so, at least.) Seriously, they were.

There's a lot of alternating between punk rock anthems to weird and gross aspects of American culture (the Brady Bunch, bestiality, Cookie Monster, etc.), and more serious songs talking about murder, organized religion, and prostitution. The sound is friggin' golden, though. There isn't a ton I don't like about this album. Definitely my favorite Lunachicks record. Now, for the meat of the review...

1. Jan Brady
This is a song about Jan Brady from the Brady Bunch, who believes herself to be God, and it has a catchy chorus that goes "I am Jan, Jan I am, I like to eat green eggs and ham!". Hahaha. But this iz the song that got me hooked on the Lunachicks. It just rocks real hard, y'know?

2. Glad I'm Not Yew
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what this song is about. One thing that really kills me (in a good way) about it is whatever strumming technique they're using in this song. If you really listen to the guitar, something about it sounds real good. Maybe it's the fact that they used two guitarists, I dunno. Anyways, the song is kinda fast in the verses, and then it has a slow chorus (typical in a lot of hardcore punk). It's a fun song, though. Nice to blast in the car stereo, if your friends are willing to put up with it.

3. Babysitters on Acid
The namesake song of the album (and also the first Lunachicks song I ever heard.) Supposedly in the album liner notes, there is a comic book version of this track. I haven't ever read it, though. This is a sassy-sounding tune about a crazy babysitter who, not being allowed to throw a party while on the job, does some acid and tries to cook the baby in the oven, and the parents get all shocked and they probably fainted (but it was probably inaudible 'cause the parents both weighed a total of 2 pounds or something.) To make matters worse, the babysitter refuses to leave without getting paid!

4. Makin It (With Other Species)
Ah yes, a bestiality song. This is the fastest song on the record, and I think the title speaks for itself. It's pretty funny and offensive.

5. Mabel Rock
I absolutely love this one! It's about the actress, Mabel King, or something. But I like it for a lot of the same reasons I like "Glad I'm Not Yew", 'cept I actually heard this one first. I imagine listening to this if I was lost in some sort of wasteland on the way to the world's coolest punk rock concert during a sunny day at about 5:00 PM.

6. Theme Song
I really under-estimated this one. I first heard snippets of the first half of the song, and while it sounded humorous, I expected it to be no more than filler. I was wrong, though. I finally heard the full song on internet radio one night, and my mind was changed! Anyways, it's a song about Theo killing her old high school teacher. It starts out mid-tempo, but 1/3 through the song, it turns into a slow masterpiece, singing of feelings of no guilt for the killing. Probably the best and most emotional piece on the record. Also the end of Side 1.

7. Born 2 B Mild
This song starts Side 2! It's basically a song that denounces organized religion, with the band also singing about the joys of bein' in a rock n' roll band instead of a more confining lifestyle.

8. Pin Eye Woman 665
This is one of the less happy songs on the album, and revolves around the life of a prostitute who is also addicted to heroin, and even makes reference to a possible death from AIDS. But nonetheless, like the other songs on the album, it still totally rocks! The drum-solo in the middle is a nice touch, also.

9. Cookie-Core
This song is also known as "Cookie Moshter" on the single that it was released on in the same year as this album. But anyways, as you might have guessed, it's basically some sort of demented counting song featuring none other than COOKIE MONSTER! However, Theo gets the last laugh, when it turns out that despite offering some of the cookies, she got to eat them all, and thus, is great.

10. Octopussy
A bizzare love-song about a woman with eight arms (or maybe tentacles), and her love for her partner. I should listen to this when I finally get a girlfriend.

11. Sugar Luv
Starts out real slow, but then the speed picks up. This also released on their debut EP from 1989. I believe it might actually be another love song, too. But I think it's supposed to be about some dude who's made of candy or sugar or something like that.

12. Compilcation
This sawng is about something that must be really complicated, because they don't really have much else to say, here. But it's great for slam-dancing, I suspect. Theo's vocals are really strong, here. The song fades out, but then fades back in for a brief noisy finale. And that iz the end of Side 2 which means that it iz the end of the album.

If you like punk or hard rock in general, don't pass up this one! It's a great listen, as are all of the Lunachicks albums, but especially this one. I've also included some of the music videos that came out for songs on this album. Bye!

MUSIC VIDEOS





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