Review #216: Teenage Jesus & the Jerks - Pre 12" (1979)

PRE (EP)

Year: 1979
Genre: No-Wave
Label: ZE Records
Tracks: 3
Length: 7 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Hello, there. TEENUGE JEEZERSE andthe JERX were a BAND that lived in NEW YORXITY in the late nuneteenth seventies, which were a time when there were more musical groups than ever before. And more musical groupies than ever before. I used to be a groupie for TEENAGE JEESUS, and lemme tell you this, things got WILD. I totally got to be Lydia Lunch's sex slave and those were some pretty fun times. Did you know that Lydia Lunch keeps several types of sandwiches stuffed up her pussy? They call her Lydia LUNCH for a REASON, RIGHT?

Well, my friend Indian Lunch was in a band called Ten-aged Jaexous and the Jorts, and they made an album called PRE, because it was PREtty cool when they made it, fuckface. YOU LITTLE PIECE OF BALOENY! PACEOFBALOENYWASMADEOFPASTROMI. What? Oh. Shit. Anyways, this was the second TNGJZS song I'm -- wait, did I say song? I meant RECORD, silly me! Anyways, yeah, second TNGJSS record. Mang. Time to listen to the GODNESS. Shall we? What? You want to listen to this EP with me? OKAY. IT'S TIME FOR FUN, KIDS.

1. The Closet
Slow and paralyzing. The loud tone of the guitar feels like a razor blade cutting off yer hair and cutting into your skin. Sexually wallowing in broken glass and yer own blood. You're in a closet. And you can't breathe. Won't I come please release you? I dunno, geez. Why don't we just listen to this song some more? AND I TREE (?) LIKE SHARON TATE. SHARON TATE-O. SHARON 'TATO. LIKE, AS IN, "PO-TATO". MISTER POTATOHEAD FINGERED FREDDIE! Lydia expresses her dissatisfaction with the middle class lifestyle. The beat is cool. BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP-BUMP. CFI die. I like the higher noted ends of the bass riff. It sounds cool. Then the ascension explodes into a crash and thumping of bass drum. It's kind of sexy in a weird way. This song is. I like it. It makes me feel good. Now, on to SIDE B.

2. Less of Me
This song is very fast! Isn't that awesome? It has a saxophone in it. Cool saxophone whackadoodling. Whackadoodle. Is that a word yet? I like how Lydia's lyrics here sound. They kind of gots that POETIC ROLLS TO THEM, KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 'CUZ ALL THE GIRLS THERE PLAYING ON A JELLY ROLL. LIKE, THE FOOD. RIGHT? RIGHT? AAAHDSHGHDFGHDFHG D D D D D D D D D D D s s s s s s s kikdflkglkdfglkdf HI. DUM DUM DUM DUM. I like the beat. I like how everything sounds. Isn't that COOL?

3. My Eyes
This one has saxophone. It's faster than "The Closet" but slower than "Less of Me". It has a cool beat. There's a bunch of crazy saxophone playin' from THE Mr. Jamey Chance! And by that, I MEANT JAMES. JAMES. CHANCE. CHANCE. JAMES Chance. Wualkasdfsdfdsodsifdo. OI OI OI THIS SONG IX REALLY HARD-X-CORE OI OI UP THE PUNX. HP UP BY 12 POINTS UP FOR THE PUNX. YAEY

Well, this is PRE Teenage Jesus. Like, Jesus BEFORE he was a teenage. He waz a PRETEENAGER. Isn't that just GREAT? Little Jesus got his first boner sometimes too, kids. Like, okay. James Chance, also from the CONTORTIONS (Cunt-tard-tshins) was in the band at this point, now. The first song is really good. The second song is very good also. The third song is good but not as good as the other two songs. HEY. WHAT'S UP? THIS IS MY REVIEW OF TAENIGE JUZESZ AND THE JERKS. HI. HI THERE. FUCK YOU. FUCK FUCK CUNT. I LIKE DICK -- WAIT,,NO, I DON'T LIKE DICK I NEVER SAID THAT I SWAAAER I'M NOT GEY FUCK YOU BUY FRUIT BUY FLUTE FUCK YOU JESUS CHRIST MAN 7 YELLOW LEMONS ON A COCONUT TREE AAAAHHHHHHHHH BRICKS OUT OF THE HOUSE OF GOD, Y'ALLS.

Anyways, buy this album or die this album. Except for the "this album" part.

Review #207: Happy Flowers - Now We Are Six 7" (1986)

NOW WE ARE SIX (EP)

Year: 1986
Genre: Noise Rock
Label: Catch Trout Records
Tracks: 6
Length: 16 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Hey, I know it's been awhile since my last review, but you wanted another one presumably and so did I so I'm going to do another review today. This is the second record by the HAPPY FLOWERS, a band that sings about happiness and flowers FOREVER AND EVER ALL OF THE TIME.

LOOK.

We've all been kids. We know that childhood, especially early childhood, is a

VERY

difficult time. Too old to be accepted as the infants we once were but too young to do "big kid" things, we find ourselves stuck between two times of life that were and will be inevitably better, and we can do some things like drink juice instead of milk, and we can ride tricycles as the greatest mode of transportation since the child's seat in the ca--

OH. HI.

I AM FIVE YEARS OLD.

TODAY, I AM GOING TO BE REVIEWING THIS ALBUM FOR YOU BECAUSE I'M ONLY FIVE AND THUS CAN IMMEDIATELY RELATE TO THE SUBJECT MATTER WITHIN. WHILE YES, THE EP IS CALLED "NOW WE ARE SIX", PLEASE REMEMBER THAT BEFORE ONE IS SIX, HE OR SHE IS PROBABLY FIVE. YEARS OLD. ANYWAYS, HERE'S MY FIVE YEAR OLD REVIEW OF THIS HAPPY FLOWERS CLASSIC.

1. Mom and Dad Like the Baby More Than Me
GOD DAMN, I KNOW HOW THIS ONE FEELS. Okay, about a year ago my mom HAD A BABY WITHOUT TELLING ME BEFOREHAND! That REALLY PISSED ME OFF, because the baby was cute, but it was so cute that they STOPPED PLAYING WITH ME SO THEY COULD PLAY WITH THE BABY! WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!! But let's not get too ahead of ourselves here... anyways, this song starts off with some cool grinding guitar noize. Which is fun to listen to for lovers of loud grindey noises such as myself. Even though I'm only five. It reminds me of playing with my Tonka trucks, that's what it does make me think of. Herlfway thru' the sung, Mr. Hor Char Inf (HORRIBLY CHARRED INFANT) starts sunging about KILLING YOUR STUPID BABY!!!! I HATE THAT STUPID BABY!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD GO KILL MY BABY BROTHER AND PUT HIM IN THE BLENDER TOO... THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE??? THEY MIGHT THINK HE'S GROUND BEEF OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT!!!! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE BABY LIKED PICKLES!!! SO I PUT THE BABY'S COCK IN THE PICK JAR, MAN!!!! I DON'T EVEN LIKE MY BABY BROTHER!!!! GODDAMN IT WHY DO MY PARENTS LIKE THE BABY MORE THAN ME? Fucking faggots.

2. All My Toys Hate Me
Yeah, believe it or not, this happened to me too. Kind of a vague tempo to this one even though there's no beat so it's hard to tell. It sounds like a cross between a blender and an electrical shock. Like, a blender that's being electrically shocked. It reminds me of this one time where IT WAS REALLY LATE, AND I SAW THIS ONE STUFFED ANIMAL IN MY CLOSET, AND IT JUST KEPT ON STARING AT ME AND THEN I SCREAMED AND PISSED ALL OVER MY BED. IT REALLY SUCKED. THAT ASSHOLE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. Toys... they're little backstabbers, they are. Also, you get to hear Mr. Anus in this song. Mr. Anus iz cool. End of Side A.

3. Razors in My Apple
This one has a beat and a bass riff so it sounds more song-like. Pretty good bass riff, also. It's about finding all sorts of razors and needles and other bad things in yer food. I bet there's blood cumming outta yer mouth after that happens, man. Like, the razor CUTS your mouth and then you start bleeding. Or the needles STABS your mouth and then you start bleeding.

4. Hush Little Baby
I LOVE this one. It's like a really freakish, demented version of a lullaby that everyone's probably heard. The guitar "melody" is just a bunch of random notes and Daddy in the song eventually starts saying some pretty mean stuff to THE BABY!!!!! WELL GOOD, I FUCKING HATE THAT LITTLE DOUCHEBAG!!!!!!

5. The Vacuum Ate Timmy
IT WAS ABOUT TIME... presuming this "Timmy" they speak of is the BABY, then I'M REALLY GLAD THE VACUUM IS GOING TO ATE TIMMY!!!! FUCK YEAH... SUCK AWAY!!! SUCK, VACUUM! SUCK!! SUCK HARDER! SUCK TIMOTHY, VACUUM!!!!! You can hear the sound of a REAL LIFE (tm) vacuum in this song and Mr. HCI's parents get really upset because the VACUUM ATE TIMMY.

6. Daddy Melted
Ever have one of those days when YOUR DAD MELTS INTO A GIANT PUDDLE OF ACID??!! No, I haven't, but I'd imagine that this song truly does cover the trauma and emotional torment of WHEN DADDY MELTED AND YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE ORPHANAGE!!!!! NOOO!!!!!!!!! The drum beat is simple but kind of cool. But Daddy cannot take you to 7-11 because he MELTED. DON'T YOU GET IT??? DADDY MELTED!!!! ARRAAAAGGGHHHH!!!! THE END.

GEE, THAT ALBUM WAS SO AWESOME... I GOING TO PLAY IT AS LOUD AS I CAN ON MY "MY LITTLE PHONOGRAPH" (TM) PLAYER SO MY PARENTS WILL BE FORCED TO LIKE IT TOO!!! YAEYYY!!!!

Oh. Hi.

I am five years old.

That was my review of "NOW WE ARE SIX" by Happy Flowers, a 7" full of mayhem and madness. I hope you enjoyed my review, five-year-olds of the world. Be sure to come another time as we listen to "My First GG Allin Classics", next week. Goodbye.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Hush Little Baby
2. Daddy Melted
3. My Toys Hate Me

Review #191: Teenage Jesus & the Jerks - Orphans 7" (1978)

ORPHANS (Single)

Year: 1978

Genre: No-Wave
Label: Lust/Unlust Records
Tracks: 2
Length: 3 Minutes
Style: Angry
My Rating: 6/8

Teenage Jesus & the Jerks is a No-Wave band from New York, whose members have included (the incredibly hot) Lydia Lunch, James Chance (also had his own band called "The Contortions"), and then there's also Gordon Stevenson (bass guitar), and Bradley Field (drums). The line-up that recorded this record were Lydia, Gordon, and Bradley. James Chance must've been off contorting himself then. Anyways, this was the first Teenage Jezus release, and it contains their most well-known song, Orphans (probably because they made a music video for it), and then another song called "Less of Me". The musical style of Teenage Jesus & the Jerks is cathartic, repetitive, abrasive, feminine, and confrontational! When you listen to TEEEEEAAANNAGGGEEE JEAAAEEUUUUAAZOUUUUSSSS andthejerks you will hear chords that YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED! Lydia Lunch screams and yells about orphans and shit, and what the hell, I'm supposed to be talking about that in the song reviews! So......

1. Orphans
LITTLE ORPHANS RUNNING THROUGH THE BLOODY SNOW. Yep, you'll hear a lot about little orphans dying in this song. No more ankles and no more toes. That previous sentence was something that Lydia sings in the song. The riff is really repetitive, and the sound of the rhythm guitar is icy and it flashes into your ears, the same way that it feels on your feet to run barefoot through the snow for the first time. Or to walk on thin ice. After each sung part, there's a fucking wild noisy guitar solo. The beat is just a thumping bass pedal. Very simple. Lydia sings in pain, like maybe she were at one point also a LITTLE ORPHAN RUNNING THROUGH THE BLOODY SNOW. Bloody snow would be like red snow, correct? DON'T EET THE REDD SNOWW, KIDZ! The guitar kind of sounds like this: dskfjsdklfjdskfjdslfjsda89udjsd-';dgfld;'lgfdsasd;;'.dfofg.gf;pg;df'df
'.dfg][ldsfg][p;dsfg=-
';

2. Less of Me
I dunno who's playing the saxophone here. Maybe it's James Chance. Or Lydia herself. The beat and melody are simple here, but the way it's all punctuated is different than in other song. You get to hear a lot of saxophone craziness in this tune. Lydia's voice sounds a bit less frantic here. More cymbals from mister Field, also.

Definitely listen to the song, "Orphans"! "Less of Me" is good also, but "Orphans" really does take the cake. It captures the feeling of its subject matter perfectly and it just sounds really really good, also. I give this record a 6/8 because it's just that snazzy. Also, check out this AMAZIING MUSIC VIDEO FOR ORPHANS BY TEENAGE JESUS AND THE JERKS 'CUZ IT'S FULL OF CLIPPETS OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM AND PLAY-DOH AND ALL OF THAT STUFF THAT YOU KIDZ THESE DAYS ENJOY WANKING OFF TO!

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "ORPHANS"

Review #175: Coso - EP 1 (2009)

EP 1

Year: 2009
Genre: No-Wave
Label: None
Tracks: 5
Length: 6 Minutes
Style: Weird
My Rating: 6/8

Coso. Is a band. From Buenos Aires, Argentinia. Also home of my good friend, FAKEIS751 (YouTube user-name). He has had some good stories to tell about their concerts. Which are noisy and weird and kool. AID. Sis a very bad disease to get and you should alwaeyz ware proctetion 'cuz ya jush nver now whoze gots it this day. And age... it's something that happens to us all, all the time. In fact, I'm pretty old now compared to how young I was when I first started typing this. Is my review of the one and only release by Coso (other than FAKEIS751's live 10/10/10 bootleg) and it's pretty gawdumdingdarn short and it'sh gawtz 5 songs on it so ya shuld stick around and try to hold all that SHIT up in your ANUS for just a little bits longah 'cuz FUCK ME SONOFABITCH we're gonna be reviewing this lil' nuglet in aboutz as long as the EP plaeys for. And, if you want to read this review really fast, you're just gonna need ta SCROLL DOWN REALLY FAST while wearing "Old McMotherFucker's Super-TinySight Glasses" so you can see all the words REAL GOOD), 'cuz I know some of y'alls need to take a dump real bad, just like myself... ahh, that's better. Y'see, it'd been two days (or more) since I last had a bowl movement, so it's no wonder I felt a bit upset up 'till today.

Well, the songs... they're all pretty short. It's kinda no-wavey... the songs are really short and barely melodic at all, no singing, and much abrasive energy. You'll like this if you dig Teenage Jezus & the Jerxx and Sonic Youth n' all those types of sexual music. Ah, what the hell am I saying, let's start this review, now shall we?

1. PP Untitled
Awesome beat, a bunch of clattery ringing noises, and squeaky sounds on repeat. After that, we hear some a cool guitar chord repeated, and then it is succeeded by another guitar chord progression, and then it returns to a part more like the first part with even more fucked-up sounding squeaky noizes. Then in one part the beat gets twice as slow. Poiinnnng!

2. PP 1
Gee, they sure like to name their songs after URINE, now don't they? This one actually has kind of a melody to it on the guitar, and beneath that is a bunch of fucking around on the other guitar in lead and there's a slow beat. Some of the sounds made on the backing guitar get to sound pretty frantic.

3. Control Alt
This song is the best one! It has a really cool beat and it has a really weird but awesome lead guitar melody. Kind of reminds me of driving through the desert, out in the middle of nowhere. It has a real cool feel to it and I love the beat too! Reminds me a bit of "Out in the Gardener" by the Meat Puppets.

4. Reset Temptation
The first part of the song has a really chaotic, violent-sounding riff that sound like a bunch of monsters (or killer rabbits?) trying to attack you. The second half of the song is more bassy and thumping and it has a throbbing, angry riff. This one's pretty short like the song before it.

5. PP 8
A little quieter and slower. Just a thumping bass beat and some weird stroke combinations, and then after that there's a part where it's just a soft repeated note. Then a real loud chord and a few sparse snare hits make up the next part of the song. Keeping in tempo, the part after this is equally as loud but more consistent, and then after that it sounds like song is over, but then there's one more part that sounds like the previous section but more distorted, and then the song's really over. Ze ende.

That's the first Coso off'ring. You can listen to and download the entire EP from the band's MySpace page, or you can go to one of their shows and get an official CD copy! One thing I liked was that they kept the songs real short so it stayed interesting and nothing got too repetitive; everything stays in its place and you keep wanting more rather than everything getting hammered into your skull repeatedly. In some parts it reminded me like the Meat Puppets (for the psychedelic weird desert vibe), and much of it reminded me of Teenage Jesus & the Jerks (for the clangy abrasive sounds). And geezus christ, why don't make up your own lyrics since there AREN'T any? Sing them over the songs, and whaddaya know, you're the newest member of fucking Coso! Aren't you so gawsh-darn proud? Well, goodbye! Have losts of fun tonight.

www.myspace.com/loscoso

Review #147: Happy Flowers - Songs for Children (EP) (1984)

SONGS FOR CHILDREN (EP)

Year: 1984

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Noise
Label: Catch Trout Records
Tracks: 3
Length: 10 Minutes
Style: Weird/Funny/Scary
My Rating: 6/8

Happy Flowers iz just one of those kinds of bands... part genius, part hilarious, part gloriously inept. And part legit, also. The band formed in 1983 (ten years before my birth) in Charlottesville, Virginia, by two members of a hardcore band called the Landlords... that band released one album called "It's a Teenage House Party With the Landlords". Shortly afterwards, the members of the band went their separate ways and John Beers and Charlie Kramer both decided to start Happy Flowers. John was now "Mr. Horribly Charred Infant", and Charlie was now "Mr. Anus". Two names I wish my parents had given me. "Songs for Children" was the first Happy Flowers release. You can just imagine a cute little 7" record in a store with nice kiddie drawings on it and a name like 'Happy Flowers', and hey, the songs are for CHILDREN, also! What fun! A naive parent would pick this up, play it on the record player to put the 2-year-old to sleep, and then ten minutes later the 2-year-old would walk out of the bedroom looking like Charles Manson. That's the greatness of Happy Flowers for you. The early songs of Happy Flowers have practically no structure at all, just grumbling guitar damage, screaming, and if you're lucky, dialouge that resembles lyrics. The 7" also contains the band's most famous song, "Mom, I Gave the Cat Some Acid".

1. Mom, I Gave the Cat Some Acid
Starts off with the revving guitar sounds of what sounds like a really large animal dying and desperately trying to escape from a tar pit. Soon we hear Mr. Horribly Charred Infant moan a childlike "Moooommm...", looking for sympathy in this tone of voice, but this "Mom" character does not hear him, so then Mr. Anus speaks up. Soon enough, the wimpers turn into screams, and the two continue to scream, "MOM, I GAVE THE CAT SOME ACID!!!", while begging Mom not to tell Dad or the Police. I suppose this type of thing is so hilarious because it's so easy to envision it actually happening in real life. From the childlike vocabulary to the idea of a little kid accidentally giving a cat acid and then freaking out about it, the song pretty much paints its own picture with just one phrase. I wonder how much acid they were on when they did this... this song basically set the standard for the other Happy Flowers tunes, in that they became famous for the group basically screaming about childhood freak-accidents of noisy music. I think this song was on a compilation as well. But yeah, you haven't lived until you've heard this song. And once you've heard it, you've died. But then you get to live again. Now, for the B-Sides.

2. Meadowlands
Starts out sounding enough like a song with a melody, with a folky sort of electric guitar melody, with only a little bit of fucked-up shit in the background, until a really loud scream is heard, and the whole thing just turns into a heavy, improvised, noisy monster of a song. There's actually a little bit of a melody in there if you listen real hard, but it's so overshadowed by the chaos that dominates the song that you barely even notice it. Even after the guitars stop playing, you still hear that same scream repeated over and over again amidst the silence.

3. Requests
This one basically featured Mr. Horribly Charred Infant singing a bunch of random pop songs over a bunch of scary wild guitar noize with Mr. Anus sort of singing along in the background. Perhaps some people "requested" that they play these songs and this wuz the result. Then there's a bunch of feedback.

FUN FAKT: Hey, kidz! Did you know that if you play Happy Flowers music around a Flower garden, that the flowers will all get really Happy and come to life and then EAT YOU? No, really, it's true! What do you think tulips use those lips for anyways? THEY HAVE MOUTHS, DUMBASS! And stuff like that. These songs were later featured on the album "Making the Bunny Pay", which contains this EP and the second EP called "Now We Are Six". I'll review that one also sometime. But for now, hope you enjoyed my review and the wonderful music, and remember to play this music for your children all the time!

Review #135: Sonic Youth - Bad Moon Rising (1985)

BAD MOON RISING

Year: 1985

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: No-Wave, Post-Punk, Noise
Label: Last Warning Records
Tracks: 10
Length: 37 Minutes
Style: Mysterious/Dark
My Rating: 6/8

Bad Moon Rising was the third album by the band formerly known as Red Milk. It's the last Sonic Youth album that was released before Steve Shelley became the band's drummer, and the last one also before they started to change their sound to a more poppy, melodic style (though from here you can tell they were already heading in that direction). The band was signed to Homestead Records around the time of this album's release, also home of their future friends, Dinosaur Jr... well, I can't think of a whole ton to say about this album right now. It has a pretty cool pumpkin on the cover, I guess... ooh! And it's on fire! Oh boy! Okay, now I'm going to review this album. Here goes, kiddiez!

1. Intro
The intro! It's an airy sort of piece... just a peaceful-sounding repetitive guitar melody and little strokes of electric guitar strings in the background swooping around like birdies in the sky. It's not very long.

2. Brave Men Run (In My Family)
The song is actually pretty melodic in some parts, but there's a general abrasiveness to it, for sure, especially during one part not long after a minute through. After that, though, the song cools down and after about a minute and a half, the guitar that guides the melody sounds very clean... well, DID. Things are always changing around. Midway through the song, Kim Gordon starts singing. The drums sound really good, here. Some of the guitars sound like windchimes. Others sound like the wind itself.

3. Society is a Hole
Begins with repeated loud sounds that sound like a factory or something. Over these effects, the band begins to play the next song. Some layers of the song sound happy (like the bass guitar), but the other guitars are kind of sad-sounding. Almost like a person who's at the bottom trying to get up, with the people in slightly higher positions in society discouraging him from even trying because they know the pain that trying brings. Thurston sings this song. He blames society for making him lie to his friends (who are girls wrapped in boys). He feels that we're living in pieces, when we should be living in peace. Some of the guitars ring like large bells. Some of them ring like small bells. Notice that the sound effects that were playing at the beginning of this song have been playing this whole time! This fades out for a clippet of a very cut-and-spliced version of "Not Right" by the Stooges.

4. I Love Her All the Time
SPOOOOKY NOISES. It's like being in a dark, desolate wasteland or a scary forest, with just the wind blowing around and no idea where you are. Very ominous feel to this track, so far. The beat is kind of slow, here. Thurston sings in this song. The second part of the song (about one third through) introduces very aggressive, heavy guitars that swoop into the main continuum, and the song gets slightly faster for a moment. Eventually the drumming goes away, and then it's just guitars and singing. The song ends with a little feedback and the bang fucking around with their instruments. It's the longest song on the album, being over seven minutes long. End of Side 1.

5. Ghost Bitch
An ocean of feedback and guitar noise and static. Kim Gordon provides a spoken intro for this song. The drums come in about halfways through the song, and the main part of the song begins. Very intense. The guitar "riff" here is really neat to listen to. Repetitive, but in an effective way. And of course, there's always little things going on in the background. There's a very slow outro. The rhythm guitar buzzes and swarms around like a group of mutant killer mosquitoes.

6. I'm Insane
The beat gets a little faster here, and the mosquitoes of track 5 are transformed a graceful wisping sound. The guitar makes the sound of clanging steel. Of course, there's other things going on as well. I'm not sure if I'm hearing a bass guitar or a piano in this song... Thurston sings here. The lyrics here really are insane, but in a good way. Is a dog really a bear? Inside his head, it is.

7. Justice Is Might
Crunchy creepy noises and squeaking. You can hear Thurston speaking through a megaphone and stuttering, trying to explain the song (he was probably baked during this part). The guitars begin playing a tune. And now, Thurston sings! JUSTICE IS MIGHT! As sure as Thurston is singing, Justice is might. Then everything gets really fuzzed out around the second half of the song.

8. Death Valley '69
The most "normal" and well-known song on the album. Probably because of the music video, which does feature Lung Leg, who looks very nice in that video. Yes, yes. Anyways, Lydia Lunch from Teenage Jesus & the Jerks does backing vocals in this song. It definitely would make a good theme for a movie or something. The first part of the song is aggressive, adventurous, and to-the-point. The second part is darker, dangerous, and more uncertain. There's an element of fear in that part. Near the end of the second part, there's a gradual build-up which leads to the third part, which pretty much a repeat of the first part of the song. I heard somewhere that this song was based on Charles Manson and the Manson family or something like that. And Kim Gordon's brother was killed by the Manson family. It's very interesting in that perspective. DUUUURGHHH.

Welp, after this album, the band got signed to SST Records (home of Black Flag), and they released their next album, "EVOL", in which they moved away from the no-wave genre and focused more on linear-sounding punk rock. This album's mostly no-wave but it has more melodic moments than the two albums before it do. And, also, they did the first Sonic Youth music video with the release of this album. It's a pretty great video. So, check it out, if you haven't already watched it...

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Brave Men Run (In My Family)
2. Death Valley '69
3. Ghost Bitch

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "DEATH VALLEY '69":

Review #117: AIDS Wolf - The Lovvers LP (2006)

THE LOVVERS LP

Year: 2006

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Noise, No-Wave
Label: Skin Graft Records
Tracks: 8
Length: 25 Minutes (Medium-Length)
Style: Weird/Demented
My Rating: 6/8

AIDS Wolf is just one of those bands... y'know... "those" bands. Somewhere between living n' dying. Fucking and killing. They probably do both of those things. All the time. Their music is a freakish musical anarchy of nearly epic proportions. Few rules. It's almost not music at all. It's just a bunch of people playing their instruments together. But I guess that makes it music. So music it iz. The drums pound like a hammer. The guitars just flutter and crash around. Chloe Lum, the singer, just wails unintelligible shit. I guess it's not for everyone, but it's good if you're into this sort of stuff. AIDS Wolf is from Montreal in Quebec and they formed in 2003. The current line-up consists of Yannick Desranleau (drums), Chloe Lum (vocals), and Alexander Moskos (guitar). This album iz their first album and it is good.

1. Spit Tastes Like Metal
The song starts out with the bass drums thumping to a shakey shrieky guitar sound. Sometimes there's a little bit of snare, as well. Chloe mumbles and yells a bunch of stuff. I dunno whose spit these guys have been tasting, but it don't taste THAT metallic.

2. Chinese Roulette
My favorite song on the album! The beat kind of reminds me of this one Teenage Jesus & the Jerks song I heard this one time. But it's an awesome, hard-hitting beat. The guitar is frantic and austere at the same time. Chloe screams and wails, sometimes actually sounding like singing. I play this one in the car a lot. It's a very good song.

3. We Multiply
Weird echoey guitar sounds. The bass guitar sounds really cool in some parts -- almost sounds like a slap-bass or something. Chloe's vocals fucking rule, here. The chorus is pretty heavy. I dunno how, it just is.

4. The Hat Collector
The fucking HAT COLLECTOR, MAN!!! Always collecting my hats n' stuff. Gets to be a real bitch sometimes. It's okay, though, 'cause if I lose a hat, he always collects it back and stuff. Mixed blessings, y'know? Anyways, the song just kinda starts with a bunch of possibly improvised lead guitar stuff. Occasionally there's a hyper-speed drumbeat amidst all this, but it only comes so often, until about a minute and a half into the song where it becomes a regular part of the song. Mostly instrumental.

5. Vampire King
Starts off with an ultra-fast beat and general mayhem. The beat slows down to about mid-tempo for a part of the song, and then it speeds up to ultra-fast again. The ultra fast parts are pretty crazy. Chloe's probably just shaking her head around and saying stupid stuff or blowing bubbles in some milk or something.

6. Panty Mind
This song has the most conventional punk rock beat out of all of the songs. The guitar in the verse sections are complex and gnarled. However, the chorus section sounds like mutant ska from HELL!! Midway through, the song breaks down into nothing but scattered n' shredded noize, like a Sonic Youth song or something. The song's main "riff" is repeated towards the end.

7. Opposing Walls
Okay, you've got two walls. And there's a giant wrecking ball smashing back and forth between them. That's pretty much what the beat for this song sounds like. AIDS Wolf may have AIDS, but they've got fuckin' rhythm, I will give them that. Hell, the main appeal for this song is the fact that it sounds like you're being smashed in the head with a hammer with AIDS (wolf) repeatedly, I guess. Anyways, I like it. End of Side 1.

8. Some Sexual Drawings
I want to look at some sexual drawings. Right nauw. Oh well. As the song begins, a towering monolith of a bass guitar-generated manatee comes in, looking to see if I have stolen its candy or not. But I have not. But then, suddenly, a steel robot made out of the sounds made by the rhythm guitar comes in to make sure everything's in line. I'm in a room surrounded by giant scary monsters. That's what this song iz sounding like, so far. And bumble bees. Lots of bumble bees. AIDS Wolf are going to fucking KILL YOU. They're gonna FUCK YOU UP THE ASS AND RAPE YOU AND THEY HAVE AIDS SO YOU WILL GET ZE AIDS TOO. "AUAUAUAUAUAUEUEUEUAUAUAUAEUEUAUAUAUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUAUAUAUAUAUAUAEUEU", sings Chloe, to remind us that, well, she's one scary fucker. FUCK-er. FUCK...er. A FUCK-er is one who FUCKS. Like. I am not a fucker. I do not fuck. I have not FUCKed. But if I FUCK, then I am a FUCKer, because I FUCK. Does that make any sense to you? I dunno. This song is really long.

Having not heard the entire "Lovvers LP" before, I have come to realize that I actually like it better than "Cities of Glass". Why? Because while Cities of Glass is more noisy and chaotic, The Lovvers LP sounds more like actual songs. Toneless, bizarre, noisy songs, but still songs. This is an extremely cool album. And Chloe Lum is really really good looking and I have a crush on her because she makes cool music and she's beautiful. He he. Side A of the album is mostly some warped No-Wave punk songs, and Side B is a deathly mess of brain damage. So, it's your pick. Some of the songs kind of remind me of early Sonic Youth. Except I actually like this better. Not better than ALL Sonic Youth, but better than Sonic Youth in the early '80s. So, for all of you happy children of happiness out there: spread the love. Spread the joy. Play this little album everywhere. Play it for your mum. Play it for your dad. Play it for all of your radio-loving joy friends. Play it at church. Spread the happy joy and loving gospel of AIDS Wolf, children. May the sunshine bless you, and please apologize to all of the small insects you accidentally kill. Bye bye!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Chinese Roulette
2. Panty Mind
3. We Multiply

MUSIC VIDEOS

Review #82: Sonic Youth - Confusion is Sex (1983)

CONFUSION IS SEX

Year: 1983

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: No-Wave, Noise
Label: Neutral Records
Tracks: 9
Length: 35 Minutes (Long)
Style: Mysterious
My Rating: 6/8

Sonic YOUTH? More like Sonic OLD, now! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOHOHOHOH
OHOHOHOHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH
EHEHEU HUHUHUHUHU YEAH. ANYWAYS I AM GOING TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS RIGHT NOW. SONIC YOUTH ARE SO OLD THAT THEY'RE OLDER THAN MY PARENTS. AND THEY'RE PROBABLY OLDER THAN YOU. AND THEY CAN ACTUALLY REMEMBER DINOSAURS. IT IS SAID THAT WHAT MAKES SONIC YOUTH'S MUSIC SO WEIRDLY GREAT IS THE INFLUENCE THAT EARLY DINOSAURS IN THE STONE AGE MUSIC SCENE HAD ON THEIR MUSIC SUCH AS THE STOOGASAURUS, OFTEN LED IN PACKS BY IGGYUANADONS. AND SO IT WAS NEW YOIK IN THE EARLY NINE-TEEN OCHOS when THE NEW YORK NO-WAVE SCENE WAS STILL EXISTENT IN ITZ ORIGINAL FORM WITH OTHER BANDS SUCH AS THE CONTORTIONS AND TEENAGE JESUS & THE FREAKS. SONIK YOOTH KAME A LITTEL LAIT'R THAN VEE OVER 1'S BUTT VAY WARE JUSH ASS IMPORNTANT AS THE OTHER 1'S AND HALPED GENERALLY EXPAND PUNC ROKC.

AFFTER THARE 1ST ALLBUM JUSH KAL'D "SONIK YOOTH", SONIK YOOTH DECIDAD TPO RLS ANTHER REKERD N EET WUZ KALLED "CONFUCIUS IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE", PROWDLEE DIZ PLAYUING THARE LUV 4 CONFUCIUS DA FAMUS JERMAN FULLOFOSER. NAUW IT'Z TIME TO STUP TLKN LK A FKNG RTRD N RVW TH DMN ALBUM.

1. (She's In a) Bad Mood
The guitars sound like ringing bells. The bass is ominous. The lyrics are only "She's in a bad mood/But I won't fall for it/I believe all her lies/But I can't fall for it". The beat is highly varied and interesting. Hell, they get these guitars to sound like pianos in the end. Maybe they are actual pianos. But Sonic Youth was pretty weird back then so they probably just sprinkled some of their magic Sonic dust of Youth on their guitars to give them special Sonic Magic. Thurston sings this one.

2. Protect Me You
It's probably like, "Protect Me AND You" or "Protect Me, You!", but they forgot to add in that extra word or punctuation mark or somethin' like that. It's even slower and more depressing than the song before it. Kimmy Gordy sings this song. The lyrics are very depressing as well and seem to be chronicling the struggle of a young girl to survive throughout various stages of her life. Like metamorphosis. Like, the 10-year-old is just a lil' tadpole, and the 18-year-old is a full-blown Frogotron-5000(tm). She asks the "demons that come at night" to protect her.

3. Freezer Burn/I Wanna Be Your Dog
Two songs een one! The first one is "Freezer Burn". It's a droning, creepy, ambient piece with creepy, droning, ambient noizes going on around your ears. It eventually goes into the next song, "I Wanna Be Your Dog", which is a cover of the '60s punk-before-punk classic by the Stooges. It is taken from a live recording, so, the quality is a lot less clear than the other songs, but definitely still listenable. Kim sings. A very fun song.

4. Shaking Hell
The song is mainly driven by a quirky bassline accompanied by breezy, mystical guitars and a somewhat uptempo beat. Midway through the song, it changes to a slower, clamer piece with Kim Gordon on the vocals, singing about a girl who has lost her virginity and innocence. It ends somewhat abruptly. End of Side 1.

5. Inhuman
Begins with clanging, clattering, anarchic noise. Thurston sings this song. Really cool beat, accompanied by pounding, shrieking guitar noizes. The bassline is really cool. My favorite song on the album.

6. The World Looks Red
Another one on the album I really like. Throbbing, high-pitched guitar accompanied by swooping, floating-round guitars. The beat is somewhat fast for the album. Thurston sings, and his vocals are great here. The lyrics are pretty trippy and bizarre.

7. Confusion is Next
Once again, I love this song. It's a slow, crazed song involving Thurston's thoughts on what humanity must do to become free, involving such beautiful self-instructions such as "take your tounge and stretch it out..." -- Pure genius. Pure genius. SONIC TOOTH!

8. Making the Nature Scene
Another one with Kim Gordon singing the lyrics. The lyrics sing about how the city and civilization have forgotten of the past of humanity as a part of nature and encourages humans to "make their own nature scene".

9. Lee is Free
This is an instrumental, so there are no lyrics or vocals. Just more sonic droning and clanging. So, to be unpretentious about this, I cannot say that I necessarily enjoy this track that much. It's interesting for a minute or two I guess, though.

SO THAT WUZ CONFICIOUS IZ SEXUAL INTERKKKOURSE. IT WUZ THARE L'ASS'T RELEEESE AWN NEUTRAL REKKKERDZ AND THEN THEY WENT ON OTHA LA'BELZ AFTER THAT SUCH AS HOMESTEAD RECORDS N' THEIR OWN LAYBULL KALLED ECSTATIC PIECE (OR IZ IT CALLED EXTATIK PISS?""). EYE THUNK DIS REKKKERD IZ PRETTY LEGITTY BUTT IT DUSN'T REEECH DA FULL POTENTIAL I THUT THEY REEECHED IN DA LATE '80S N EARLY NUEVEZ . THIIIS ULBUM IZ DARK, MYSTEERIUS AND WEEIRD, BUT IT'Z VERY GOOD N DESCRIBES A DARKER SIDE OF HYOOMUN EGGZISTUNCE THAT SUM PEEPULL HALF TRUBLE PERSONICFYING.

Review #62: Sonic Youth - Sonic Youth (1982)

SONIC YOUTH

Year: 1982

Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: No-Wave, Post-Punk
Label: Neutral Records
Tracks: 5
Length: 24 Minutes (Medium-Length)
Style: Mysterious/Depressing
My Rating: 6/8

I consider Sonic Youth to be one of the greatest bands of all-time. They started in 1981 as part of the New York No-Wave scene; even older than hardcore, No-Wave is an intentionally abrasive, non-commercially-accessible, pretty much big 'fuck you' to traditional song structure and elements within. And still, Sonic Youth is the most well-known descendant of this movement. This is their first album, so it's far from what you might hear on some of their later albums, but it certainly is interesting to listen to, even if it isn't one of their most accessible works.

1. The Burning Spear
The most well-known song from this album. Begins with crashing drums and bizarre guitar noises that sound like the chiming of bells. This seemingly aimless chiming eventually is carried off by a mid-tempo beat which sounds pretty cool. Soon enough, the bass comes in, providing some semblance of a melody to the song. The lyrics suggest a dependence on religion or something like that. Thurston sings this one.

2. I Dreamed I Dream
Very cool bassline accompanied by eerie lead-guitar tones. Slow tempo. The vocals are interesting in the fact that Kim and Lee both sing the same lines alongside eachother in this song, but Kim just says the words and Lee softly sings them in the background. Kind of sad-sounding. The lyrics seem to be about the hopeless situation of the working-class youth. My favorite one on here.

3. She Is Not Alone
A song led by bongo drums and more weird guitar sounds. The only lyrics are "she is not alone today". End of Side 1.

4. I Don't Want to Push It
This one starts with the shredding of two different chords. Sounds like some sort of ice-thing, for some reason. More weird bongo-type beats and a two-note bassline. I think the lyrics are supposed to be about hitting rock-bottom in life or dying in poverty or something like that. Thurston sings this song.

5. The Good And the Bad
This one is pretty long (almost eight minutes in length). A mid-tempo bass-driven tune with lots of fleeting swoops of tuneless guitar chords and notes. The drums sort of fade away into softer drumming and the song's tune changes during a lengthy mid-section which slowly builds up into a repeat of the "main" part of the song again. Well, that's the end.

That's "Sonic Youth". They actually re-released this album in 2006 to have 13 tracks instead of just five (most of them are live tracks, but there is also an early studio recording of a song called "Where the Red Fern Grows" from 1981). The band would continue to play this style of noisy No-Wave on their next two albums, "Confusion is Sex" and "Bad Moon Rising", each with a mysterious, but youthful vibe to it. Eventually they would begin to become more of a post-punk/alternative band and experiment with more melodic and traditional songwriting, but they have always still kept the noise/weird approach, making entire mini-albums based on that concept, often collaborating with other musicians for it. "Sonic Youth" is a pretty good album to listen to, but I personally prefer the string of albums after it over this. Still, it's a pretty decent beginning for the band, and I definitely suggest it to any Sonic Youth fan who hasn't heard it yet (or one who has only heard their "hits" that earned them a bit of popularity during the early '90s).

Review #30: Nü Sensae - Nü Sensae (2008)

Nü SENSAE

Year: 2008
Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Noise, Hardcore, No-Wave
Label: Isolated Now-Waves
Tracks: 8
Length: 12 Minutes (Short)
Style: Angry
My Rating: 6/8

FUCK... I just got out of one pretty shitty decade as far as music goes. Hopefully there's a bright future for that sort of thing ahead, since 2010 arbitrarily marks some sort of fresh slate left for us to refill. Still, there have been a number of far-and-few-between rock bands that have made the last ten years not COMPLETELY unbearable. Nü Sensae is one of 'em. No-Wave magic spliced with hardcore fury and energy, this is one of those bands that sound pissed like they MEAN IT. They've released an EP a few months ago, they've been on several compilations, and they're planning on doing a new full-length record, soon. This is their debut one-sided LP.

The music is influenced by the Germs, Bikini Kill, L7, and the Cramps, I believe. There's a pretty strong Germs influence on this album, as Andrea has a few moments here where she sounds like a slightly higher-pitched female Darby Crash with her screams. It's the kind of scream that you don't hear in modern music very often, but it sounds great. It's rough, it's pissed, and it lasts. This album really feels more like a hardcore record to me, but there are a lot of No-Wave characteristics as well.

1. Raven Tussle
Starts with a bizarre-sounding radio broadcast. Then the song starts. Heavy, crunching bass, thrashing beats, and screams chock-full of energy, here. The only lyrics here are a single line which I cannot interpret towards the end. Other than that, mostly screaming.

2. 1992
This version is a hell of a lot better than the "Emergency Room, Vol. 1" version. It packs a lot more of a punch, and it's slightly faster. The other version was sorta lame, but this version makes up for it. It's a good song about different years of the 1990s. For some reason.

3. Don't Panic
One again, this one is an improvement from the version off of "Emergency Room, Vol 2.". The other version was good as well, but it didn't really carry a tune at all. I like at least a semblance of a tune in my songs, no matter how small. With that said, this song is really fucking cool. They made a music video for it!

4. Cut Throat Nine
Mainly hard fast beats with a totally fuzzed-out riff. I love the part of the song (with the bass beat) about 1 minute into it, for some reason.

5. The Witch
Opens with the line from the Wizard of Oz, "Are You a Good Witch, or a Bad Witch?". Andrea repeats the line "I can feel my fingers, I can feel my legs", which for some reason I find kinda funny. I can feel my fingers and my legs, too. I guess that means that this is one of those songs that, like, I can relate to a little bit. The song gets faster at the end.

6. Brain Aid
A fast song with a great beat. Gotta love Andrea's screams. They are really something, here. A good song.

7. Peter Tripp
"Don't fall, Peter Tripp!". Another more regular-sounding song from the band, so there's nothing extremely notable about it. Basically, it has a similar beat as the first track, except this one isn't as good.

8. Graceland
Hey, that's where Elvis lives! Starts with pounding drums and cymbals. I like the vocals on theese song. It izz a good song. This iz the end of Side 1 which means that it's the end of the album because this album only has one side on it and that side is Side 1.

This is just a really good, aggressive, noisy punk album. There is more to come, so make sure to see these guys live (there's only two members!), and don't forget to actually buy their records!

THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR "DON'T PANIC"

Review #18: Nü Sensae - Three Dreams (EP) (2009)

THREE DREAMS (EP)

Year: 2009
Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: No-Wave, Noise
Label: Critiscum Internationale Records
Tracks: 4
Length: 8 Minutes (Short)
Style: Rebellious
My Rating: 6/8

Nü Sensae is a No-Wave hailing from the Vancouver, B.C. Canadian punk scene which is birthing a variety of other good bands at this point. The band formed circa early 2007 and plays a noisy, abrasive form of punk that is reminiscent of No-Wave from the '70s and '80s. The band only has two members; Andrea Lukic, who sings the songs and plays the bass guitar, and Daniel Pitout, the drummer.

The band released a 12" self-titled record last year on Isolated Now-Waves, and this rekerd is the newest release from them which was released only a month ago on Critiscum Internationale Records.

1. Mowgli and Sly
First thing that comes to mind is fuzzy. Begins with a sludgey riff and thumping bass drums. The second half of the song is thrashier and faster, and Andrea is singing in this part. A pretty good song.

2. Mens Rea
A more traditional-sounding song, but still innovative. I like the drums especially on this part, and you hear the line that the title of this record, "Three Dreams" is derived from. Ultimately, it's a pretty simple song. End of Side 1.

3. Worm(s)
The first Nü Sensae song I ever heard. They made a music video for this. It's similar-tempoed to the previous track, but it's more aggressive and the vocals are harsher and have more flow to 'em. I swear I'm hearing the noises of strange animals in the background of this.

4. Fantum
The bass is very throbbing, here. A notch less fast than the last couple songs. The verse riff here is very good. Ultimately, though, I consider it the weakest track on the album. Not that it's bad or anything, but all of the other songs on here are pretty spot-on for the tone they're going for... who the hell am I to question 'em, though? Anyways, the record ends here.

It's pretty short, so when it ends, part of you is left wanting a little more. However, you can always check out their earlier LP, and they have been featured on a few compilations as well. I recommend this band's music to all fans of early Sonic Youth, Bikini Kill, L7, and the Germs, whom they are influenced by.

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "WORM(S)"

Review #10: AIDS Wolf - Cities of Glass (2008)

CITIES OF GLASS

Year: 2008
Genre: Punk Rock
Sub-Genres: Noise
Label: Skin Graft Records
Tracks: 10
Length: 23 Minutes (Medium-Length)
Style: Weird/Rebellious
My Rating: 6/8

In this day and age, traditional punk rock has become "normal". Like the music that the punk rock heroes of long ago fought against, it too has become formulaic and mainstream-friendly. Yesterday, I had to walk through a Hollister store while doing Christmas shopping with my brother, and I happened to notice that they were selling STUDDED JACKETS. Can you believe that? This was the kind of stuff that kids 30 years ago were nearly getting arrested for, and it's been co-opted to be marketed to the most mainstream, goody-two-shoes, non-rebellious segment of the market there is. There it goes for those idiots who cared more about the fashion aspect than the music aspect.

But anyways, I definitely think it is time for a change in punk rock. We need more bands that actually challenge the status quo like they did until the mid-'90s, when the music slowly started getting more generic sounding and split up into sets of cliches. AIDS Wolf is one of these bands. Abrasive, insane, un-melodic, noisy. Ze music of ze freakz. The band has been together since 2003, and have released about four records, the newest of which was released in this year. Now, I wouldn't really guess this from listening to the music, but the singer, Chloe Lum, has a goofy Canadian accent which I find attractive for some reason. Ahem. Anyways, as many have said before, including the band itself, that they are a very polarizing group. You can either love them or hate them. It is hardly possible to have a different opinion. This band is like the antidote we need to the horrible mainstream garbage that's out there, right now.

On the first listen of the album, I was up very late at night, and it felt like rolling around in broken glass in the garage while having somebody run a drill through the side of your skull. I was literally cackling like a maniac while listening to this. Here iz why:

1. M.T.I.
Starts out with a strange buzz, followed by rolling drums and weird noises out of the vocal chords of Chloe Lum that suddenly make higher pitches. Sort of like you are running and being chased by insane-o bumble-bees of punk rock noize. The beat shifts from one to another throughout the song. Chloe continues to make awesome noises. The song gets more hectic towards the end, the beat speeds up, and the voices get higher and higher pitched. $4 to anybody who can MAKE UP lyrics for these songs!

2. Tied Up in Paper
Aggressive beats, guitar leads that resemble a 5-year-old trying to play a piano, and weird cries from the singer. Try listening to this during sex, 'cause it's actually pretty sexy, I think. I dare ya!

3. Cities of Glass
You can actually hear a few intelligible words here, which are: "Cities of Glass". Buzz-saw guitar noise and screams ensue. This music seriously makes me want to have sex. I dunno why. It's just legit, especially in the middle onwards. Gotta love the occasional fast tempo that they inject into the song.

4. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chatter
Chloe sounds like a chipmunk or somethin', here. This song feels like somebody is grabbing you by the ears and shaking you around while screaming at you, telling you to do a bunch of stuff in a strange language that you do not quite understand. The song gets slow, in the middle, and then at the end, it gets all fast again.

5. Down Holy Ground
Immediate crazy noise. Total chaos. Am I really supposed to even be ABLE to explain these songs in words? It's sort of hard to.

6. Gnarly Tooth
This one is fast. Chloe moans and groans in a high-pitched voice. The bass is very throbbing, and the guitar makes weird awesome noises. The song ends with just Chloe singing with the shaky rhythm guitar. Maybe the rhythm guitarist was nervous because he was afraid that he would mess up and have to re-do the song again! Heh-heh!

7. General
General Chaos? General Foods? General Weiners? Something like that. The song starts with guitar-noise that resembles a motor-engine or something, and then there comes the crashing percussion. I could have sworn I heard the singer say something about "throwing the cows". If she did, then that is fucking awesome!!

8. A Sacrificial Drone
Another fast song. It's like a motorcycle is doing continuous burn-outs on your face and there's nothing you can do but listen to the insane voices in yer head that you usually ignore.

9. Relevant Issues
The song begins like it's almost going to be a NORMAL-sounding song... NOT!! Right when you hear the beat roll in, it turns into a psycho, unstructured, anarchic scream-fest, and then Chloe starts saying "ow". I'd say it's the best song on the album. It's got the energy of a family of rednecks fighting eachother amidst a very loud earthquake in a rusty old trailor with barking dogs with rabies to make matters noisier. The song ends with a nice bass beat.

10. So Many Plastic Pearls
Another song that begins sounding like a guitar engine. I agree with Chloe on this one, though. There are SO MANY PLASTIC PEARLS! I personally don't know if they should be called pearls if they're actually not pearls. Well, who knows? A particularly deep line I've personally felt like I can relate to in this song was the lines, "Soooowaaaachhh cowwww, blllaghadgsdgsd tiiiinyyyyy steeeeeoooo waaaayyyyyzzzz, wwwwyyyy zzzz muuuuheeen, wwwwyyy zzzz cowwwwtzzzzzz".
(that's the end)

Y'know, I don't have much luck finding the type of woman I am looking for. But I think I seriously could at an AIDS Wolf concert. I think they would appeal to a certain type of freak-savage that attracts me. But even if not, I simply MUST see this band LIVE before they break up!! Can you imagine how awesome the experience must be? The lamers quickly get scared and leave, and the fans just go crazy there, for just a few moments of chaos? I hear that the band doesn't even play on a stage! If you love noise, you should get this album. 'Cause, like, it makes noises. And it's pretty damn noizy.

A LIVE PERFORMANCE OF "CITIES OF GLASS"