Year: 1986 Genre: Noise Rock Label: Catch Trout Records Tracks: 6 Length: 16 Minutes My Rating: 6/8
Hey, I know it's been awhile since my last review, but you wanted another one presumably and so did I so I'm going to do another review today. This is the second record by the HAPPY FLOWERS, a band that sings about happiness and flowers FOREVER AND EVER ALL OF THE TIME.
LOOK.
We've all been kids. We know that childhood, especially early childhood, is a
VERY
difficult time. Too old to be accepted as the infants we once were but too young to do "big kid" things, we find ourselves stuck between two times of life that were and will be inevitably better, and we can do some things like drink juice instead of milk, and we can ride tricycles as the greatest mode of transportation since the child's seat in the ca--
OH. HI.
I AM FIVE YEARS OLD.
TODAY, I AM GOING TO BE REVIEWING THIS ALBUM FOR YOU BECAUSE I'M ONLY FIVE AND THUS CAN IMMEDIATELY RELATE TO THE SUBJECT MATTER WITHIN. WHILE YES, THE EP IS CALLED "NOW WE ARE SIX", PLEASE REMEMBER THAT BEFORE ONE IS SIX, HE OR SHE IS PROBABLY FIVE. YEARS OLD. ANYWAYS, HERE'S MY FIVE YEAR OLD REVIEW OF THIS HAPPY FLOWERS CLASSIC.
1. Mom and Dad Like the Baby More Than Me GOD DAMN, I KNOW HOW THIS ONE FEELS. Okay, about a year ago my mom HAD A BABY WITHOUT TELLING ME BEFOREHAND! That REALLY PISSED ME OFF, because the baby was cute, but it was so cute that they STOPPED PLAYING WITH ME SO THEY COULD PLAY WITH THE BABY! WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!! But let's not get too ahead of ourselves here... anyways, this song starts off with some cool grinding guitar noize. Which is fun to listen to for lovers of loud grindey noises such as myself. Even though I'm only five. It reminds me of playing with my Tonka trucks, that's what it does make me think of. Herlfway thru' the sung, Mr. Hor Char Inf (HORRIBLY CHARRED INFANT) starts sunging about KILLING YOUR STUPID BABY!!!! I HATE THAT STUPID BABY!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULD GO KILL MY BABY BROTHER AND PUT HIM IN THE BLENDER TOO... THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!!!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT BEFORE??? THEY MIGHT THINK HE'S GROUND BEEF OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT!!!! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE BABY LIKED PICKLES!!! SO I PUT THE BABY'S COCK IN THE PICK JAR, MAN!!!! I DON'T EVEN LIKE MY BABY BROTHER!!!! GODDAMN IT WHY DO MY PARENTS LIKE THE BABY MORE THAN ME? Fucking faggots.
2. All My Toys Hate Me Yeah, believe it or not, this happened to me too. Kind of a vague tempo to this one even though there's no beat so it's hard to tell. It sounds like a cross between a blender and an electrical shock. Like, a blender that's being electrically shocked. It reminds me of this one time where IT WAS REALLY LATE, AND I SAW THIS ONE STUFFED ANIMAL IN MY CLOSET, AND IT JUST KEPT ON STARING AT ME AND THEN I SCREAMED AND PISSED ALL OVER MY BED. IT REALLY SUCKED. THAT ASSHOLE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. Toys... they're little backstabbers, they are. Also, you get to hear Mr. Anus in this song. Mr. Anus iz cool. End of Side A.
3. Razors in My Apple This one has a beat and a bass riff so it sounds more song-like. Pretty good bass riff, also. It's about finding all sorts of razors and needles and other bad things in yer food. I bet there's blood cumming outta yer mouth after that happens, man. Like, the razor CUTS your mouth and then you start bleeding. Or the needles STABS your mouth and then you start bleeding.
4. Hush Little Baby I LOVE this one. It's like a really freakish, demented version of a lullaby that everyone's probably heard. The guitar "melody" is just a bunch of random notes and Daddy in the song eventually starts saying some pretty mean stuff to THE BABY!!!!! WELL GOOD, I FUCKING HATE THAT LITTLE DOUCHEBAG!!!!!!
5. The Vacuum Ate Timmy IT WAS ABOUT TIME... presuming this "Timmy" they speak of is the BABY, then I'M REALLY GLAD THE VACUUM IS GOING TO ATE TIMMY!!!! FUCK YEAH... SUCK AWAY!!! SUCK, VACUUM! SUCK!! SUCK HARDER! SUCK TIMOTHY, VACUUM!!!!! You can hear the sound of a REAL LIFE (tm) vacuum in this song and Mr. HCI's parents get really upset because the VACUUM ATE TIMMY.
6. Daddy Melted Ever have one of those days when YOUR DAD MELTS INTO A GIANT PUDDLE OF ACID??!! No, I haven't, but I'd imagine that this song truly does cover the trauma and emotional torment of WHEN DADDY MELTED AND YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE ORPHANAGE!!!!! NOOO!!!!!!!!! The drum beat is simple but kind of cool. But Daddy cannot take you to 7-11 because he MELTED. DON'T YOU GET IT??? DADDY MELTED!!!! ARRAAAAGGGHHHH!!!! THE END.
GEE, THAT ALBUM WAS SO AWESOME... I GOING TO PLAY IT AS LOUD AS I CAN ON MY "MY LITTLE PHONOGRAPH" (TM) PLAYER SO MY PARENTS WILL BE FORCED TO LIKE IT TOO!!! YAEYYY!!!!
Oh. Hi.
I am five years old.
That was my review of "NOW WE ARE SIX" by Happy Flowers, a 7" full of mayhem and madness. I hope you enjoyed my review, five-year-olds of the world. Be sure to come another time as we listen to "My First GG Allin Classics", next week. Goodbye.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Hush Little Baby 2. Daddy Melted 3. My Toys Hate Me
Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: No Way Records Tracks: 3 Length: 4 Minutes Style:Political/Angry My Rating: 5/8
HELLOOOOOOO, KIDZ, it is getting closer and closer to CHRISTMAS TIME, in which people get presents and worship JAEEEUEUEUEUEUZOUUUS, and even if you don't worship him (for which you will suffer a fate of BURNING IN HELL FOREVER), you can still enjoy sitting around a tree with a bunch of shiny things stapled to it and listening to cheesy songs about Santa Claus (Satan Claws?) and getting free stuff from other people. Anyways, it's time for the special magical LEGIT SANTA CLAWS TO GIVE YOU A MAGICAL SPECIAL LEGIT GIFT, AND THIS IZ CALLED THE LEGIT MUSIC REVIEWS DOUBLE FEATURE... I AM GOING TO REVIEW TWO RECORDS IN ONE SUPER-REVIEW! SO, LET'S BEGIN, SHALL WE?
"Executed" is the newest release from the band Government Warning, and it's a 3-song 7" single.
1. Executed This song starts out considerably slower than the usual Government Warning stuff... more Sex Pistols-speed in the beginning. After the first part of the song, which has a pretty cool guitar riff, the song speeds up by a large amount and ascends into the brand of hyper-thrash that the band is known for. Later on in the song, things slow down a bit once more and Brandon, the drummer, puts on some pretty neat-sounding drumming for the outro of the song.
2. Shirked Obligations This song is very fast. Pure hardcore thrash, chord changes going mile-a-minute, yadda yadda...
3. Modern Day Heroes This is a cover of the song by the band Battalion of Saints. Cool guitar riff in the verse section. Probably the best tune on this record, though "Executed" is a little more interesting musically. The lyrics of this song describe how even though the murderers and molesters of the world have always been able to somehow find joy in taking lives with no remorse or shame, there's a group of people today who kill so much more than any serial killer; they do it legally... in fact, they're hailed as "MODERN DAY HEROES": THE FUCKING MILITARY!!
Well, that's my review of EXERCUTED BY GUB'MENT WARMIN'. It was a pretty decent listen. The Battalion of Saints cover is pretty neat. The title track is good also, though "Shirked Obligations" didn't really interest me that much. But that's all I've gotta say for right NOW, so let's JUMP over to the MAGIICAL RAILROAD AND CHUG ALONG TO THE NEXT RECORD REVIEW, shall we?
... BOINGABOINGABOINGABOING...
2. THROBBING ORGAN (Single)
Year: 2004
Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Parts Unknown Records Tracks: 2 Length: 6 Minutes Style:Angry My Rating: 6/8
THROBBIN' SEXUAL ORGAN iz ther first-ever official release from their Pennsylvania rock n' roll band, PISSED JEANS!!!!! So lettuce get around to seeing what magical animal could possibly unleashed out of our own THROBBING ORGANS when I put on this little song...
1. Throbbing Organ The vocal style of Mister Bradley Fry here sounds a little less defined here, which is a good thing because he actually sings cooler here than he does on the newer records! Awesome tempo, super pissed-off-sounding sludgy guitar riffs, the singing is really off-time. The drumming is great, and the vocals sound so insanely brutal in a non-generic way! I coulda sworn I heard him barking like a doggy in one part! I don't even know what this song is supposed to be about but it's probably about a THROBBING ORGAN and it's still cool.
2. Night Minutes Now, fer the other side of the PISSED JEAN WEEN HOT NEW (in 2004, it was) SINGLE! Actually, in some parts the singer kinda sounds like Iggy Pop with downs syndrome. Man, I'm gonna have a field day imagining that one. Similar-sounding to the other song... just simple angry dumb drunken punk music! I like the chorus riff. Actually, in the later parts of this song, they throw in some lead guitar stuff as well into the mix. The song ends in a few seconds of chaotic guitar noize. The end.
The insanity in Brad's singing and the hard thickness of the rhythm guitar make these songs sound tough-as-nails, and not the kind of nails you just hammer down into the wood either, 'cuz they're moving all over the place! It is a pretty good record and I wish Bradley still sing like he does on this record... it's not like he sounds TERRIBLY different now, but this sounds better to me for some reason. Actually, the band just released another new 7" this year, so maybe I'll have to review that sometime as well. Seen their new music video yet? It's for the song "False Jesii Part 2" and you should check it out or something. But that's all I've gotta say for now. I hope you enjoyed reading the DOUBLE FEATURE...
Year: 2006 Genre: Hardcore Punk Label: Feral Ward Records Tracks:10 Length: 18 Minutes Style:Angry/Political My Rating: 5/8
"No Moderation" is the second release and first full album from the Richmond, Virginia, United States, North America, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Universe hardcore punk band known az Government Warning. The production here on this album is a little more crisp. Like a crisper, full of vegetables, maybe? No? Okay, time to review ze songs...
1. No Moderation Awesome riff, really fast. High energy. This song's about being young and completely reckless and drinking and breaking shit! "Set the night on fire, let it burn!". Cool drumming on this track. I'd like to live like this.
2. Jocks and Cops The lyrics here are fucking hilarious... the song's about jocks who love to flex their muscles and get hard-ons for their own selves and go pick up chicks and can't wait to become cops so they can shove their nightsticks up a punk's rear end. Best lines: "you stand for everything that I hate." and "Hide that erection for Sylvester Stallone" -- ahahahahaah!
3. Cutting Room Floor This song's about how the news takes emphasis off of the real problems of society and war and tries to hide the blame from the real culprits. There's a cool tempo-shift in one part.
4. Fat Nation The guy actually sings here! This song's about fat people who do nothing but eat and sit on their asses and "gargle grease", eating fast food and never getting out or exercising or anything like that.
5. Self Medication This one's a sort of sad song about a person who can't enjoy life due to money problems and does nothing but drink to the point that he's become an alcoholic. Great singing, and there's some background chorus vocals as well. End of Side A.
6. Trend City The song starts out with a deeper-sounding riff and a slow beat, but then it gets really fast. It's about how trend-conscious the punk scene has become and mainstream society as well, and how he's "sick of cars and cellphones" and just wants to hide from it all at home. The second part of the song is slow also.
7. Slave Labor WASTING YOUR LIFE AT A SHITTY JOB SUCKS. THAT'S WHAT THE SONG'S ABOUT. THE GUITAR RIFF IS PRETTY COOL.
8. Powder Keg Really energetic and angry-sounding! The guitar rules here. Just a fucking good fast pissed-off song. Slower part at the end.
9. See the Truth Awesome guitar riff. Really fast and to-the-point and stuff. It's an anti-religion song criticizing people who take up so much space in culture for the sake of "something that isn't even there".
10. Sick of Home First half of the song is a repeated slow guitar riff. Then the song gets faster and Kenny sings about being turned into a ghost by fatigue and sells all his possessions and leaves with just a car and some drugs.
So, that's my review of the album. The lyrics describe a feeling of hopelessness in society and even his own friends. The music is pretty much what you'd expect from a typical hardcore punk record, and I have to admit that it can get a bit same-y, but the songs are still pretty good, so I give 'em credit for that. It's decent but I can't say it's the best fucking thing ever made. So that's all I can think of to say for now. Goodbye.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. See the Truth 2. Trend City 3. No Moderation
Year: 1985 Genre: Punk Rock Label: DSI Records Tracks:6 Length: 9 Minutes Style:Funny My Rating: 6/8
Y'alls have probably heard of the legendary dead dog-raping, baby-killing mutated band from Antarctica known as GWAR, and if you know about THEM you might also know about Dave Brockie's (who NEVER EVER sang for GWAR at all) "involvement" with the band, and, well, before GWAR, and even parallel to GWAR in their first few years, he was also in a band called "Death Piggy". The first Death Piggy EP (which was reviewed on the site earlier this year) was mostly fast, funny, food-oriented hardcore punk, and this is the second Death Piggy EP which is a bit more musically distinct (even moreso than already) than "Love War", and the songs are slower and more just straight-forward funny funky punky rock. So let's review, shall we?
1. Welcome Fast with a lead guitar riff, and this is interrupted for Dave talking in a hilariously lethargic voice to say "WELCOME TO THE RECORD. ONE TWO THREE FOUR.", and then the music continues. Not for long, though.
2. Boner This one is a laugh-out-loud riot fuckfest. Styled vaguely after '50s rock & roll, this song's about a guy with a boner so big that it causes women all over the world to become immensely horny! Here's just one really funny line from the song: "Y'KNOW HE'S COMIN', HE'S COMIN' TO TOWN -- AND WHEN HE GETS HERE, HE'S GONNA FUCK YOU". What a boneriffic little tune!
3. Showbiz This one has a really cool weird lead guitar riff and a nice little bass guitar melody as well. This song tells people to come down to where "all your friends live", which is Showbiz... Showbiz Pizza?? Home of the animatronic rock band, the "Rock-a-Fire Explosion"?! God damn, how'd I be for sure? Yep, he even guarantees a great birthday experience there.
4. Dinner in the Morning This is a faster song about eating dinner at all of the different times of day. Dave sings in a very bizarre falsetto voice during random points of the song and expresses his wish to be a supervisor. He does kind of sound a bit like Jello Biafra. And that's the end of Side A.
5. Whippin' Round the Bay What does "whipping 'round the bay" even mean? Golly, why don't someone tell me already? Anyways, this song is a bit more of an emotional moment, but still humorous, lyrically. There's lots of sounds of seagulls and ocean waves, and the song starts out acoustic and then segues into an electric melody with swooping lead guitar bits and it has a really good, touching melody that kinda melts your soul a little bit. "I've got Daddy's charge card, hey hey hey hey...". LUMPY LUMPY LUMPY LUMPY. This is the longest song on the EP, being almost four minutes long.
6. Ceramic Butt The guitar sounds real fuzzed-out and awesome. And the beat is about as cool as they come. The lyrics are real surrealistic and it's all totally cool, but unfortunately, the song fades out a little too soon.
Well, that's all for now. The record is sadly long out of print and very rare, and its songs (as well as everything else by Death Piggy) can be found on a compilation CD known as "Smile or Die", which in turn is also out of print and quite rare, so FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A NIPPLE SANDWICH gee, that really sucks. But you'll probably find it somewhere eventually, or just do what I did and illegally download it -- TAKE THAT, ALL YOUR HARD WORK YOU SLAVED AWAY FOR JUST TO PUT OUT A COUPLE DEATH PIGGY RECORDS IN THE '80S AND I SHAT UPON IT BY DEFILING THE CAPITALIST SYSTEM BY WHICH YOUR LIFE DEPENDS, DAVID BROCKIE... no, I didn't mean that. Life iz good. But anyways, yeah, it's crazier n' funnier than the first one. It's like, it's FUNNY, and it's PUNK, so you could really call it "FUNK", but that's already the name of a musical genre SO I GUESS WE'RE PRETTY DERN SCREWED IN THIS CASE, BUDDY.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Whippin' Round the Bay 2. Boner 3. Ceramic Butt
Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Hardcore Label: No Way Records Tracks: 4 Length: 6 Minutes Style: Angry/Political My Rating: 5/8
This is the third release by Government Warning, after the "No Way Out" EP and the "No Moderation" LP (you'd think THIS record would be called "No Arrest" or something like that). Four songs, seven inches, two sides. No crazy fun facts that I know about this one, so let's cut to the chase!
1. Arrested Somewhat speedy with a pretty decent riff. It's got a guitar solo in the middle. It's the longest song on the EP.
2. Maniacs YES! Very fast! The guitar melody is really cool. Very good drumming here. This one's just under a minute long. End of Side A.
3. Killing For Fun This one's really fast like the song before it. I like the part between the verse and the chorus, it has kind of a frantic feel to it. Not that the rest of the song doesn't, but it's especially in that part. The vocals remind me a lot of Minor Threat.
4. Safe and Sound There's a real militant feel to the chord progressions on this one. Sort of like the choppers of a helicopter spinning or some sort of battle soundtrack. The mid-section of the song iz the best part.
Well, that's all there iz of "Arrested"... just six minutes of fast music... the first song is kinda fast, the second and third songs are really fucking fast, and the fourth one is too to a lesser extent. But yeah, could've been better, I suppose. But there's nothing really bad about it either, so I leave it with a 5/8 score.
Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Noise Label: Catch Trout Records Tracks: 3 Length: 10 Minutes Style:Weird/Funny/Scary My Rating: 6/8
Happy Flowers iz just one of those kinds of bands... part genius, part hilarious, part gloriously inept. And part legit, also. The band formed in 1983 (ten years before my birth) in Charlottesville, Virginia, by two members of a hardcore band called the Landlords... that band released one album called "It's a Teenage House Party With the Landlords". Shortly afterwards, the members of the band went their separate ways and John Beers and Charlie Kramer both decided to start Happy Flowers. John was now "Mr. Horribly Charred Infant", and Charlie was now "Mr. Anus". Two names I wish my parents had given me. "Songs for Children" was the first Happy Flowers release. You can just imagine a cute little 7" record in a store with nice kiddie drawings on it and a name like 'Happy Flowers', and hey, the songs are for CHILDREN, also! What fun! A naive parent would pick this up, play it on the record player to put the 2-year-old to sleep, and then ten minutes later the 2-year-old would walk out of the bedroom looking like Charles Manson. That's the greatness of Happy Flowers for you. The early songs of Happy Flowers have practically no structure at all, just grumbling guitar damage, screaming, and if you're lucky, dialouge that resembles lyrics. The 7" also contains the band's most famous song, "Mom, I Gave the Cat Some Acid".
1. Mom, I Gave the Cat Some Acid Starts off with the revving guitar sounds of what sounds like a really large animal dying and desperately trying to escape from a tar pit. Soon we hear Mr. Horribly Charred Infant moan a childlike "Moooommm...", looking for sympathy in this tone of voice, but this "Mom" character does not hear him, so then Mr. Anus speaks up. Soon enough, the wimpers turn into screams, and the two continue to scream, "MOM, I GAVE THE CAT SOME ACID!!!", while begging Mom not to tell Dad or the Police. I suppose this type of thing is so hilarious because it's so easy to envision it actually happening in real life. From the childlike vocabulary to the idea of a little kid accidentally giving a cat acid and then freaking out about it, the song pretty much paints its own picture with just one phrase. I wonder how much acid they were on when they did this... this song basically set the standard for the other Happy Flowers tunes, in that they became famous for the group basically screaming about childhood freak-accidents of noisy music. I think this song was on a compilation as well. But yeah, you haven't lived until you've heard this song. And once you've heard it, you've died. But then you get to live again. Now, for the B-Sides.
2. Meadowlands Starts out sounding enough like a song with a melody, with a folky sort of electric guitar melody, with only a little bit of fucked-up shit in the background, until a really loud scream is heard, and the whole thing just turns into a heavy, improvised, noisy monster of a song. There's actually a little bit of a melody in there if you listen real hard, but it's so overshadowed by the chaos that dominates the song that you barely even notice it. Even after the guitars stop playing, you still hear that same scream repeated over and over again amidst the silence.
3. Requests This one basically featured Mr. Horribly Charred Infant singing a bunch of random pop songs over a bunch of scary wild guitar noize with Mr. Anus sort of singing along in the background. Perhaps some people "requested" that they play these songs and this wuz the result. Then there's a bunch of feedback.
FUN FAKT: Hey, kidz! Did you know that if you play Happy Flowers music around a Flower garden, that the flowers will all get really Happy and come to life and then EAT YOU? No, really, it's true! What do you think tulips use those lips for anyways? THEY HAVE MOUTHS, DUMBASS! And stuff like that. These songs were later featured on the album "Making the Bunny Pay", which contains this EP and the second EP called "Now We Are Six". I'll review that one also sometime. But for now, hope you enjoyed my review and the wonderful music, and remember to play this music for your children all the time!
Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Hardcore Label: No Way Records Tracks: 15 Length: 28 Minutes Style: Angry/Political My Rating: 6/8
Government Warning is a band from Richmond Virginia blah blah blah blehh blah blah blah blooh bleh blah blah blabber blibber bleebber blubber blakkety-blak! Anyways, the band has released various EPs since 2005 when they formed, and their first LP was released in 2006 and titled "No Moderation". Now, their latest album, titled "Paranoid Mess" was released in 2009, and it's very good. Alrighty, now... time to listen, shall we?
1. Rot and Decay Starts out with a screech of feedback. Then the song segues into rumbling drums and fiery rhythm guitar, exploding into a very fast thrashy song. Pretty good riffs throughout the song.
2. Nowhere to Go A more straightforward thrash piece. Excellent riff in the chorus part. Extremely speedy! Not very long, though.
3. Urban Warfield This song's a little more mid-tempo than what we've heard, so far. Can't find lyrics for any songs off of this album, so I have no idea what these songs are about other than what the titles suggest. There's a guitar solo at the end of the song.
4. Endless Slaughter It's a fast song and probably about killing or some shit like that. I like how the drums sound in the chorus section of the song. The riff gets a whole lot better in the second half of the song.
5. Stop Again One of my favorites from this album. It starts out with a pretty neat slow intro. Then after that, the song speeds up a little bit and the first verse of the song begins. I love the chorus riff, and the vocals in that part. A bit of lead guitar here, too. Then after the second chorus, there's a bridge section with a fucking awesome beat that punches you in the face alongside some nice chords! The chorus repeats one last time before the song ends.
6. Revolving Door Begins with an insane drum solo and the main riff, before cooling down into a more conherent thrasher (yet again). But it's got a pretty good chorus. Some of the riffs used here are actually a little more complex than just three chords. I guess this wouldn't be a bad soundtrack to running around in circles through a revolving door over and over again. That would be pretty fucking funny!
7. Blurred Yellow Line A blurred yellow line... like in the middle of the road? I suppose they're kind of blurred. Who knows! This one has a tempo more like "Stop Again" or "Urban Warfield". There's a pretty neat solo in the middle of the song. The vocals sound good here. Yet another solo! The section played at the end of the song has a neat riff. Then the bass gets pretty heavy. That's the end of Side A.
8. Disengage Starts with a noisy intro. The verse section has a really good guitar riff. Every now and then you'll hear little bits of backup guitars which sort of play alongside the main riff for short bursts. Oh, and this song is also fast. Just in case you were not sure. Heh.
9. Hour After Hour HOUR AFTER HOUR! HOUR AFTER HOUR (after hour)!!! AAAAUUUUGHHHH!! OOOHHH, THE AGONNNYYYYY! In later parts of the song they throw in a few extra sections with different riffs to add variety to the mix.
10. Glued Love the beat here. It's pretty fast, but not, like, ultra-fast. But it just sounds good here, y'know? Yeah, this song iz pretty good. Not sure what it's about. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night 'cause I don't know what these songs are about... *sniffle*...
11. Factory Line And this song is extremely fast! This band's gotta have a pretty good drummer, I'll say that. And let me not neglect the bassist... the bassline here is actually pretty good in the chorus, which is only about half the pace of the verse section.
12. Shot Fulla Holes Also extremely fast... this one's okay. I can't really think of much great to say about it, though it does have a pretty awesome solo in one part of the song.
13. Global Warning This one's an instrumental! It's just a slow song with a really good verse riff and an okay chorus riff, but it sounds really cool. The verse riff sounds like you're being surrounded by an army of evil robots that are trying to take over the world. It's a pretty awesome song. Some parts of the song implement more metalish strokes of the guitar strings.
14. Paranoid Mess The song that the album is named after, and one of the best songs here! There's not much wrong with this song, it's very paranoid-sounding like the title suggests, and it's a mad, energetic piece of action, pretty much the whole core of the album. It captures the intensity and chaos of a paranoid person in American society. The vocals here sound really good here, also.
15. Enough Is Enough The longest song on the album (three and a half minutes), and it sounds very different from the other songs on the album. The chorus part is really catchy, even though I wasn't very huge on the verse part. There's a guitar solo towards the end of the song.
So yes, that's "Paranoid Mess", and it's the newest offering from Government Warning. The same year they released this they also recorded a 7" single called "Executed", so that would be another recent Government Warning album. There are a few moments that feel a bit weak in my opinion, but for the most part it's a pretty good, solid album it should be worth a listen. The band's music here is also a lot more, well, musical than some of the other hardcore bands -- there's always an occasional break from the typical verse/chorus/repeat mode that's so common these days. So, yes yes, Paranoid Mess. Check it out!
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Stop Again 2. Paranoid Mess 3. Global Warning
Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Hardcore Label: Sweet Dreams Records Tracks: 6 Length: 7 Minutes (Very Short) Style: Angry My Rating: 6/8
Crooked Teeth are a new hardcore punk band from Richmond, Virginia, home of some other bands like Government Warning. The band is unique from a lot of other hardcore bands in the fact that the lead singer is a girl -- she sounds a lot like Kathleen Hannah from Bikini Kill! The music here is a lot faster than Bikini Kill's, though. This is their first demo tape ever, which the band was kind enough to give me the link to, and quite frankly, it kicks testes! The songs are great, the music is urgent and furious, the vocals are a nice change of pace from the scream/bark that every other band seems to use nowadays. C'mon guys, I know you're really angry, but couldn't at least SOME of you guys sing with a melody? Ericka yells too, but at least her voice actually sounds different. By the way, the band's lineup is Ericka (vox), Patrick (guitar), Chris (bass), Hash (drums), and Charlie, who plays the SKIN FLUTE. The band is currently signed to Sweet Dreams Records, and a cassette tape of this demo can be purchased by mail for $4.
1. Synapse Starts kinda fast and then gets really fast. There's a weird solo in the middle of the song. The lyrics are pretty dark and seem to describe feeling like an outcast or something. I actually have no idea BECUZ IM JUSH A BIG DUMBY DUM HEAD! HAA HAA HAH!!!
2. Poison Once again, chock-ful of fury! The riff is awesome, the beat is awesome, it's awesome awesome awesome. Another solo after the first chorus. Ericka's voice is fuckin' awesome! Once again, I seriously have no idea what any of these songs are about. At least the music makes up for that part.
3. Crooked Teeth It's like... the... THEME SONG!! Not quite as fast as the two before it, but it's still awesome-o. I like the transition of chords used from the verse to the chorus. It just works, y'know? Yeah, there's another guitar solo.
4. Duke Nukem 64 My favorite song here. However, it doesn't really have anything to do with a video game. I actually used to play the first two Duke Nukem games for computer a fucking lot. Still do every now and then. Well, this song's lyrics seem to be about rape or at least the feeling of being used up or something like that. It's the shortest song on the tape, but it's the best, in my opinion.
5. Yellow Maybe this song's supposed to be about jaundice or being disabled or being a disabled person with jaundice. See, I could even swear she was yelling "JAUNDICE!" in one part of the song!
6. Double Monster Starts with just drums, bass, and guitar noize. Then the first verse begins. The song's about being depressed n' sad n' shit laike that. For some reason, whenever I read the title, I wanna think of Cookie Monster. And hey, Cookie Monster's BLUE also. YEAH!!!!!! This iz the longest song. fgfdgdhggfhfghggf
As you can see here, today, I was having a serious mind-block. Sometimes, kidz, I just dunno what to write. The weather's been makin' me down for the las' cup' a-days, so I gots ta be strawng, kiddeyz. Gots ta fight tha good fight, y'know? Well, I'm guessing that if you liked everything else I've reviewed so far then you should PROOOOBABLY like this. You can download these songs all for free on the band's Last.FM profile. ENJOY DA MUSIC, KIDZ.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Duke Nukem 64 2. Crooked Teeth 3. Poison
Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Hardcore Label: No Way Records Tracks: 6 Length: 10 Minutes (Short) Style: Angry/Political My Rating: 6/8
Government Warning is a hardcore-punk rock band from Richmond, Virginia. The group formed around 2004. The music they play is fast, loud... you know the drill. It's not bad, though. The band does write pretty good songs and has a neat lo-fi garage-y sound -- true to the spirit of the original '80s hardcore punk movement. Just has that right vibe to it. This was their first record ever, along with being the first release on "No Way Records" which I suspect the band created itself to release this EP. That label now releases records for various hardcore bands throughout the U.S.A. and Canada. Anyways, about this record... it's their first one. Uhh... it's less metal-oriented than the more recent releases and more just straight-up hardcore. There's a picture of the White House on the cover...
1. Railroaded Starting with a big stomp-out of noize from all instruments. The drums get a-rolling and the song kicks off at a really fast speed. The song is a less humorous take on the sort of dystopia often sung about by the Dead Kennedys -- a world where we all just put on our suits and ties, follow orders, only to get locked away if we disobey the "code". "Sometimes the truth can be worse than fiction", says Kenny the vocalist. They yell "bullshit" a lot in this song.
2. Blank Starts out sort of atonal, but then a bit less after the first few seconds. Very fast like the first song -- somewhere inbetween MDC and Minor Threat musically. This song detests the apathy among many American people during the war, not doing anything to stop the madness while "killing fields are covered in blood" and "Soldiers sink their feet in mud".
3. Government Warning Starts out kinda slow with a great beat. About 1/3 into the song, the song speeds up into typical thrash fashion. What I like about the vocals here is on the shoust of "GOVERNMENT WARNING" in the chorus part, the first chant is ended in a lower note than the second chant. You'd probably need to listen to it to know what I mean. But it sounds good. The song ends in a slow section similar to how it began -- only to end in one more quick fast section right at the very end. Much like the songs before it, the song describes a displeasure with the current American way of living and anger at the Government for enforcing a specific system on its citizens with no alternatives. The EP's title "No Way Out" comes from a repeated line in the song. End of Side 1.
4. Walking Dead Starts only with a guitar melody and a little bit of light percussion -- the song begins to pick up some ground, and about 1/3 into it, it's off at light-speed again. Okay, maybe not light-speed, but pretty fast. There's some nice use of little strands of lead guitar solos scattered throughout certain parts of the chorus. Really great lyrics about the struggle of the working people in America just to stay alive and enjoy life, feeling like the "Walking Dead", feeling "forced to be glad"; being used as a mere piece of a larger machine. A bone in a dead dinosaur unable to break free.
5. Ghost Town Fast and hard. A song told from the viewpoint of a poor Holden Caulfield; basically in the sense that everything around him feels fake and dead. "People all around, but I'm all alone" -- that's a feeling a get a lot too, sometimes. Basically it's a song about a punk's distaste for suburban superficiality.
6. Self-Destruct In a sense, this one's the "slowest" song here. Still fast, though. The lyrics to this one are so damn true -- people today never want to rebel. Nobody wants to challenge the values they're raised on, they're "just content to be average or mediocre" -- THIS IS FOR FUCKING REAL. If there's one thought that really DOES get me angry/riled up, it's that one. That we're devolving. Somebody here needs to have some balls. Do something crazy. Be a free person. I dunno. But we really do need more of that in this society. I won't have this jaded decline. Neither will the singer, evidently.
"No Way Out" is a pretty classic-sounding, solid hardcore EP. It's fresh, sincere, ragged, and has a story to tell (I love stories). It's pretty clear what message they were trying to convey with this one -- the rat maze of America kills its rats. Whether through inducing of depression, apathy, stress, overworking, sickness, or whatever; mainstream American culture, behind its plastic facade and high fructose corn syrup sweetness (with fake freedom fries on the side) is ultimately laden with, well, death. An abusive, virtually undefeatable father deformed from old age with his children cowering in fear and submission -- forever. You can feel this pain in the lyrics of these songs. The music is good, too... the songwriting is pretty damn good. The recordings have a really fuzzed-out, grainy lo-fi sound. So yeah, this is a proper example of GOOD modern hardcore punk. Check it out. Man.
Top 3 Favorites: 1. Government Warning 2. Blank 3. Self-Destruct
Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Hardcore Label: D.S.I. Records Tracks: 8 Length: 8 Minutes (Short) Style:Funny My Rating: 6/8
You've probably heard of GWAR. Well, before GWAR, there wuz a band called Death Piggy. They formed in 1983 and stopped around 1986 or so. Punk Rock. This was their first record. It iz notable that the lead singer on this album is David Brockie. He would later become Oderus Urungus of GWAR. Still, he already sounds much like himself on this album. Enough about GWAR. More about Death Piggy.
1. G-O-D Spells God In this song, the band welcomes you to their world... it's the World of Cheese... where G-O-D spells "God". Just like in the world I'm in right now -- WAIT, I'M IN THEIR WORLD. I don't see much cheese, though. It's relaxing, short, and clam. However, it quickly segues into...
2. Splatter Flick ... THIS SONG! It's a song about a slumber-party massacre in a splatter flick in which everyone probably dies and entrails and blood probably splatter everywhere. The riff for this one is so fun.
3. Eat the People Another slower song about a person who simply can't control their appetite to the point of eating any person who they eat. David asks the people-eaters what they say to the people that they eat, and if they eat their feet (golly, that sure would be wasteful).
4. Fat Man This one's real fast compared to the other songs. The chorus is a group chant of "WE LOVE YOU FAT MAN!". Hell, the song makes me want to eat. A lot of these songs are about eating-related topics, really. Awesome riff. I like the mid-section too. Has a nice roll to it. David can be heard about to puke at the very end. End of Side 1.
5. Nympho Shortest and fastest song on the album. More lyrics about eating food. Mainly condiments on a sandwich. And baloney and salami.
6. Bathtub in Space This one's a slow song. It's about being in a bathtub in space and being totally stuck. That situation would suck pretty bad. But sounds like the song's protagonist turned out alright because he's around to sing the song after this.
7. No Prob, Dude See? He's okay! He even says "no prob, dude" -- see? He's doin' already. However, he lets us know that this boy won't eat fondue. And 'e won't be subdued, either. It's faster than "Bathtub in Space" but slower than "Nympho".
8. Mangoes and Goats Starts out as a little love-ballad about mangoes and goats. However, a little "bump-bada" enters the mix and turns into a mysterious-sounding fast song about, well, the same damn thing. And that's the end, kids.
Okay, if there's one thing that's for certain here, it's that these guys were REALLY FUCKING HUNGRY! Seriously, just about every other song is about or contains a reference to food -- First song, it's cheese. Third song, it's eating people! Fourth song, it's about eating everything. Fifth song, it's about sandwiches. Seventh song, fondue. Eighth song? Mangoes. And I'm sure goat is considered a delicacy in some cultures. Maybe the producer should've given them a little snack break in the studio in-between recordings. I think the guys would've liked that. Now, you might ask what this all has to do with GWAR? Well, in the mid '80s, there was a Death Piggy show. They wanted to do some special for this show. They started the show with an acted-out intro involving the crew dressed in mutant-warrior costumes choppin' eachother up and squirting blood everywhere. This was an important event, though, for this minor performance act spun off into its own band soon enough. But yes, this is a good thing to listen to if you are hungry. It makes me hungry. It's about food, dammit. FUCKING FOOOD!!! AGSADHADASDASGDSAGSADGGGGGAGARRRRGGGGGHHHHH
Year: 1988 Genre: Punk Rock Sub-Genres: Hardcore, Thrash Label: Shimmy-Disc Records Tracks: 16 (17 on International Editions) Length: 38 Minutes (Long) Style: Funny/Demented/ViolentWeird My Rating: 7/8
GWAR is a thrash-metal band from Richmond, Virginia that formed in 1984. The band is certainly not in the popular spectrum, but they have become notorious for their shocking stage antics and behaviors. GWAR is composed of a group of intergalactic warriors who were for quite some time trapped beneath the ice of Antarctica. They say that when hair-metal became extremely popular, all of the hairspray used by those bands opened up a hole in the Ozone Layer big enough to melt the ice that GWAR was trapped in, though they were still banished to live on Earth (GWAR fans, if I've got the story wrong, please correct me). But while they're primarily known as a metal band today, this record is a piece of their punk rock beginnings. Dave Brockie, who has always played the role of Oderus Urungus, was previously in a hardcore punk band called "Death Piggy" early in the '80s. GWAR was different, back in this point. Oderus Urungus had just become the new frontman, as Johnny Slutman left a few years prior. Their costumes were nowhere nearly as elaborate, they had human faces rather than masks, just wearing weird medieval/sci-fi looking battle armor and sometimes facepaint. They didn't get their more realistic-looking costumes until about a year or two after this record came out. It's considerably less heavy, but the signature thrash sound is still somewhat present.
1. Timè fôr Deäth Silence... sounds can be heard slowly getting louder... must be the wind. When the guitar and the drums start, you know you're in for SOMETHING. The vocals flow really well, and the lyrics are pretty much GWAR's warning to the world that they are there to exterminate human beings. This song is somewhat slow.
2. ÅEIÖU This one's a little faster. The chorus-section comes before the verse, which is pretty much the group saying "A-E-I-O-U". The song is an argument of whether the vowels belong to Gor-Gor (one of the many characters in GWAR canon) or Satan. Who it belongs to is never really solved. The verse riff is really cool. The song at the ends speeds up to a clash of insanity.
3. Americànized There's a solo in the beginning of this one. It's a song making fun of Americans with large egos due to the country that they live in. GWAR tries to kill them.
4. I'm in Löve (With a Deåd Dog) Slightly less slow than the previous song. A song about being in love with a dead dog named... "Pookie." At first the song's protagonist claims that "he doesn't want to cum inside of you" (the dog), but then he goes into great detail of his sexual desire for the dead dog. You can hear the dog barking in the background... I thought it was dead! The song speeds up with a lead-section at the end in which you can hear the dog get hit by a car on the road.
5. Slütmañ City Another slow song. Even though this song is called "Slutman City", both Johnny and Joey Slutman had left the group by the time this record came out. It's about Oderus Urungus escaping the antarctic ice to see the evil in the world which he desires to destroy, rape, and kill "because it's fun".
6. World Ô Filth A very fast song. The lyrics go on further to describe the misanthropy of GWAR. Quieter guitar-leads can be heard in the background of the song.
7. War Toy The song opens with something sounds like "tounge in my anal cave". It's a relaxed-tempo song about Oderus Urungus's new sex-slave, "the War Toy". Favorite line of the song: "My Nipples Explode". Pure poetry. Har har har. "Nipples Explode..." hawhasajdhsajkfhdsjfhsdkjgfd
8. Cåptain Crünch Another slow song. Really cool bassline. Not sure if this one is about the cereal Captain Crunch or not. Probably is, though. It's about killing everybody and having necrophillia with them when they're dead. End of Side 1.
9. Püre as the Årctic Snôw Side 2 starts fast. GWAR sings about how they came to escape from the antarctic ice and how "the system sucks", telling us to come down with them or else we'll be drowned in a sea of pus. I heard a pretty hilarious scream in there towards the end.
10. Je M'Appelle J. Cöusteaü Almost sounds like they're using bongos for percussion in this one. Maybe something else. Not plain ol' drums, though. It's a song about the French explorer, Jacques-Yves Cousteau. The lyrics are really intricate and well-written.
11. GWAR Theme This was the song that got me into GWAR. I actually heard an early lo-fi version of it on the Shimmy-Disc Video Compilation, but that was enough to get my interest. Starts with a soft, slow beginning with a few shrieks in the background. Beautiful acoustic guitar-sounds that you just can't get out of shitty modern production values. After the first verse, the songs speeds up into hardcore-mode, where the first verse is repeated in a less coherent fashion. Really cool song. The song is another song chronicling the beginnings of GWAR's foray into planet Earth, proving that even though they're a bunch of sadistic, murdering, masochistic rapists, they are total anti-heroes if there ever were, for they kill and rape stuff that SUCKS. Favorite song on the record.
12. Bône Meal Only about 45 seconds long! Weird beat and a short poem about turning burnt corpses into "bone meal" for GWAR's forces to eat.
13. Öllie North Another very fast song; except the vocals are really hard to understand. Just awesome legit GWAR screaming. The second half is slower than the first half. A great song.
14. Techno's Song Starts with a brief moment of punk noise. Techno Destructo is one antagonists of GWAR, who can out-fight, out-fuck, and out-fart any members of GWAR. He takes the Cosmic Control Tape(?) into his grasp and forces the band to play a song he wrote while on the toilet about how great he is.
15. U Ain't Shit This one's okay. It's a fast song about a bored person who "needs a good kick in the butt" and learns to rock because "U ain't shit until you learn how to rock".
16. Rock & Roll Pärty Töwn Starts with a soundclip of a girl saying "It got so BIG!". Heehee. This one's a little slower. It's about a hot chick who has sex at a rock n' roll party. I'm jealous, though, 'cause chicks today just want to listen to shitty pop music and shitty corporate rap music. Whatever happened to music with BALLS? Well, nonetheless, this was supposedly one of the first GWAR songs.
17. Black and Huge This song is only on non-American versions of the record, which kinda sucks. It's about the plight of a giant black penis that's "looking for a stupid white chick", but unfortunately, it can't seem to get out of its cup. That's the end of the record. Actually, the record is already over if your version of the record doesn't have this song on it. Which means you've been hearing something that's not even actually there for the last two minutes. Which means you're insane. Which is cool.
The cover-art depicts GWAR pushing a bunch of skinheads into a ditch. Skinheads would frequently antagonize GWAR at their early shows. Their loss. Anyways, this record is chock-full of human-slaying, human-raping, necrophillia, bestiality, anuses, and really funny noises. GWAR are fucking badasses. Not long after this album was released, their music would take on an even more metal-based flavor, and their costumes became less low-budget, and they eventually all had masks (though Balsac the Jaws of Death always had his mask). What the fuck, if you buy this album, you might be inadvertly stimulating ALIEN economies! Which would mean that maybe someday the aliens would have more money to destroy Earth with... wait. No. Nevermind. This record is good, though. The style is somewhere between hardcore punk and heavy metal, with even a little noise thrown into the mix, so there's a little bit of something for everyone to enjoy. Hell, the first song's vocals sound like they're being rapped. Maybe they are. I dunno. fljgfdkjglfdkjgdfrt8ujretiejh;lyrkj;lkglkfnvv jdbfsjhadewq87eqagwdbdhvahjsbfksdj ;lkgl;dfkgegjdfnjfngf
VARIOUS GWAR VIDEOS FROM 1987 INCLUDING MUSIC VIDEOS FOR EARLY VERSIONS OF "THEME SONG" AND "TIME FOR DEATH"
NOW WE ARE SIX (EP)
