Review #243: Lemonheads - Hate Your Friends (1987)

HATE YOUR FRIENDS

Year: 1987
Genre: Hardcore Punk/Pop Punk
Label: Taang! Records
Tracks: 13
Length: 24 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

The Lemonheads are a punk band that was formed in 1985 in Boston, Massachussetts by Evan Dando, Jesse Peretz, and Ben Deily. The first record they released was a 7" E.P. in 1986, but their first L.P. was called "Hate Your Friends", and it was recorded over various sessions in the band's formative years. The early style of the Lemonheads can be described as a catchy, pop form of punk rock with streaks of hardcore fury and loudness. Anyways, this is an album. And they released it. And shit.

1. I Don't Wanna
ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE GONE AWAY! GONE AWAY FOR A LONG STAY! Evan sings on this song. The intro is kinda Black Flag-ish (R.I.P. Greg Ginn's penis) and the song is pretty angry, yet it's also really catchy. Evan is a good singer. Reminds me of Bob Mould from Husker Du a bit.

2. 3-9-4
This is one's really good too. Ben (Deily/Daily/Daisy/Dairy/Dally/Dolly/Doly/Doby/Doberman/Dickface) sings on this song. I really love the part that begins around 30 seconds... that bassline is very nice.

3. Nothing True
This one also sounds like Husker Du. Evan on vocals here. His voice is more deep as opposed to Ben's more yelly type voice. POPCOLOREMOTIONTHRASHMUSIC. WHAT?

4. Second Chance
This is one's about having girlfriend problems and breaking up. This one's got a very catchy chorus. Total pop. ALL YOU EVER DID WAS MAKE ME CRY! BOOO HOOO HOOOOO

5. Sneakyville
I can't even live near deserts... this is a fast straight-up angry hardcore 'tune! FAST AND PISSED, JUST LIKE WE LIKE IT! OI OI OI OI OI OI OI... gee whizzles, this Blitz record sure is good. Wait a minute... FUCK YOU!! Ohhh deary... anyways, this song kicks fucking ass. Puts a smile on muh face.

6. Amazing Grace
Yep, this is a cover of that old hymn anyone who went to church (or maybe even didn't) as a child knows word-for-word! Hell, I have some vague memories of singing this song when I was really little for some church talent show or something like that... that had to have been well over a decade ago... yep, I'm still pretty damn young. Anyways, about this Lemonheads version... it's got some nice little twangy guitar licks over it and it's pretty straightfoward for what you'd expect a punk rock version of this song to sound like.

7. Belt
Excellent verse guitar riff... something about it fires up the soul. Evan can sing "nicely" and he can growl and scream like a motherfucker. Like a PUZZLED PANTHER (did you know that Thurston Moore, Kira Roessler, Mike D, and David Markey formed a one-off band called that that recorded a cover of a Germs song??), y'know what I'm saying? The song collapses into fiery hellish confusion like a boiled toad amongst the demons. Or a toad going to see the Butthole Surfers live in the '80s. End of Side A.

8. Hate Your Friends
Who doesn't hate their own friends once in awhile? Oh yeah, people who FUCKING SUCK ASS, MAN. Well maybe not everyone I dunno. Whatever. Hee-hee. This song's fast and it has an awesome buzz-saw like guitar tone to it. What more do you WANT?? Oh yeah, you want love 'cuz you are a hippy. You do drugs and you don't eat meat. You recycle and you don't wear shoes. HIPPIES ARE GAY HIPPIES ARE GAY HIPPIES ARE FUCKIN-- oh, wait, wrong band, there. Whew... so sorry about that.

9. Don't Tell Yourself
One of the also greatest songs on the album. I fucking love it. It's more slow-ish and it opens with a great but simple lead guitar solo... makes me think of cows and farms and fields... a nice happy cowfarm. Or maybe not since those cows are BEING FUCKING EXPLOITED FOR THEIR FLESH... AAAGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The guitar riff is very nice and I love the drum beat as well. Evan's vocals are pretty mellow. I just LOOOVE this nice song sooo much!!! The second lead guitarplay towards the end of the song is also very nice. It must be nice to be on those little daisyfields on a sunny day.

10. Uhhh
This is a nice song about wanting to be with a girl and stuff and not argue anymore and fight and all that worthless bullshit. I love the guitar chords and all that jazz. Benny sings this one. He sings so greatly on the chorus part.

11. Fed Up
The verse is kinda angry and rock n' rolly and the chorus is a bit more sad... I like sad songs. Reminds me a little bit of 'Don't Fall Down' by the 13th Floor Elevators for a few moments, actually... I like how deep-pitched and muddled the drums sound under the heat of the blazing geetar chords, there...

12. Rat Velvet
RAT VELVET. This one's also really fast and it has a real fucking awesome guitar riff. RAT VELVET. I don't know what rat velvet is. RAT VELVET. I wanna start a mosh pit now. RAT VELVET!!!!!

13. Fucked Up
This song's about, well, having fucked. It previously appeared on the band's first E.P. Ben sings a verse, then Evan sings a verse, then there's a cool mid-section, then they both sing together in harmony. AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN IS THAT ENOUGH ALREADY, MISTER???!!!!!!!!!!

So that is the first Lemonheads album. They were only about my age when they made this and considering that it's fucking awesome. Just the right amount of catchiness and hardness at the same time. It's ROCK & ROLL, MANG. The yellow sweet n' sour candy which was TOTALLY NAMED AFTER THE BAND is also pretty damn great as well. So yeah, there's my FUCKING SONOFABITCH REVIEW, MOTHERFUCKFACE. Hi Facundo!!!!!!!! HI!! HI!!!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Don't Tell Yourself
2. 3-9-4
3. Rat Velvet

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "SECOND CHANCE":

Review #242: Eric Allen Prewitt - Him (1986)

ERIC ALLEN PREWITT'S LIFE

Year: 1986
Genre: Human
Label: God Records
Tracks: 24
Length: 69 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

Okay, okay, so I've been on NOT FACEBOOK and I TOTALLY FUCKING MET THIS FUCKING GUY NAMED ERIC ALLEN PREWITT. And y'know what? He's really nice to me. He actually talks to me and he's not a total dick. I like Eric. Eric is nice. There was this one time when he was telling me about this road trip... no, he said he was a ROAD PIRATE. He went on road trips all the time. Fuck, I'm still talkin' to the guy right now. He knows I am typing this bullshit. He is all-knowing. He believes in doing whatever ya want. That's cool. I respect thut very much. I want to be friends with Eric. I am not gay for him but he is cool and seems to understand and respect my feelings and shit. He has a daughter. He said me being 18 was just like him being 18. Which is cool. He got laid and he travels a lot so maybe that means WHAT THE FUCK, WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT GETTING LAID ANYWAYS?

It rained outside... it was thundering... loud... shaking the house. Anyways, yeah, he's a pretty cool guy and he has a beard and I don't really know him that well, but I'd say he ranks in the higher-ups of people I don't really know that well. So let's give Mr. Prewitt a hand here... yayyyyy (clap clap clappy clap)


(Oh, and he also likes my music. Which means I like him.)

Review #241: Mark Prindle - My Wife Left Me Because These Songs Are Terrible (2010)

MY WIFE LEFT ME BECAUSE THESE SONGS ARE TERRIBLE

Year: 2010
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Nute Records
Tracks: 40
Length: 64 Minutes
My Rating: 8/8

Mark Prindle is a somewhat notorious reviewer of music from New York who often does very interesting and humorous music reviews with a writing style and personality incomparable to most. He has been writing since 1996 and recording music since 1998. This new CD released in December features tracks from many of his previous CD's from over a decade span of 1998 to 2007! Therefore, we are left with a beautiful, surprisingly fluid compilation of forty amazing songs.

I would say that Mark Prindle is as creative a musician as he is a writer... this shit rivals Ween in terms of silliness + musical talent and is easily one of THE very greatest records to be made over the past decade. I guess this makes me apart of the problem seeing as I was unaware of his music before this CD... which was the first time I even had a chance to hear the music. But yes, totally great and versatile and FACUNDO HAS A CRUSH ON MARK PRINDLE so let's get started on this amazing quest through one man's mind. He's Mark D. Prindle.

1. Kibble!
Featuring what is probably HENRY THE DOG on vocals... a bunch of weird synth keyboard gibberish. Not very long.

2. Mark D. Prindle
Noisy and discordant... despite this, Mark sings with a vocal melody. I'M MARK D. PRINDLE. THAT'S HIS NAME, KIDZ. Despite sounding crazy, I actually believe this is all pre-written music because it repeats... it's just crazy sounding. Who couldn't love that? RIGHT?? RIGHT??!!

3. NOTECHORD
Fast and hard. But it's got cool skrichy-skrachy sounds to it... awesome guitar-sounds... CHECK OUT THIS NOISE, Mark sings, as we are provided a loud vaccuum-cleaner-on-acid type noise to check out. YAYAYYY

4. Loving To Love With You
This song, as you may guess is about love and being in love and all that shit... the warm but shrill tones of the guitar could melt your soul... WITH LOVE AND LOVING LOVE FOR YOU TO LOVE IN LOVE. Great-sounding song.

5. All The People I Work With Suck Balls
For the most part contains this little lead-guitar melody and a fast beat and some great-sounding pseudo-psychedelic guitar melody seeping through your speakers... it then ends with Mark sounding like a curmudgeonly old man singing some shit I can't understand but it sounds fucking funny.

6. Jogging Is The Bestest
Another fast song... slightly reminds me of the Germs. The Germs fucking rule! Except instead of Darby Crash we've got Marky Prindle who sings about homeless guys getting buttraped and the apparent joys of jogging. HE SAID "BONEY", AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

7. Length=Quality (Not Just In Cocks, But In Life)
Has a weird mambo-type feel to it, except you're being chased by weird evil black sharks with vacuum cleaner heads for mouths... kinda like black, long-necked hammerhead sharks. OH-OH-OHH. Mr. Prindle sure sounds smarmy here.

8. Dreary Old Lonesome Potato
A weird pseudo-metal smash-up with sad, cry-y sounding singing. SINGING! SINGING... singing. siiinnggiingnndfgndngdfngdfkhfglhkjjhkghjklghjhg who would wanna be a lonesome potato? Ends pretty abruptly.

9. Hot Rockin' 2Nite
A somewhat hilarious "live" (a.k.a. fake arena audience background noise) parody of arena rock. It's pretty great and Mark's voice in the beginning is fucking hilarious as he attempts to sound like a high-pitched '70s rocker but ends up sounding like Mickey Mouse... after the main sung parts, the various members of the band all show off their SKILLZ on the instruments they play, including a pretty kick-ass but un-pretentious lead guitar solo. Who wouldn't love that, right? I FEEL ALRIGHT!!!! YOU'RE WELCOME FOR COMIN' DOWN!

10. Working Late - More Like 'Jerking Nate' If You Ask Me
This one has kind of a dark, monstrous feel to it... reminds me of penguins escaping their death over thick black disgusting ice in Antarctica. Mark sings in more ridiculous voices.

11. Furnished With A Caboose
One of the saddest songs I have ever heard... a little bit of wimpering feedback and then you hear a descending guitar melody that trickles down the earscope/whatever like teardrops from a man like Mark Prindle who knows the true meaning of pain apparently. But seriously, this song is very sad-sounding. I remember the first time I heard this song I was very stoned and sad began to get even sadder after hearing this and then proceeded to go on a destructive half-nude rampage around my house destroying various pieces of furniture... but that's a whole 'nother story. Seriously, if this song can't make you cry then you have no soul. Just like me because souls don't exist. Think about that next time you trip on robitussin!

12. My Songs Would Be Significantly Less Sucky If I Bothered To Save Up For More Powerful Recording Equipment
This song is very ironic because this is one of the best-sounding albums I've heard to come out in recent years... this song is fast and the lyrics are about his supposed poor recording quality and it has a cool solo towards the end.

13. Lefties, Righties, We're All One In The Pearly Gates Of Hellfire
Psychedelic hardcore! Awesome! Hear those wonderful thrasher beats and womp-womp and woosh-wash guitar sounds all in one song. Mark's singing style here sounds very awesome... he sounds like an angry old man, but not quite as old as the one in track five. The second half of this song is a bunch of shoegaze-y avant-garde guitarfuckingaround stuff.

14. KEYBORD
This one is entirely keyboard melodies except for Mark's singing. Reminds me much of snow falling from the sky in winter. Mark vocally harmonizes with himself... he sings about birds and swearing and shit.

15. Lollipops And Daffodils And Cinnamon And Spice
The first part of the song is a cool-sounding synth melody to a fake drumbeat and then the second part features a happy synth melody and Mark singing about nice happy things and wanting people to die. Another abrupt ending.

16. Trading Card Shenanigan
This song is kinda slow... halfway through, the song stops and Mark starts singing about somebody ripping up one of his trading cards as a bunch of CHOMP sounds repeat... the music then segues into a really fucking amazing-sounding section with an awesome guitar riff with a delay effect. It reminds me of being somewhere... special, that's where. Everyone should hear this song. Check out that cool melody going on in the background... very amazing-sounding!!!

17. Get Your Knitting Needle Out Of My Ass!
ALL THE KIDS ARE HEADING DOWN TO SCHOOL! This song is about a boy who gets fucked up the ass by his grandma's knitting needle... the music itself is pretty awesome as well... GET YOUR KNITTING NEEDLE OUT OF MY ASS.

18. It Means I Love You
Mark sings to his female lover that if he has sex with another man then it means I LOVE YOU... Hahahahaha, what awesome lyrics. And horse noises as well... once again this song ends abruptly to PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF.

19. My Cold, Empty, Dying Soul
Somewhat somber but it has a cool punky drumbeat... there's vocal harmonies here, too.

20. 12345
I like numbers and counting too. COUNTING IS CONFORMITY. UUGHGHHN UNNNGHHH UGNNGNGHHH... weird wonk-wompy melody. This should be the new Sesame Street theme song. Absofuckinglutely. Hahahaaahahahahaha, I can imagine it now! That would be the funniest thing ever... seeing Big Bird shaking hands with little kids to this music. Towards end of the song, we hear an angry man yell about being told what to do by the government.

21. Pisspoor Excuse For A Shoehorn
Sounds much like a Flipper song.

22. NOIZNOTES
Starts off with a bunch of echoing 'lectric guitar strums bouncing offa the walls, and then a fast drum beat fades in... Mark reluctantly encourages the listener to respect women and abstain from rape.

23. Innocence Lost
THERE'S A TREE IN THE GARDEN AND THE SWING IT HAS BROKE, THERE'S A FACE IN THE WINDOW OF A CHILD WHO NEVER SPOKE... it's slow and depressing... actually pretty eloquent lyrically until he leads up to how he squished a pimple on his ass into your coke COCKSUCKERMOTHERFUCKERBLAHBLAHBLUHBLEGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

24. Honey Child, You Ain't Lived Until You've Drafted A Press Release Announcing That GameSpy Industries Has Received An Equity Investment From Michael Ovitz And The Yucaipa Companies
A fast hardcore punk song.

25. Dialing Incorrect Phone Numbers Does Very Little Towards Reducing Stress
Kinda slow and not very loud aside from the guitar melodies at the beginning. Makes me think of getting up during a cloudy day. SHIT.

26. Hurting You In A Malicious Manner
Yet another great-sounding song. Nice guitar melody, fast beat, and a funky intro.

27. FASTCLEANS
This song's about a magical fast cleaning device... like the title suggests, the song is fast with clean but totally 'lectric guitar. STRUMDADRUMSTRUMSTRUMSTRUMMMM...

28. All The People I Work With Don't Suck Balls Anymore
Awesome guitar sound... reminds me of a winter night or maybe a summer night but either way with a really nice sunset just about to end and then it's all starry and shit. Lovely song with totally goofy balls-related lyrics.

29. I'm Not An Alcoholic (I Drink Because I'm Depressed)
More slicy-icy sounding guitar picking... awesome sounding drumbeat. Sloppy but great. When Mark sings the beat cuts out of the mix. Hahahahahah! What a funny guy.

30. Disco Jaws
Thick, murky bass riff and Mark singing in a smarmy but claustrophobic falsetto voice. He even makes weird Pac-Man sounds on the guitar! WOMPWAOWWW...

31. God Rules
Starts off with a clean guitar riff and then explodes into a loud, bombastic song with a fast beat... then things change again. I dunno what to say that hasn't already been said. This song sounds pretty cool. Mark sings about all the things that God rules over.

32. My Third Shrinkity-Dink-Dink (Mr. Mustache)
Unfortunately this is not a cover of "Mr. Mustache" by Nirvana. But Mark doesn't need to cover songs to sound good anyways. Once again Mark implements that thing where the music cuts out of the mix and we briefly hear only Mark and his various harmonizing clones singing something really stupid.

33. Antonio Banderas Naked
A short, somber instrumental track.

34. Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong)
Another one of my favorite songs on this album. Kinda reminds me of Ween but faster. We have absolutely amazing-sounding guitar riffage, Mark singing a nice vocal melody in a sped-up voice... it sounds absolutely great. One of the happiest songs I have heard... well, actually, that instrumental part isn't very happy, but the sung parts are very happy. They make me smile. The guitar melody is just hypnotizing. Yay for this wonderful song! Just makes me wanna skip through a field of daisies in the sun... and I WOULD if it weren't so FUCKING HOT AND HUMID OUT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

35. Mold On My Shower Curtain Is A-OK
Has a neat electro/techno-ish beat and a cool guitar riff with some nice lead and synth melodies layered over it. Mark sounds pretty smarmy here... can't think of another word for it. I guess I could imagine taking a shower to this.

36. NOTES
Kind of an angry western-ish guitar melody to this one. The singing here sounds boldly whiny here... he even cries IN THE SONG. ISN'T THAT AWESOME?? A man like Mark Prindle un-afraid to show his true feelings even when in the studio... or his apartment room or wherever he recorded this, mang.

37. Pinhead + Diver Down=Aah! (Rounded To The Nearest Decimal, Of Course)
Mark ponders the recording techniques of bands such as the Ramones and Van Halen... the music is kind of '80s goth/ new wave-ish sounding... licky-sticky boo!

38. ANGST
From the very first few seconds, this song sounds pretty awesome... it's like a catchy pop-punk tune with tons of reverb... Mark sounds like he's shouting off into the sky in the back yard of my old church or something here... I dunno why I think of that visual but I do.

39. SHIFTYLIFTY
Feels like weirded out acid blues. Pretty nice guitar riff, I must say. Mark sings in another strange voice. ALCOHOL, YEAH... it actually sounds pretty hilarious when he says "I don't give a damn". Then we hear a bunch of loud whoooooop noises. Te-he. Hahahahahahaha, "Take a train to... SHIFTY-LIFTY."

40. The Post-Man Only Rings Untrue
Slow, sad, and buzzy and fuzzy. UNNNNGHHHH. Keeps on fading in and out.

Well... sadly... we are at the end. Of this album. I really like it, too. Like, seriously, this is one of my favorite albums to come out in recent years. I know it's just a compilation of older shit but it WORKS. It's a lot like "The Pod" by Ween to me... just a goofy but nonetheless totally emotionally potent trek through all feelings human beings have. Mark has a great sense of humor and he is a great musician as well! I really hope I get to hear more shit like this in the future. You can listen to the whole thing for free or buy a CD right here:

http://nuterecords.bandcamp.com/album/my-wife-left-me-because-these-songs-are-terrible

If you want to hear a new record that leaves very little to be desired, give this a listen. Plus, 40 songs have gotta mean something. Almost every single tune on this album is great.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
2. Furnished With A Caboose/Irish Eyes Are Smiling (At My Wongdong Sweet Poontong) (tied depending on my mood)
3. Trading Card Shenanigan

Review #240: The Accüsed - The Return of Martha Splatterhead (1986)

THE RETURN OF MARTHA SPLATTERHEAD

Year: 1986
Genre: Hardcore Punk/Thrash Metal
Label: Subcore Records
Tracks: 13
Length: 31 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

The Accüsed are a hardcore/thrash band from Seattle, Washington. They formed in 1981 as a standard hardcore band with their original vocalist, John Dahlin, was the old singer... things took a change sometimes in 1984 when the band decided to venture into a more heavy metal-influenced sound, and they recruited the new singer, Blaine Fart from another Seattle punk rock band called the Fartz. This is the first full length LP the band ever released, and it chronicles, well, the return of MARTHA SPLATTERHEAD, the band's skull-splattering, flesh-ripping mascot.

1. Martha Splatterhead
MARTHA... you can hear those palm-muted chords rev up the whole shit for the attack! It's fast and Blaine sounds fucking mad. This song originally appeared on the "Martha Splatterhead" EP.

2. Wrong Side of the Grave
The intro is already real exciting! Feel the power in those beats and that violent guitar riff... the screams echo through the darkness. Some parts of this song are fast and some parts are slow.

3. Take My Time
Another song from the E.P. I just love how crazy Mr. Fart sounds here... this makes Minor Threat seem slow. TAKE MY TIME!! The lyrics are about not wanting to waste your time trying to get rich and how striving for power is pointless and stupid anyways.

4. Distractions
Originally from "Martha Splatterhead". Fast and angry. Not one of my favorites from the album, but still pretty decent. The lyrics are about a person who's striving to be a straight member of society and then starts getting distracted by fights and drugs and porno.

5. Buried Alive
This sounds so much like Bad Brains. Bad Brains but really angry instead of Rastafarian. Rastafari sucks anyways. Remember "I Hate Reggae" by Poison Idea? Yeah. Sweet fucking guitar solo in the middle!

6. Show No Mercy
Another one o' muh favorites. It's not quite as fast as some of the others, but it has a really great guitar riff and it's extremely AWESOME, what the hell else can I say?? Wish I had the lyrics for this one.

7. Slow Death
Originally appeared on the Martha Splatterhead 12". This song's about heroin addiction. It starts out slow and then it gets very faster. The song reminds the addict that while they may use their drug as an escape from their problems, it brings them more near to death each time they inject.

8. Autopsy
Slow creepy intro... then it goes into a slightly faster part, and then a very fast part. Check out that groovy riff for the verse part! It's like a wackky spider on crack!

9. She's Killer
Yet another great. It's intense, super fast, the singing sounds great. It's a wild ride! There is one slow part in the middle. Everything else is frantic just like it all should be! Sounds amazing.

10. In a Death Bed
The guitar riff is awesome. DYING. YOU'RE DYING (i'M dying)...

11. Lonely Place
THE WORLD'S A LONELY PLACE AND YOU'RE ALL ALONE. The lyrics to this one are kind of sad. And it's fast.

12. Fucking for Bucks
In this song, the band advertises their FUCKING4BUCKS task featforce in which they will fuck rich women in exchange for CASH! ORAL, ANAL, IN THE PUSSY BOX! Ya heard it... MOE LESTER. AND I AM THE WIZARD. FUCKING FOR BUCKS. FAST SHREDDIN' CHORDS. SKFDSKKDGKDFKGFDKKGKKKGKGJFDHGFGHFGHFGJGHJGHJHJHKJL;KJLKJ FUCKING FUCKING FOR BUCKS FUCKING BUTTS FOR BUCKS... originally appeared on "Martha Splatterhead".

13. Martha's Revenge
I love the moaning and laughing at the beginning... fucking AWESOME. Great job, Mr. Cook. BLAINE, that iz. MARTHA'S GUNNA KILL YOU. What else can I say? Listen to the goddamn song yourself. I'm tired. WE'RE GONNA GET YOU. TIME TO GO TO SLEEEEP...

So that's the Return of Martha Splatterhead. This record got various re-issues with different cover art but I chose the original to be displayed here. For the most part this record is pretty good but there are a few weak spots. But, it's the fucking Accused and they're awesome so who cares? Personally I think their stuff from "Maddest Stories" to "Splatter Rock" is the best. But still definitely check this out, I don't think you'll regret it if you like gory, splattery, abrasive, rock music that is meant to be listened to late at night when the zombies come out to play. GOOD NIGHT! DON'T LET MARTHA BITE!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Wrong Side of the Grave
2. Show No Mercy
3. Buried Alive

Review #239: Matt Bones & the Skeleton Family - Demo (2010)

MATT BONES & THE SKELETON FAMILY DEMO

Year: 2010
Genre: Punk Rock/Heavy Metal
Label: None
Tracks: 10
Length: 25 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Okay, so in January of this year, one of my friends from school handed me a copy of this CD. It's a demo CD by the artist "Matt Bones". Apparently Matt is a friend of hers. Matt Bones was apparently in the Piqua hardcore punk (imagine that!) band, the Street Freaks, which existed during the previous decade until they "got tired and burnt out" on that project. Matt Bones also plays bass guitar for a French industrial rock band called Electra-Kill. This recording resembles more traditional '70s punk rock and early heavy metal than the hardcore/street punk type stuff that the Street Freaks played. According to my friend, Matt was in another band before that but I do not know the name of thiz band. Sorry.

1. All Dressed Up
The whole intro guitar melody and riff sound really familiar but I do not know where I have heard this before... perhaps it's just one of those riffs so good that they were simply meant to be invented so they were in our hearts all along and finally, Mister Bones played those notes n' chords THAT WE AS A HUMAN RACE WANTED TO HEAR!! But probably not. Matt has a unique but cool singing voice. This song is about getting fucked-up and loaded at night because there's nothing else to do. It has a metal-ish sound to it... it's kind of a sad song.

2. Shut Up Honky
Despite Matt Bones being a honky himself (or simply a very well-disguised negro), he too tells honkies to shut up. Once again, lyrics describe smoking cigarettes and feeling lonely. What a shame. This is a little more upbeat... it's about being pissed off at a chick (?) who's a backstabber and breaks your heart. A lot of emotion in these songs, or at least a very good pop sensibility. Nice guitar playing. It has a slight surf rock sound to it ('cuz of that nifty little beat), with a little Misfits flavour in thare ass well. Ass well. It's a well inside of somebody's ass. Great song.

3. Alien Armageddon
This song iz pretty fun. I love it myself. The song, as you may guess describes an alien invasion that destroys the human race and the panic that precedes it. I HOPE I LIVE TO SEE MYSELF GROW OLD BEFORE THE WORLD TURNS BLACK AND GOLD... actually, this song might actually be about the fact that aliens are ALREADY controlling the planet and using our governments/large corporations to carry out their bidding. Either one, I suppose. I have to pop. But anyways, this is a fucking rock song in a sense most people would assume. Except for that little paranoid scream "FIND GAWWWD, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!" in the chorus part. YAY FOR ALIENS KILLING PEOPLEEEEE UUUGHHH NOOOO

4. Blow You a Kiss Through the Wind
I love this song as well. It's beautiful... the guitar sounds absolutely wonderful and it's about as blissful as you can get. It's about missing the girl you love and just being able to blow her a kiss through the wind... unfortunately girls hate you (guys if you're into those) and will never love you so FUCK YOU, BITCH.

5. Darkest Times
This is probably my favorite song on the CD. The guitar is really soft (maybe acoustic) on this one and the chorus is about as good as it gets. The song's about feeling that you will survive through the hard times in life. I used to drive around backroads a lot listening to this song because I love it so much. Unfortunately my new car CD player hardly works worth a shit.

6. Break the World
Another song in a more heavy metal territory. Quite lead-guitar driven. I could imagine a bunch of badass biker dudes blasting this if not for its overtly leftist message... the song expresses a desire to destroy the capitalist system and its greed-driven rulers and the military, so we don't have to live in a world where there is a price on everything. Yet another awesome tune from mister Matthew Boners.

7. Sunburns
This is probably my least favorite song on the CD. It's just not as appealing to me as the other songs. The chorus is pretty good, though... I like the twang in his voice in that part. It's like angry glam metal.

8. Some Kind of Hate
This is a Misfits cover. And I heard this version before the original (didn't know much about the Misfits at thut point), and briefly I actually believed this was an original song... it's awesome either way, they capture the spirit of the original just fine! Wonderful but gruesome lyrics, extremely hard-rockin' beat and guitar riff. What's not to love?

9. Song for the Gambler
This is just acoustic guitar and singing, as opposed to other instruments. It has a pretty but kind of gloomy chorus... the song describes feeling like you're living life against a gambler as "you've been dealt the losing hand". I really like the vibrato in Matt's voice...

10. Hold
Another kind of sad pop-metal song, but it doesn't really hold (hah, get it?) up to most of the previous songs here. It has a cool guitar solo, thuh.

Where the glam rock ethic has pretty much been dead since the '90s, this record still has that. It's a pretty refreshing thing to listen to since it doesn't really sound like much else that's being made right now and the songs are all very memorable and well-written. Matt's singing voice is very good as well and it's a nice change of pace from the constant screaming or the canned emo-boy shit that seems to dominate most rock music these days. But yes, this is definitely a good listen and it sucks that this doesn't seem to be an actual band or anything. So I guess the Skeleton Family doesn't even exist and it's Matt Bones. Which would make sense since most skeleton families happen to be buried under graves. But do check out Matt's muzick on his MySpace page here:

http://www.myspace.com/matthewbonesband

BYE BYE!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Darkest Times
2. Blow You a Kiss Through the Wind
3. Shut Up Honky

Review #238: Siege - Drop Dead (1993)

DROP DEAD

Year: 1993
Genre: Hardcore Punk/Grindcore
Label: Lost and Found Records
Tracks: 9
Length: 16 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

Siege was a Boston hardcore band that existed from 1983 to 1985... they are said by many to have been the first grindcore band ever. The band's music definitely was different -- really fast, really angry, with some of the most brutal recorded vocals ever for the time. Similar to Napalm Death, who would further define the genre, the band touches upon lyrical themes such as starvation in 3rd-world countries, social barriers, and injustices perpetuated through capitalism. The band's main line-up was Kevin Mahoney (vocals/saxophone), Kurt Habelt (guitar), Henry McNamee (bass guitar), and Rob Williams (drums).

Siege never saw release on an actual record of their own while they existed aside from an appearance on the compilation, "Cleanse the Bacteria" on Pusmort Records. The songs on this record were recorded in 1984 at Radiobeat Studios (same place where Deep Wound recorded their songs!). As far as I know, these are either all or almost all of the songs recorded by Siege in the studio, taken from two different sessions. Now LISTEN!

1. Drop Dead
Extremely fast! The vocals scream with a corrosive fucking shattering force! They remind me a bit of the early Meat Puppets vocal style... about as furious as it gets! Almost doesn't sound human, and it's pissed-off without sounding canned or contrived like a lot of more "extreme" bands today.

2. Conform
"Monkey see, monkey do, monkey has low I.Q." -- great!!! The verse section is slow and the chorus is really fast. The lyrics are about people who try to dress and even act like others in their social group/society/whatever they belong to just so they can be accepted... after all, being different is SCARY! FUCK YOU!!

3. Life of Hate
Awesome!! FAST, FURIOUS, FURIOUS, FAST!! The lyrics describe all those fucking bigots who direct their anger towards anyone of a different race/sexual orientation.

4. Starvation
Fast but not grindcore fast. The song describes the plight of those who are starving in the truest sense -- struggling to find a grain of rice to eat with bloated stomachs protruding from their skeletal bodies! According to the song, a big reason that these people cannot eat is because their leaders waste the money they could be using to help on buying more fucking weapons.

5. Armageddon
More extremity in speed. The lyrics of this song reveal how pointless and self-defeating the entire concept of war, especially a world war is. Don't buy into that shit. If you have the choice and any self-respect, don't join the military. I know a lot of people are wanting to do that right now because a lot of people feel they don't have options, but I really hope if you have any other options that you would not choose that one.

6. Walls
Another great... violent guitar riff and beat... the vocals are rough. Despite the aggression, this song has a positive (at least for most) message. It describes the ages-old borders between people, nations... social barriers suck. The song encourages the listener to help tear these walls down.

7. Cold War
It gets even more grinding and chock-full of fury. As you might guess, it's very fast, the guitar riff is great. There's even a real good guitar solo in the middle of the song. It describes the power exercised by the two nations who fought the Cold War and their obvious thirst/blindness for blood spilt.

8. Sad But True
This song recommends that we "disarm every bomb and unload every gun". Kevin also screams of the hypocritical supporters of "peace" who shed blood and participate in violence in order to spread their influence.

9. Grim Reaper
This is a very long song compared with the others. Slow, also. Feel that heavy vibration from the bass guitar. It doesn't sound so happy, does it? This song is more experimental than the others, with a lot of weird guitar noise shit going on in the background and a lot of saxophone-playing as well. Kevin's screams echo and bounce back and forth across the walls. The song's lyrics describe a man who is dying of lung cancer due to a mistake made by a doctor at the hospital, and his fear and eventual encounter with death, which is personified by a skull-faced grim reaper who cuts off his head... "OH GOD, I WANT TO LIVE!!" The song trudges on with Kevin shouting and ranting at the taker of life. Towards the end, the song collapses into an unstable explosion of musical chaos.

According to Discogs.Com (I do not know how reliable this info is so take it with a grain of salt), but Kevin and Rob from the band are now in a new band called the Spoils. Also, even though Kevin was the singer, Rob Williams actually wrote most of the songs for Siege. Also, in 1991, Seth Putnam (R.I.P.) from Anal Cunt became the vocalist for a briefly-reformed Siege. This version of the band only has one released song called "Cameras", which was featured on a compilation that came out 13 years later called "13 Bands Who Think You're Gay". So yes, if you like grindcore OR hardcore then Siege is a pretty under-rated and important band... they really pushed the limit musically and they still kick ass. I'm a young person, I should know!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Drop Dead
2. Walls
3. Cold War

SIEGE LIVE ON TELEVISION:

Review #237: The Whores - E.P. (2010)

THE WHORES E.P.

Year: 2010
Genre: Hardcore Punk/Heavy Metal
Label: None
Tracks: 5
Length: 16 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

The Whores were a rock band from Bristol, U.K. that existed from 2006 (but they didn't play their first gig until '08) to February of this year. I first discovered them about two years ago from their music video for the song "Somebody" and I instantly realized that they rocked! Their style is a punk/metal hybrid sound... imagine the Distillers and White Zombie had a rock & roll group orgy. The band's line-up consisted of Robyn Pistols (vox/bass guitar), Scrod Vile (also vox/guitar), and Chun Leek (drummist).

I think the band recorded an earlier EP called "Rot to Rust" or something like that, I could be wrong, but this is the band's newest and final (but hopefully not!!) release and it got a decent amount of media attention, but unfortunately the band is still stuck in obscurity for those not in-the-know...

1. Heart of Stone
Begins with the strumming of the bass guitar and siren noises... some parts are slow and other parts are fast... completely awesome chords all the way through! It's got a really good feel like something really important is about to happen. Scrod Vile sings on the chorus section with Robyn providing backing vocals. Mid-song, there is a quieter bridge section that explodes in a series of screams and then Robyn starts yelling "FUCK YOUR SYSTEM" over and over again until the band hits up the chorus again.

2. Doesn't Really Matter
This is a more fast song. The guitar-playing here (as with all the band's songs, really) is excellent, as the band provides really kick-ass combinations of chord-progressions, lead melodies, singing, and interesting drum beats and tempo changes.

3. Bleed On Me
This song is pretty emotionally heavy... the song begins with a soft, quiet intro section, and then things get hard after that! The drum beat is totally hypnotizing and Robyn sounds ready to completely mutilate the subject of her anger with a more-than-bloody vengeance! Definitely the best on this record!

4. Hollow
Starts off with a bass-guitar-driven fast verse section with alternating sung parts between Robyn and Scrod, and then it bursts into a fucking great chorus... the shrill chords and the throaty, powerful sounding singing really make a good combo... the Whores' music is packed to the brim with emotional potency.

5. Friendly Bombs
Scrod Vile sings on this one... there's not much guitar or bass here, mostly just Scrod singing to a drum beat... the lyrics sing about the shitty state of the world, with sick animals, warfare, paranoia, and all of that great stuff... and so, Scrod continually yells the conclusion that "MOTHER NEVER LOVED YOU..."

It really sucks that this band broke up so soon... they seem to have just about all of the good ingredients for an awesome band... excellent songwriting, a lot of emotion, what seems to have been a pretty entertaining stage presence, and the music was pretty un-generic... as I said before, one of my favorite new-ish bands! Oh well, shit happens. But yeah, definitely go to see MySpacebook/whatever page and check out the songs, because they rock hard!

THE WHORES' FIRST SHOW:

Review #236: Las Sexpeares - Que Asco de Gente E.P. (2011)

QUE ASCO DE GENTE (EP)

Year: 2011
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Label: Abubilla Producciones
Tracks: 6
Length: 17 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

Las Sexpeares are a punk rock band from Madrid, Spain. The band formed around 2009, with the members Benny (guitarplay/sing), Kinki (drumdoes), and Dhiva (playingofbass)... their main influences are bands like Nirvana, Hole, the Smashing Pumpkins, and the She Devils. The members of the band are all very lovely women, but of course, they are also lesbians. Actually, I'm not entirely sure what city they are from since they always list themselves as being from both Madrid, Spain, and Barakaldo, Argentina... how can ONE group exist in TWO places which are far away from eachother? HUH? HUH??!!!!! (over-used gag)

This is the band's first release (besides their demo recordings), and it's quite awesome. The music is more interesting than the average hardcore band, because the songplaying and songwriting are very well-done here! Who doesn't love GOOD MUSIC? Oh yeah, the same people who think good music means popular music... silly me. Actually, some good music used to be popular. Some of it still is. What am I saying, you've heard this shit before many times... so yes, this is another one of my favorite records to be released this year so far. Because it doesn't suck. In fact, it's cool.

1. Que Asco De Gente
The guitar riff is great... the bass progression is cool also... that's one thing I like about this EP, the bass playing is pretty un-bland. There's some backing chorus vocals... I like the drumming in the mid-section. I can't help but think of fire when hearing this song. The lyrics of this song express a notwant of milk and feelings of depression.

2. Catnip
It is said that when the band recorded this song in the studio, they first ate large amounts of catnip and got totally fucked up. One section features a pounding drumbeat and the band screaming... the other section of the song features, well, singing and a different chord progression of course. And it's good... the chorus section sounds extremely nice. Yet anoother good song from Mrs. Band.

3. Parasitos
My favorite song from the record. The guitar playing here is really awesome... just listen to the guitar riff... it's as energizing as it comes. The bass line is great in itself. It's not as fast as the other songs but who cares because it's awesome... at the end there is a wild-ass guitar solo that makes Jimi Hendrix roll in his grave with INSANITY! The lyrics are about how we're all gonna die someday or something... I know this because of the Spanish-to-English translator so it might not be entirely accurate.

4. Suicidas
Another awesome legit great song. This was the first song by the band I heard, though it was the demo version. Some parts are real fast and other parts are slower... the chorus guitar chords grind yer face to the floor! SUICIDAS! The song's about hating normal stuck-up people and the spirit of punk rock energy and lust for life that will never die!

5. Libertad Cadavercia
The first half of the song is pretty calm and the second half is more loud and buzzed-out. It's about everyone you knew and loved having died or committed suicide, and being always lonely... the curse of the survivor. As with the others, this is a very good song.

6. Descontrol
Starts off with a soft, depressing intro... then it gets all thrashy and pissed-off... it's like my little kitty, Steve. She's all sleepy and meowy one moment and then she starts trying to bite off my leg. It's SOOOOooOOO cute/annoying! I love/hate her so much!! THERE IS DYNAMITE UNDER MY BED... KA-BOOM!!!!!!!!

That's my review of the Las Sexpeares CD. EP. Thing-E. CDEPThingEDingyWingy!!!! I've never even heard the She Devils before. But this shore is some real awesome punk rock and you should, like, listen to it because the record is free. Don't believe me? Can't argue with this string of text:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2Y3U45W0

So this is one of my favorite new records because it's good and the songs are all good and they sound good becuase SHIT, WHY DO I HAVE TO SAY SHIT AFTER I'VE ALREADY REVIEWED THIS RECORD? WHAT AM I EXPECTING MYSELF TO SAY, HUH??

THEY'RE A BAND.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Parasitos
2. Suicidas
3. Catnip

LIVE PERFORMANCE FROM LAS SEXPEARES:

Review #235: Nippercreep - Test (2010)

TEST

Year: 2010
Genre: Heavy Metal/Hardcore Punk
Label: Chabane's Records
Tracks: 12
Length: 35 Minutes
My Rating: 5/8

Nippercreep is a French punk-metal band that formed in 2004. They were (I think) one of the first underground bands I ever discovered, around two years ago when I listened to their split with the Warblinkers. Nippercreep was better, though! Their musical style is a mix of hardcore punk and thrash metal... this release leans a bit more to the metal side. The band's current line-up (I believe; at least the one that recorded this album) is: Antoine (vox), Sylvain (guitar), Kevin (bass), and Germain (drums). This is the first full-length album from Nippercreep.

1. Proces
Begins with a rolling, galloping drumbeat and a menacing bass riff... the buildup explodes into CUM! I mean, THE FIRST VERSE! The vocals are pretty throaty-sounding, and I don't know French so I dunno what he's singing about it's probably something ABSOLUTELY BADASS, right?? The guitar part in the verse sections sound like a buncha little ghosts wandering around the room, about to strike an unsuspecting FUCKER IN THE ROOM. There's a short super-fast part in the song.

2. Inspiration
Starts out sounding completely awesome. It's got a slow blues tempo and an absolutely fucking sinister guitar riff. The verse is kinda quiet with some singing, and it orgasms in a huge scream with that crazed guitar melody again.

3. Faguebine
Goes back and forth from tingly to chugging and heavy. It's like traveling through that little bikepath in Urbana... like, some parts are sunny and full of tall grass and then you have to go under dark bridges and shit. I'm just saying shit, though. The vocals are like a (sid) vicious monster trying to jump up for a taste o' pure flesh!!

4. Radondingue
They're singing some phrases repeated over and over but I don't know what they are saying. I could learn French but English rock song lyrics can be as unintelligible as-is... that's your typical American for ya. This tune has some Black Sabbath-like qualities to it, especially in the earlier part of the song. In the second half of the song, the tempo gets faster and there's some heavy double-bass-pedal shit goin' on and what I would consider to be very cool soundin' guitar playing.

5. Clonage Psychologique
This song is quite fast and aggressive! The lead guitar melodies are near hypnotizing to listen to... I like the vocals of this band because even though the predominant form of vocals are screaming, the vocals have character to them and variate in pitch/intensity and such. I know, over-analyizing sucks but hey, you want my review, RIGHT???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, towards the end the song progressively slows down and becomes more discombobulated.

6. La Menthation
Some parts of this song are pretty upbeat and catchy and then other parts, like the verse sections are kinda gloomy but still charged with that rock & roll energy we all crave. It's very much like a song from Nirvana's first album. Gotta love the feel of angry stoned punk-hippie music. Or maybe they prefer L.S.D.?

7. Le Lievre La Tortue
This song drools with heavy metal fury! Gotta love it... feel the groove of the slow but potent beat and the twisted guitar melodies and powerful chords... then slam like a maniac at the fast outro part!
8. Hyper Noel
Frantic verse, with a slightly catchy chorus. Imagine a cat getting its throat slit. Such echoes the fury of Nippercreep. It's a pretty standard verse-chorus punk song.

9. Mister Mystere
MISTER MYSTEREEEEE... HE'S A MYSTEREOUS MAN WHO LIVES IN A SPOOKY HOUSE THAT LITTLE KIDS GO VISIT ON HALLOWEEN AND THEN THEY GET KILLED WHEN ALL THEY REALLY WANTED WAS SOME CANDY TO EAT! The chords here are hot! Some parts are less up-beat and that's okay because they seep with other things that are, well, HOT. Not hot as in high-temperature or sexually attractive, hot as in ROCKIN'! Of course, there's an obligatory thrash section that the band plays after their cocaine kicks in... they've been speedballing. Cocaine and heroin. HEY EVERYONE, GUESS WHAT???

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

A POLICE MAN LIVES ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

NIPPERCREEP DOES DRUGS!

Alright, alright, I'll stop...

10. Alias Dr. House
Slow and heavy. The loud chords come and beat ya down... you can writhe, begging for mercy or you can roll with the rhetorical punches. Nice chorus. The second half of the song is faster. Nice usage of palm mutes... palm mutes usually sound best with fast music.

11. Drancy Sweet Drancy
Another slow song... alternates between being kinda quiet and loud. BOING... DOING... BOIING... DOING...

12. C'est Fini
From the intro of the song, you wouldn't expect this to be one of the wildest moments of the whole album... after a few moments of somber droning, the music explodes into a scream the music is fast and wild as fuck! I love it!! Great way to end the album, for sure.

Well, I thought this was a pretty good listen. If you want to hear this music which I am speaking of, you can download it for free off of the Chabane's Records website right here:

http://chabanes-rds.blogspot.com/

You can find many other free records as well there from other bands around the world! AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND, WHEEEEEE!!!!! Well, that's all I have to say for now, check out this album, pleeze.

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Mister Mystere
2. C'est Fini
3. Inspiration

Review #234: Low Places - Violent Hunger E.P. (2010)

VIOLENT HUNGER (EP)

Year: 2010
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Label: Unknown
Tracks: 3
Length: 6 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

Low Places are a hardcore punk group from L.A., California! It is the first release by the band and a couple of other E.P.'s have been released by the band since. Soon a 12" record called "Spiritual Healing" will be released by the band on A389 Recordings as well. I don't know a ton else about the band, but they can either be really fast or really slow, and these guys are very much "hardcore", in the musical sense, at least... I mean, just look at that cover! Exploded humans! Cool! But I digress... it's time to do that thing I do...

1. Sleeping In
Feedback. And then a droning, low-pitched riff commences. It's like the Melvins if they were more serious... actually, that's pretty lazy of me to say, this doesn't sound very much like the Melvins at all besides being slow and heavy. Oh, wait, nevermind, they do remind me of the Melvins a little bit. But the singer screams. More fucking screaming... and it's not fucking awesome screaming like the Accused, but hey, it's their band, should they sound exactly like the Accused? WELL WHY THE FUCK NOT? I LOVE THE ACCUSED! Anyways, yeah, I'll just namedrop some more Seattle-originating punk/metal hybrid bands and not fucking talk about the song. And then I'll be self-critical and throw you some more proverbial curveballs. Heh-heh... "Balls". HAHAHAHAHA! The guitar feels pretty goddamn chuggin', like one would chug a bottle of milk, perhaps. The middle part is all fast! Fuck yeah!! Nice guitar riff also... it's a very pissed off song. I think these guys were totally not happy when they recorded/wrote it. It's just too bad I don't know the lyrics. Hey, Low Places, wanna tell me your lyrics, maybe?? PLEEEEAZE??!!

2. Detached
This one's real awesome as well. Starts off with a beat that kinda gets you revved up for action, and then it really fucking kicks off and gets really loud. FAST! YES! AWESOME FURIOUS GUITAR RIFF AND DRUMMING AND SCREAMIN' LIKE A DEMON AND ALL THAT STUFF. Y'know, it's like the kind of song you intentionally get into a car wreck to. Because you're just so DETACHED!!

3. The Doors Are Closing
Starts off with a sample of some people talking and then some guy says "The Doors Are Closing". Then the song begins. It's very slow and massive. Then the band kicks into thrash mode, and this goes on for a bit until the band becomes backed into a corner. The singer begins lashing back out at the listener, screaming his shit while the rest of the band has calmed down a bit. More people talking. That's all.

So that's my review for the day... this band seems to pump out a lot of stuff in a short amount of time, so we'll probably hear more about Low Places on the site again. If anyone has lyrics or additional info on this group, then lemme know. The songs are equally good I'd say, but I do appreciate the short/sweetness of numero two. Can't go wrong with a short fast song. Unless it sucks. But that song didn't suck. So we're okay. The tape is out of print so you can download the record for free off of the band's BandCamp website. I'll be back with another review tomorrow.

Review #233: GG Allin & the Jabbers - Always Was, Is And Always Shall Be

ALWAYS WAS, IS AND ALWAYS SHALL BE

Year: 1980
Genre: Punk Rock
Label: Orange Records
Tracks: 11
Length: 21 Minutes
My Rating: 6/8

GG Allin. GG. Allin. Was a guy... named. GG Allin. He spent the first few years of his life living in a shitty log cabin with a dirt floor without running water and a father who named him Jesus Christ Allin because he believed his son was to be Jesus Christ. Well, I guess you could say this was true. His brother Merle started calling him "GG" because he couldn't pronounce "Jesus"... his mommy tried to re-name him Kevin after the rest of the family managed to escape from his psycho father, but we all know GG was his real name, after all. So anyways, he grew up doing a lotta fucked-up shit with his best buddy, Merle, and stole a lot of things and basically did whatever they wanted.

In 1977, GG started his first band, the Jabbers. After releasing a few 7" EPs and singles, "Always Was, Is and Always Shall Be" is the main LP the band released. GG doesn't talk about being a rapist or eating shit or trying to rule the world on this album, and to be honest, on this album it doesn't really even seem like he's that headed there -- just a somewhat mean-spirited sense of humor and X-rated lyrics, but nothing as over-the-top as what he would be doing a few years later.
1. Bored to Death
A classic ode to misanthropy, boredom, and apathy! GG sings of his hatred of people and their society, as well as being BORED TO DEATH of it. The vocal melodies are catchy as fuck, including the harmonies and GG sings really good here. The guitar and drumming and everything sounds real cool! This song was originally featured on the first 7" the band ever released.

2. Beat, Beat, Beat
From the first few seconds, you can already tell this song's gunna be really hot! The lyrics are about GG wanting to get a handjob from a woman. Good drumming on this track.

3. One Man Army
Pretty upbeat... not far from being '70s "hard rock" musically. GG's early clean-singing voice here sings well, I like the vocal melody here in the verse parts a lot. ONE-TWO ONE-TWO! Then there's a fucking awesome guitar solo in the bridge part of the song.
4. Assface
A pop-punk ditty with razor blade guitars. GG was really good at writing catchy-sounding songs in his early career... this stuff sounds poppier than the fucking Ramones! Anyways, this song features GG talking shit about a girl he hates who "reminds him of his ass" (fat, hairy, covered with zits, when she opens her mouth, out comes the shit) and tells her he's gonna hang her from the highest tree!

5. Pussy Summit Meeting
This is a somewhat corny skit that features what must be a bunch of chicks discussing their business which involves selling sex, and along comes a member of the Jabbers who hints to them that they have "a little arrangement" with him...
6. Cheri Love Affair
A little slower than the other songs so far. Opens with a sweet-ass lead guitar song. This song features a group chorus of girls singing backing vocals. Pretty snazzy... the lyrics feature GG singing of how sexy the chick he's after is and how he wants to be with her. And fuck her, also. This song is pretty fucking awesome. End of the Birth Side.

7. Automatic
GG sings about his anger for a girl who plays games with his mind and talks behind his back, or else he will "make her bleed internally".

8. I Need Adventure
This song's about Mister Allin's need to constantly party hard and be dangerous all the time and fuck and all that wonderful stuff. I NEED ADVENTURE, JUST THE KIND THEY PROMISED YOU AND ME! This song was later re-recorded for the "Live Fast Die Fast" E.P. in 1984.

9. Don't Talk To Me
A backstabbing egocentric jerk is called out on their douchebaggery. Love the guitar riff and the drum beat definitely! CH-CH-CH-CH-CHATTER CHATTER CHATTER!!!!! Gotta love the erratic screamin' like a demon' on this track.

10. Unpredictable
Pretty fast song. This song's about a conclusion many a-male has come to at one point or another -- girls are hard to figure out. Kinda tame subject matter compared to what we are used to hearing from GG. Shit, they would probably be okay with playing this in a car commercial these days if not for GG's fucked-up future. ("Ford Pieceashit. It's UNPREDICTABLE.") Hahahahaha!
11. 1980's Rock & Roll
This song's about the new decade, and what it means for the band -- PLAYING MUSIC FOR ANOTHER TEN YEARS! And they did. This song even features some jangly synth-piano playing. What else is there to say? This is my least favorite song on the album!

So that's GG's first album. The first three songs are all from the first GG Allin 7" from 1979, by the way. But yeah, most of this stuff is way tamer than what GG & company would be singing/playing by the end of the decade... 1980's rock & roll, indeed. But it's definitely fun to listen to, most of the songs are very good... fits in well amongst bands like the Ramones, the Stooges, the Germs, and other early U.S. punk bands... fun, energetic, badass, but also catchy. But that's obvious, I'm just throwing around a bunch of overused terms to make this review sound more substantial... because who the fuck actually READS reviews anymore? Nonetheless reviews of albums they have already fucking heard that came out three decades ago. Who still reads reviews? Oh yeah, fucking sheep who want some stuffy-assed yuppie from Rolling Stone's opinion on the latest major label/faux-indie pseudo-rock piece of smelly shit caked into a CD shape. So you want me to say something about this album that's TOTALLY UNCONVENTIONAL? OKAYYYY:

It's JEGGA-ZAMMIN'!!!

Top 3 Favorites:
1. Cheri Love Affair
2. Bored to Death
3. Assface

MUSIC VIDEO FOR "BORED TO DEATH"

Review #232: T.S.O. - Parasomnia Pseudo Suicide (2011)

PARASOMNIA PSEUDO SUICIDE (Demo)

Year: 2011
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Label: Unknown
Tracks: 7
Length: 14 Minutes
My Rating: 7/8

Hi y'all. I've just come back from the doldrums of a really bad fucking trip, so just bear with me, bears. Or whatever, I dunno, I'm just here to say that things got really shitty for a few days and I'm slowly starting to feel loike muh old self again so I'm sorry if I can't be mister sunshiney for a few days. People have their little moments... mine just seem to happen more frequently than not lately. But ol' Chuck Fuck is gonna be okay. I'm pretty sure I don't have permanent brain damage and I should be alright by the end of this week. Let's just say I got fucked up on robitussin and saw n' heard some EXTREMELY frightening, traumatizing, cosmically lame shit. Ever seen the divide between life and death? Yeah, it was gettin' REAL bad, man. When you're sitting on a chair shaking and staring at the shattered remains of reality like a broken mirror, you're about to tip over that edge and you need a break from drugs. It seems like this whole month I've been getting myself into shit. But tonight I'm gunna start writing this review, which is something non-destructive (but still fun, kids) that I can do with my time.

Okay, so we know that T.S.O. is an Italian hardcore ponk band formed in October of 2010. Which is cool. Okay, okay, so we know that. The band's name is an abbreviation for an Italian phrase meaning "mandatory medical treatment" (in English). This is the band's first demo recording and it has a really cool name like PARASOMNIA PSEUDO SUICIDE, and they're not afraid to whore out a jillion images of Lung Leg (who iz cool), and that's awesome... the music rocks really hard also... fast, energetic, harsh, y'know, the works! The members of the band are Sarah Lynn (vocals/guitar), Nicola (bass guitar), and Guido (drums). They even gots a GG Allin cover, which is pretty kol. Look, if we're gonna go review shit, then let's review it. sh but this review isn't SHITE, it's LEGITE, so lut's go listen to these songs and then state the obvious or make really dumb jokes about them or something. I dunno. Here we GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............................

1. My Mind
The chorus is kinda catchy. As with many albums, it's too bad I don't know the lyrics. I SMASH YER FACE AGAINST THE WALL, FUCK YEAH!! I like how she yells that "Right noooOOOOOOOWWW" at that last part a lot. Cool song.

2. A Bloody Diving Down
Slow song... yaeeeyyyy! The guitar sound is really thick and sludgy, which iz great. Starts out with a kind of psychedelic phaser sound... I love it. YAY FOR HARD-ASSED GUITAR DISTORTION. I like the chorus part a lot... Sarah Lynn (yes, that is the singer's name) has a cool singing voice and the vocal melodies she comes up with are very nice. There's a guitar solo in the middle of the song. Still think the chorus iz the best part. I like this song much. YAYAYAYyysfdsgjdflkgldfgdfjlkgfdlkdfkhfghfghflgjhfg It's like some dude was getting really bloody as s/he's diving down a scrapey scraggly concrete tunnel of PAIN. Pain sucks.

3. Scummy Human Being
This one is really fast. Fucking great guitar riff, I already know that... the vocals are packed with an intensity and fire, the beat is fast like Minor Threat... it's simple but it get ze job done, which is the job of being an awesome, fun to listen to punk song. Human beings can be pretty scummy if thuh haven't showered in a long time. It has a great energy to it. Awesome production also.

4. Dried Root
I like this song a lot too. Starts out with a bass riff and then a guitar riff and you can hear the (henry) rollin' (s) drums and then things get all kicked off n' shit. Part of the reason I like this song so much is because the verse riff is the same riff as the ending part of one of my own songs that I wrote... and I wouldn't have used that chord progression if I didn't like it. The chorus section is more upbeat-soundin'... like those maniac "HAHAHAHA"s she throws into the second verse, it's awesome... kind of a Johnny Rotten-soundin' flair; violent and sarcastic like good punk muzick should be, fucker!!

5. Beat to Death (Murders)
Once again, this has got cool chords. I like the singing. A bunch of other shit I've said about other songs. But it's a good song, OKAY??!!!! Towards the end there are a bunch of samples of people talking to eachother. There's a solo, too.

6. Lotta Per Il Potere
This is a cover of a band called Kollettivo. It's really fast and aggressive and the singing is very fast here. It's the shortest song on the record, being just under a minute long. But it's short and sweet and awesome! Great song to slam to in a power-pit o' mayhem.

7. Bite It (You Scum)
Who doesn't know this one? OH YEAH... PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW THIS ONE! SILLY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEHEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Oh, fuck. This a mid-tempo, angry but confident rock song (what'd ya think it was gonna be, hip-hop?) about wanting to kick the ass of somebody who wants you to do a bunch of shit for you... the "you" in this case being Mister Allin, of course! In a way I have to say this is the weakest track on the demo, not that it isn't good, or even musically my least favorite, but it doesn't feel nearly as angry or fucked-up as the GG Allin version... GG sounds really angry and the vocals here don't sound as convincing... not knocking, it just doesn't feel exactly the same. But it's hard to be exactly the same as GG Allin, isn't it? Oh shit, I must be the very type of person this song is raging against. Fuck me! FORGIVE MY SINS, OHHH LORDIE! There's a guitar solo in the middle too. But yeah, it's a decent cover but obviously not as good as the original.

So there's my review on the T.S.O. demo. Definitely worth listening to... one of the hardest-rocking releases to come out this year so far, almost every song on this is totally awesome and it's got all the right ingredients to some good, totally awesome music! The chord progressions are very potent, the singing is good and unlike a lot of hardcore nowadays, Sarah actually attempts to sing, which is really refreshing... c'mon you motherfucks, it's not THAT un-punk to actually use vocal melodies! Try it, it might actually make your band BETTER! I think this band has "it". What is "it"? THEY SAY "what is it?" THEY SAY "what is it?"... YOU WANT IT OUT BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE IT... (yeah yeah yeah), IT'S IN YOUR FAAACE, BUT YOU CAN'T GRA --sorry 'bout that. Sorry very much, sirs n' ladies of the world. Okay, yes, listen to this band, they are on MySpace, they are Reverbnation, so go listen. NOW!!!!!! Bye bye.

(p.s. -- lyrics and names of other band members would be nice to know of.)

Top 3 Favorites:
1. A Bloody Diving Down
2. Scummy Human Being
3. Dried Root